Confidence. It’s what every woman desires in her man. In any man. It is the very thing that attracts her, reels her in, sometimes (if he’s a bad boy), like a moth to flame. There are men who naturally have confidence. Then there are the multitudes of other men, who want it desperately.
They may spend thousands of dollars on books and courses, in pursuit of confidence, courage, and class, only to find out that it cannot be purchased. You don’t get a trophy just for participating in real life.
Confidence must be earned. It must be rooted deep inside, and programmed into our very core.
Sadly, there is no quick way to fix something that has been hammered into you over years. There are many roads to confidence, and the brutal truth is, that road is different for each of us. But the answer, my friends, lies in the search!
There are many things that you can do to have confidence. And to truly have confidence you must do these things.
As you may know by now, women have a “sixth sense.” Some call it “women’s intuition,” but simply put, it’s a Bullshit Detector. And they are GOOD at it. If you fake confidence, they know. So there is no shortcut, you must do the work. I have compiled a series of 10 ways to help you gain confidence by incorporating it deep into who you really are.
In this short article, I am going to touch on a big one- EXPECTATION. Lose expectation, gain confidence. Expectation can make you disingenuous, conniving, and generally unattractive. Plus, it keeps you from being “present” in the moment, which is a very confident place to be.
Understand this, when you desire and approach a woman, she already knows there is almost a 100% chance that you want to sleep with her. Don’t believe me? Ask them. They will tell you. Remember, they are hit on all day by other guys, badly. You must be the exception.
Take away the pressure you may put on yourself, by not desiring an outcome. If you introduce yourself to a lovely lady, let it go wherever it goes. She already knows you are interested. Don’t try to act like you are not. That is not congruent and will make you appear indecisive, which is a big turn off.
I have actually heard some “gurus” teaching guys to go up and tell the woman you “are not hitting on her or anything, but…” But, my butt! That’s exactly what you are doing, and she knows it. That’s just starting off with a lie. Not a good place to be.
Do you want to sleep with her?… Does the Pope wear a funny hat? (What, too soon?)
If you didn’t want to sleep with her, you would not be making your move (or reading this). She knows. You know. Cut the BS. Taking away that initial awkwardness is essential to confidence. While other guys hem and haw with their lines, tricks, and games, you can go right in and say whatever you want. A simple “Hey” is always a good place to start.
Don’t try to play the “I don’t just like you for your looks” ruse. What the Hell else do you have to go on at this point? You just saw her, for cryin’ out loud. Again, she knows this too.
Whether it’s a first meeting, or a few dates in, losing expectation and actually letting things happen however they do, will allow you to calm yourself and not worry about an outcome. That is what I mean by “being present.” If you are not worrying about trying to get something from her, you can actually find yourself listening to her and making her feel comfortable in your presence.
A relaxed you = a confident you. You will be able to have a genuine conversation with a woman. It will seem effortless. It will flow. And you will be at your best. The destination is no longer a concern, you are enjoying the journey. And most importantly, so is she.
If you are constantly trying to wear her down and get her into the bedroom, that will put unnecessary pressure on both of you and can end badly…very badly. When you are calm and open to whatever happens, be it a lovely home cooked meal you prepared for her and nothing but a nice discussion, or crazy monkey sex with leather and bananas, she will be relaxed and open to you.
Stay cool and don’t expect anything except an enjoyable evening with a nice person and you will rarely be disappointed.
Will you make the seductive moves and attempt to guide the evening into a wild night of erotic passion and raucous naughty fun? Of course you will. I’m not saying to shun your deep ancestral programming for desire. Just learn to be in control of it to the point that you are fine with whatever happens.
I call it being alone, but not lonely.
Being comfortable with oneself is a very strong place to be indeed. And if nothing happens, always take a moment to glean what you can from the evening’s interaction. Learn from it and enjoy knowing that you are in the journey and becoming greater than you are now.
Remember this, you are all you got! And you are enough. All these things that you have been learning in the way of relationships, pick up, dating, etc. are all very valuable. They are parts of a bigger puzzle. Not everyone progresses at the same pace, nor starts at the same place. Some have much more work to do than others.
Do not expect that you are going to be at any certain point at any certain time. The confidence comes from the journey itself, not the outcome. When you understand that, you will immediately gain much more confidence and a shift will take place in your life. You may not feel it or see it, but women will.
So take the first step, and have the confidence to release your expectations and embrace your journey of both dating and self discovery.
Go on. Be strong.
Spike Spencer, the Dating Sage