Carlos Xuma's Dating Tips for Guys

Wow, I think I’m going to hang it up. This guy FIGURED THE SH*T OUT!

Just found this great article (Thanks to Annie Gleason)

It looks like they’re FINALLY starting to understand the way REAL attraction works.

You can’t be indiscriminate in dating…

Read on:
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Speed Dating Study: Selectivity Is Ultimate Aphrodisiac

Speed daters who romantically desired most of their potential partners were rejected quickly and overwhelmingly, according to a new Northwestern University study.

Conventional wisdom has long taught that one of the best ways to get someone to like you is to make it clear that you like them. Now researchers have discovered that this law of reciprocity is in dire need of an asterisk in the domain of romantic attraction.

The more you tend to experience romantic desire for all the potential romantic partners you meet, the study shows, the less likely it is that they will desire you in return. (Think too desperate, too indiscriminate.)

In contrast, when you desire a potential partner above and beyond your other options, only then is your desire likely to be reciprocated. (Think hallelujah, finally, someone really gets me.)

In the past, social psychologists have had a difficult time observing initial romantic attraction in action, but the speed-dating methodology used in this study allowed the investigators to take a serious look at the chemistry that has been at the center of so much literature, art and imagination throughout the ages.

“Potential partners who seem undiscriminating are a definite turnoff, and those who evoke the magic of feeling special are a big draw,” said Paul W. Eastwick, the lead author of the study and a Northwestern graduate student in psychology. “The wild part is that our speed-daters were negotiating all of these subtleties with only four minutes for each date.”

“Selective vs. Unselective Romantic Desire: Not All Reciprocity is Created Equal,” by Eastwick and Northwestern’s Eli J. Finkel, assistant professor of psychology, will be published in the April issue of the journal Psychological Science. Also contributing to the report are Daniel Mochon and Dan Ariely of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

“How this all happens is a bit of a mystery,” Finkel said. “Put yourself in the position of a speed dater. You’re not only able to pick up something about the degree to which that person likes you, but you’re able to pick up — in four minutes — the degree to which that person likes you more than their other dates. It’s amazing.”

To explore dynamics in the opening minutes of romantic attraction, the researchers set up seven speed-dating sessions for a total of 156 undergraduate students. Participants had four-minute speed dates with nine to 13 opposite-sex individuals. Immediately following each date, they completed a two-minute questionnaire, answering items such as “I really liked my interaction partner” and “I was sexually attracted to my interaction partner.”

After returning home, they recorded on the study Web site whether they would be interested in meeting each person they had speed-dated again in the future. Mutual “yeses” were given the ability to contact one another.

“People who like everyone, unlike in a friendship context where they generally are liked in return, may exude desperation in a romantic context,” Finkel said.

“It suggests to us that romantic desire comes in two distinct flavors: selective and unselective,” Eastwick added. “If your goal is to get someone to notice you, the unselective flavor is going to fail, and fast.”
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CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

Well, duh! Isn’t it about time someone observed this in action and figured it out.

If you’re too desperate, she won’t be interested.

So the key is to be likable and like others unselectively – in friendships.

You need to QUALIFY when you do it in dating.

Want to learn more?

How To Be The Bad Boy Women Love…

Hi Carlos–im a really good looking guy and i cant get a date b/c girls think im a player..what steps should a really good looking guy take to get past a womens defense shield and land a phone no. and a date?

tks,
Brian
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CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

Here’s the reality, guys…

Good looking guys have it tough.

And I’m not being sarcastic.

Women have their guard up with guys that “look” like they get other women.

She want’s to know that a guy is cool and confident on the inside first. Her first suspicion is that you will use her for sex. (On an instinctual level.) So she has to qualify you.

Now your question about the steps you should take I’ve addressed before and in my Get a Girlfriend program.

Just remember, Brian, that attraction in women is triggered at an EMOTIONAL level. NOT a rational/logical level.

You could spend the rest of your life trying to PROVE to a woman that you’re someone she should want (and some guys have), or you can demonstrate the right Alpha characteristics for it and get the real results you’re looking for…

Thanks to Scot for sending this over… I love it when he goes on dates, because it’s so cynically true.

- Carlos Xuma
(PS: I highly recommend you NEVER do this!)

David Black sent me this cool video to release to you, and in it he discusses some of the “attraction factors” with women.

The birds must love the accent, mate…!

What I like most is that he’s talking my language… it’s not about manipulative tricks or techniques – it’s how you demonstrate something VERY unique to you that no one else can imitate.

Click play below and watch the video…

Just saw this article in Time. I think this is a reason so many guys have their work cut out for them, with so many parents “wussi-fying” their kids. Even their girls!

The Growing Backlash Against Overparenting

The insanity crept up on us slowly; we just wanted what was best for our kids. We bought macrobiotic cupcakes and hypoallergenic socks, hired tutors to correct a 5-year-old’s “pencil-holding deficiency,” hooked up broadband connections in the treehouse but took down the swing set after the second skinned knee. We hovered over every school, playground and practice field — “helicopter parents,” teachers christened us, a phenomenon that spread to parents of all ages, races and regions. Stores began marketing stove-knob covers and “Kinderkords” (also known as leashes; they allow “three full feet of freedom for both you and your child”) and Baby Kneepads (as if babies don’t come prepadded).

The mayor of a Connecticut town agreed to chop down three hickory trees on one block after a woman worried that a stray nut might drop into her new swimming pool, where her nut-allergic grandson occasionally swam. A Texas school required parents wanting to help with the second-grade holiday party to have a background check first. Schools auctioned off the right to cut the carpool line and drop a child directly in front of the building — a spot that in other settings is known as handicapped parking.

We were so obsessed with our kids’ success that parenting turned into a form of product development. Parents demanded that nursery schools offer Mandarin, since it’s never too soon to prepare for the competition of a global economy. High school teachers received irate text messages from parents protesting an exam grade before class was even over; college deans described freshmen as “crispies,” who arrived at college already burned out, and “teacups,” who seemed ready to break at the tiniest stress.

Read more: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1940395,00.html?cnn=yes#ixzz0XVotgpUt

LOVE this one:

“10 is the new 2. We’re infantilizing our kids into incompetence.” She celebrates seat belts and car seats and bike helmets and all the rational advances in child safety. It’s the irrational responses that make her crazy, like when Dear Abby endorses the idea, as she did in August, that each morning before their kids leave the house, parents take a picture of them. That way, if they are kidnapped, the police will have a fresh photo showing what clothes they were wearing. Once the kids make it home safe and sound, you can delete the picture and take a new one the next morning.

WTF?

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CARLOS COMMENTS:

Yeah, it has gone WAY overboard.

Everyone needs to relax their sphincters a little, take a deep breath and REEEEE-lax.

Your kids will do better if you let them actually EXPERIENCE the world.

Guys, I’ve got a few tips for you here on the use of profile pictures.

Most of the problems I see can be solved by just avoiding these mistakes. These are actual mistakes I see daily as I review my Facebook friends requests.

Do not use a picture that:

- Shows you in a serious/scary expression that you think is cool and “tough.” Most of the time it’s scary and off-putting – and will turn women away faster than Mike Tyson as your bouncer.

- Shows a blurred, unidentifiable blob that we must assume is you, but could be an alien tumor.

- Shows you as a 10 year old boy. Not as cute and endearing as you think. No girl wants to bump uglies with her kid brother, no matter how cute he might be.

- Shows you in a hulk-pose. You know, with that cool muscle shirt and shows off your body. If that’s all you got, dude, just guess what kind of woman wants you based on that picture alone. Besides, they’re still scary. You look like a potential attacker, not a potential lover.

- Shows you in a group so that we have to be freakin’ Sherlock freakin’ Holmes to figure out who you are.

- Shows an old, black and white photo of immigrants that makes us say “What the f***?” (Yes, I’ve seen these, and many other pictures that make NO sense at all. Save your clever in-jokes for somewhere else.)

- Shows you holding a red heart over your own heart. (Yep, this one’s for real.) Seemingly romantic images like this make women say, “Awwww! I bet he’s such a NICE guy! Yawwwwnnnnn…”

- Shows your face so close to the lens that it distorts you into something horrific and weird. STAND BACK!

- Shows kittens sleeping together. (Another real one, I’m afraid.)

- Shows you in front of a mirror taking your own picture. Totally un-clever and totally screams “I’m so lonely and socially withdrawn that I had to take my picture this way.” (Almost as bad is the one-arm-taking-my-picture picture. Get someone else to hold the camera…)

- Shows some text of a scary phrase. I got one recently that said “… We are Legion, we do not forgive…” That one makes me think of all the bad things in life I don’t want near me, dude.

- Shows you just standing there with your arms limp and lifeless by your side, communicating no life or energy.

- Shows you naked from the waist up (or from the waist down, now that we’re talking about it…) in an attempt to lure a women with your boobies. Sorry, that noise you’re hearing is the collective laughter of millions of women.

Sorry if one of these was your picture I picked on. But look at it this way, at least I helped you now, while you can still change it!

Instead, do this…

Take one good picture of you that has these elements:

- You, smiling
- Dressed in hip attire
- In motion or in action, doing something you enjoy
- Extra points for pulling it off so that your eyes can be seen with the glint of passion in them, but you’re not even looking at the camera… You were captured for a moment in time…

Give that a shot, my Alpha Brother…

- CX

I had to post this one… simply hys-terical!

An Alpha Brother (thanks, Carl) sent me an article this morning. Thought I’d post these interesting stats for you guys.

Look, it’s not a competition – but you need to stake your claim!

Need any more proof it’s a woman’s world out there?

Check this out:

• Double the number of single women are now purchasing homes in America than there are single men.
• Four out of every 10 women are are now their family’s primary breadwinner, a sharp increase from past decades.
• The New Hampshire State Legislature is now made up of a majority of women, a first for a legislative body in the U.S., and the number of women in government continues to edge up nationwide.
• Women now account for 30 percent of math Ph.D.s, up from just 5 percent in the 1960s.
• On average, women read nine books every year. Men only read four, and women account for 80 percent of the U.S. fiction market.
• The World Bank recently estimated that the global earning power of women will reach an estimated $18 trillion by the year 2014, up $5 trillion today.

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What do you think about that?

Check out this powerful speech by Al Pacino…

Ask yourself, what inches are you going to fight for?