Here's another snippet from the great information marketer Dan Kennedy.
This is yet another point he brings up that is completely applicable to dating and attracting women.
Read on…
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Most people are green with envy over my control of my time, access to me, the way I work.
To me, it’s funny how people look at somebody this way, with envy. If you see somebody living as you’d like to live or operating a business you’d love to be in or with the financial success you’d like to have, you first have to exercise a little bit of caution about ‘greener pastures foolishness’ – but then, you should be focused on identifying how they do what they do, so you can do it too. I’ve rarely seen anybody doing anything I’d like to do and judged it impossible for me to do.
I don’t fully understand why people disqualify themselves.
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
I don't understand it either, Dan.
Envy seems to be a way for people to justify anger and resentment against other people, while completely counting themselves out of the race. It's like they're saying, "I don't have what it takes. And I'm mad that other people do."
Don't be the guy who's envying others. Take delight in other people's success, because their success means that YOU can do it, too.
Hey, get yourself over to the Real Alpha Daygame Blog as soon as you can. I'm about to release a special report today about the survey I conducted a few days ago.
You can go see the new blog HERE: Real Alpha Daygame – How to approach women anywhere/anytime – no fear and no rejection.
Dan Kennedy is a world class business strategist, but what I love is when he talks about salesmanship, because he's also talking about how guys are "selling" their biggest product (themselves) to women.
Read this article and see if you can see the parallel.
By the way, I think that his figure of 85% of businesses failing also parallels 85% of men failing to get the woman they REALLY want.
Read on…
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Why 85 Percent of Businesses Fail
In your previous Success Marketing Strategies we've been discussing some specific ideas or processes that you can use to promote, to market yourself, your products, your services, your business, whatever it is that you are involved with.
The next key concept is an 'organized presentation.' There are some problems that we have to deal with today in communicating with people.
First is a thing called the attention span. There is NONE. It's very important for you to know that. Many years ago during a Super Bowl there was a big event that happened in television for those of us in marketing. It was the 15-second commercial instead of the 30-second commercial.
There are several reasons why this was done.
1. They could get more commercials in per hour than they could obviously before.
2. Although the 15-second spot will cost more per second than the 30-second spot does, the 15-second spot in dollars cost less than the 30-second spot so some advertisers who could not before afford television advertising now can afford television advertising, which makes the pool of perspective advertisers bigger.
3. This is really an interesting reason why it was done. It was because of the declining attention span of the American public.
Think about it. How many TV watchers have a remote control for their TV? Everybody… right! Okay. How often do you click onto another channel when a commercial comes on? If you drive through a neighborhood at night now very quietly with your windows down you can hear click, click, click, click, click. Those aren't crickets folks; those are people clicking from channel to channel to channel trying to find a car crash.
The next key concept is a lost art which is salesmanship. Even sales people today don't really sell. The great masters of salesmanship generally tend to be older individuals not younger individuals. Every once in a while you'll run across one.
Unfortunately, most sales people today are order takers and you won't excel as an order taker. Great salesmanship is what Paul Parker called it in his book, which you can't find in the bookstores but you can find in the libraries, Tact and Skill in Handling People.
Contrary today, we try and get things done by brute force, partially because we're in such a hurry. We're so rushed and you practice salesmanship, the way you get great at salesmanship is you practice it all the time. You don't just do it in the narrow parameter of selling an item to someone. You do it in every relationship, you do it in every conversation, and you do it in every encounter with people.
Now Napoleon Hill made a recording many years ago called, "Sell Your Way Through Life." And he said that's the only way you will get through life and get what you want is if you sell your way through life.
You know that the failure rate in small business in this country is very high. At least 85% and maybe as high as 98% of new small businesses fail before they hit the five year mark and the statisticians and the accountants will tell you that they believe that the reason for that failure is under capitalization and poor fiscal management.
I can point you to businesses that have failed with enough money to do everything they needed to do ten times over. And some management consultant will tell you its poor management ability. I suggest to you what it is in most cases is that the business owner decided that once he or she was in business they didn't have to sell.
Many people in many types of businesses believe they don't have to sell. For example, Doctors believe that they don't have to sell. There are a lot of restaurant owners who believe that. There's a lot of retail store owners who believe that we open the doors and the customers come to us and we don't have to sell anyone. That's why we got business.
You obviously have some method you use to promote what it is that you do or you wouldn't even be in existence. But you probably only have one method or two methods or three methods that you use. The more methods the more business. Diversity is the creative opposite of laziness.
So you need to think how can I use more methods to attract people to do business with me than any other competitor will use? The more methods the more business. Hopefully that thinking process has begun to take place for you today.
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Hopefully you see how this can apply to you.
Women have lower attention spans, but they are also in need of a man who is a "salesman" for himself.
Not just a guy hoping to skate by with little or no effort.
That man is an Alpha Man.
That man is YOU.
- Carlos
When I look back on all the years I took to learn how to be
effective with women, I'm sure glad I found the right people
to learn from. I think that made all the difference in how
fast I was able to overcome my approach anxiety and get
real success with women.
Why am I telling you this?
Well, this is something of an "open secret." I have been working
on a way for you to have the exact same system I'm using to
approach women. (And the coolest part is that it works during
the DAY.)
In fact, I've been working on this for almost THREE YEARS.
I even started a waiting list, and some people have been on
that list for a VERY long time.
Well, the wait is ALMOST over. It looks like we are only a few
short weeks away from releasing this new system that will get
you a skill that you need to meet more women. (I'm not
kidding when I tell you that it will likely at least triple the
number of women you're currently meeting now.)
It will literally change your scarcity mindset to a complete
abundance mindset when you're through.
But before I unleash this thing, I want to do one final
check to make sure that this system really has everything
that YOU need. So I have this one question for you…
Where are you right now with your game with women?
I really want to know. Please go to the link below and just
take ten seconds to do my quick survey.
With so many readers, I can't guarantee a personal response,
but I can guarantee that I WILL read your survey.
So go ahead and let me know, what it is that you want most
to get you to the next level with approaching women…
Go here: APPROACH FRUSTRATION SURVEY
That's all for now…
Your friend,
Carlos Xuma
PS: I'm dead serious about this – and I really DO value your
feedback. I need to know your answer so I make sure
my approach system is perfect… At the end of the survey,
you can also just tell me the two most important things you
need from me to help you approach women…
Please reply now…
Go here: APPROACH FRUSTRATION SURVEY
AND SILENCE THAT VOICE IN YOUR HEAD…
Hey, before I get started today, I want to let you know about
something new I've been working on…
It's something that guys have been asking me about for a couple
years now, and I'm going to be the first one to be able to let you
in on it.
Stay tuned for more information coming VERY soon.
Now this week, I'm inviting the Skeptic in on our question. The
Skeptic is the guy that is hiding out in your brain and trying to
stop you from succeeding. Mostly because he's stuck with some old,
unsuccessful herd-mentality beliefs.
I decided I'd let him in on this discussion so you can hear how I
handle him in my own brain when he starts to talk me out of what I
want to do. Maybe that will help you shut him down in your own
mind…
QUESTION ABOUT THE "VIBE":
Dear Carlos:
I have been reading your newsletter and the complementary book from
your website, and I have found it very useful.
However, though I have no trouble approaching any woman I want, I
have one question I'd like to ask: Some women I have approached
were some how taken back when I speak to them, like they are
intimidated of me (I'm 5'8", well built and always came across as
being confident and sure of myself) and some women says I sent
across a "stand-offish" vibe when I am talking to them.
Is this a bad thing? And what does it mean by "stand-offish" vibe?
Thank you for your help.
Simon from Australia
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
Let's keep in mind that "bad" is a subjective judgment. What's bad
for you is not necessarily "bad" for me. And vice-versa.
However, in this case where a woman is interpreting this as
"stand-offish", most men would probably agree that this is "bad."
Primarily because you are not CONNECTING with the women you are
approaching and that's keeping you from your goal.
You're failing to "vibe" with her.
This is something to take care of now, because even if you have no
anxiety approaching women now, if you don't re-calibrate your
approach to women with more skill, you'll soon get really tired of
NOT getting results, and it will begin to take its toll on your
attitude.
SKEPTIC: "What do you mean? My attitude is just fine…"
Yeah, I've seen this happen with guys, where they were once fresh,
happy approachers, only they turned to bitter, angry avoiders when
they didn't find the right sexual "key" to open her lock.
So let's get this taken care of right now.
Here's my initial guess as to what is happening with your
approaches and why you're not "vibing"…
You're calibration is off.
SKEPTIC: "What the heck does THAT mean?"
Well, in simplest terms, it means that you are probably more
focused on how you're presenting yourself with "confidence," and
you're probably coming on too strong.
Women do want confidence in a man, but first and foremost is that
she believes she can have a CONNECTION with you. THAT is her
priority.
In other words, your priority is not to show confidence. Just by
approaching her you've done that.
I used to have this problem, too. I was so focused on how *I* was
doing that I didn't have a clue about how *she* was doing… or
thinking, or feeling.
As a result, I got all MY objectives completed (approach, check…
get her name, check… get her phone number, check…) but I wasn't
getting HER goals completed.
SKEPTIC: "What else is missing? Isn't that enough?"
No. I wasn't checking in and being present and making it a TWO-way
experience.
BIG MISTAKE.
And when it comes right down to it, a woman is not going to want to
see you again if YOU are the only one who enjoyed the approach.
She's got to feel like there was something special and unique there
between the two of you.
SKEPTIC: "Yeah, but isn't that something that's just 'chemistry'?
You can't control that…"
Not true. You can make a woman feel that magic, and you'll be
amazed to discover just how little it takes to create that "unique"
sensation. Hang on and I'll tell you how…
Here's the sad reality: Most guys have an extremely difficult time
establishing that connection when they first meet a woman.
Again, it's primarily because they're thinking about the approach
as a "get" experience instead of a "give" experience. They're so
busy thinking about getting from her that they fail to give her the
experience she's looking for.
SKEPTIC: "So enough about all this give/get crap… How do I make
this connection?"
The key to not seeming stand-offish and getting this connection is
deceptively simple. It's so easy, that you'll be tempted to ignore
it.
It's this…
Just be a little VULNERABLE in the first few minutes of meeting her.
SKEPTIC: "Vulnerable? C'mon, I don't want to turn into a wuss to
impress a woman…"
Damn straight you don't. And I will never tell you to be less than
a man for a woman.
But the ultimate statement of confidence that a man can make is
when he is strong enough to show that he can be vulnerable. This is
one of the most effective methods of capturing a woman's attention.
You see, "bravado" is fake courage. Women can smell this faster
than your cheap cologne.
But when you reveal a vulnerability to a woman in the right way,
she knows this is genuine and authentic. And she'll be spellbound.
When you do it right, she'll be telling her girlfriends: "There was
just something about him… I can't explain it…"
SKEPTIC: "Carlos, that's too simple. There has to be a really cool
technique to make her feel connected to me."
Yeah, I know you want to have a more clever, more complicated
TECHNICAL trick up your sleeve, but this one is ten times easier,
and ten times more deadly.
And you can't fake sincerity, my friend.
SKEPTIC: "….."
Yeah, I thought that might shut you down.
Look, being vulnerable doesn't mean being a wuss. It means simply
showing her that you're strong enough to not have to hide yourself
behind bragging and a fake front.
And the stronger your vibe is up front, the more it's required for
the woman to sense this or she'll just think you're another aggro
guy that's boorish and boring.
HERE'S MY KILLER METHOD OF
DISPLAYING VULNERABILITY:
The best way to show this is to reveal what she already knows – or
WANTS to know.
You could say:
"Hey, I have to admit, even though I was a little shy at first, I
knew I had to come over and talk to you. My name is…"
OR
"I was about to walk away, but you had this great energy about you,
and I just knew I'd kick myself if I didn't come over and say hi."
In both of those examples, I'm saying that I'm not some player
that's out to collect another phone number. I'm a guy who has
feelings, and I risked a little to come over and start this
conversation.
It should be real and authentic, which this usually is for most
guys. Every guy risks a little something to talk to a woman he
finds attractive, right?
So use that as part of your approach and you'll probably find that
most women will not find you so "stand offish" anymore.
If you really focus on the connection between you and her, and this
will rarely happen at all.
And while I commend you for starting to get this area of your life
finally handled by getting my newsletter, you'll probably want to
take the next step on the path. Don't stop here.
If there's anyone or anything in this world that's worth investing
in, and will give you benefits for the rest of your life, you need
to invest in YOURSELF.
Give yourself the gift that keeps on giving…
Give yourself the Alpha Lifestyle…
What do you think? Post your comments below…
I've got a special dating tip for you today… It's my secret "date" strategy.
I've used this one for years, and it has DOUBLED my success with women.
Read on…
QUESTION: Where should you go on a date?
Carlos, I've been reading your information for little while now, and I'm really excited about getting this part of my life handled. I have a question that I'd like to ask about the logistics of dating.
I asked a girl I know out, and she accepted. The problem was, I didn't have any clue where to take her.
Where should a guy take a girl out on a date?
- Nieman, Ottawa Falls
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
This is one of the questions I get quite frequently, and I think it's because guys suspect on some level that taking a woman on a traditional "date" is not the best way to create attraction with a woman.
Look, the reality is that guys have been sold a bogus product when it comes to the whole "buy her flowers and dinner" crap. This method just DOES NOT WORK.
Here's why…
By starting off with a "Let me buy you something" frame right at the start, you've just created the worst starting point for a relationship.
What you're communicating is this: "I'm not really good enough for you, so I'll resort to bribery and cheap tricks to sneak past your radar and get you to think I've got real value to offer you."
Remember when you were younger, and some other kid tried to buy his way into being your friend? You could smell the desperation and insecurity – and it repulsed you.
It's even worse for a woman to sense this from a guy.
So why do guys still do this flowers-and-dinner program, even though it doesn't work?
First off, it's the option that takes the least amount of effort and thinking on a guy's part.
And, occasionally, it DOES work, but not in the way that you think. You see, if a woman does not have very many prospects herself, or is stuck in her own "Disney Programming" as I call it, where she's waiting for her knight in shining denim to come sweep her off her feet, she'll fall for it.
Hey, women spend a lot of time fantasizing about what their ideal man and relationship will be, and she got a lot of her ideas about dating from those fairy tales.
But high-quality women who are attractive on all levels do not lack for attention, and they see this kind of "buy her flowers" behavior all the time from guys.
And it ALWAYS runs out of gas somewhere around the third date or so, when she's wondering if you've got the stones to be a MAN for her. She can see this program start before you even put the disc in the drive, my man. That's why they almost always end with a "let's just be friends" from her.
She wants to know…
Will you be able to make her FEEL good?
Will you be able to show her some FUN?
Will you be able to take the lead and CREATE interesting experiences and adventures for the two of you?
Women don't want gifts.
They want EXPERIENCES.
They want to be swept away in an exciting storyline, where she's part of something fantastic and cool.
So let's get back to your question…
When it comes to dates, I say that you shouldn't go on "dates."
The very word brings to mind a bunch of pre-programmed behavior that usually ends with you dropping a woman off and hoping you'll get lucky.
Alpha Men never play to get lucky.
It's not about probability. It's about ACTION and RESULTS.
And if you have the right system, it's all predictable, my Alpha Brother.
Here's what you do when you go out with a woman…
Think: FUN.
What could you two do that would leave her so thrilled that she'd tell all her friends the next day about this "incredible guy" she just met…?
Reverse-engineer the excitement.
Think of the result you want to achieve, and work backwards to figure it out.
Here's one of the things I like doing:
I invite her along on a shopping "adventure." I tell her that there are some stores that we're going to go find that were voted the "Best of the Bay," and we're going to go see what weird stuff they have. (They actually print this in a local newspaper here every year, and there are hundreds of places to go.)
This idea is cool because, well hey, it's shopping (I'm not likely to buy anything from the stores), and it's fun because it's an adventure. We don't know where we'll end up.
And honestly, that's probably my least creative meeting idea. That took me all of 2 minutes to think up after seeing the newspaper it was in.
I could also take her on an exploration of some excellent hiking trail. Or we'll
do a scavenger hunt, looking to find things to make a weird modern sculpture.
The date should cost just about nothing, and it more than makes up for any lack of gift-giving in electric CHEMISTRY that you create from the sheer fun of the event.
You're not just taking her out to ask her where she works, what she does, where she's from… yaaaaawwwwwwnnnnn….
You're taking her out of her boring life and showing her a fun time that she won't soon forget. And that's all that any woman wants. Doubt it? ASK her.
Then you can do the dinner thing later on, some other time, once you've figured out whether this girl is someone appropriate to allow into your life.
Remember, a "date" is not an event where you're "proving yourself" to the woman. That's the old program. That's SO 20th century.
This is your ADVENTURE, where you get to see if this girl is cool enough to add to your lifestyle, and deserves to experience what you have to offer.
You need to start thinking "Does she qualify?" instead of "How can I GET her…"
This difference in thinking is what separates the average guy from the Alpha Man, it's the next step to incredible success with women.
I explain the inner game mindset of the man who is confident and has women in his life all the time.
You know this guy. Chances are, you wish you WERE this guy.
Being the kind of man that attracts women and keeps them isn't hard at all. It just involves learning a few new skills.
I want to give you that deep understanding and ability with women that you've always wanted. I have a full set of tools and techniques that will improve your game with women MASSIVELY.
And I want to share them with you. This is stuff you can't get anywhere else.
How do I know that?
Because when I was learning how to do this I went through all the books and tapes and videos. Some of it was okay, but most of it was junk. I can save you years of pain and put you way up on the learning curve.
There are really only two ways to learn something: Trial & error, and finding a teacher.
Trial and error takes years and years, and usually the results take even longer to get – if you ever do.
Finding a teacher is the fast-track, the easiest method, because you'll get the exact information you need to win this game the FIRST time.
In my Alpha Immersion program, you'll experience my live seminar yourself, all in the comfort of your own home! You don't have to travel, or do a "bootcamp." You can realize the same benefits by just putting in my DVDs and watching me explain only the most potent and effective attraction techniques you can find anywhere.
I spent months putting this program together and PACKING it with the kind of information I wish I'd had when I was learning about women and dating.
Think about it this way, I spent THOUSANDS of dollars and HUNDREDS of hours learning this stuff, and you can jump straight to the results.
Let me walk you step by step through the process of getting the best results imaginable with women.
Go here now and watch the dating tips video I included for you…
Talk to you soon,
Your friend,
Carlos Xuma
PS: And if you haven't taken a minute to download your copy of my online ebook "Dating Black Book," then go get it right now. It's all the basics of dating and attraction you need, and it's the foundation of my methods. You can download it and be reading it in just a few minutes.
Go get a look at the Dating Black Book…
