Guys, just to let you know, I'll be guest speaking at the Love Systems conference on the weekend of 10/17/2008 in Los Angeles…

Hopefully I'll see you there!

- CX

Heey Carlos,

First of all, you're the man. Thanks for your motivating stuff. If your ever are in the Netherlands call me and i give you a tour…

But I have a problem right now:

I am getting succes with your program and went out last saturday to test it.
I met a girl, a young one, 19 years old (im 24). I danced with her, kissed her and SHE asked me my telephone number. We exchanged numbers and i thought it all was going well. I gave her a kiss goodbye.

The next day she text me that she had really fun and want to meet me again SOON. So i replied that I also had fun en want to see her next Monday. She replied that she like the idea. So all went well I thought..Sunday night she text me: "What are you doing? XX".

I replied nothing because it was very late and i was sleeping and must work the next day…..

Monday morning I tried to call her, but no answer…I tried again in the afternoon, still no answer. In the evening i send her a message with the text: "Are you scared of meet me"

I send this because she was a little insecure saturday…

Now it's tuesday and she haven't replie anything…. I think it's very strange, she even gave her msn adress and add me..

I don't know what the problem is, maybe… you know the answer….

Many thanks Carlos,

Sincerely yours,

Robert E.
The Netherlands
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

I hear you. This is always strange – and slightly disappointing.

But shame on you for putting so much hope and focus on ONE woman. You must have gotten a little attached.

Ask yourself, what would an Alpha do? (WWAD?)

First of all, you should already have had a clear time and place to meet her on Monday night. You shouldn't need to call her again.

Second, you don't ever text insecure messages to a woman.

ONLY text her fun and playful texts. I know you might think you were being playful, but that message did not pull her closer. In fact it probably pushed her away.

Drop her for a couple days, then CALL her and act like nothing happened. Line up dates for the rest of your week. (Never count on just one woman to fill your calendar.)

If she doesn't call you back, she's clearly a flake. You can keep calling her, but you must mentally reduce her to LOW status in your line-up.

Yes, it's just like pro sports, my friend. She's either a performer, or a bench warmer. You can't make a great athlete; you can only give them a chance to shine.

Remember, a woman's state is momentary and fleeting.

And ESPECIALLY a 19 year old. Right?

Good luck…

- CX

Dear Carlos,

I would first like to thank you for everything, it has changed my life.I have many girls attracted to me,thanks to the fact that I pursued my own dreams and passions. But I'm in a bit of a fix..

There is this really hot girl that I know,a 9 in my opinion.I talked to her a couple of times,and she's always complimenting me on my guitar playing ability,and I'm always teasing her,but once in a while I do throw in a compliment, but I don't keep repeating that compliment as I have learnt too.

Anyways, this girl told me last night she had a problem with trusting guys, mainly because of her ex. She talked to me for 4 hours and DIDNT let me go because 'She loved talking to me'.I don't quite get this.

Where should I go with this girl?It is quite contradicting as she doesn't trust guys,but then talks to me for more than 4 hours.Should I go ahead?And,how should I go about it?

I've talked to this girl a couple of times,and I've done no WUSSLIKE behaviour,I'm pretty sure.

What should I do,dear teacher?

Thanks,
AJ
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

(WARNING… Tough talk follows. I hope you have a strong stomach.)

Her trust issues are irrelevant. If she told you about them, she's just trying to test you and find a way to drive you away. She wants to see if she can get you to try and wuss out by telling you that she has these supposed "issues".

And guess what?

You are falling right into it.

She's using you as her emotional tampon, dude. After she fills you up with all her "therapy" talk and "men are bad" bitterness, she'll toss you in the dumpster with all the other clueless morons who fall into this trap.

No offense, though. It's my hope that you are not clueless, after all, you're getting success and understanding through my programs.

But I'm calling bullshit on your claim that SHE kept you on the phone.

No, it wasn't her.

YOU stayed on the phone.

If you want to get off the phone, it's easy: You tell her you have a LIFE to get on with, and then you say it was nice talking to her, and then you HANG UP.

She was testing you again.

Flunk.

FLUSH.

4 HOURS, DUDE???

I'm smacking my forehead here.

Here's a little memory trick I want you to use so that you don't mistake one thing for another:

• A woman who stays with you on the phone for 4 hours is your FRIEND. (i.e., the person she will NOT sleep with.)

• A woman who stays in bed with you for 4 hours having wild monkey love is your SEX KITTEN. (i.e., the person who can be your friend AND your lover.)

And now here's your rehab program:

1) Smack yourself in the back of the head a couple times. I'm serious, hit yourself with your own hand. It's quite stimulating, and it may get through. I do this when I've done something REALLY dumb to make sure I don't repeat it.

2) Do not EVER talk with a woman for 4 hours again.

3) Forget about this girl. She's gone. Lost.

4) Remember that any woman that TELLS you she has trust issues is just testing you. The women with REAL trust issues will cover it up with misleading behavior until you're good and addicted to her, and then she disappears. She's too busy trying to convince herself through overly intimate behavior that she has these issues, so she'd NEVER admit it.

5) Go out and meet 10 new women this week. (And re-read #2 above.)

Simple?

Yes.

But an attractive woman will always test you like this. It's the only way she can know for certain that you're "for real." Especially with about a hundred other walking hard-ons looking to weasel their way into her life.

She knows how to screen the losers out, and it's a great way to keep her life dork-free. Hell, I even use certain tests on women that keep away the flakes and nuts.

The problem is that the blustering and bravado of a "bad boy" can get right through her tests pretty easily, leaving her in a puddle of cRaZy on the floor. That's why it's up to us Alpha Men to save her from the dorks and jerks.

- Carlos Xuma

Sup Carlos?
I'm getting better at approaching and using [various methods] lately and brought home my first girl Saturday night since starting the material. Things went pretty well. We hooked up. In fact, I knew even before she met me that she wanted me… she couldn't take her eyes off me.

Anyway, we made plans to meet up for lunch today, but when I IM'ed her she said she had to meet with her student advisor and wanted to reschedule. I just sure, no problem.

Then, she says she still wanted to call after her class got out and I said that was fine too.

Anyway, 1:30 rolls around and she still hasn't called. I said screw it, I'll just grab a bite to eat then head to the gym for an hour.

This is where it gets good…

At the campus food court, I actually see her their with one of her girlfriends. She didn't see me I don't believe, but I was pretty irritated. I ate then just went to the gym.

I feel fine now, but what do you guys think she is doing? I assume it's a test to see if I will call her asking her why she hasn't called me, but I won't give in. How would any of you have handled it?

Also, I don't plan on calling her until she calls me, if she does.

When she does, how should I act? What should I say?
______________________

CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

You're planning too much. You've gone into the realm of TRYING to make everything work rather than just letting your natural Alpha Habits take over.

You're placing way too much emphasis on figuring out what she's thinking, and what it all means.

It means nothing.

You must simply act from a place of strength and belief in your own reality and your own world.

Without this calm sureness in your own skin, none of that other stuff matters.

Guys, when you are all wrapped up in trying to manipulate or engineer a certain RESULT, you miss the point.

Mistakes:

1) Instant messaging her to "check-in" on your lunch date. Bad. Don't do that. If she has to cancel, it's her job to tell you so that you can discover the quality of her character. "Sure, no problem," is a wuss reply. You should have been teasing her and busting her balls.

2) Waiting on her call. This places far too much emphasis on her as a result. You handed all your power over to her by giving HER the control. No matter what she says, she doesn't want that control! You must be the one to lead things. You should have just told her you can't wait around for her and you'll just go with 'someone else.'

You do have someone else, don't you? If not, you didn't read the "D.O.W." chapter again in The Dating Black Book.

3) Assuming that once a woman is interested in you, she will STAY interested in you. Not so. Her emotions and attraction will ebb and flow. You must always assume you're starting from ground level with her.

4) Getting irritated that she was there and did something you didn't expect. Women will do this to you for the REST of your LIFE. Start getting used to it now. The one thing that will curb this kind of behavior is acting like a stronger male role model. (Otherwise known as an ALPHA MAN.)

You should have walked right over and started chatting up her friend, in a happy, couldn't-give-a-shit attitude. Oh, and you should have done this with your 'someone else' that you went to lunch with.

Being an Alpha Man is more than knowing one strategy that fits-all. (There's no such thing.)

When you ask how to act or what to say, this has to come from the heart. The simple answer is that you must act with confidence and power. You act like YOU, but the strong, confident version of YOU.

Peace – Stay Alpha

- Carlos Xuma

It's a well-known secret that the one thing you can do to make yourself more attractive to women is to stand out from the crowd.

You gotta be DIFFERENT.

So how do you DO that?

Easy… Here are 3 ways you can start to differentiate yourself…

1) Get weird – once in a while…

I'm being a little tongue-in cheek here, but I really think that one thing that makes people stand out are small things called idiosyncrasies.

These are the weird things you do that are often endearing rather than off-putting.

I'm not talking about picking your nose here.

If you've seen "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" – the adventure with Brangelina in it, you might remember the scene where she figures out who her husband is by the way he shakes his leg when he's done peeing.

Use these little ticks to demonstrate your personality.

2) Get edumacated…

Start going online and looking up weird trivia and facts.

Just google "weird trivia" and you'll find some crazy stuff.

Like:

• Only one person in 2 billion will live to be 116 or older
• 111,111,111 multiplied by 111,111,111 is 12,345,678,987,654,321
• The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds

This stuff makes for fun and interesting conversation.

USE IT!

3) Try growing your facial hair in a different way.

I have a friend who shaves his beard down to two thin lines that connect his sideburns. The line follows his jawbone, and is about 1/4 inch wide.

Try something like this, and then change it in a couple weeks. I grow and shave off my soul-patch all the time. If you don't see me for a month, you never know what I'll look like.

Go ahead and play with your image.

Because your image is NOT your identity…

Try all these tips to start making you look different – and FEEL different from the rest of the guys out there.

Women WILL notice…

- Carlos Xuma

http://www.carlosxuma.com