I was getting your news letters and e mails. They were Really Cool with excellent tips. Even my brother was getting your news letters. That made us to buy your book "The Seduction Method" and the "Alpha Rules book".
Kudos to you and Dean. The Alpha Rules book was really amazing. The insights in that book was mind blowing… the Seduction Method was packed with solid fundamentals. Your Focus on having a strong Inner game was really a commendable job.
Both the brothers have started Applying those principles. Your Topic on "Expanding your comfort zone" and "Alpha socialising"& "Surround yourself with winners" in the Alpha Rules book was really superb. I have started doing things now for which i am feeling uncomfortable. for eg: I was an introvert and not that comfortable meeting new people. i have started forcing myself to go and talk to the people in general. So thats a positive sign for me as of now.
One question i wanted to ask you is that often i have come across the word "Relaxed Confidence" also called as "James Bond confidence". I really could get about it when i saw a few james bond movies but i am still unable to get the clear picture. I am still unable to find the right source in me when talking to women and people in general.
Allow me to explain it: For eg When it comes to Body Language you suggested that i move slowly, talk slowly, make solid eye contact and dont break it till the other person does it, and every motion i do has to be careful and deliberate. Even i got the point as to why the body language has to be fluid and slow and relaxed.
Now when ever i talk to women or any person for that matter it remains in my head that i have to look continuously in their eyes, i have to move my hands slowly, i have to stand tall not slouch, i have to talk slowly etc. All these things makes me uncomfortable when talking to people and i have to end the conversation very shortly.
The conversation does'nt last long. It becomes so much of a stress to keep all these things in mind and apply it!!!! I hope you are getting my point. I just want your help Brother regarding this. I am still unable to get the bigger picture. Please help me out.
I'll be grateful to you if you could explain me where am i going wrong, and also some more insights about "Relaxed Confidence". Do help me in being a true alpha man…..
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
You're probably still too aware of yourself in the conversation.
You are:
1) thinking in the back of your head that eventually you want this conversation to GET you something, so that taints your ability to just have fun with it.
2) pressuring yourself to perform and get a certain result.
You need to have conversations with women JUST for the fun of it and the joy of making her laugh.
Start there. When you have a problem thinking of what to say, it's probably because you're falling back on "memorized" material more than you are staying in-the-moment with the woman you're talking to.
If she goes quiet, you can always tease her and bust her chops about it.
"You've run out of interesting conversation already? Oh, man! I thought women were experts at conversation. What happened? Didn't you graduate from "chick school?"
Have fun, and when you're having fun, the conversation will flow…
The point is to simply RELAX.
You're not relaxing by trying to keep all this stuff in your head. (This is one of the big mistakes PUAs make is to use technique to try to overcome their limitations, and then they create an anxious mind.)
And you can't FORCE yourself to relax. That's something that has to happen on its own when you stop getting anxious about the interaction itself.
I always have to chuckle when I see guys on dating and seduction techniques forums say this…
There are no secrets!
You can find everything you need for free online!
And so on…
When it comes to sharing or developing a solid skill and expertise, there will always be those people who believe that every piece of knowledge or discovery is already known by other guys. These are the same people that think that every bit of information can be found easily (and accurately) on the internet. So they don't believe that they have to invest in coaching, buying a training program, etc.
There are A LOT of extremely valuable techniques and information that isn't ‘publicly’ known. New discoveries are made everyday.
Anyone that thinks they know it all in ANY area of expertise – especially dating advice and seduction techniques – has their head in their butt.
Everyone needs to continue to strive to learn more about not only dating techniques and skills, but our individual areas of passion and interest.
As far as “secrets” are concerned, this is a different story. The word “secrets” has, and probably always will be, one of the most powerful words in the history of copywriting.
And this is the reason that this word is often used to describe valuable information and is a popular choice to use in book and course titles. i.e. my own program: Secrets of the Alpha Man.
I know plenty of guys out there that have more lines and routines and clever scripts to use than any guru. Some of them are amazing.
Yet these guys aren't successful with women. Why?
Because they don't know how all the pieces fit together into the big picture. They struggle all the time. They end up feeling bitter and thinking that the seduction techniques don’t actually work — or at least as well as some guys say they do.
The problem is simple… they know or have all the puzzle pieces, they just don’t know what to do with them.
Even if every piece of knowledge and information was being freely discussed on the Web, from articles to seduction forums to blogs, etc., the information itself is essentially worthless.
That's right.
WORTHLESS.
When it comes to dating tips for guys and the seduction techniques that get women interested in you, whether it's a new opinion opener, or a great routine stack, or a new "kiss close…"
The only thing that matters is your STRATEGY.
The way you put all these disparate elements together into one cohesive whole is the most important part of your skills with women.
You see, most guys get addicted to the information itself.
They think, "If I just collect enough routines and lines and openers, I'll have an answer to every test a woman throws at me! Buwaahahahahahaha!"
If you've managed to memorize all the responses for everything a woman throws at you, I want you to email me right away. I will personally call you up and I want to interview you.
I'm serious.
You see, techniques are necessary, but they're not the goal.
That's why my programs are not just about the tactics and seduction techniques.
Sure, I'm going to give you fun things to say as examples, but the guys that REALLY get this information and use it in the STRATEGY that I provide will multiply their results by a hundred times.
So remember that information is not power.
In fact, it's only potential power.
The greatest men of history used STRATEGY to win, not technique.
Read that again. Most guys will miss that.
From George Washington to Ghandi to … anyone.
And that will be your "Secret", too.
Learn the Seduction Techniques (Strategy) of the Alpha Man
-Carlos
Hey I've got some big news for you.
My friend David Shade has just invited me to speak
at his Masterful Lover Super Conference in Las
Vegas. This is going to be a first-class event
with some great speakers and I'm very excited to be a
part of it.
Some of you may know this, but many don't… David
was a big influence on me, so It's an honor for me
to be a part of his invite and share my ideas on
the Alpha Lifestyle and relationships.
And there is a way for you to get a FREE ticket to
this event. I'll tell you upfront that it's a
bribe to encourage you to buy David's new system,
but it's one hell of an offer.
You see, full price tickets for this event will be
$997, which is actually quite a bargain considering
the guests, the information, and the experience you
will have with us.
David is also buying EVERYONE who attends
a very expensive dinner on Saturday night,
and if you want to bring your
girlfriend or wife, there is NO extra charge (he
will even buy HER dinner).
And you get to eat and talk with all of us.
Now, if you don't know David Shade, the best way to sum
it up is he shows men the secrets of giving women
incredible pleasure. This isn't about
one-night-stands, it's about leading a woman to
unleash the wild erotic creature she has inside.
David is a NO BS guy when it comes to the truth
about female sexuality. He can be very blunt, (which
I, for one, totally appreciate) but his stuff works.
And he will tell you secrets about women you
simply won't find anywhere else…
His new program will be released this Saturday.
And he's giving away a ticket to the Super
Conference to each of the first 50 people who
invest in his new program.
There's just one catch: You need to be on his
official list to be the first to know about the release.
So, it's a bit of an "ethical bribe," and I think that it's all
very much worth it.
You can learn more about David and his tips for
handling women – AND get on the priority notification
list – ALL at this link. Go now to: The Masterful Lover
Stay Alpha,
Carlos Xuma
P.S. You'll find freebies such as video, audio and
more here as well. Some great stuff.
CLICK HERE to check it out now…
Flirting With Women
QUESTION:
I flirted some with a female security guard at a bank and she out of the blue came up to me and asked me if I was buying lunch. I have read that you shouldn't buy lunch until you get closer to being intimate with someone. I said well, "I could" but was then interrupted and had to leave.
From that point on she changed her attitude and became very "professional" in her actions, and now she just nods her head when I speak or wave to her when I see her. I don't know whether to continue to flirt with her or just keep my distance keep it on the "professional" relationship with her and let it go at that.
What did I do wrong to offend her? Was it I refused to buy lunch? I did ask her out after that and she just said she was busy that weekend.
D.H., Indiana
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
Okay, so we should probably talk a little bit about the dating dynamic that happened here…
But first, I need to give you a little tough love.
Yes, from time to time I will advise you to do certain things, but nothing is a black & white rule in dating and attraction. That means that from time to time you can do completely opposite things from my advice and they will both work the same for you.
This is very hard for guys to understand when they're first learning, so I will give you a few "rules" now and then.
So when I tell you that you shouldn't buy lunch, that's most of the time. And it's a good rule to stick to.
Why?
Because MOST guys buy lunch for a woman because they're trying to kiss her ass to get her to like them. They think that if they just give a woman enough stuff, that this will "prove" to her that she should like him.
(WHY this should work is beyond my reasoning… and I'm assuming most guys have figured out that this is a losing strategy.)
The reality is that we look down on people who try to buy our favor with gifts. We secretly resent them because we know they're trying to manipulate us for personal gain.
In this situation, your job is to wonder why she wanted you to buy her lunch.
After all she offered that to you.
One very likely explanation is that she was into your flirting and decided it was okay to put herself out there and take the lead.
But a woman will very likely only do this once. That was a risk to her ego to put it out there, and it might not have been a bad thing for you to accept.
What happens is that after a woman does this, she then feels that "Oh no! I just initiated a flirtatious connection with a man! That might make me a slut…!"
And this happens in just a split second in her emotional brain. She doesn't even know it's happening to her.
And then she backs off.
So there are really only two kinds of women that ask for you to pay for something.
1) There's this kind of woman who was genuinely interested, but used this request as a demure way of showing interest, and then…
2) There are the "let me see what I can get" women that are basically trying to sucker the chumps out there.
It's your job to be able to tell the difference, and you'll see it in the future now that I've explained them to you.
Keep flirting… you're too worried about winning her over and interpreting her behavior. If you modify your behavior to accommodate her "mood" or the way she acts, she'll sense it, and it will lower her attraction.
This is what is known as "social reactiveness."
If she said she was busy for that date, you should bust her chops. Tease her. Give her a hard time.
"Busy? What could you be doing that would be more fun? Cleaning your gun? Watching Lethal Weapon for the 37th time? C'mon! Live a little!"
Have fun with her and keep it up. What have you got to lose? You're not dating her now are you?
Guess what? The worst case is that you won't be dating her later on either.
Do you see the mindset? There is NO POSSIBLE LOSS.
That is what is most important… That you learned how to think like a confident Alpha Man, not whether or not she likes you or not.
One of them is meaningless in the grand scheme of your life, and the other is VITAL to your lasting self-esteem and happiness.
I'll let you figure out which is which.
And take a look at this: Flirting With Women – HOW TO….
Best of luck,
CX
Hi guys!
Carlos here…
Today, I wanted to share with you some very exciting news… and a new video clip…
I wanted to let you know that the October episode of Infield Insider features – ME!
That's right. For you guys who were wondering about when I'd release some hidden camera footage, well, I decided that since time was so short for me this year with all my new programs and work, that I'd have my buddy Mehow do the honors.
I'm attaching the information straight out of Mehow's mailing list, and you can go see the inside details here...
From the release announcement:
"We just completed the October episode of Infield Insider, featuring "Day Game" guru… Carlos Xuma!
Carlos Xuma has been a prolific contributor to the community with over a dozen training programs, and hundreds of podcast and insightful articles.
Carlos has also shared his insight on David DeAngelo's interview with dating gurus, Playboy radio, Maxim radio… and more.
Now, you can get an insider's view and get the real world tactics that Carlos uses to approach, attract and seduce beautiful women in broad daylight.
In fact, in this groundbreaking episode of Infield Insider you will discover:
- How to effortlessly and successfully "number close"
alluring women… at the apple store!
- The secrets to confidently approach any woman and instantly
start a conversation… in any venue, day or night!
- How to be the alpha male, with a gentle side, that attracts
women like crazy… and automatically!
- And MORE!
As a matter of fact, if you would like to discover the secrets to approach women in day time venues… like coffee shops, bookstores, or even in the middle of the street… then the October episode of Infield Insider is right up your alley.
As Carlos Xuma, will provide you with practical, "Field Tested", tactics, strategies, and techniques to get results you want in almost any venue you choose."
There you have it!
Go see the program by CLICKING HERE…
And I'll be back again soon…
Your Friend,
Carlos
PS: If you missed yesterday's newsletter, you better get over and read it right away. I outlined my 7 tips on how to get a girlfriend – fast…
How good do you feel about yourself?
Are you winning your "inner game"?
I really want to know.
In fact, I want to give you the chance to talk with me on the phone about it.
Just you and me. (More on this in a second…)
Look, I take a lot of pride in the fact that I do my very best to stay in contact with you and in close touch with you.
Some "gurus" just seek glamor and fame on television. Well, yeah, I've been offered a few opportunities like that, but most of them would either compromise my values or pull me away from helping guys like you.
(Or, honestly, they weren't creating anything new or original.)
I really don't want that to sound like I'm some superior do-gooder here, or that I'm throwing out lame rationalizations. I'm just as fallible as the next guy. Sure, who wouldn't love to have his own television show?
I just pay attention to my gut about what will make me happier in both the short and long-term. It's something I hope you do, as well.
And the other reason WHY I want to hear from you is something that will help you out the most…
Because I'm in the process of creating some new videos and newsletters – and probably some special reports. And I want to make sure I get you what you need.
So go over and Take my Inner Game Survey
And I'm going to be drawing emails from the guys that respond. The ones who respond with the most complete answers will get a Blitz Session with me coming up in the next month or so.
That's a free half-hour on the phone with me, working on one of your inner game hurdles.
And your question doesn't even have to do with women! It can be any area of your inner game and confidence.
So go take the survey right now. The guys that give me the most thoughtful answers will get that one-on-one time with me.
Right now that's only a maximum of 10. And this email is about to go out to about 20,000 other guys, so get in gear…
Click here to go to the survey…
Talk to you soon!
- Your friend,
Carlos
HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND…
Without all the games.
Amazingly, I get a lot of guys asking me the one question that you wouldn't expect – especially in this age of "pickup artists" and pickup techniques…
They all seem to want to know one thing: How to get a girlfriend.
I believe that most guys want the ability to attract many girls, but they want to get that one special girl.
Read my article on How to Get a Girlfriend, and learn my 7 tips that will absolutely guarantee you can get her FAST.
Read it here:
How to Get a Girlfriend
Hey guys… I know you were all asking when I was going to reveal some of that hidden camera stuff.
Well, I did this month's infield insider with Mehow, and you can see the preview here:
And you'll be able to get it HERE…
My session will be coming out in just a few weeks… I did some day game approaches. Mehow and I sat down and dissected one completely.
When we sat there talking about it, it was interesting to hear from a guy who only does club approaches as we broke down a day-game approach. The energy and the technique is completely different…
I pulled this letter from my friend F.J. Sharks' group because I thought it brought up an interesting point.
I'd love to hear your comments on this post:
______________________
Pulled out the Red Queen for lunch today…almost done but hadn't looked at it in awhile…
I bought it and The Selfish Gene at the same time…its a much better read (Selfish Gene is VERY clinical – it's interesting, but probably not for most…I imagine it will take months to finish)
Anyway, was just finishing a chapter about testoserone, the womb, boys vs girls and the author made a great point about feminists – on the one hand, their rally cry is "equality for all", but then the flip side is that feminists claim that if women were in charge, there would be no wars, no starvation, etc.
Doesn't that by it's very definition mean feminists think women are DIFFERENT then MEN…
Where's the EQUALITY in that?
Bring that up at your next cocktail party…
Carp
______________________
CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:
Well, I think we'd all agree that men and women are NOT equal in terms of capacity, we do need to be equal in places where gender is irrelevant. Keep in mind that "different" suggests inequality, but is not the same thing. Two people CAN be different – and equal.
Equality is ALWAYS subjective. I hate to say it, but one of the most well-meaning but inaccurate statements is that "all men are created equal." We're all very UN-equal in talents and skills, but that's where we can each leverage our strengths to balance things out. But I digress…
But even more important, I suggest you DON'T bring these topics up at a cocktail party. (Yes, I know Carp was just carping, but hear me out…)
Sometimes guys get really tempted to flaunt their knowledge of the "game" and how things "really" work with women.
BAD idea.
The guys that I know that are the most socially successful can keep this information under their hats and JUST use it to their advantage without having to make sure other people know that they're A) angry about it, or B) more right about it than other people.
It's just a little trap I've seen out there that snares a lot of well-meaning men.
Keep your knowledge of how attraction works between men and women to yourself as much as you can. Share it with a buddy, but keep it on the down-low…
- Carlos Xuma
See more attract women videos, and how to flirt with women
WHAT DO YOU THINK??
Guys, I just found a video that my good friend David Shade is giving away at his site.
You don't even have to opt-in or anything. Nothing weird…
And the videos are pretty darn cool, because they talk about that nasty three letter word that starts with an "S" and ends with an "X."
Go check it out…
Just don't blame me if you learn something here that's pretty shocking… It's from women who wrote in, and it starts at about 3 minutes or so into the video.
David Shade's Secrets About…
