I took a quick peek at that blog I posted from yesterday, and I have a little more for you.
If you've ever wondered about how women behave when you're not looking, this may startle you.
On the other hand, it may not…
Reader beware:
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One of the ugly truths about older successful men in finance is that despite having lavish homes, gorgeous wives, a few adorable kids and multi-million dollar bank accounts, they often yearn for more. “More” may be a distraction as innocuous as golf. It could also be a darker vice—gambling, drugs or prostitutes a la Spitzer. Unfortunately, it is rare man, rich or poor, that can withstand the temptation of forbidden fruit. That’s where I come in. My name is “Courtney” and I’m the other woman.
My married man’s (let’s name him “Charles”) Achilles’ heel is having a Mistress. Definition: a young, attractive woman who offers love and affection along with kinkiness in the bedroom. Charles treats me just as well as, if not better than, many of the unmarried bankers I’ve dated in the past. I would call myself his “girlfriend” in the sense that I receive constant attention via text messages, emails and phone calls, fabulous vacations while he is on “business trips” and a never ending supply of gifts, gourmet meals and affection. I get all this AND I get to leisurely continue to date in search of my own Mr. Right. Win-win, don’t you think? I certainly did… until the mortgage meltdown.
Suddenly, I found myself being taken out less and less frequently. A recent argument went along these lines:
Me *pouting*: You haven’t taken me on a trip since we went to Bermuda in September. What’s going on?
Charles: Honey, finances are tight right now so my wife has taken it upon herself to check up on all of our accounts. She will notice any big expenditures.
Me *cute voice*: Wellllllllllllll, what are you going to do to make it up to me?
Charles: Can we talk later sweetheart? I’m really busy right now.
Me: No. Give me an answer NOW. Don’t you realize what you have? I’m way too hot to be treated like this. (Disclaimer: Yes, I come across as bratty here, but it typically works when trying to get something out of him)
Charles *yelling for the first time in our almost two-year relationship*: I’VE GOT TO FIRE TWENTY PEOPLE BY THE END OF THE WEEK. Z has four kids, X just had a baby girl, Y just sent his son to college and I’ve got to get rid of two of those guys… and you’re complaining about vacations and dinner? God, you are so 24! GROW UP!
Me *stunned*: Okie dokie, let’s talk later lover.
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CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS…
Hmmm…
You might ask yourself, why isn't this successful banker her "Mr. Right…"
After all, isn't that what women are looking for? Rich?
Yeah, well, not married.
Because the "girl on the side" knows that her ultimate goal is to have her own family – her own man – at some time when she's done playing.
Do women play the field?
You bet your Brittany…
(In case you don't know what a "Brittany" is, just ask any 24 year old girl…)
More interesting is the way she "plays" this guy with her pouting and cute voice.
How many times have you been played this way?
What's it take to be a man these days?
I find myself asking that question a lot. If you watch young boys
and how a lot of them are being brought up these days, you'll find
yourself shaking your head as you ask it.
What are the important parts of being a MAN?
Just because you have the equipment doesn't mean that women
perceive you as being "MANLY." In fact, "manliness" has gotten a
bad rap.
And that has led a great many of us (including ME for many years)
to believe that we should be ashamed of being men.
Well, first and most importantly, you have to learn how to be
comfortable with just BEING a man.
With all the stupid messages you get from the media on things to
"enhance" your masculinity, you'd think that there was something
basically wrong with us right from the start, wouldn't you?
You're not long enough, hard enough, rich enough, or good looking
enough to get the woman you want – that's what They tell you.
But the reality is that women are attracted to a man from emotions
- NOT appearance.
(Yes, we know that a hot guy will get more initial interest, but he
can't KEEP it if he isn't showing her the right Alpha traits.)
So here are my top 3 traits for you to work on your masculinity and
demonstrating your Alpha Manhood.
>> WARNING: I'm not pulling any punches here. If you have a weak
stomach, I suggest you close this email and go back about your day.
Still with me?
GOOD! I knew you had the stones.
Here we go…
*** ALPHA MAN TRAIT 1) Initiative – Leadership drive
Women LOVE leaders.
They love it when a guy takes the lead and just makes the decision
and goes with it.
Even if he's wrong.
I make it a point when I'm out to ask women what they find most
un-attractive about men, and one thing comes up more than anything
else…
Indecisiveness and wishy-washy behavior.
Guys are trying to be "easy going" and cool, but they're actually
being perceived as weak-kneed little girls.
The great thing about taking initiative is that by doing this, you
actually demonstrate two other POWERFUL traits that draw women in
like moths to a flame: Ambition and Power.
Just by demonstrating the initiative with a woman, you are
sub-communicating all the right things about your masculinity and
drive.
In order to take this initiative, most men need to feel…
*** ALPHA MAN TRAIT 2) Assertiveness/Confidence
It's probably no secret to you that I don't cater to "political
correctness."
This story should help you understand how I feel:
There was a priest addressing his congregation, and he said to them
during his sermon: "There are millions of people out there starving
in the world today… and the problem is YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN
about it!"
Then he said, "And the BIGGER problem is that MORE of you are
shocked by me saying 'damn' in church than you are about the fact
that there are millions of people starving out there!"
WOW.
And the thing about confidence is that it really translates into
another word that allows us to understand it better.
Confidence
is
CERTAINTY.
Just the fact that you are sure about something is what gives you
confidence.
… Are you sure you can throw a baseball?
… Are you certain about yourself?
… Are you sure about what you want?
… Are you certain about your ability to approach women?
Wherever you have certainty in life, you feel confidence.
And assertiveness is what comes from your confidence. You can be
more firm and assertive when you know what it is you want, and
you're not willing to settle for less.
In order to exercise that confidence, we have to achieve…
***ALPHA MAN TRAIT 3) Emotional Control/Emotional Strength
Look, women are NOT attracted to men that cry on their shoulder.
They're NOT attracted to men who are always talking about their
"feelings."
Women want a man that is in control of his own emotional world.
You may hear women complain about the guy who's "not in touch with
his emotions," but the reality is that most of the guys who seem to
think they are in touch with their emotions are just PUPPETS of
their emotions.
There are really relatively few cases of guys who are strong and
emotionally controlled who just wake up one day and freak out
because their emotions had been bottled up inside them and went
thermo-nuclear.
I think a lot of 'sensitive' guys are afraid of this.
Forget about it!
You don't have to be an emotional man to be "aware" of your emotions.
Don't DENY your emotions, but don't LIVE in them, either.
First and foremost is emotional CONTROL. That's your big responsibility
as an Alpha Man.
*** BONUS ALPHA MAN EXERCISE: Do something BALLSY.
I mean do something that takes a pair of good-sized gonads.
I'm not talking about walking into Victoria's Secret with your
female friend while she buys a new bra, either.
Here are some "fake ballsy" and "REAL ballsy" activities so you
know what I mean:
FAKE ballsy: Writing a nasty comment on someone's Youtube video…
REAL ballsy: Sitting down with your friend and setting him straight
on how he's wussing out in his life…
I go on Youtube to look up good martial arts training videos, and
I'm ASTONISHED at the 3rd grade comments and flame wars that people
get into. The Internet has devolved into a cesspool of egos
battling it out for who's "right" about something.
Real balls means that you're using your character to do something
difficult that most other people wouldn't risk, because they don't
want to 'hurt someone's feelings.'
Or they don't want to 'confront' someone…
Look, we know that men are here to DO the things other people fear.
FAKE ballsy: Wearing the t-shirt of your favorite heavy metal band.
REAL ballsy: Wearing a t-shirt with "Got Dick?" on it…
True story: I had a friend named Dan in high school who came in with a
t-shirt that read, "If it ain't stiff, it ain't worth a f*ck."
He got suspended for a day or two for that. But I also remember him
doing that and secretly wishing I had the nads to be that brave.
(Oh, and the girls were talking about him for WEEKS after that.)
I got my chance a few years back when I went to a sushi place in
San Francisco and bought their t-shirt that said: "Your fish smells
like pussy."
I wore that out one day and got a lot of comments from women that I
could tell were secretly loving it – even as they were telling me
"that's not a nice t-shirt…"
Yeah. "Not-nice."
That thing that women say they don't want, but somehow always pursue.
Got me on that one, ma'am.
You see, every so often you have to break those shackles of
"political correctness" and "niceness" that has defined you.
Stop being the boring "nice guy" that makes women yawn and roll
their eyes.
Stop seeking approval. If I had chosen to go that route, I'd never
have had the opportunity to help guys like you to get the
confidence and women they want in life.
I'd have crumpled like a wet taco when the first person wrote me an
email saying he disagreed with my teachings.
(Funny, I don't get those emails anymore.)
SHOCK someone… Be different.
Ask yourself: How alive are you willing to be?
Dare to live your life on your own terms, and you'll feel a sense
of liberation and Alpha Masculinity that will open up a new world
to you.
It's the world where you get what you want – and what you deserve.
Talk to you again soon…
Your friend,
Carlos Xuma
PS: It's easy to take a message like this and nod your head in
agreement, but then go back to the same old ways…
"Forget about it," that voice in your head says. "Go back to being
happy and blissfully ignorant."
Until you run into the same challenges again and again…
Instead, why not make today different? Why not make it the day you
finally went after what YOU wanted?
REMEMBER: Either you will make yourself, or the world
will change you – against your will.
Which do you want?
Hey Carlos, I hope you are fine my Alpha Brother. I am planning to buy your Ultimate Inner Game program by the end of January. I simply can't wait. My inner game has improved ever since I got into your community and the more information I get from you the more better my inner game gets.
I have no problems talking to women anywhere now and I have more confidence and feel better about myself. I definitely get more women in my life now compared to the the past. However I have a question to ask you:
How do you attract escort girls?
I saw a hot escort on the net and I wanted to meet her, for the sex ofcourse but my main goal was to try and attract her (so she wouldn't charge me any money and do it more often probably lol). When I used sense of humour she was laughing but I couldn't tell if it was out of politeness as I was her client or wether it was genuine.
I obviously was confident (I could tell that because I wasn't nervous). About self-control well this could be a paradox but I did not show her I was needy when we met. She was all nice and everything but I just couldn't seduce her. She wasn't willing to talk about herself and seemed to be very distant even after I tried my best to make her comfortable.
Does seducing escort girls and strippers require a different game?
R. in the UK
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
Thanks for the kudos on the program… I think a LOT of guys are going to dig this new one. Primarily because you understand that I teach REAL inner game growth, not hokey new age mind tricks.
Now, as far as your situation, I'd beware of courting women in that field of work. She's there for a reason, and it's not usually a healthy one.
Stick to the women that are going to provide you with the better return on investment…
Even if you're not interested in a long-term relationship, you should still stick with the more "grounded" women.
As far as seducing strippers, it really only requires that you have more solid game and you're able to see past their lifestyle to what they really need and want. Most guys just think they're going to "pickup" a woman in this field with "pickup" routines – or their handy dandy "stripper seduction manual."
Keep in mind that in that field, she's got freaks and geeks galore paying money for her to give them the illusion.
That's what a man is buying with his money.
The fantasy.
And also remember that your best bet is always in going after the QUALITY women. And not just quality – you also want AVAILABLE women.
As you're figuring out, these women are trained to stay disconnected from her clients. It's her best survival strategy, and that doesn't leave much room for you in her lifestyle.
Don't go to bat in a game where you already have 2 strikes against you, and the pitcher is sending you a curveball at 130 miles per hour.
Make sense?
Well, now that the launch craziness is over for Ultimate Inner Game, I can get back into sending you some of the other weekly tidbits that I run across from day to day.
(By the way, if you haven't seen it, today is the last day of the launch special for Ultimate Inner Game. You can find more information out here: Ultimate Inner Game )
Here's an interesting article I saw that I'd share with you. This is advice for women, but having this kind of intel always helps us, doesn't it?
And while the advice is simple and cut-throat, I have to admire them for not giving advice for trying to change the guy. That's even worse…
The advice is really simple: if a person isn't what you want, you need to move on.
ABUNDANCE – Not scarcity.
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Women: Five Men You Should Avoid Dating
The Mamma's Boy
This guy probably lives with his mother, if not close enough for her to pop in for tea (every night). She will have helped him pick out his decor and there will be photos of her all over his apartment. He goes for Sunday dinner and has several cartons of homemade meals in the refrigerator that mom made for him.
Why you should stay away: You will never live up to his mother and although he will love and cherish you forever he will take his mother's side every time.
How to get rid of him: Tell him you don't like his mother
The Body Builder
This guy will have photos of himself on every available space, along with his own home gym (even though he has a life time membership at the swanky one in town). He has all the latest gadgets and home entertainment systems.
Why you should stay away: You will never see him as he is always down at the gym. He will spend more time in the bathroom then you. He collects trophies and likes one hanging off his arm.
How to get rid of him: Tell him to give up the gym for you.
The Womanizer
This guy will treat you like a princess and is the perfect lover. He dresses well and is out to impress and impress he will (every woman he comes in contact with). He will, of course, have trouble remembering your name, with all the women he has on the go.
Why You should stay away: His excuses for not showing up are getting more pathetic. You will have to compete with his phone as he has so many calls to return and text messages to answer.
How to get rid of him: Tell him, "I use to be a man."
The Workaholic
This man is going places, but will he be taking you with him? He is smartly dressed, has great taste in decor and eats at the finest restaurants. However, his work will always come first.
Why you should stay away: You have to make an appointment to see him. He will take you to elegant dinner parties then leave you with strangers while he talks shop.
How to get rid of him: Tell him, "I’m taking a year off to travel. Do you want to come?"
Your College Lecturer
He is probably older than you, more worldly and gets you a good grade.
Why you should stay away: If anyone found out about you, they would say you slept your way to better grades. Plus, he would lose his job and possibly his teaching position.
How to get rid of him: Tell him somebody is blackmailing you and if you don’t stop seeing him, they are going to report you.
Of course, there are exceptions. For example, if "the body builder" knows how to give you the same type of attention he gives his body then this could potentially be a good thing (as long as you can handle other women trying to pick up on him). And if you are a workaholic that has no plans of changing then being in a relationship with another workaholic will allow the two of you to focus more on your careers while hopefully having some focus left for each other. If "mamma's boy" mom loves you and you can get the same focus from the man as his mom gives then just maybe… it's a stretch. Remember, it's doubtful any of these men will change so it's best not to try and change them.
A good approach to take in wanting out of one of these relationships is to be honest. This may gain more respect. Tell "mamma's boy" that he's too focused on his mom. Tell the womanizer that you only have room in your life for a man that only has room for you. It's doubtful that they'll change, but at least they'll know the real reason you don't want to pursue a relationship.
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CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:
What do you think?
I think they're missing out on a bunch of other people to avoid.
What kind of women should men avoid?
