Carlos Xuma's Dating Tips for Guys

SPECIAL REPORT: The Ways Guys Can Attract Girls

I'm asked a lot about the whole "Nice Guy" versus the "Jerk" or the "Bad Boy…"

I decided to create a newsletter this week that hits this topic on the head. AND explains the THREE Ways guys can attract girls – and which one you want to use!

Ways Guys Can Attract Girls – And The Secret about why women don't like the "nice guy…"

Carlos Xuma

SPECIAL REPORT: The Secret Ingredient of PICK UP LINES…

So why do guys use pick up lines?

I've been studying this curious mating ritual for over 10 years

now, and I finally understood the reasons why guys want to use them.

Pickup lines are the equivalent of a knock-knock joke.

1) She feels obligated to answer, even though she knows what's coming…

2) She knows something dumb is coming after you answer…

3) She's forced to give you a small amount of polite attention after you're done…

4) She's going to get away from you as soon as humanly possible after you're done telling it…

Truthfully, that small amount of polite attention isn't even necessary anymore. She could just walk away from a dumb pick up line.

Who'd blame her?

Now, pickup lines come in two flavors:

Pickup Line 1 = The funny pickup line that you look up, seriously wanting something to say when you approach a woman, but knowing you'll NEVER use it…

Pickup Line 2 = The REAL pickup line that you want to just start a conversation.

Again, most guys use a line because…

To find out more about the missing ingredient that most guys miss, read the rest here:

Pick Up Lines – The Missing Ingredient

Carlos Xuma

PS: In this newsletter report, I also give you several great conversation openers, as well as my "personalization" technique to getting your opener to work every time…

Go read the report here right now:

Pick Up Lines – The Missing Ingredient

QUESTION:

I like the idea of meeting the less attractive chicks with a huge social circle of hot chicks. Whats your success rate like?

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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

This is an effective strategy, but you have to watch out for something that most guys aren't aware of.

Women are very conscious of status and appearances. We all are, actually.

We know when we see someone dating or working for the "less attractive" people, and it colors our perception of them. Sometimes on a level that we're not willing to admit.

I don't condone classifying people, but the reality is that this is something everyone does. We judge, we compare, and we do all the dark psychological evaluations you can imagine. And it's all done under the pretense of "rational" thinking.

So if you're talking about just approaching the "not as cute" girls to get to know their friends, sure, that works like a charm.

The funny thing is that the women I approach that may not be "10"s usually end up being more interesting, fun, and attractive on other levels.

Hmmm….

Interesting article in the Swedish news:

Dating in Sweden: sex, booze and mobile phones

As American blogger Kommissarie F. Curiosa prepares to wrap up her almost seven-year sojourn in Sweden, she shares her revised reflections on Swedish mating and dating with The Local. This guide may not help you find your Swedish Valentine, but it might just shed some light on the tantalizing mystery known as the strong, silent Nordic type.

With one of the highest birth rates in Europe, the Swedes seem to be pretty prolific when it comes to making babies, but even after six plus years of living in Stockholm, I'm still not sure how Swedish relationships actually happen.

The only obvious explanation seems to be massive quantities of alcohol. In other words, Swedish babies wouldn't exist without Finnish booze cruises and Systembolaget.

In recent months, The Local has reported that Swedes are much less inclined than their European counterparts to spend vast sums of cash in their efforts to find a mate. This didn't surprise me at all. That's because they spend it all on alcohol trying to get themselves drunk enough to talk to a member of the opposite sex.

I know that it will seem ungrateful to be accusing my host country of being a nation of stingy alcoholics, and I'll be the first to admit that a few drinks can be a fantastic social lubricant. It's probably also a case of “it's not the Swedes, it's me,” but Swedish mating and dating rituals (and usually in that order) appear to be a very slow process that go nowhere (except the bedroom) fast.

In a nutshell, it goes something like this:

A) Meet at a mutual friend's party.

B) Get really, really drunk.

C) Make out. Sex is optional.

D) If you're lucky, you are sober enough to save the other person's telephone number in your mobile, AND to put it under the correct name.

E) Send a text message along the lines of "last night was nice. Shall we have a coffee sometime?"

F) Spend hours analyzing the various ways in which aforementioned text message could be misinterpreted. Get your friends involved.

G) Have a "fika." *(see below for an explanation of this uniquely Swedish institution)

*A "fika" is a Swedish word for an ambiguous meeting that may or may not be a date, or better explained as a non-date, or a date that is pretending-not-to-be-a-date.

It is also worth mentioning that one can also have a fika with a friend, colleague, family member, or neighbor. Hence the ambiguity of the whole affair.

During this "fika" Swedish non-date, things are a little stilted and awkward as both parties pretend that nothing happened last Saturday night, and politely and awkwardly ask questions about the other person, usually beginning with "Where do you live?," descending into a discussion about the difficulty and frustration of the Stockholm housing market, and complaining that you have had to move seven times in the course of six months.

Now, where were we…oh yes:

H) At the end of this date pretending not to be a date, give each other an awkward hug, or possibly a handshake, ended with the statement, "Vi hörs!" or "Hoppas vi ses snart!" ("I'll talk to you soon." or "Hope we see each other soon!")

I) Spend the entire next week pondering over who should make the next move.

A WORD OF WARNING: It is not assumed here that the guy will take the lead. More likely, the opposite is expected. If the Swedish guy is brave enough open his mouth and say something at all during this date, he may feel that it is now the girl's turn to put herself out on a limb.

J) Spend many more hours analyzing your feeble attempts at text message"flirting," agonizing over whether you should or should not use the word "mysig" (cozy) or "trevlig" (nice), fearing the former may be too much, and the latter may not be enough. Once again, enlist the help of your friends.

K) Repeat Step A.

L) Repeat Step B.

M) Repeat Step C, all the while pretending it never happened the first time.

N) Sometime after several more renditions of Steps B and C, go out to dinner.

O) Since it's a little harder to pretend you are not on a real date in the formal atmosphere of a restaurant, drink massive amounts of the house wine.

P) At the end of dinner, closely examine the bill to make sure each person pays for his or her appropriate share, including the extra five kronor for dressing on the side.

Q) Get kicked out of your way-too-expensive second-hand rental contract because the person you were subletting from didn't take 10 study points and lost his/her contract for student housing.

R) Get drunk again, and commiserate on the horrors of the Stockholm housing market.

S) Move in together.

T) Go shopping at Ikea.

U) Take a romantic trip to the Canary Islands.

V) Move to the suburbs, buy a Volvo and start collecting “Vuxenpoäng” (see Stockholm Syndrome for more on the ‘adult points’ systems).

W) Have a child.

X) Name it Johan, Erik, Fredrik, or Henrik if it’s a boy or Sara, Anna, Lisa, or Emma if it’s a girl.

Y) Two months after you go back to work after having Johan/Erik/Fredrik/Henrik/Sara/Anna/Lisa/Emma, repeat Step W.

Z) Enjoy an additional 18 months of parental leave.

Å) Get married for your 20th wedding anniversary.

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CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

Well, as usual, it appears that yet another journalist has NO CLUE as to how to date or create attraction.

And if you read carefully where she talks about how guys are not initiating, it seems that a lot of the guys don't know how it works, either.

(THAT, my friends, is why I'm here, I suppose.)

Interestingly, even after living in the country for a while, this author doesn't seem to have a clue – or realize that maybe there is a BETTER way to get the woman you want than playing the "everyone else is doing it, so I guess I will too…" game.

Looks like I need to do some seminars over in Sweden, eh?

What To Talk About With Women – Free video training for you…

Have you ever been talking with a bunch of guys, shooting the breeze, and all of a sudden a woman joins your group, and the vibe of the conversation changes COMPLETELY?

It’s like someone just threw a wrench into the gears. Suddenly the subject changes, and you hear a record scratch in the background.

Now all of a sudden you start censoring yourself and talking the way you think you “should” around a woman.

I remember when I would walk up to a group of girls and feel my mind freezing up on me like a puddle in winter. My mind would just go completely blank.

Now, there’s a secret here that I’m going to reveal to you in this newsletter that will help you talk to women with much more calm confidence – once you understand a hidden desire that women have.

I want to tell you something about my childhood first…

Don’t worry, we’re not getting in touch with our “inner child” or anything like that.

You see, I when I was a kid, I liked to hang around girls…

Sure, I had a lot of guy friends, but I also spent a LOT of time hanging around groups of girls whenever I could.

Yeah, I got teased about it a lot, but I had a feeling these girls were going to be the next big thing in a few years, and I wanted to start researching this trend right away.

The cool thing about having spent so much time around them was that I learned just how girls think and communicate. I started to understand what it was that women wanted in their conversations.

This one thing – this hidden ingredient – was something that guys were missing in almost every conversation they had with a woman.

What is this missing part?

Well, there was an old joke that we used to have when I was doing project management for big corporations. They would call us in to do a big project plan. And then we joked that it would look like this:

Step 1) Begin project to install new system

Step 2) *** A miracle happens ***

Step 3) Project success!

Well, obviously step 2 is where most people just smile, close their eyes, and go into their ‘happy place.’ (It’s this kind of wishful thinking that has led us to problems in our economy as well as the environment.)

Well, this “miracle happens” thinking has led me to realize just how many guys are making a really BIG error in their logic with women…

You see most guys have this concept of how conversation works with women:

Step 1) Start conversation

Step 2) ??? A miracle happens ???

Step 3) Get a date.

Step 2 is that ‘mystery step’ where ‘a miracle happens’ and she just instantly finds you interesting enough to want to go on a date with you.

This is a little like thinking that someone is going to want to buy a car without experiencing sitting in it, or test driving it out on the open road. Not many people “mail order” their cars.

The secret desire that women have that will help you fill in the blank between “Walk up to woman” and “get her phone number” is actually VERY simple.

And it’s not a miracle, either.

It is…

EMOTION.

Sometimes known as: DRAMA.

But not the BAD kind of drama. It’s the GOOD kind.

You see “drama” that a woman wants just means emotional ENERGY.

Ever had a dish of spaghetti where someone just dumped a plain bottle of tomato sauce on it? My grandma used to make it this way, and it was really boring.

Now, throw in a little garlic, onions, basil, and a bit of red pepper and now you’ve got yourself a spicy meat-a-ball!

It’s the same thing with conversations. Emotional energy is what gives spice to a conversation for a woman.

The good news is that there is a reliable set of strategies that I want to show you that build that kind of energy women are looking for in conversation.

And I want to teach them to you for FREE.

Not only that, but I want to teach you some of my conversation techniques (inner and outer game) that will work for you in just about ANY situation – talking with friends, co-workers, family, women – whoever.

In the first video, you’re going to learn:

- The one hidden element of powerful conversation that you cannot create – you can only *discover*…

- The REAL reason a woman puts you into the “friends only” category…

- Why you never want to “flip” – or BE flipped…

- What the dating “program” is – and how to stop running this program before it crashes your system…

- Much more…

Go watch the video here: "How to Talk to Women" training video…

Oh, and I hope you’ll forgive me for the last 60 seconds of this video. I had to cut loose and have some fun. Some videos can be really boring, so I thought I’d throw in a little something different for you rockers out there…

And be sure to watch your email over the next few days. I’ve got about 90 minutes of great videos to share with you that are going to change your conversation game for good…

Go here right now to see my conversation inner game video:

"How to Talk to Women" training video here…

Your friend,

Carlos Xuma

PS: I’ll tell you a little secret: When a woman jumps into a “guy conversation” alone, she is secretly hoping she can get away with talking trash just like the guys do.

If you ever get a woman on her own with a group of guys, she will very likely drop her “angel” act and tell you things that would shock you…

Women have a secret desire to break free of this “pure as the driven snow” image and have a little dirty fun. That’s one of the things they love about guys – it’s that we’re more in touch with our sense of dumb and simple fun…

Learn more in my "How to Talk to Women" training video here…

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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

The longer I go at this, the more I believe that the first thing you should do when a woman begins acting erratically like this is to drop her and let her deal with her issues.

This is tough, though, because they tend to give you just enough hope that you are left sitting there with a stinking pile of drama in your lap that you don't know where to go next.

It's nearly impossible to break down what is happening when a woman goes really hot & cold on you without observing it first hand. (This is the big mistake 'gurus' tend to make – even me – when we give the glib "You just weren't confident enough!" answer.)

You have to start with your own behavior and make sure you have a realistic grasp on what you may have done to "weird" her out. If she genuinely went hot and cold, the only thing you can do is to be CONSISTENT.

Again, another difficult thing to do, but it is something that women MUST sense you will do. Remember that the worst thing you can do is to try to get into her mind and pretend you know what's going on in there. You don't, and you can't.

RULE: The more women you are seeing or the more prospects you have, the less you will find yourself caring about situations such as these – AND the less you will find yourself dwelling on them. And…

RULE 2: Be VERY careful about reading too much into a girl's questions or responses – even when you suspect they are tests. You don't want to become "conversationally paranoid" and then make it even more difficult to stay in the moment.

SHE should be wondering what YOU meant, not the other way around.

BIG difference.

If your internal dialogue starts sounding like a conversation among women, you need to cut that right off.

QUESTION FROM A READER:

There is this girl who i recently met, it seems like she is into me…

only thing is,, i went for coffee with her and her friend today and her friend kept talkin to her about other guys and wheneva a 'decent' lookin guy would walk past they would both comment on how hot he is…
i didnt know how to react to this as its neva happened before…

so any advice or insight would be really appreciated…
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
This is a brutal situation for most guys. It's not easy to handle it when you're with a woman that you think is into you, and you've got someone pushing her buttons like that – and YOUR buttons.
You should understand that this is one of two things:
1) It's a test.
You can't respond any other way than if you really don't care.
Heck, if you really want to impress her, you should ENCOURAGE her to dig on the other guys.
Why?
Because ANY OTHER REACTION will demonstrate just how insecure you are.
And that gets you booted out of her booty-camp. (That's one of those lines that sounded good in my head, but I'm not sure about it here… hmmm.)
That's the worst part about this kind of test. She knows that you're into her, yet she still wants to see what you're made of.

2) This is also a way to tell you that she's not interested in you that way, or she thinks you're a wuss.
I can tell the girl you're with is very young. Like, 21 or younger.
The older a girl is, the less likely she will be to do this sort of thing, if only out of respect for your feelings.
The sad reality is that some girls just don't care about your feelings, or that it might "hurt" to say that sort of thing in front of you to get a rise out of you.
Both of these girls were behaving disrespectfully and mean-spirited. They wanted to see what kind of reaction you would give.
In reality, it shouldn't matter that much to you because you've got at least a few other girls on the back burner that you can easily give your time to. And they should SENSE this from you.
My advice is to:
1) Toughen your hide a bit.
Life is a contact sport. Chicks will do stuff like this. Don't let it get to you.
(If this sort of thing gets to you a lot, you should look at THIS: Click here...)
2) Go find some girls who are into you, and don't let ANY woman disrespect you.
When she shows her true colors like this, do you think the treatment would get any better if you were her boyfriend?
Uh, no.
In fact, it would probably be a situation where she just keeps playing you to see how much you'll take.
Go meet some QUALITY women.
There are plenty to be found, if you know where to look.
You can also look here…

This article sent in by one of the Alpha Men out there… (Thanks, Rajen)

After reading it, I couldn't help but think that this seems like the worst sacrifice to make.

Read on and tell me what you think…

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It is the ultimate "gentleman's agreement". Rather than compete for females, male long-tailed manakins co-operate with their friends.

The tropical birds pair up to perform a courtship song and dance, but the alpha male gets the girl every time.

Meanwhile his "wingman" spends five years playing second fiddle. But he eventually inherits the mating site.

The dance, dubbed "backwards leapfrog", was filmed in Costa Rica by zoologists from the University of Wyoming.

At first glance, it appears like a competitive "dance-off".

But in fact it is a co-operative pact between buddies, says Dr David McDonald, of Wyoming University.

"As far as I know it is the only example of male-male co-operation in the animal kingdom," he told delegates at the American Association for the Advancement of Science (AAAS) meeting in Chicago.

"The male birds' partnership lasts up to five years. During that time, the beta male does not copulate.

"He has to wait until alpha male dies – he doesn't kick him out. So he may be waiting until he's 10, 15 or even older."

Dynamic duo

The wingman may be equally as good at dancing as the alpha.
Nevertheless, he agrees to forego sex and let his buddy take the spoils.

If he hits the jackpot he is one of the most successful vertebrates on the planet earth Dr McDonald, Wyoming University

In return, he will eventually inherit the mating site and become the alpha himself.

The deal could be compared to Gordon Brown and Tony Blair's infamous "Granita pact".

At the London restaurant, Brown allegedly agreed to support Blair in his bid for Prime Minister, on condition that he would eventually inherit the reins.

"It's a rough life for a beta male manakin," concedes Dr McDonald.

"But if he hits the jackpot he is one of the most successful vertebrates on the planet earth."

The courtship duet is also highly unusual in evolutionary terms.

Most examples of co-operation in the animal kingdom involve either relatedness or kin selection, but neither is working here, says Dr McDonald.

"The way it works is he is helping establish a reputation for the dance site.

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CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

Well, this strategy is like going to the same bar for 15 years just to make the club seem more like a good place for women to go – but NEVER getting any yourself.

If you're patient, I'm sure this MIGHT work out for you…

But who wants to take that chance?

I think they've got the right idea about partnering up, though. Every guy needs a wingman to "Take one for the team" from time to time…

Here's the link to the rest of the article….

Here's an interesting little blurb I caught at Yahoo news.

I thought this was particularly interesting for you because it indicates how we behave socially as a result of our own perception of our status and resources.

Body Language Reveals Wealth

A flashy handbag or Armani suit can signal a person's wealth, but so can their body language, according to a new study. People of higher socioeconomic status are more rude when conversing with others.

Psychologists Michael Kraus and Dacher Keltner of the University of California, Berkeley, videotaped pairs of undergraduate students who were strangers to one another, during one-on-one interviews. In total, 100 undergraduate students participated.

The researchers then looked for certain gestures that indicate level of interest in the other person during one-minute slices of each conversation.

They found that students whose parents were from higher socioeconomic status (SES) backgrounds engaged in more of what he called "impolite" behaviors, such as grooming, doodling and fidgeting. Lower SES students showed more "I'm interested" gestures, including laughter and raising of the eyebrows

The higher SES students fidgeted with nearby objects for an average of two seconds, while those from lower SES backgrounds almost never fidgeted during the 60-second clips. Upper SES students also groomed themselves for short stints while lower SES students didn't. Rather, the lower SES students nodded their heads, laughed and raised their eyebrows an average of one to two seconds more than their upper SES counterparts.

"We're talking seconds here, but that is a pretty big difference when you consider that we coded one minute of interaction time," Kraus told LiveScience. "So how many times a day are you nodding if you're lower socioeconomic status?"

It comes down to our animalistic tendencies, Kraus explained. Like a peacock's tail, the seemingly snooty gestures of higher SES students indicates modern society's version of "I'm fit," and "I don't need you."

"In the animal world, conflict arises when you're battling for status. So it's adaptive for us to avoid those conflicts and tell us we know 'I'm higher status than you, so don't bother having a conflict with me,'" Kraus figures.

Lower SES individuals can't afford to brush off others. "Lower SES people have fewer resources, and by definition should be more dependent on others," Kraus said.

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CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

I have to say that the "I'm interested" gestures are still a good skill to have and use. After all, how do you get to a position of higher status without having the social skills to not piss off the people you need on your side?

The fact is that higher "SES" people understand their position, but if they want to keep it, they have to understand they are still dependent in many ways…

But even more interesting is how women can read a man the same way, but how "needy" his social mannerisms are.

Interesting stuff…