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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

The longer I go at this, the more I believe that the first thing you should do when a woman begins acting erratically like this is to drop her and let her deal with her issues.

This is tough, though, because they tend to give you just enough hope that you are left sitting there with a stinking pile of drama in your lap that you don't know where to go next.

It's nearly impossible to break down what is happening when a woman goes really hot & cold on you without observing it first hand. (This is the big mistake 'gurus' tend to make – even me – when we give the glib "You just weren't confident enough!" answer.)

You have to start with your own behavior and make sure you have a realistic grasp on what you may have done to "weird" her out. If she genuinely went hot and cold, the only thing you can do is to be CONSISTENT.

Again, another difficult thing to do, but it is something that women MUST sense you will do. Remember that the worst thing you can do is to try to get into her mind and pretend you know what's going on in there. You don't, and you can't.

RULE: The more women you are seeing or the more prospects you have, the less you will find yourself caring about situations such as these – AND the less you will find yourself dwelling on them. And…

RULE 2: Be VERY careful about reading too much into a girl's questions or responses – even when you suspect they are tests. You don't want to become "conversationally paranoid" and then make it even more difficult to stay in the moment.

SHE should be wondering what YOU meant, not the other way around.

BIG difference.

If your internal dialogue starts sounding like a conversation among women, you need to cut that right off.

QUESTION FROM A READER:

There is this girl who i recently met, it seems like she is into me…

only thing is,, i went for coffee with her and her friend today and her friend kept talkin to her about other guys and wheneva a 'decent' lookin guy would walk past they would both comment on how hot he is…
i didnt know how to react to this as its neva happened before…

so any advice or insight would be really appreciated…
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
This is a brutal situation for most guys. It's not easy to handle it when you're with a woman that you think is into you, and you've got someone pushing her buttons like that – and YOUR buttons.
You should understand that this is one of two things:
1) It's a test.
You can't respond any other way than if you really don't care.
Heck, if you really want to impress her, you should ENCOURAGE her to dig on the other guys.
Why?
Because ANY OTHER REACTION will demonstrate just how insecure you are.
And that gets you booted out of her booty-camp. (That's one of those lines that sounded good in my head, but I'm not sure about it here… hmmm.)
That's the worst part about this kind of test. She knows that you're into her, yet she still wants to see what you're made of.

2) This is also a way to tell you that she's not interested in you that way, or she thinks you're a wuss.
I can tell the girl you're with is very young. Like, 21 or younger.
The older a girl is, the less likely she will be to do this sort of thing, if only out of respect for your feelings.
The sad reality is that some girls just don't care about your feelings, or that it might "hurt" to say that sort of thing in front of you to get a rise out of you.
Both of these girls were behaving disrespectfully and mean-spirited. They wanted to see what kind of reaction you would give.
In reality, it shouldn't matter that much to you because you've got at least a few other girls on the back burner that you can easily give your time to. And they should SENSE this from you.
My advice is to:
1) Toughen your hide a bit.
Life is a contact sport. Chicks will do stuff like this. Don't let it get to you.
(If this sort of thing gets to you a lot, you should look at THIS: Click here...)
2) Go find some girls who are into you, and don't let ANY woman disrespect you.
When she shows her true colors like this, do you think the treatment would get any better if you were her boyfriend?
Uh, no.
In fact, it would probably be a situation where she just keeps playing you to see how much you'll take.
Go meet some QUALITY women.
There are plenty to be found, if you know where to look.
You can also look here…

This article sent in by one of the Alpha Men out there… (Thanks, Rajen)

After reading it, I couldn't help but think that this seems like the worst sacrifice to make.

Read on and tell me what you think…

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It is the ultimate "gentleman's agreement". Rather than compete for females, male long-tailed manakins co-operate with their friends.

The tropical birds pair up to perform a courtship song and dance, but the alpha male gets the girl every time.

Meanwhile his "wingman" spends five years playing second fiddle. But he eventually inherits the mating site.

The dance, dubbed "backwards leapfrog", was filmed in Costa Rica by zoologists from the University of Wyoming.

At first glance, it appears like a competitive "dance-off".

But in fact it is a co-operative pact between buddies, says Dr David McDonald, of Wyoming University.

"As far as I know it is the only example of male-male co-operation in the animal kingdom," he told delegates at the American Association for the Advancement of Science (AAAS) meeting in Chicago.

"The male birds' partnership lasts up to five years. During that time, the beta male does not copulate.

"He has to wait until alpha male dies – he doesn't kick him out. So he may be waiting until he's 10, 15 or even older."

Dynamic duo

The wingman may be equally as good at dancing as the alpha.
Nevertheless, he agrees to forego sex and let his buddy take the spoils.

If he hits the jackpot he is one of the most successful vertebrates on the planet earth Dr McDonald, Wyoming University

In return, he will eventually inherit the mating site and become the alpha himself.

The deal could be compared to Gordon Brown and Tony Blair's infamous "Granita pact".

At the London restaurant, Brown allegedly agreed to support Blair in his bid for Prime Minister, on condition that he would eventually inherit the reins.

"It's a rough life for a beta male manakin," concedes Dr McDonald.

"But if he hits the jackpot he is one of the most successful vertebrates on the planet earth."

The courtship duet is also highly unusual in evolutionary terms.

Most examples of co-operation in the animal kingdom involve either relatedness or kin selection, but neither is working here, says Dr McDonald.

"The way it works is he is helping establish a reputation for the dance site.

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CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

Well, this strategy is like going to the same bar for 15 years just to make the club seem more like a good place for women to go – but NEVER getting any yourself.

If you're patient, I'm sure this MIGHT work out for you…

But who wants to take that chance?

I think they've got the right idea about partnering up, though. Every guy needs a wingman to "Take one for the team" from time to time…

Here's the link to the rest of the article….

Here's an interesting little blurb I caught at Yahoo news.

I thought this was particularly interesting for you because it indicates how we behave socially as a result of our own perception of our status and resources.

Body Language Reveals Wealth

A flashy handbag or Armani suit can signal a person's wealth, but so can their body language, according to a new study. People of higher socioeconomic status are more rude when conversing with others.

Psychologists Michael Kraus and Dacher Keltner of the University of California, Berkeley, videotaped pairs of undergraduate students who were strangers to one another, during one-on-one interviews. In total, 100 undergraduate students participated.

The researchers then looked for certain gestures that indicate level of interest in the other person during one-minute slices of each conversation.

They found that students whose parents were from higher socioeconomic status (SES) backgrounds engaged in more of what he called "impolite" behaviors, such as grooming, doodling and fidgeting. Lower SES students showed more "I'm interested" gestures, including laughter and raising of the eyebrows

The higher SES students fidgeted with nearby objects for an average of two seconds, while those from lower SES backgrounds almost never fidgeted during the 60-second clips. Upper SES students also groomed themselves for short stints while lower SES students didn't. Rather, the lower SES students nodded their heads, laughed and raised their eyebrows an average of one to two seconds more than their upper SES counterparts.

"We're talking seconds here, but that is a pretty big difference when you consider that we coded one minute of interaction time," Kraus told LiveScience. "So how many times a day are you nodding if you're lower socioeconomic status?"

It comes down to our animalistic tendencies, Kraus explained. Like a peacock's tail, the seemingly snooty gestures of higher SES students indicates modern society's version of "I'm fit," and "I don't need you."

"In the animal world, conflict arises when you're battling for status. So it's adaptive for us to avoid those conflicts and tell us we know 'I'm higher status than you, so don't bother having a conflict with me,'" Kraus figures.

Lower SES individuals can't afford to brush off others. "Lower SES people have fewer resources, and by definition should be more dependent on others," Kraus said.

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CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

I have to say that the "I'm interested" gestures are still a good skill to have and use. After all, how do you get to a position of higher status without having the social skills to not piss off the people you need on your side?

The fact is that higher "SES" people understand their position, but if they want to keep it, they have to understand they are still dependent in many ways…

But even more interesting is how women can read a man the same way, but how "needy" his social mannerisms are.

Interesting stuff…