An interesting blog you have here. I stumbled onto it because I'm currently reading John Gray's "Mars and Venus On a Date," and since I had some qualms about the book, I did a Google search to see what sort of feminist reviews I could find on it.

I think your blog is right on target, and that there's no denying the existence of gender roles — especially in the dating world. While I'll admit to feeling uncomfortable while reading Gray's book (which is all about applying his theories to the dating and mating process), I've been struck by how absolutely on target his characterizations are concerning how men and women relate when they date and form relationships.

I call myself a "little f" feminist (I support myself and my son, I'm comfortable living on my own, and I can take care of myself in most situations. But I also enjoy being a woman and being treated as such by the opposite sex). So its eery how many of the situations Gray portrays in his book sound/read exactly the way they have played out in my dating life (I'm just talking about the last 4 years, since my divorce).

So bravo for presenting a more realistic view than the Feminist Gestapo. We ARE different, and whether we want to paint it negatively (passive vs aggressive) or more positively (receptive vs active) is our choice. I think understanding our differences doesn't condemn us to live the lives of our grandparents, it just opens the way to figuring out together how we choose to live and love.

But to me the critics of the traditional family structure, which you touched on, are all wet.

It worked for thousands of years, and the feminists had to come along and change it.

And what do you have now? Broken homes, that send out into the world to fend as best they can, broken young men and women. A social institution, marriage, that is reeling not from the pseudo-threat of gay marriage, but from the effects of no-fault divorce. And the biggest joke? The myth that men "won't commit". Where it is the woman who is two to four times more likely to initiate any given divorce, depending on whose statistics you believe.

The traditional family unit wasn't broken. So why did feminism have to come along and try to fix it?

I'd like to hear Gray's critic respond. Anti-feminist? So be it.

I like to refer to the idea of yin and yang. Male and female energy, their differences but also they are complimentary in their essence, which is something we all should embrace instead of battling reality or our own nature.

As you already pointed out there is a difference between an ideal and how things really are. We can sit around and philosophy about how things should be but ultimately we need to face the facts: men are men and women are women with all their differences.

I think understanding and self-realization are first steps to bring us all to a better way of living together and getting together. You already pointed that out in all your awesome programs.

Especially men are internally too screwed up in terms of what society expects of them to be and how they really behave and feel, and most of them not really trust their core feeling and try to intellectualize everything without being in touch with their own core identity, that of being a man.

I

It was fun meeting you in Vegas.

Anyhoo, I'm not a big fan of the book. I'm all for the chemistry created by masculine/feminine polarities, but I think Mars/Venus strays too far into the "women should do this, men should do this" domain instead of encouraging radically honest communication. I'd rather see people following their hearts than following rules.

Men will have far less reason, for example, to "go into their cave" if they are feeling understood through good communication. Similarly, women will do less emotional "pursuing" for the same reason.

For me, the book doesn't get us to intimacy, which is that balanced, even, emotionally centered place men and women can get to with good communication while still having the sexy male/female polarity.

That's my two cents.

cheers,
Erika from http://www.awakeningfromthedream.blogspot.com