QUESTION FROM A READER:
This has been mentioned many many times; THANK YOU for sharing your many insights and experiences. I cannot properly convey how much it has changed my life…
When I first started, I was only interested in the pick-up process. Then I found myself getting increasingly agitated and angry as I went through the material; due to realizing that, throughout my entire life, I have been fed all the b*llsh*t from hollywood, the media and society about attraction and my role as a MAN.
Carlos, your program is not just about women and sex (to put it crudely), but it is the best self-help material for men! And the male race desperately need this help!
We are misled to believe that we are stuck to choose between a limited selection of polarized roles: 1. the 'nice guy' who constantly ask for permission and apologizes; 2. the 'jerk' who treats everyone with disrespect; 3. the famous rockstar / rich playboy.
I have personally seen men fall prey to this categorization time and again, and they come out the other end far from being fulfilled. Keep up the work you are doing because you are an inspiration to our generation of men!
On to my question:
I have been seeing this girl on a regular basis (about once a week) for a few months now. Early on, I have told her that I am not yet looking for a serious relationship and hinted that I am ok with her seeing other people (which I don't think she is, as far as I can tell). I find us to be very compatible; we have totally different taste in music, movies, cuisine and friends, but we have the same sense of humour and sense of the subtleties.
She does not play emotional games, has no drama and most importantly, knows how to play her role as a woman and lets me play my role as a man. The same cannot be said for the other women I have dated over the past months.
Lately, I have sensed that she wants something more stable and exclusive (she has not expressed it verbally), but I am not ready as I have only started building my game for a few months and would like to play the field more.
Yet, I have to admit that I feel a little guilty when I approach other women lately, like I am cheating. My question is: Do I rationalize my guilt and continue to go out meeting other women? Or do I put my approach game on-hold and start looking at building my inner game from within a relationship?
Also, I remember you said that "We can just keep dating without getting into a relationship." Question is, how long can we keep it in this state of ambiguity? Or is there another way to look at this situation?
Thanks for everything man.
Johnny.
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
Thanks for your email!
You pose an interesting question that I know most would-be pickup artists have asked themselves.
I'd say that you could go either way right now – You could put other things on hold to pursue this woman as an exclusive relationship, or you could find that you still need to date around.
The problem is, if you don't feel that you want it, you shouldn't commit to it.
You see, your sense of self-esteem and confidence is ultimately built on your foundation of trust. I'm talking about your level of trust you have INSIDE YOU. If you can't trust yourself, your entire world is an earthquake waiting to happen.
If you know you don't want a woman full-time, then it's your duty to not make things seem any more committed than they already are. The fact is that the less you appear to want to have a relationship, the more this girl you have probably will. It's my Law of Inverse Interest.
Most guys wouldn't admit this, but we are actually MORE likely to keep a girl on the side for an emotional cushion. It's kind of like an insurance policy against rejection, right?
Whatever your choice is, it must come from the part of you that makes the decision that is best for YOU – not from a place that is afraid of loss, or being afraid of what other people think.
Make sense?
I think that would be the best start – figure out where YOU are and what you want right now. If you don't want a relationship, you must come to terms with the fact that this woman will eventually become more and more insecure as your relationship lacks the boundaries that she needs to feel safe and secure. In which case, you may have to move on.
It is tempting once you start to get good at this stuff to keep playing the field. It's an addiction, in a way.
But eventually, even guys want to find ONE good woman to make something that works.
I have a saying: You have to date a lot of women to know which woman is the ONLY woman.
It sounds like this woman is a good catch. You want to take a good hard look at this before you move on, too.
Best of luck!
Guide to Understand Women
Carlos Xuma explains the big mistake guys make when they try to understand women and the trick to avoiding it…
Here's What Women Want.
Want more information?
Understand Women
What's that sound?
Bad knees?
Bad back?
No endurance?
Those aren't sounds of a man that's at the top of his game…
That sounds like an unhappy body.
My good friend Robert has some crazy information to give you on his blog. This entire week, he's going nuts and posting videos on better fitness and training.
Go check them out: Robert Martin's LGNAAA Tips
How to Meet Women
When it comes to learning the Art of Attraction, nothing is more important than knowing how to meet women.
Whether you're in a bar, a coffee shop, online dating, or at a friend's party, if you see an attractive woman you want to meet, you need the right skills to start things up.
In this article, you can learn the 3 ways to meet women, and how to not make the BIG MISTAKES most guys make when they meet women.
Go here to read the article:
http://www.carlosxuma.com/seductiontechniques/meet-women.php
Subject: A fellow brother
Hey carlos, I read your newsletters and I share your view of girls, and inner game
I needed to ask you a question…
when " in your normal life" how do you personally act, are you the cool dude? or the pua at all times?
thanks
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
Well, I'm going to assume that when you say "how do YOU" you mean ME, right?
The beauty of what I teach is that I'm not going to teach you how to be different than who you are.
In fact, I'm not a "PUA" or "pick up artist."
I'm just a guy who took a lot of time figuring out how guys can improve their success with women by using some very fast and easy techniques for building attraction.
Now me personally, I figured out something a while back – and this applies to ALL men:
If you're trying to BE something other than you, it will come off hollow and phony. And you'll be undermining your sense of self-esteem by sending yourself the message that YOU are not enough.
So in answer to your question, I'm always ME. But I'm the more interesting version of ME from learning how to present myself and unleash the parts of me women want to see.
As Doc Holliday said to Wyatt Earp in "Tombstone": There is no 'normal' life. There's just LIFE.
My life is never "normal," but it's always MY life. Fun, unforgettable.
That's the way I want YOUR life to be.
If you want more information on how to unleash the REAL you to the world and be the kind of guy that women want, then you owe it to yourself to look at this:
The Secrets of Ultimate Inner Game – Confidence With Women
I got this in Facebook this morning:
Comment from a reader:
The discovery ch. said wealth increase attractiness. Women in the show said, " The wealth of a man a sign ofstability, responsibility, and domicant" which contradict the dating community's ideas.
______________________
Carlos Xuma Answers:
Well, first of all, tell me the last time a television show every got you a girlfriend…
What's that?
Never?
MMmm-hmmm.
Look, let's do some intelligent analysis here…
YES, a guy with more access to assets is going to be attractive to a woman.
I don't know why you think this is in contradiction to the dating community.
What I've always said (and others) is that you can BYPASS this programming.
Saying that hot women are only attracted to rich guys is the biggest cop-out excuse.
I should know – I used to use it!
Yes, wealth does increase attractiveness. Does that mean that you should give up trying to attract women if you're not "wealthy"?
No.
Instead, demonstrate wealth in every area of your life: experience, attitude, energy, ambition.
They've done studies showing that men who are poor but who are on the path to achieving their ambitions in life are MUCH more attractive to women than even the "already rich."
Wealth is an attitude as well as a status.
Learn how to communicate ALPHA wealth – CLICK HERE
I noticed a line in your email about men wanting "a sense of virility" by dating younger women. It's sad that you are hurting these older men by pushing the fact that their sense of virility is dependent on being with a younger women, rather than having a sense of virility within.
- Carol
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
Sad? No.
Carol, what's truly sad is that you're pinpointing one small phrase and not seeing the huge picture of how I help men.
All I do is to help men realize their virility from within.
Go here: http://www.alphaconfidence.com/praiseforcarlosxuma.php
And look beyond the surface, as you would have me do…
Best of luck and love to you… CX
Follow me on Twitter:
http://twitter.com/carlosxuma
I'll keep you posted on the cool things happening every day in my often over-interpreted life.
Here's an interesting story. It was sent to me by a reader who suggested that banter can go too far. Well, I'd like to go along with that, but it's just not the way to look at this situation. Men don't need any more reasons to fear women. Incidents like this are few and far in between. (Though, I'm wondering if the person in question would have had a longer sentence if the genders were reversed?)
See my comments at the end…
Model who left student scarred for life in glassing attack is jailed for two years
A former model who smashed a glass in a student’s face, leaving him with horrific lifelong scars, has been jailed.
Drunk air stewardess Lisa Kee hit Liam Sharratt twice with the glass, dragging it down his face and wounding him in five places.
Kee, who lashed out when a flirtatious conversation turned sour, was jailed for two and a half years at Manchester Crown Court yesterday. She was dragged screaming into custody.
PhD student Liam Sharratt was scarred for life after Lisa Kee smashed a glass into his face during a drunken night out
Mr Sharratt, who was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder after the attack, said it had shattered his confidence and he was still struggling to come to terms with its effects.
Kee, 29, from Stockport, approached Mr Sharratt, 26, a PhD student, and his friends in The Living Room bar in Manchester city centre in November 2007.
The court heard she was drunk, with a ‘red wine moustache’ and carrying a full glass of wine as she began to exchange ‘good-humoured’ banter.
But witnesses had described how Mr Sharratt jokingly called her a ‘slag’ and the conversation turned ugly with Kee asking him: ‘Who do you think you are?’
Air stewardess and ex model Lisa Kee was jailed for two and a half years for the attack
She threw wine over him and when he laughed she became enraged and punched him in the head.
He laughed again and she hit him twice in the face with her wine glass. One cut was so deep that when the victim breathed, his cheek opened up.
Speaking after the sentencing, Mr Sharratt said: ‘I just remember her being very lecherous and provocative, coming over to a predominantly male group.
‘There have been times when I’ve been very drunk but I’m always in control enough to walk away.
‘I used to be very outgoing but this shattered my confidence. I have taught in front of 200 people and I loved it but I can’t do that any more.
‘It’s not just that people look at my scar and I have to relive the attack every time someone asks how I got it, but it took my inner confidence.’
Mr Sharratt, who had to delay completion of his studies following the attack, added: ‘In my opinion, the worst thing someone can do to another person is inflict something on them that they have no control over.
‘You change that person’s life forever.
‘I’m glad she’s gone to prison but she gets her life back in a couple of years while I have to live with this forever.’
Judge Martin Rudland told Kee, who was crying in the dock, she had drunk too much and ‘lost all control’.
He said that when banter turned ugly, her reaction was ‘excessive, disproportionate and inappropriate’.
He said: ‘This was a vicious and wholly unwarranted attack and you know what you have done and you know the enormity of what you have done and the effects which will continue to be a blight on Mr Sharratt every time he looks in the mirror.’
She was ordered to serve at least half of her sentence after admitting a charge of unlawful wounding.
Simon Csoka, defending, said his client was depressed prior to the offence and could scarcely believe what she had done.
______________________
CARLOS XUMA HAS A REALITY CHECK:
So if a person is depressed, that means it's okay to slash up a guy's face? Interesting how people pull complete garbage out of their butt to save themselves.
Forget putting her in jail. Put her to work, and garnish her wages to pay for Liam's plastic surgery. THAT is what reparations are all about.
Also interesting is that they chose this bikini photo of Lisa as her picture. What, did they think we'd say, "Oh, it's not so bad. She's kinda hot…"
Look, guys, I've had a drunk chick smash a glass over my head in a club just because she didn't like me pushing back when she danced all over the back of my legs. I bled profusely from the wound. And interestingly, not one of the staff of the bar wanted anything to do with me or my injury.
What needs to be done is replace glass with plastic for the childishly impaired women (and men) who think it's okay to lash out and have an infantile temper tantrum. Maybe a sippy-cup would be better.
I don't pretend that my cut was anywhere as bad as what poor Liam had, but no matter what, I'll never fear reprisal for being social and enjoying myself.
I'm just on a raised alert around drunk chicks.
Stories like this can play on your sympathy and fear, or they can waken you up to more truth.
Never interpret in terms of fear.
Especially fear of women.
Hopefully LIsa learns her lesson – and Liam takes his misfortune and turns it into gold. Chicks dig scars, right? That story could be worked to incredible positive advantage for many many years.
Hey, Liam. I'm not poking fun. I just won't pity you.
And hopefully you won't either, brother.
What's done is done, and now it's time to turn this into your power and strength.
And what's the lesson for other guys here?
Forget the fear – just live your life full-throttle forward.
Caution, yes – Fear, NO.
"Follow the path of the unsafe, independent thinker. Expose your ideas to the dangers of controversy. Speak your mind and fear less the label of 'crackpot' than the stigma of conformity. And on issues that seem important to you, stand up and be counted at any cost."
— Thomas J. Watson
