Carlos Xuma's Dating Tips for Guys

Win Back Ex Girlfriend

The truth is that guys tend to fall into one of two ways of thinking when it comes to relationships:

1. How to get the girl
2. How to win back ex girlfriends they've lost.

Somewhere in between, we forget the rest…

But the trick to never having to win back your ex girlfriend is pretty simple, really…

Go read the article by clicking here:

How to NEVER Have to Win Back Ex Girlfriend s

Carlos Xuma answers: What really attracts women?

Men being MEN.

REAL Alpha Masculine Men.

And I'm not talking about the dated, 1950's version of men where we must be stoic and aloof and removed. What the "Alpha Man" (my term) is – as opposed to the 'alpha male' – a scientific term – is this:

1) The Alpha Man is confident in his own skin and demonstrates his inner masculine power…

This flies in the face of most of the feminist stuff you've heard over the years – or maybe you've misinterpreted from the skewed images in magazines and movies, and bad television sit-coms.

Let's face it, men are portrayed as either buffoons who need a woman to save him from his own crude, belching dumbness, or men are shown as killing machines with a bloodthirsty violent character.

As it happens, neither is what most men are.

And right now, we're just confused. THAT is what I help men cut through and clarify: Their own Alpha Masculine Identity.

2) The Alpha Man is modern and 'sensing…'

Note that I did not say "sensitive." Women have often said that they want a man that is sensitive, but what they really mean is sensitive TO HER. This is a man that is modern and in-touch with his own emotions, and he does not let those emotions RULE him.

He owns himself, and commands respect by his self-control.

And by "modern," I mean that he is a Renaissance man – educated and worldly. A man who no longer fears the risk of living his life with passion.

3) The Alpha Man is successful with women – and in every area of his life…

Ultimately, every man will measure himself by his own success with women – it's only natural. But when it's a pursuit of women to fill the hole inside himself, and it becomes an obsession, then there needs to be a course correction.

Women are most attracted to the men that are on the path to pursuing their own ambitions and goals – not women for the sake of relieving his own insecurities.

These are just a few of the areas I cover in teaching men how to attract and date beautiful QUALITY women. Guys don't need the drama and games – we just want the power to attract the women we desire.

And the way to do that is to be the Alpha Man.

Learn how to attract women by clicking here…

QUESTION: Can you avoid having to win back ex girlfriends?

I listened to your tape from the women from Denmark. I was a little surprised at your response to her.

First off, When she said she was frustrated and wanted to leave? I believe she was telling you the truth.

When a woman tells a man something is wrong, he needs to listen. That is a fundamental principle with woman in general…

Woman are emotional creatures and they need to feel understood. I think you missed it on this one.

- Craig
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Could I have missed something here?

Yeah, sure, it's possible.

If you didn't see this particular newsletter, here's the situation:

Girl writes to me complaining about her boyfriend being a challenge and learning my strategies.

Girl says she's frustrated and wants to leave.

I tell her that her situation is simpler than it seems. She's not seeing that she's under the influence of the GOOD kind of frustration.

It's called ATTRACTION, and it's the key that most men miss.

I knew that there needed to be some tweaks, or this guy would be writing me later asking me how to win back his ex girlfriend.

Look, I know there's a lot of self-help relationship stuff out there that tell you that you need to listen to every complaint and emotional rant a woman has. In a way, that's true. You do have to let her vent.

If you don't hear her out and get it out in the open, you will soon be asking me about how to win back your ex girlfriend.

Let her vent…

** BUT **

You do NOT get caught up in it.

90% of a woman's emotional venting is JUST THAT. Venting! It does not need to be nurtured or caressed or coddled.

You listen, hear her out, use your better judgment if it's something you might have made a mistake on, and then you handle it.

But if it's just a "general" sense of frustration, this is where guys get into "fraidy cat" territory. They get squeamish about making a woman feel flustered or frustrated because they think she will start to pull away from him because he's creating these seemingly negative emotions.

And as a result, they fall into the "Nice Guy" trap of treating every emotional blip from a woman as a serious event. (Hint: They're not.)

Women ride a very emotional roller coaster with respect to their emotional state. (The younger she is, the more true this is. The older she is, the less true.)

The biggest mistake I see Nice Guys make with women is to pay too much attention and take her emotional state way too seriously.

This is like trying to catch a cricket by running after it. Ever see a kid do this? They're always in reaction mode, running to where the cricket WAS. And then the cricket hops again just as he runs to where it WAS again.

You – as an Alpha Man – don't do this.

You manage the situation in terms of where you want the woman to GO.

YES! This is the biggest lesson a guy can learn in relationships is that you must be the one ACTING – proactively – not REacting to her.

And it works for the kid with the cricket, too. He stomps to the side of the cricket to steer the cricket towards the corner where he can get safely grab it. Or he just anticipates the cricket and goes to where it's going to jump next.

If you don't mind another metaphor here, this is how Wayne Gretzky, one of the greatest hockey players of all time, managed to do so well. He said, "Most of the guys out there are skating to where the puck is. I'm skating to where the puck WILL BE."

Absolutely BRILLIANT!

Your job as a man is to LEAD the woman to the emotional states you want to share with her. Not just HOPE that if you make her happy enough that you'll get to share HER happiness every so often when it comes up.

This is a big deal and a big difference in how guys understand their own power and leadership within the context of a relationship.

Now, yes, I realize there is a time to be sweet and caring and loving with a woman so that you can forge a strong connection and get to real intimacy.

The problem is that most guys do this in a wussy kind of way, and they don't realize that you don't want to be the "sweet caring guy" ALL the time. It kills the attraction.

I have guys writing in to me all the time asking how to win back ex girlfriend, when all they really need to do is to handle things right from the start. You see, a guy tends to only care about two situations: winning the chick when he doesn't have her, and trying to win back the same girl when he screws it up and they break up later on.

If he would have spent a little energy on creating the right power dynamic within the relationship, there would never have been a problem in the first place.

So remember, you need to know when a woman is genuinely frustrated with you over your poor behavior, or she's just verbally expressing her frustration at not being the one to run the show.

They are very different from each other.

Here's an episode of Alpha TV for you… These are my Down & Dirty Dating Tips for Guys episodes…

If you want to sign up to get more of these, make sure you register your email in the form below…

Don't ever let yourself out of the house looking like these guys…

Women will cringe.

I tell you this in the best of intentions for your fashion sense.

Mistakes:
1) lumpiest ass on the planet. Don't put anything in your back pockets, gentlemen.

2) White socks.

3) K-mart sneakers.

4) White T-shirt.

5) hip holster for PDA gadget

I risked much to get you this Recon.
Use it well…

Have you ever had conversation going with a hottie where it just really felt like it was on…

Only to have the conversation fizzle when you stopped joking around and actually tried to get to know her?

Or have you ever gotten a girl's number only to have her not call you back…

Of course you have.

The good news is it never has to happen to you again.

Check out this video from my buddy Lance Mason and learn what you've been doing wrong:

CLICK HERE for the Instant Intimacy Video…
Now go watch the video!

Your friend,
Carlos

P.S. Lance has some GREAT insights to what mistakes most EVERY guy makes when he is trying to build a solid connection with a woman.

I believe this is one of the most content rich videos to ever be offered on the subject.

Check it out now: CLICK HERE for the video…

Or should I say, Hugh?

For you guys in the area this weekend, I'll be at the Playboy Mansion, chilling with my girls and homies… I'll have plenty of pics for you next week…

Some may have to be… uh, edited.

You guys have been asking me about this one, and I thought it was finally time to comment on it.

You've probably already heard the news bite on this already:
______________________
A man who sprayed bullets into a fitness class filled with women he didn't know, killing three and then himself, kept a webpage in which he wrote about years of rejection by women and left behind notes describing his inability to get a girlfriend, police said today.

George Sodini, who worked in a law firm's finance department, was anti-social, according to neighbours, and his webpage showcased a CV setting forth his credentials as an unhappy loner. It listed his date of death — 4 August 2009 — and his status of "never married".

On the website, the 48-year-old Sodini complained of not having a girlfriend since 1984, not having a date since May 2008 and not having sex for 19 years.

"Women just don't like me. There are 30 million desirable women in the US (my estimate) and I cannot find one," he wrote. The page ended with the words "Death Lives!"

"The biggest problem of all is not having relationships or friends, but not being able to achieve and acquire what I desire in those or many other areas," said an entry dated on Sunday. "Everthing (sic) stays the same regardless of the effert (sic) I put in. If I had control over my life then I would be happier. But for about the past 30 years, I have not."

______________________
CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

This is both sad and tragic, and yes, there's something here for us to learn from.

Let me tell you what I believe:

Did this happen because he couldn't get a woman?

NO.

The reason he couldn't get women was because he had no social skills. That came FIRST.

Then, that led to his inability to relate to women – OR men for that matter. (Guys like this don't have good friends of any gender.)

Then came his own personally-invented scapegoat for his situation.

George made the flawed kind of generalization that we all are capable of at some point or another:
"(EVERYONE OF A CERTAIN GENDER, or WHATEVER) just don't like me."

To date, there has never been a man that every woman on the planet reviewed and decided they didn't like.

Need I remind you all that HITLER had a girlfriend.

Uh, yeah… Him.

Can we interpret anything else from this, like generic evidence of a society of woman-hating men that gun them down in cold blood…?

NO.

He's just another sick creep that we didn't catch in time. But I'm sure you'll hear people trying to use this as some kind of evidence to prove a ton of other social issues that need to be addressed.

Look, these are sick people who pick their own reason to exact their vengeance on others.

They will always find their own twisted self-justification and pawn it off on us in their suicide notes and twisted imaginations.

The real reason this guy went over the edge is always going to truly be his own, but I'd bet you if he'd sought out some feedback and coaching for his SOCIAL (not his dating) issues – and had a circle of friends to support him, this tragedy might have been averted.

(By the way, just for clarification, "antisocial" does not directly mean a person who doesn't get along well with others. The term means that you just don't respect the rights of others and many of the rules of social order. This can lead to being a real social jerk, but it's not an exact definition of what we mean when most of us say "antisocial." I think what we all mean is "doesn't play well with others.")

This story is a tragic example of a man who self-justified his own mental issues and made others pay for his problems. And that is truly a shame.

If you are a guy out there who feels some of these emotions (and all of us have at some time or another), then take the first step in helping yourself get over it.

#1) Women are not the reason you can't get a date.

YOU are.

Own up to improving your skills with people in general, and then your dating skills.

I'll bet that if George had put away his "oh poor me" bullshit for a while and worked a little harder on himself – as well as actually trying to meet a few more of the "30 million" women, things might have been very different.

In the words of Steve Martin, "There's someone out there for everyone – even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them."

#2) Get some help right away.

I'm not a doctor, and I don't give medical advice. What I help guys do is get past their social limitations and be the men they were meant to be. I've got resources to help you.

Not cowards who empty bullets into crowds just because of their own never-grew-into-a-man attitude toward life and accepting responsibility for myself.

It's a tragedy, and we should all see through to the TRUTH of why it happened.

- Carlos

______________________

NOTE: I debated long and hard about posting these links, thinking that others might say I was trying to exploit this tragedy. Not so. And then I realized that I don't care what other people think if it helps a guy get past this issue for himself. That's why I do what I do.

RESOURCES OF INTEREST:
CLICK HERE: Power Social Skills program
CLICK HERE: Alpha Masculinity
______________________

What do you think about what George did???

QUESTION FROM A READER:

I used to make 10,000 a month. Now I make $10 an hour. It's hard to get hired as a 50+ ex-computer programmer. How can I date women anywhere near my former level?

______________________

CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

You don't need to take women out on $100+ dates, my friend.

That's the whole point of what I teach…

The answer to all your troubles lies in one question you need to ask yourself:
"How can I add more value to the world around me?"

When you ask yourself this question about your employment situation, you'll realize more success.

(Hint: You might want to outsource yourself with an online service like Elance.com, and you don't need to broadcast your age or your PERCEIVED shortcomings.)

When you apply this question to the world of women, you'll realize that a man's value in attracting a woman is NOT in his income level.

I personally make it a point to NOT spend money (in any big way) on the first 3 to 4 dates.

1) I don't want a gold digger. This is an effective screening mechanism.

2) I can focus on what really matters: Whether she's good enough for me and meets my criteria.

3) I will come up with genuinely FUN things to do – which is what ultimately attracts women initially.

Think outside the box, my friends… your success is waiting just beyond your currently limiting belief!

And if you're in a tough spot with money, I suggest you take a look at this: CLICK HERE for the best present you can give yourself for under $20.

Hey Carlos, been a fan of your newsletter for a couple of years now. I so enjoy reading your weekly advice and I am always anxious for the next one to appear in my inbox. Anyway, I was wondering if you lend me some advice?

Last night I was with a group of friends kickin back some beers on the front porch. Everything was fine, laughter and sharing stories. One of friends complemented another friend about his success with women. He gave him plenty of props and I can tell my other friend's confidence was devouring all the showered attention.

Then he shifted my way. He wanted to boost his ego more by placing me contrast to him. Lucky me right? I was surrounded by the whole group. Much similar to one of those surprise family interventions where they rope down Uncle Ben, and then drag him down to AA. It was pretty bad. They singled me out and called me a pussy because I'm never getting any action, let alone have even been seen with a woman.

(Little did they know I had gotten a few girls numbers over this week and have been working my game) Then they tried to force feed me advice on how to score. (Advice I was well aware of thanks to people like you) Funny thing was that there were no single women anywhere to be found on my friends property, so I pretty much acknowledged all of them as hypocrites.

I did my best to defend myself and my reputation but I only ended up looking like a chump. Similar conversations have occured before and my social value is lowering fast. It's now back to the point where I'll be talking and people will turn around and ignore me mid sentence.

SO, the question is…What can I do to climb back to the top? My friends are challenging my masculinity all the time. I just want them to shut up, listen to what I have to say, and not give me any lip. It angers me that the people I call friends have no respect for me.

By the way, I'm sure the answer is plenty obvious. All I'm looking for is some reassurance to guide me the right way. Thanks

______________________
CARLOS XUMA TELLS THE UGLY TRUTH ABOUT THE PECKING ORDER:

Wow…

Dude, when you said this:
It's now back to the point where I'll be talking and people will turn around and ignore me mid sentence.

I winced…

Because I've been there before.

And it SUCKS.

The harsh truth is that guys will always try to elevate their social status (and inflate their egos) by pecking you down in the social arena. The easiest and fastest way for a guy to raise his social standing – unfortunately – is to put someone else down in relation to him.

It's efficient; it's effective.

It's not "nice," but it does work.

Right now, when you try to defend yourself, you're fighting a losing battle. They have created the battlefield, the weapons, and the rules for victory. How can you win when they define "victory?"

To compete with someone when they're playing games like this usually means to use a different skill set than most guys have. It's something you weren't taught growing up.

That's part of the reason I created my Power Social Skills program…

But to answer your question about what to do to get back on top…

Here's the reality: You are already fighting an uphill battle with these guys. The only way to regain lost social standing in a situation like this is to limit your association with them as you work on a new social circle. And especially while you work on your dating skills.

You see, this is the reason that a lot of guys never get good at dating and "pickup" and the art of attraction. They simply fall victim to their peer group.

As Tony Robbins says, the single most powerful determinant of your future success is your peer group.

In order for you to climb back on top, you need to make a clean break from these guys, because all they will do is try to hold you down and prevent your success. Not because they're evil, but because they're human. The one thing these guys don't want is to have you CHANGE and improve for the better, because that would shake up the status quo and threaten them.

NEVER underestimate what someone will do when they feel threatened.

So go forge a new social circle, and cultivate a new status. It's much easier to establish a dominant role with people who do not have any pre-conceived notions of you or your abilities.

You'll feel much more free to grow and develop.

And THEN – when you've established your new social standing, you'll be able to return to them with your newly acquired social proof and status. And they will not be able to fight it, because it will be SET.

The more you limit your exposure to this kind of negativity and social jealousy, the faster you will be able to grow and realize your potential.

Remember, social games are totally UNAVOIDABLE. Whether you like it or not, people are going to pull you into their games.

The only question is, will you have the skills it takes to come out on top?

If you'd like to learn more about how social skills directly impact your ability to meet women, and attract women, and get the kind of social circle you want in your life…

CLICK HERE to learn more about POWER SOCIAL SKILLS.