Have you ever had conversation going with a hottie where it just really felt like it was on…

Only to have the conversation fizzle when you stopped joking around and actually tried to get to know her?

Or have you ever gotten a girl's number only to have her not call you back…

Of course you have.

The good news is it never has to happen to you again.

Check out this video from my buddy Lance Mason and learn what you've been doing wrong:

CLICK HERE for the Instant Intimacy Video…
Now go watch the video!

Your friend,
Carlos

P.S. Lance has some GREAT insights to what mistakes most EVERY guy makes when he is trying to build a solid connection with a woman.

I believe this is one of the most content rich videos to ever be offered on the subject.

Check it out now: CLICK HERE for the video…

Or should I say, Hugh?

For you guys in the area this weekend, I'll be at the Playboy Mansion, chilling with my girls and homies… I'll have plenty of pics for you next week…

Some may have to be… uh, edited.

You guys have been asking me about this one, and I thought it was finally time to comment on it.

You've probably already heard the news bite on this already:
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A man who sprayed bullets into a fitness class filled with women he didn't know, killing three and then himself, kept a webpage in which he wrote about years of rejection by women and left behind notes describing his inability to get a girlfriend, police said today.

George Sodini, who worked in a law firm's finance department, was anti-social, according to neighbours, and his webpage showcased a CV setting forth his credentials as an unhappy loner. It listed his date of death — 4 August 2009 — and his status of "never married".

On the website, the 48-year-old Sodini complained of not having a girlfriend since 1984, not having a date since May 2008 and not having sex for 19 years.

"Women just don't like me. There are 30 million desirable women in the US (my estimate) and I cannot find one," he wrote. The page ended with the words "Death Lives!"

"The biggest problem of all is not having relationships or friends, but not being able to achieve and acquire what I desire in those or many other areas," said an entry dated on Sunday. "Everthing (sic) stays the same regardless of the effert (sic) I put in. If I had control over my life then I would be happier. But for about the past 30 years, I have not."

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CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

This is both sad and tragic, and yes, there's something here for us to learn from.

Let me tell you what I believe:

Did this happen because he couldn't get a woman?

NO.

The reason he couldn't get women was because he had no social skills. That came FIRST.

Then, that led to his inability to relate to women – OR men for that matter. (Guys like this don't have good friends of any gender.)

Then came his own personally-invented scapegoat for his situation.

George made the flawed kind of generalization that we all are capable of at some point or another:
"(EVERYONE OF A CERTAIN GENDER, or WHATEVER) just don't like me."

To date, there has never been a man that every woman on the planet reviewed and decided they didn't like.

Need I remind you all that HITLER had a girlfriend.

Uh, yeah… Him.

Can we interpret anything else from this, like generic evidence of a society of woman-hating men that gun them down in cold blood…?

NO.

He's just another sick creep that we didn't catch in time. But I'm sure you'll hear people trying to use this as some kind of evidence to prove a ton of other social issues that need to be addressed.

Look, these are sick people who pick their own reason to exact their vengeance on others.

They will always find their own twisted self-justification and pawn it off on us in their suicide notes and twisted imaginations.

The real reason this guy went over the edge is always going to truly be his own, but I'd bet you if he'd sought out some feedback and coaching for his SOCIAL (not his dating) issues – and had a circle of friends to support him, this tragedy might have been averted.

(By the way, just for clarification, "antisocial" does not directly mean a person who doesn't get along well with others. The term means that you just don't respect the rights of others and many of the rules of social order. This can lead to being a real social jerk, but it's not an exact definition of what we mean when most of us say "antisocial." I think what we all mean is "doesn't play well with others.")

This story is a tragic example of a man who self-justified his own mental issues and made others pay for his problems. And that is truly a shame.

If you are a guy out there who feels some of these emotions (and all of us have at some time or another), then take the first step in helping yourself get over it.

#1) Women are not the reason you can't get a date.

YOU are.

Own up to improving your skills with people in general, and then your dating skills.

I'll bet that if George had put away his "oh poor me" bullshit for a while and worked a little harder on himself – as well as actually trying to meet a few more of the "30 million" women, things might have been very different.

In the words of Steve Martin, "There's someone out there for everyone – even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them."

#2) Get some help right away.

I'm not a doctor, and I don't give medical advice. What I help guys do is get past their social limitations and be the men they were meant to be. I've got resources to help you.

Not cowards who empty bullets into crowds just because of their own never-grew-into-a-man attitude toward life and accepting responsibility for myself.

It's a tragedy, and we should all see through to the TRUTH of why it happened.

- Carlos

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NOTE: I debated long and hard about posting these links, thinking that others might say I was trying to exploit this tragedy. Not so. And then I realized that I don't care what other people think if it helps a guy get past this issue for himself. That's why I do what I do.

RESOURCES OF INTEREST:
CLICK HERE: Power Social Skills program
CLICK HERE: Alpha Masculinity
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What do you think about what George did???

QUESTION FROM A READER:

I used to make 10,000 a month. Now I make $10 an hour. It's hard to get hired as a 50+ ex-computer programmer. How can I date women anywhere near my former level?

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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

You don't need to take women out on $100+ dates, my friend.

That's the whole point of what I teach…

The answer to all your troubles lies in one question you need to ask yourself:
"How can I add more value to the world around me?"

When you ask yourself this question about your employment situation, you'll realize more success.

(Hint: You might want to outsource yourself with an online service like Elance.com, and you don't need to broadcast your age or your PERCEIVED shortcomings.)

When you apply this question to the world of women, you'll realize that a man's value in attracting a woman is NOT in his income level.

I personally make it a point to NOT spend money (in any big way) on the first 3 to 4 dates.

1) I don't want a gold digger. This is an effective screening mechanism.

2) I can focus on what really matters: Whether she's good enough for me and meets my criteria.

3) I will come up with genuinely FUN things to do – which is what ultimately attracts women initially.

Think outside the box, my friends… your success is waiting just beyond your currently limiting belief!

And if you're in a tough spot with money, I suggest you take a look at this: CLICK HERE for the best present you can give yourself for under $20.

Hey Carlos, been a fan of your newsletter for a couple of years now. I so enjoy reading your weekly advice and I am always anxious for the next one to appear in my inbox. Anyway, I was wondering if you lend me some advice?

Last night I was with a group of friends kickin back some beers on the front porch. Everything was fine, laughter and sharing stories. One of friends complemented another friend about his success with women. He gave him plenty of props and I can tell my other friend's confidence was devouring all the showered attention.

Then he shifted my way. He wanted to boost his ego more by placing me contrast to him. Lucky me right? I was surrounded by the whole group. Much similar to one of those surprise family interventions where they rope down Uncle Ben, and then drag him down to AA. It was pretty bad. They singled me out and called me a pussy because I'm never getting any action, let alone have even been seen with a woman.

(Little did they know I had gotten a few girls numbers over this week and have been working my game) Then they tried to force feed me advice on how to score. (Advice I was well aware of thanks to people like you) Funny thing was that there were no single women anywhere to be found on my friends property, so I pretty much acknowledged all of them as hypocrites.

I did my best to defend myself and my reputation but I only ended up looking like a chump. Similar conversations have occured before and my social value is lowering fast. It's now back to the point where I'll be talking and people will turn around and ignore me mid sentence.

SO, the question is…What can I do to climb back to the top? My friends are challenging my masculinity all the time. I just want them to shut up, listen to what I have to say, and not give me any lip. It angers me that the people I call friends have no respect for me.

By the way, I'm sure the answer is plenty obvious. All I'm looking for is some reassurance to guide me the right way. Thanks

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CARLOS XUMA TELLS THE UGLY TRUTH ABOUT THE PECKING ORDER:

Wow…

Dude, when you said this:
It's now back to the point where I'll be talking and people will turn around and ignore me mid sentence.

I winced…

Because I've been there before.

And it SUCKS.

The harsh truth is that guys will always try to elevate their social status (and inflate their egos) by pecking you down in the social arena. The easiest and fastest way for a guy to raise his social standing – unfortunately – is to put someone else down in relation to him.

It's efficient; it's effective.

It's not "nice," but it does work.

Right now, when you try to defend yourself, you're fighting a losing battle. They have created the battlefield, the weapons, and the rules for victory. How can you win when they define "victory?"

To compete with someone when they're playing games like this usually means to use a different skill set than most guys have. It's something you weren't taught growing up.

That's part of the reason I created my Power Social Skills program…

But to answer your question about what to do to get back on top…

Here's the reality: You are already fighting an uphill battle with these guys. The only way to regain lost social standing in a situation like this is to limit your association with them as you work on a new social circle. And especially while you work on your dating skills.

You see, this is the reason that a lot of guys never get good at dating and "pickup" and the art of attraction. They simply fall victim to their peer group.

As Tony Robbins says, the single most powerful determinant of your future success is your peer group.

In order for you to climb back on top, you need to make a clean break from these guys, because all they will do is try to hold you down and prevent your success. Not because they're evil, but because they're human. The one thing these guys don't want is to have you CHANGE and improve for the better, because that would shake up the status quo and threaten them.

NEVER underestimate what someone will do when they feel threatened.

So go forge a new social circle, and cultivate a new status. It's much easier to establish a dominant role with people who do not have any pre-conceived notions of you or your abilities.

You'll feel much more free to grow and develop.

And THEN – when you've established your new social standing, you'll be able to return to them with your newly acquired social proof and status. And they will not be able to fight it, because it will be SET.

The more you limit your exposure to this kind of negativity and social jealousy, the faster you will be able to grow and realize your potential.

Remember, social games are totally UNAVOIDABLE. Whether you like it or not, people are going to pull you into their games.

The only question is, will you have the skills it takes to come out on top?

If you'd like to learn more about how social skills directly impact your ability to meet women, and attract women, and get the kind of social circle you want in your life…

CLICK HERE to learn more about POWER SOCIAL SKILLS.