Hey, I found this on a yahoo article page. Very interesting find about the role of effort in gender selection. It's written for women, but it's interesting for guys to know how this works.

Check it out:

Why Taking Initiative Will Score You the Guy You Really Want

On our quest to figure out what works (and doesn't) when it comes to meeting men we like, we tend to make very crude gender generalizations. For example, men are shameless w—-s who find all women desirable, while ladies are finicky and particular, only accepting dates and sexual invitations from men who fit what they want long-term.

But what if those assumptions aren't due to biology, but to socialization? A recent study by Finkel & Eastwick revealed that dating might be very different if we didn't expect guys to be "men of action," asking for our number, inviting us out, initiating the kiss. If women were the ones doing the approaching and the choosing, perhaps we would be happier with the men we met.

The team tracked 350 college students taking part in speed dating. Traditionally the men get up and circulate the girls (women mustn't move, they have purses, the researchers explain) and when this was the case the men were consistently more smitten with the girls. However, when women were forced to get up and make the rounds, while men sat and looked pretty, the opposite was true.

The researchers found that the speed daters who approached their partners relative to those who stayed sitting would experience a greater romantic desire and chemistry toward their partners, and were more likely to respond, 'Yes, I would see this person again' to their partners. In other words, the people who rotated from person to person were less selective than those sitting, regardless of which gender was doing the rotating.

So what can we glean from this? That if we aren't finding any good men it's perhaps because we're not pursuing enough of them? Speed-dating scholars (didn't know those existed, did ya?) aren't jumping to conclusions, except to say that more research is needed to determine if choosiness is gendered or not. In the meantime, we're going with the best of both worlds: actively pursuing a lot of men, so we're likely to find one we like, and assuming that most men find us attractive (a little self-confidence can't hurt, right).

(CARLOS XUMA: Take a read through this article… tell me what you think. I'm in the process of ripping open the Bad Boy myth, and this was something I found in my research…)

Women Date 5 Bad Guys Before 1 Nice Guy
October 21, 2009 by Kelli DesRochers

I just read a thought-provoking piece of advice from advice columnist E. Jean in Elle magazine’s November issue. A self-proclaimed nice guy (characterized as shy, clean-cut, good job, drug- and alcohol-free) asked E. Jean why women would choose. to date five different types of jerks before even considering dating him. He even stated these specific jerk types as A. users, B. jailbirds, C. druggies, D. abusers, and E. cheaters. I’m not sure that we need to go so far as to categorize “bad guys”…let’s just say that anyone who was overly selfish, caused you to feel bad about yourself, and/or left you a complete mess when the relationship ended qualifies.

E. Jean’s response was quite interesting! While most who hear this story would respond with the usual “There are women out there looking for a nice guy so you just have to wait until you find each other” E. Jean responded with:

“An amiable woman will endure the depredations of five assholes before she accidentally meets a good guy and falls for him…Place yourself where there are high numbers of women. It will then become a mathematical certainty you’ll meet a woman who has maxed out on cads.”

Wow! My first reaction was anger because, of course, I am a woman and I take offense to the idea that the only way that I would be interested in a nice guy would be if I was just completely rundown by dating a long list of bad guys. No way! Women aren’t like that! Or…are they? Well now that I think about it, E. Jean’s advice might be unconventional but it may be more realistic than what we have been telling nice guys for years.

The truth is that most women do end up dating a lot of jerks. Think about your friends and how many times you have given each other advice about choosing the wrong men. It’s not uncommon, so it’s must be accepted. Women are attracted to the guys with the good looks and big personalities who oftentimes have a selfish attitude in a relationship.

I think it all boils down to an issue of confidence. Guys want girls with confidence, and girls want guys with confidence. It’s just a natural competitive spirit that we want the one who all the others want…we can’t help it! If we are dating the hot, outgoing, funny, and super desirable (read: confident!) guy then we feel good about ourselves and we get a little personal boost. The nice guy also wants the girl with similar characteristics…but who is that top dog going to end up dating?

The nice guy probably just needs to work on his shyness so that he can exude a personality of confidence. He doesn’t have to be a jerk, he just has to be noticed! He can’t let himself disappear into the shadows and let the top dogs steal all of the attention.

He also needs to search out those women who are more like him. The women who like the nice guys are probably the women who are the nice girls. Instead of shooting for the one getting all of the attention at the bar, shoot for the shy girl in the corner who might have a lot more in common with you.

So yes, it is true that women date a lot of jerks. But I also still believe that if you are a nice guy, there is a nice girl out there who truly is looking for someone just like you without dating a list of bad guys first.
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CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

First of all, the terminology is too black & white when we talk about "bad boys." It's not just one shade.

Second of all, if a woman dates a "nice guy" just because she's been burned a few too many times, she's either learning, or she's just taking a rest. There's a reason these guys are attractive to a woman, and if she denies that by just settling for a polar opposite, both of them will get burned.

If not now, later.

What do you think?

Post on forum from a student:

Wow.

Yesterday at this concert there was a beautiful girl that I kept locking eyes with and as the night went on she gravitated towards me and eventually was literally right up against me. There was only one way to mess this opportunity up, and that was to not say anything. Thats exactly what I did. After about an hour of me battling my anxiety I watched a guy come out of nowhere, open her, and bring her away from me. . .

I was actually playing xbox as I was reading this (post), and I literally stopped everything I was doing, turned off the 360, and did exactly what you said. I meditated. I gave my self 30 minutes. it took me almost two hours.

I thought about the experience yesterday, and the many situations in the past just like it. I've been reading this stuff for a while now, but Ive just been frozen by this approach anxiety.

Not anymore. Today i can honestly say that my life has changed. Thank you
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CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

You're welcome.

If you're wondering what he read, it was my article on approach anxiety.

If only guys understood just how easy it is to get past your inner hurdles by getting rid of the distractions in life.

There are a ton of ways that today's world is robbing men of their masculinity by making things too "easy" on you.

Want a little injection of pleasure? Twitch your thumbs a bit on your playstation controller.

Want more pleasure? Sit back and watch TV.

Numb out.

Check out…

This guy GETS it now. And it only took him 2 hours to change his entire LIFE.

Might take you a little less, maybe a bit more.

Do you think it's worth it…?

Will you actually DO it?

I hope so.

Watch for my Approach Anxiety Annihilator coming soon.

And it will help you do the seemingly impossible…

For now, go get the basic tools for overcoming Approach Anxiety

Click here to kill approach anxiety dead…

This guy thinks so…

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