I just got this email in my facebook account, and I thought I'd share it with you…

First read his email, then my comments below:

______________________

Sex is a very, very low life achievement. Sex with hundreds of "hot" women is not impressive. It is a sign of a personal project to compensate for unresolved psychological events.

The need to have "success" with visually-attractive women is low self-esteem and highly superficial. In fact, the entire project of pickup is a superficial attempt to reclaim lost self-esteem and the very fact that it is superficial is what dooms it to produce low self-esteem. Superficiality and low self-esteem go hand-in-hand, but many men can see past the forced, pouty facial expressions of supermodels to see that. Seeking sex in bars is superficial. Seeking superficial produces low self-esteem.

There is no such thing as "women skills", only previously undeveloped social skills because of childhood bullying, too much time spent on the computer, or societal interference (e.g. Axe Body Spray advertisements that fuel the hype around sex or childhood peers who value it to an absurd degree).

Because guys in pickup improved their social skills and developed methods to do so, they thought that "women skills" exist. They don't. Men and women, before hypermaterialism, knew how to relate to each other naturally and no biological conjecture is needed to see that or make that recur.

Take care of social skills, self-esteem, and self-confidence. Then you won't be afraid of women. Then you won't need their sex. Then you can move onto higher things.

The obstacle to the entire pickup community to doing this is the sense of community it has formed. Many guys have formed friendships and improved their lives in ways they couldn't have otherwise. To them, isn't leaving pickup also leaving their best chance at a stable social life? Also, the strategies are very stimulating to the point of addiction. For most guys who get into pickup, spinning strategies and tactics can feel like endless fun and for some it becomes a drug. For nearly all pickup instructors, it is a drug and they cannot easily leave it.

But pickup is a dead-end, morally. It has conflicting aims: "get sex as much as possible" and "self-improve". At some point those two goals start interfering with each other and all that's left is mountains of artificial, sophisticated mind programs that attempt to compensate for a complicated psychological history through promiscuity.

_______________________

CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

Well, first of all, I'm not a pickup artist. Never have been.

What I do is help men finally get the women they desire without having to change or turn into a manipulative jerk.

But I do agree that just chasing women for the sake of sex is empty. Hell, I did it for MANY years.

But herein lies the rub: It's a necessary mistake.

What do I mean by that?

Well, simply put, I can TELL you all I want that chasing women for the sake of satisfying your need to get your willie wet is a dead-end. But you know what? For the guy that needs to get some, and he's hurting for it, he's got to make that mistake on his own to really emotionally learn that lesson. I can never really talk him down and teach that to him verbally. It's the big mistake that a lot of book authors and other "gurus" make out there.

There are simply some lessons that you can't teach. They MUST be learned.

Now, here's the other thing about sex and guys that is often lost in translation:

For a guy who isn't getting the women he wants, he wants a lot of women. But this same guy also just wants ONE good woman. There are VERY FEW men who get better skills with women and then become raging sex maniac players that just run around banging chicks left and right.

Most men don't want a bunch of women. Most guys want ONE GOOD WOMAN. The problem is that in order to find her, you must have the skills to get a bunch of women.

Let's not get caught up in that false-morality trap of "sex is bad" and "guys who want sex with women are all players and Bad Men."

Sex is great. Go have a bunch. Don't hurt other people in the process, and just go have fun.

Learn your own lessons along the way. The way we sometimes need to.

One thing – Alex said: "Because guys in pickup improved their social skills and developed methods to do so, they thought that "women skills" exist. They don't."

I disagree.

Skills with women DO exist. They are specific and different than social skills.

BUT – all skills with women are built on a foundation of social skills. (That's why I created THIS.)

So while there are some great points in this (which, by the way, I've already been teaching guys for years), there are also some big traps in this kind of judgmental thinking that you have to avoid. It's tempting to label the "community" as all bad…

As Shakespeare once said – "There is no good or bad, but thinking makes it so…"

Use what we teach for your own betterment. That's what I did to get myself to where I am in life.

What do you think? Show me you're alive and post a comment…

Don't Show Off Loser Status

This has to top my list of things to not reveal on a date with a woman. It should be obvious, but I can't believe how many guys I hear in restaurants saying sh*t like this.

1.  “I still live with my parents.” Dude, is there any way that she will find this attractive? No. But since it's a fact of your life, you have to put it out there differently: "I'm currently living at home for about 3 months while I save expenses. I had to get some things squared away, so it actually made sense. Don't worry, I don't have any posters of superheroes on the wall. And I KNOW you're jealous."

2.  “Can you chip in for the date?” Chicks don't dig cheap guys. Hell, GUYS don't dig cheap guys. So save a little money, and use my suggestions for a good inexpensive date. (HINT: The most inexpensive dates are the ones you're most likely to get laid on.)

3.  “What’s the cheapest thing on the menu?” Again, if you've got financial issues, maybe you should be focusing your energy on resolving them instead of dating right now. It would go a long way towards bolstering your confidence. And if you do date with no money, you need to work a little harder to make it fun without the $. But trust me, you don't need to spend to get some.

4.  “Want to see pictures of my cat?” Chicks like cats. Guys can like cats – and even own them – but you don't advertise it. Instead, let her find out on her own. I highly encourage you to get a dog, though. You'll get way more attention, and the dork factor is reduced greatly.

5.  “I lost my job/just got fired.” Again, falls under the heading of – are you trying to MAKE her run away? Seriously, you need to have your ducks in a row if this is your situation. You need to A) have a good explanation, and B) a good plan for what you're going to do next. Don't ever think for one second that laziness and a lack of ambition are attractive to women.

6.  “I didn’t think anyone would like my online profile.” This just oozes "lack of confidence." Drop the insecure act right now. If you're thankful to get the date, you're going to be walked over like a front doormat. Beggars can't be choosers, but they also don't have to sound so wussy. Express your gratitude when you nudge her in the morning for wake-up hanky-panky.

Jeez, I can't believe I just used the term "Hanky panky."

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What do you think? Agree or disagree? Show me you're alive by leaving a comment…