First read his email, then my comments below:

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Sex is a very, very low life achievement. Sex with hundreds of "hot" women is not impressive. It is a sign of a personal project to compensate for unresolved psychological events.

The need to have "success" with visually-attractive women is low self-esteem and highly superficial. In fact, the entire project of pickup is a superficial attempt to reclaim lost self-esteem and the very fact that it is superficial is what dooms it to produce low self-esteem. Superficiality and low self-esteem go hand-in-hand, but many men can see past the forced, pouty facial expressions of supermodels to see that. Seeking sex in bars is superficial. Seeking superficial produces low self-esteem.

There is no such thing as "women skills", only previously undeveloped social skills because of childhood bullying, too much time spent on the computer, or societal interference (e.g. Axe Body Spray advertisements that fuel the hype around sex or childhood peers who value it to an absurd degree).

Because guys in pickup improved their social skills and developed methods to do so, they thought that "women skills" exist. They don't. Men and women, before hypermaterialism, knew how to relate to each other naturally and no biological conjecture is needed to see that or make that recur.

Take care of social skills, self-esteem, and self-confidence. Then you won't be afraid of women. Then you won't need their sex. Then you can move onto higher things.

The obstacle to the entire pickup community to doing this is the sense of community it has formed. Many guys have formed friendships and improved their lives in ways they couldn't have otherwise. To them, isn't leaving pickup also leaving their best chance at a stable social life? Also, the strategies are very stimulating to the point of addiction. For most guys who get into pickup, spinning strategies and tactics can feel like endless fun and for some it becomes a drug. For nearly all pickup instructors, it is a drug and they cannot easily leave it.

But pickup is a dead-end, morally. It has conflicting aims: "get sex as much as possible" and "self-improve". At some point those two goals start interfering with each other and all that's left is mountains of artificial, sophisticated mind programs that attempt to compensate for a complicated psychological history through promiscuity.

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CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

Well, first of all, I'm not a pickup artist. Never have been.

What I do is help men finally get the women they desire without having to change or turn into a manipulative jerk.

But I do agree that just chasing women for the sake of sex is empty. Hell, I did it for MANY years.

But herein lies the rub: It's a necessary mistake.

What do I mean by that?

Well, simply put, I can TELL you all I want that chasing women for the sake of satisfying your need to get your willie wet is a dead-end. But you know what? For the guy that needs to get some, and he's hurting for it, he's got to make that mistake on his own to really emotionally learn that lesson. I can never really talk him down and teach that to him verbally. It's the big mistake that a lot of book authors and other "gurus" make out there.

There are simply some lessons that you can't teach. They MUST be learned.

Now, here's the other thing about sex and guys that is often lost in translation:

For a guy who isn't getting the women he wants, he wants a lot of women. But this same guy also just wants ONE good woman. There are VERY FEW men who get better skills with women and then become raging sex maniac players that just run around banging chicks left and right.

Most men don't want a bunch of women. Most guys want ONE GOOD WOMAN. The problem is that in order to find her, you must have the skills to get a bunch of women.

Let's not get caught up in that false-morality trap of "sex is bad" and "guys who want sex with women are all players and Bad Men."

Sex is great. Go have a bunch. Don't hurt other people in the process, and just go have fun.

Learn your own lessons along the way. The way we sometimes need to.

One thing – Alex said: "Because guys in pickup improved their social skills and developed methods to do so, they thought that "women skills" exist. They don't."

I disagree.

Skills with women DO exist. They are specific and different than social skills.

BUT – all skills with women are built on a foundation of social skills. (That's why I created THIS.)

So while there are some great points in this (which, by the way, I've already been teaching guys for years), there are also some big traps in this kind of judgmental thinking that you have to avoid. It's tempting to label the "community" as all bad…

As Shakespeare once said – "There is no good or bad, but thinking makes it so…"

Use what we teach for your own betterment. That's what I did to get myself to where I am in life.

What do you think? Show me you're alive and post a comment…

Well, I'm going to explain the three steps you can take to be a pickup artist. And not only attract women like a pickup artist – but beat him at his own game.

Why would you want to do more than just be a pickup artist?

Consider this: What you learn from a pickup artist is how to IMITATE the behaviors of a guy who knows how to attract women. What you will discover with this method is how to BE the man who attracts women – with no acting or sneaky tricks or manipulation. So why would you settle for being an actor when you can be the REAL deal?

How to be a pickup artist – Strategy #1: Avoid the "Identity" of the pickup artist…

What I mean by this is that there is nothing wrong with learning to improve your skills with women. In fact, it's probably one of the noblest things a man can do. This creates a "win-win" situation where you get to date the attractive women you meet, and she gets a man who understands what women want in a man – and he gives it to her.

But there is a trap that some guys fall into of buying all the cool pickup artists clothes, and using all the same pickup artist openers that women have all heard by now. They imagine the pickup artist like some kind of superhero with super powers that they can become at will.

I have to tell you right now that I can spot these guys a mile away, and so can women. Unfortunately, most guys want this success with women so desperately that they jump head-first right into the role of the pickup artist. They end up looking like they're trying too hard – and that is actually one of the big mistakes.

The most effective pickup artist is the one that isn't making this a whole costume party and identity makeover. He knows that in order to really attract hot women, you have to fly UNDER her radar by just being yourself – but with a pickup artist sensibility that understands how the game is played – and won.

How to be a pickup artist – Strategy #2: Being a true pickup artist means you have no switch…

This technique is related to the last one. When guys try to be this ultimate pickup artist, they start to imagine that this skill of attracting women is something they can turn off and on at will. In fact, if you try to do this, you will cause even more damage to your confidence over the long run.

Here's what happens…

If you imagine that you have this "other" identity of a pickup artist that you "turn on" when you need it, this only reinforces to your subconscious mind that you are usually NOT this guy. In other words, you are programming yourself to believe that you are not naturally attractive to women, and for you to do this, you have to change into your pickup artist alter-ego.

Because what happens most of the time is that you simply don't want to use the canned material and have to fight your own fear and reluctance to approach and meet women. The secret to being a true pickup artist is not trying to switch this off and on at will. The true pickup artist doesn't see himself as an "approacher" only when he gets himself into the role. He's a pickup artist 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

When you make the pickup artist become YOU (instead of the other way around) – you realize that you can be yourself without any manipulative games AND be attractive to women. And when you understand how this works, you'll also feel more comfortable with yourself. Because if there's anything that turns off a woman more it's a guy that's trying to NOT be himself.

She will smell your deception.

How to be a pickup artist – Strategy #3: Avoid the pickup artist "get" mentality…

If there's one element that will get you more success with women than you know what to do with, it's getting tricked into thinking that the pickup artist game is a "get" game. As in, how to GET more from women. After all, aren't they the ones that are trying to keep you from GETTING what you want?

GETTING a phone number…

GETTING a kiss…

GETTING a date…

GETTING intimate with her…

It all seems like a big game of trying to sneak and trick your way into getting your goals. But the reality is that dating hot women and being an honorable pickup artist is all about the GIVE. No, I'm not talking about the giving of favors in exchange for hers, like buying drinks and dinner in the hopes that she will give you some.

What I'm talking about is GIVING her a fun time…

GIVING her a moment of escape from her boring life…

GIVING her an intelligent and masculine man – not just a pickup artist – that can turn her inner furnace up to the boiling point.

The next time you're in a conversation with a woman and you're wondering how to talk to women so they will respond to you, just forget about what you think you're there to GET from her. Instead, just give her a moment where she can feel good about herself, and you'll find that this is 90% of the pickup artist game. (And you don't even have to BE a pickup artist to win it!)

Give her a sincere compliment… And also give her a little tease to let her know you aren't intimidated and emasculated by women.

And you'll succeed in becoming the kind of pickup artist that most women never meet - a genuine and powerful Alpha Man.

Look, the other gurus out there will teach you the superficial parts of how to be a pickup artist. They can only teach you the empty techniques of how to attract women. They will give you pickup lines to use and pickup artist routines you can memorize – but it will always be empty and awkward for you to use. You'll always feel like you're "not being yourself" around women, and it will feel unnatural.

Instead of being a fake pickup artist, you can be the kind of man that pickup artists only wish they could be – the authentic man that women desire most of all. And you'll never have to settle for the label of a pickup artist when you seduce more than attractive women – you will get the respect – and maybe just a little envy – from your buddies and peers.

And if you want to get the complete roadmap of how to go from home alone to how to meet and attract the sexy girlfriend of your dreams, then you need to learn how to talk to women with my home study program. It's fast, easy, and guaranteed to get you from no women to wherever you want to be in just a few weeks.

Date as many women as you want – for as long as YOU want.

It's up to you…

Go download your copy here: How to Talk To Women – FAST & EASY

Talk soon…

Wishing you confidence and success with women – With HONOR and integrity.

PS: You might be reading this right now, just happy to be entertained with the information I'm sharing. But I want more than this for you.

I want you to get REAL results with women.

Stop pretending everything is "fine."

Stop walking away from situations that make you nervous – like approaching a woman, or asking her out.

Stop letting the outside world stop you from being the man you want to be…

Really, the time for denial and mediocrity is over.

Make a decision that today is the day things will change forever for you.

Go here now and learn how to make that change:

CLICK HERE: How to Talk To Women

This guy not only knows what he’s talking about, but he walks the walk too.

When was the last time you saw someone 60 years old nail a rock solid handstand? Check it out here on the April 13 blog entry.

Man, I hope I'm half as fit at his age…

After you check out his free videos, click through to his web site for more great free information and videos, and pick up your DVDs loaded with four hours of solid tips and techniques, and workouts you can do right along with Robert. I highly recommend his system to get yourself in kick butt shape fast.

(In fact, you'll see there’s even a testimonial from me on his web site… I love his stuff and got his program almost two years ago…)

Stop blowing your money on expensive gym memberships that don’t give you the results you want. Check out Robert's program – CLICK HERE…

Talk soon…

Your friend,

Carlos Xuma

PS: I'm not sure when he's taking these videos down, so you should go take a look as soon as you can. There's some great stuff in there.

Click here now: Look Great Naked At Any Age

— Thomas J. Watson

Hi Carlos.

There is this girl who i recently met, it seems like she is into me…

only thing is,, i went for coffee with her and her friend today and her friend kept talkin to her about other guys and wheneva a 'decent' lookin guy would walk past they would both comment on how hot he is…
i didnt know how to react to this as its neva happened before…

so any advice or insight would be really appreciated…
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
This is a brutal situation for most guys. It's not easy to handle it when you're with a woman that you think is into you, and you've got someone pushing her buttons like that – and YOUR buttons.
You should understand that this is one of two things:
1) It's a test.
You can't respond any other way than if you really don't care.
Heck, if you really want to impress her, you should ENCOURAGE her to dig on the other guys.
Why?
Because ANY OTHER REACTION will demonstrate just how insecure you are.
And that gets you booted out of her booty-camp. (That's one of those lines that sounded good in my head, but I'm not sure about it here… hmmm.)
That's the worst part about this kind of test. She knows that you're into her, yet she still wants to see what you're made of.

2) This is also a way to tell you that she's not interested in you that way, or she thinks you're a wuss.
I can tell the girl you're with is very young. Like, 21 or younger.
The older a girl is, the less likely she will be to do this sort of thing, if only out of respect for your feelings.
The sad reality is that some girls just don't care about your feelings, or that it might "hurt" to say that sort of thing in front of you to get a rise out of you.
Both of these girls were behaving disrespectfully and mean-spirited. They wanted to see what kind of reaction you would give.
In reality, it shouldn't matter that much to you because you've got at least a few other girls on the back burner that you can easily give your time to. And they should SENSE this from you.
My advice is to:
1) Toughen your hide a bit.
Life is a contact sport. Chicks will do stuff like this. Don't let it get to you.
(If this sort of thing gets to you a lot, you should look at THIS: Click here...)
2) Go find some girls who are into you, and don't let ANY woman disrespect you.
When she shows her true colors like this, do you think the treatment would get any better if you were her boyfriend?
Uh, no.
In fact, it would probably be a situation where she just keeps playing you to see how much you'll take.
Go meet some QUALITY women.
There are plenty to be found, if you know where to look.
You can also look here…

I'm not the biggest fan of his work, but I do respect that – on the whole he understands masculine and feminine gender roles fairly well.

What drives me up a wall are all these people who "think" way more than they feel, and believe that we can intellectually re-define relationships and attraction based on our anger and imagined injustices supposedly created by "oppressive masculine institutions."

Many of the critics are those people who want to rush to classify what he's teaching as "anti-feminist" and therefore quickly push the concept of emotional reality right out of the picture.

Here's what one of those critics of his work had to say on her web site:

This page is exclusively for the critical review and analysis of the enormously popular (as puzzling as that may be) self-help book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships (New York: HarperCollins, 1992). Despite its promotional hype, at its very core it is a sexist, patronizing, male-centered invective which does little more than perpetuate long-held negative gender stereotypes. Infomercials, popular magazines, the existence of a WWW site, television appearances and published spin-offs by the author, John Gray, have made this book appear undisputed in its broad claim to improve communication between men and women. Unassailable it is not and thus there is a very sincere need to rebut the arguments put forth by John Gray.

Intelligent discussion concerning John Gray's methods is needed outside the realm of TV talk, four-minute interviews, biased infomercials and various women's and on-line magazines. The intent is not to make ad hominen attacks on the author, but to seriously question his point of view and the advice advanced in his publications. "Success stories" notwithstanding, Gray's advice, and the methods he uses to promote it, poses more troubling questions than those it professes to answer. Please accept this invitation to read through The Rebuttal and share your point of view.

CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

Well, the puzzling is not so puzzling as this author would have it.

The reason his views are popular (in my belief) is because he respects and understands that MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT.

We are NOT alike (equal, but not alike), and we have differences that complement each other by virtue of understanding them. The unfortunate thing is that in this mad quest for "political correctness" (i.e., trying not to hurt other people's feelings) and "equality," we've lost sight of the NATURAL aspects of us.

(I saw one author argue that we should discount gender roles because they're not what make up our identity. Can you think of ANYTHING that defines who you are more than your gender?)

Men and women simply are not meant to behave the same. And when we try to pretend (with our big "brains") that simply because our logical brain wants something, we'll always be very disappointed when our emotional brain wins the hand – as it does every time.

The western world (which is fast becoming the World) does not respect emotions as a way of "thinking."

Remember: Attraction is not a choice.

In my experience, those people who are solely motivated to counter a different point of view (in this case, just to discredit and attack John Gray's material) – these people feel a sense of intellectual frustration and anger at not having reconciled for themselves what does make relationships work.

The relationships that work long term are those that understand the roles of masculinity and femininity within the relationship – and RESPECT those traits. Not fight them.

And – contrarily – I have yet to see a relationship founded on the "new version" of gender roles (i.e., that both people lead in all areas of the relationship – that did not have a distinctly false aura of partnership to it.

In other words, they always seemed a bit like they were in a business partnership rather than a loving and caring relationship.

The funny thing is that in almost every successful family, the man is the "patriarch" of the family, but we always know that the woman is the effective leader in just as many decisions by virtue of her feminine leadership – which doesn't mean a big power struggle over who "wears the pants."

Women who grew up with good feminine role models – and were secure in their own gender identity – rarely had an issue with this. Yeah, the dad was the law, but mom was the one who made things run behind the scenes. I call these the Alpha Matriarchs.

Now, I hate to speak in generalities, and I don't want to come across as some old-school dinosaur…

I'm not arguing for some misogynist family structure – only that we stop looking at traditional family structures as being flawed in some major way. I see many more flaws in today's family structure, where neither boys nor girls are learning what it means to be their own sexual best.

And yet, as I always say, I must speak my mind – even if my voice shakes.

What do you think?

Not only is this a cool idea for a singles event, but it's a great idea for your dates as well. (You learn a lot about someone by how they play games…)

Oh, and you might consider this a good possible business opportunity. They're expanding…

______________________

Where singles go to play all sorts of games

• STORY HIGHLIGHTS
• PlayDate offers fun alternative to nightlife scene with board games, video games
  
• Timeless Entertainment Concepts runs PlayDate, Paint By Numbers
  
• PlayDate offers hula-hoops, musical chairs, Scrabble, Jenga, Pictionary
  
• To "not be an adult for one night" is kind of fun, participant says

ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) — Lynne Lucas is taking herself off the meat market. Monique Brown is sick of having to look cute all the time. And Scott Hayes is searching for his inner child.

It's Saturday night at PlayDate in Atlanta, Georgia, where 400 adults have gathered to play games, drink and socialize.

"It's not your usual bar scene where I look good, you look good, I'm scared to talk to you," Hayes says as he scans a giant Jenga tower for the right block to pull. "You'll talk to anyone when you're playing games, because you're trying to beat them."

Next to Hayes, Brown watches a rambunctious game of Pictionary while a twosome fights it out with Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots nearby. Across the room, Lucas joins her friends in a game of Trouble. And on the dance floor, Imari Havard is hula-hooping with some ladies.

Havard is the co-founder of Timeless Entertainment Concepts, host of PlayDate, with Ryan Hill and Ronald Gaither.

Timeless' mission is clear: provide a fun alternative to the typical nightlife scene for an entrance fee of just $10 per person. In other words, if you're looking for love in all the wrong places, try a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos.

PlayDate began in Atlanta in 2005 and has slowly expanded from a monthly crowd of 80 to 500 twice a month in nine cities across the nation. The three men hope to start affiliates in another 20 markets this year.