Hey Carlos,

I know you say that once a man gets his inner game fixed, a lot of things tend take care of themselves(Outer Game, ect). My question, is how long did it take you personally to fix your Inner Game? Is it something that took years to fix, or can it be turned around quickly ?

- Michael

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I never stop working on my inner game. But it didn't take long to fix with women.

COMMENTS FROM A READER:

Hi Carlos.

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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

The longer I go at this, the more I believe that the first thing you should do when a woman begins acting erratically like this is to drop her and let her deal with her issues.

This is tough, though, because they tend to give you just enough hope that you are left sitting there with a stinking pile of drama in your lap that you don't know where to go next.

It's nearly impossible to break down what is happening when a woman goes really hot & cold on you without observing it first hand. (This is the big mistake 'gurus' tend to make – even me – when we give the glib "You just weren't confident enough!" answer.)

You have to start with your own behavior and make sure you have a realistic grasp on what you may have done to "weird" her out. If she genuinely went hot and cold, the only thing you can do is to be CONSISTENT.

Again, another difficult thing to do, but it is something that women MUST sense you will do. Remember that the worst thing you can do is to try to get into her mind and pretend you know what's going on in there. You don't, and you can't.

RULE: The more women you are seeing or the more prospects you have, the less you will find yourself caring about situations such as these – AND the less you will find yourself dwelling on them. And…

RULE 2: Be VERY careful about reading too much into a girl's questions or responses – even when you suspect they are tests. You don't want to become "conversationally paranoid" and then make it even more difficult to stay in the moment.

SHE should be wondering what YOU meant, not the other way around.

BIG difference.

If your internal dialogue starts sounding like a conversation among women, you need to cut that right off.

QUESTION FROM A READER:

There is this girl who i recently met, it seems like she is into me…

only thing is,, i went for coffee with her and her friend today and her friend kept talkin to her about other guys and wheneva a 'decent' lookin guy would walk past they would both comment on how hot he is…
i didnt know how to react to this as its neva happened before…

so any advice or insight would be really appreciated…
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
This is a brutal situation for most guys. It's not easy to handle it when you're with a woman that you think is into you, and you've got someone pushing her buttons like that – and YOUR buttons.
You should understand that this is one of two things:
1) It's a test.
You can't respond any other way than if you really don't care.
Heck, if you really want to impress her, you should ENCOURAGE her to dig on the other guys.
Why?
Because ANY OTHER REACTION will demonstrate just how insecure you are.
And that gets you booted out of her booty-camp. (That's one of those lines that sounded good in my head, but I'm not sure about it here… hmmm.)
That's the worst part about this kind of test. She knows that you're into her, yet she still wants to see what you're made of.

2) This is also a way to tell you that she's not interested in you that way, or she thinks you're a wuss.
I can tell the girl you're with is very young. Like, 21 or younger.
The older a girl is, the less likely she will be to do this sort of thing, if only out of respect for your feelings.
The sad reality is that some girls just don't care about your feelings, or that it might "hurt" to say that sort of thing in front of you to get a rise out of you.
Both of these girls were behaving disrespectfully and mean-spirited. They wanted to see what kind of reaction you would give.
In reality, it shouldn't matter that much to you because you've got at least a few other girls on the back burner that you can easily give your time to. And they should SENSE this from you.
My advice is to:
1) Toughen your hide a bit.
Life is a contact sport. Chicks will do stuff like this. Don't let it get to you.
(If this sort of thing gets to you a lot, you should look at THIS: Click here...)
2) Go find some girls who are into you, and don't let ANY woman disrespect you.
When she shows her true colors like this, do you think the treatment would get any better if you were her boyfriend?
Uh, no.
In fact, it would probably be a situation where she just keeps playing you to see how much you'll take.
Go meet some QUALITY women.
There are plenty to be found, if you know where to look.
You can also look here…

What's it take to be a man these days?

I find myself asking that question a lot. If you watch young boys

and how a lot of them are being brought up these days, you'll find

yourself shaking your head as you ask it.

What are the important parts of being a MAN?

Just because you have the equipment doesn't mean that women

perceive you as being "MANLY." In fact, "manliness" has gotten a

bad rap.

And that has led a great many of us (including ME for many years)

to believe that we should be ashamed of being men.

Well, first and most importantly, you have to learn how to be

comfortable with just BEING a man.

With all the stupid messages you get from the media on things to

"enhance" your masculinity, you'd think that there was something

basically wrong with us right from the start, wouldn't you?

You're not long enough, hard enough, rich enough, or good looking

enough to get the woman you want – that's what They tell you.

But the reality is that women are attracted to a man from emotions

- NOT appearance.

(Yes, we know that a hot guy will get more initial interest, but he

can't KEEP it if he isn't showing her the right Alpha traits.)

So here are my top 3 traits for you to work on your masculinity and

demonstrating your Alpha Manhood.

>> WARNING: I'm not pulling any punches here. If you have a weak

stomach, I suggest you close this email and go back about your day.

Still with me?

GOOD! I knew you had the stones.

Here we go…

*** ALPHA MAN TRAIT 1) Initiative – Leadership drive

Women LOVE leaders.

They love it when a guy takes the lead and just makes the decision

and goes with it.

Even if he's wrong.

I make it a point when I'm out to ask women what they find most

un-attractive about men, and one thing comes up more than anything

else…

Indecisiveness and wishy-washy behavior.

Guys are trying to be "easy going" and cool, but they're actually

being perceived as weak-kneed little girls.

The great thing about taking initiative is that by doing this, you

actually demonstrate two other POWERFUL traits that draw women in

like moths to a flame: Ambition and Power.

Just by demonstrating the initiative with a woman, you are

sub-communicating all the right things about your masculinity and

drive.

In order to take this initiative, most men need to feel…

*** ALPHA MAN TRAIT 2) Assertiveness/Confidence

It's probably no secret to you that I don't cater to "political

correctness."

This story should help you understand how I feel:

There was a priest addressing his congregation, and he said to them

during his sermon: "There are millions of people out there starving

in the world today… and the problem is YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN

about it!"

Then he said, "And the BIGGER problem is that MORE of you are

shocked by me saying 'damn' in church than you are about the fact

that there are millions of people starving out there!"

WOW.

And the thing about confidence is that it really translates into

another word that allows us to understand it better.

Confidence

is

CERTAINTY.

Just the fact that you are sure about something is what gives you

confidence.

… Are you sure you can throw a baseball?

… Are you certain about yourself?

… Are you sure about what you want?

… Are you certain about your ability to approach women?

Wherever you have certainty in life, you feel confidence.

And assertiveness is what comes from your confidence. You can be

more firm and assertive when you know what it is you want, and

you're not willing to settle for less.

In order to exercise that confidence, we have to achieve…

***ALPHA MAN TRAIT 3) Emotional Control/Emotional Strength

Look, women are NOT attracted to men that cry on their shoulder.

They're NOT attracted to men who are always talking about their

"feelings."

Women want a man that is in control of his own emotional world.

You may hear women complain about the guy who's "not in touch with

his emotions," but the reality is that most of the guys who seem to

think they are in touch with their emotions are just PUPPETS of

their emotions.

There are really relatively few cases of guys who are strong and

emotionally controlled who just wake up one day and freak out

because their emotions had been bottled up inside them and went

thermo-nuclear.

I think a lot of 'sensitive' guys are afraid of this.

Forget about it!

You don't have to be an emotional man to be "aware" of your emotions.

Don't DENY your emotions, but don't LIVE in them, either.

First and foremost is emotional CONTROL. That's your big responsibility

as an Alpha Man.

*** BONUS ALPHA MAN EXERCISE: Do something BALLSY.

I mean do something that takes a pair of good-sized gonads.

I'm not talking about walking into Victoria's Secret with your

female friend while she buys a new bra, either.

Here are some "fake ballsy" and "REAL ballsy" activities so you

know what I mean:

FAKE ballsy: Writing a nasty comment on someone's Youtube video…

REAL ballsy: Sitting down with your friend and setting him straight

on how he's wussing out in his life…

I go on Youtube to look up good martial arts training videos, and

I'm ASTONISHED at the 3rd grade comments and flame wars that people

get into. The Internet has devolved into a cesspool of egos

battling it out for who's "right" about something.

Real balls means that you're using your character to do something

difficult that most other people wouldn't risk, because they don't

want to 'hurt someone's feelings.'

Or they don't want to 'confront' someone…

Look, we know that men are here to DO the things other people fear.

FAKE ballsy: Wearing the t-shirt of your favorite heavy metal band.

REAL ballsy: Wearing a t-shirt with "Got Dick?" on it…

True story: I had a friend named Dan in high school who came in with a

t-shirt that read, "If it ain't stiff, it ain't worth a f*ck."

He got suspended for a day or two for that. But I also remember him

doing that and secretly wishing I had the nads to be that brave.

(Oh, and the girls were talking about him for WEEKS after that.)

I got my chance a few years back when I went to a sushi place in

San Francisco and bought their t-shirt that said: "Your fish smells

like pussy."

I wore that out one day and got a lot of comments from women that I

could tell were secretly loving it – even as they were telling me

"that's not a nice t-shirt…"

Yeah. "Not-nice."

That thing that women say they don't want, but somehow always pursue.

Got me on that one, ma'am.

You see, every so often you have to break those shackles of

"political correctness" and "niceness" that has defined you.

Stop being the boring "nice guy" that makes women yawn and roll

their eyes.

Stop seeking approval. If I had chosen to go that route, I'd never

have had the opportunity to help guys like you to get the

confidence and women they want in life.

I'd have crumpled like a wet taco when the first person wrote me an

email saying he disagreed with my teachings.

(Funny, I don't get those emails anymore.)

SHOCK someone… Be different.

Ask yourself: How alive are you willing to be?

Dare to live your life on your own terms, and you'll feel a sense

of liberation and Alpha Masculinity that will open up a new world

to you.

It's the world where you get what you want – and what you deserve.

Talk to you again soon…

Your friend,

Carlos Xuma

PS: It's easy to take a message like this and nod your head in

agreement, but then go back to the same old ways…

"Forget about it," that voice in your head says. "Go back to being

happy and blissfully ignorant."

Until you run into the same challenges again and again…

Instead, why not make today different? Why not make it the day you

finally went after what YOU wanted?

REMEMBER: Either you will make yourself, or the world

will change you – against your will.

Which do you want?

In case you haven't been online for the last several months

I've been posting new workshop videos with some really powerful inner game techniques for you to use.

I just got a facebook email this morning from Rob:

"Listening to your inner game power point presentation for the second time again. Great stuff!"

Guys are really getting into the videos… and they're free!

Go check them out: CLICK HERE – Ultimate Inner Game training videos

Until Thursday, most of my new posts will be going up over on that blog, so stay tuned!