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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Hey, Mike, great question.

A lot of guys confuse these two issues, so let me explain:

Complimenting women is not the same as COMMUNICATING SEXUAL INTEREST.

What most guys are trying to accomplish with complimenting a woman is blinding her with flattery. Or seeking her interest BASED ON HIS LEVEL OF INTEREST.

Let me ask you something: if woman comes up to you and starts complimenting you, will you suddenly start feeling attracted to her – if you didn't already find her attractive?

No.

But it's funny that many guys think that expressing how he thinks "she's beautiful"and "her eyes are so pretty" – if he just tells her this, he's expressing his interest. But it's not the same.

Sexual communication (which I'm covering in my new program coming out soon) is about the subtle cues you give off WHILE you're communicating with women. It's not about compliments.

Compliments are the cheap starchy filler that most guys have been programmed to use to seek a woman's interest. It's a shortcut they take because they don't have better information. Compliments are a "cheat code" we men use because it's quick and easy to do. But chances are you're not the first (or the last) guy to compliment her like that, so you just don't stand out at all.

Don't get me wrong here – complimenting is not ALL bad.

What most guys screw up is the INTENTION that it comes from. It's usually not sincere.

You want to compliment? Go ahead and compliment her on her CHOICES – not her genetic luck to be born cute. She didn't have to do anything for that.

But if you compliment her on some bit of clothing or item she's wearing that really does stand out – well then go ahead. Maybe.

But if you're feeling this need inside you compelling you to tell her your feelings (a very dangerous and slippery slope) because you really want her to like you, then you're not coming from sincere intentions. You're coming from the "nice guy" syndrome.

If you want to know how to get rid of the Nice Guy and start getting laid (instead of making a new female "friend"), I suggest you look at this:

No More Mr. Nice Guy – Be The Man Women Want

Approach Women

I wanted to hit up the idea of how to approach women again today, because it truly is the beginning step to an extremely fulfilling relationship in your life. It could also lead to a headache, but that’s the fun in this whole thing!

Anyway, if you read my last article, you’ll remember I discussed conversation and how to approach women. Establishing rapport by finding a common ground to talk about is definitely the strategy you need to have to approach women effectively. Remember, most men don't approach women, and most of the men that do don't get any results.

So, now we’re in mid-conversation with that cutie in the bookstore, that gal in line at the deli, or the sexy chick in the club. What next?

Well, again, keep it going with establishing rapport, but definitely throw some flirtation in there, including teasing and subtly displaying your confidence. However, the big point I want to make today is when to close.

Obviously you don’t want to divulge your life story to this girl in your first meeting. That can be told over the span of years, if you want it to be. A huge part of attracting women is being mysterious; being that guy that she can’t quite figure out. She’ll chase you to the edge of the universe and back if it means providing a challenge for her.

So when you’re in mid-conversation, you absolutely need to do one thing that will make things a lot easier for you: pay attention.

Pay attention to the signs she’s giving you, the body language she’s showing, and the vibe you get from the overall experience. As soon as you notice things are going really good and she wants more, cut her off!

You need to leave her wanting more, so that she’ll be more apt to come back. That’s when you tell her you want to keep this going, but you have to go, say your goodbyes and walk away, but not before grabbing her number.

Remember, the art of attraction is all about keeping her interested, and it’s even more important at the very beginning when you approach women.

Read this article twice if you have to. Just make sure you understand the basics and you’ll be fine.

Don’t be afraid to drop some comments below and let me know how you’re doing!

- Joey Mulligan

One of the simplest skills you'll ever master is learning how to approach women. The next time you meet a woman you really like, follow these steps and you'll have no problem opening the conversation and initiating her interest.

Your mindset: You have to cultivate a relaxed psychological state by reminding yourself that you are a man – hell, THE man! – and you have a thousand and one choices out there (you're not going to say or show that to her of course). It will enhance your vibe! So be cool and don't get all jittery and scared. After all, even if you get turned down it won't be the end of the world, will it?

Create eye contact prior to your approach: Eye contact can do a great deal for you. If she holds your gaze and looks in your direction from time to time, take it as a positive sign.  And a big secret here: her eyes should give you the first clue for how to approach women from her perspective. She'll flirt with her eyes in a way that reveals her personality and the way she wants to be approached.

Show self-confidence: People demonstrate confidence (or timidity) in numerous little ways; your body language, the way in which you speak, a vocal tone, eye contact, body posture, positioning of the hands, and so on. All of these are vital and produce a measurable effect on the level of attraction she will feel for you.

Smile: This is the most important aspect because it creates the first impression. However, smiles can easily appear like nervousness, so you've got to be skillful at it. You can rehearse it in front of the mirror until you feel comfortable with it and until it appears natural.

Compliment her indirectly: Even if you think it's not new to her: Everyone loves to hear a little praise, and there's always something to appreciate in everyone. However, don't blow the trumpet too loud or she'll see it as cheap flattery.

Stay away from clichés and rehearsed pick up lines: Employing a cliché will make a woman feel that you're trying too hard to get a date with whoever will give in to your line. Take the conversation in an intelligent direction. Your conversation should be smart and related to what's going on right where you are.

That doesn't mean that you start talking about political issues or football with her- you don't want her to doze off.  You're trying to get to know the woman in the fastest, most direct means possible. So get her talking about herself! Apply this in the unlocking of both who she is as a person, and what you've to do to move the conversation deeper into rapport.

Listen to her: This is a crucial aspect of how to approach women. Just don't continue blabbing on and on. You must listen to what she says and concentrate on her. Look into her eyes with cool desire. This should make her feel like she’s the most desirable woman in the world: It never fails to work.

Bring it home: You have to ask for what you want. Don't expect her to do it for you. Then, when you do, be straight, cool, confident, and don't ask her – TELL her. Say something like, "Here, write your home phone number here and I'll call you sometime so we can continue this conversation."

Don’t be too aggressive: Even if you do approach a woman in a bar or club, don’t be too pushy. If she's not comfortable giving her number, accept it and move on. Remember my motto: NEXT! If she says yes or no, NEXT!

Take your leave: You always want to be the one to end the interaction. Don't over-stay your welcome. Close, get her number, and move on…