Carlos Xuma's Dating Tips for Guys

My good buddy FJ Shark surprised me this morning with some good posts for you guys that I’ll put up over the next few days….
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“Test Your Wingman Before You Fly With Him”

Regarding the comment I received about…

“I asked the waitress who her Orthodontist was. My friend was all over me about how lame that was.”
This brings up a good point. 
He might not have liked ANY opener you used…
Remember, not all wingmen are created equal.
Just because you are with one of your buddies, doesn’t mean he’s a wingman who has your best interest in mind.
I’ve had friends I’m sitting with even start arguments with me purposely so they can look cool in front of the waitress or women at another table.
Some guys just act completely different and freak out when they are around women.
Out of a survival mode, they try and verbally “kill you” so they can have the woman for themselves.
Some guys are not team players, and when you think they are there to help you,
…they are just waiting for their opportunity to throw you under the bus and go after the woman themselves.
So know they act around women BEFORE you trust them with helping you by being a wingman who’s a “team player”.
 -F.J. Shark
Author: “How to be the Jerk Women Love”

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CARLOS COMMENTS:
This is an excellent point. So many guys assume (wrongly) that your wingman is going to be an unbiased and level-minded helper.
Sometimes they’re just jealous fools. Sometimes they’re just learning the game like you, and don’t really know what to do.
Remember, there is no force of denial greater than a mans ego.
Choose your wingmen well!
Thanks to  -F.J. Shark
Author: “How to be the Jerk Women Love”


My good friend Nathan just wrote up this exclusive article for you guys… He’s also giving away some free fitness videos on his site, and I’m going to give you that link, too. He’s got some great exercises for abs that I’ve been using lately, and you need to see these…
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“Do You Shape Up For Sex?”

I think most guys at one time or another have wondered why women or that specific woman may not be attracted to them. At first glance it looks like all the right pieces are there but things just don’t quite materialize as we think they should. Many times this is when you start to wonder is there something outside of your control; is there something missing.

There are different camps out there when it comes to what really attracts women.

Some say it really is all personality and that, if you learn the attraction techniques and mindset you will be able to attract gorgeous women in your sleep.

While I do believe it’s very important to learn these skills, I think some focus too much on it and rationalize to themselves it’s all they need. If they can memorize every line, be prepared for any scenario they are in a sense bullet-proof and ready for success.

Then there’s the group that thinks all you need is big shoulders, big chest and a six pack and you will have women dragging you home to have their way with you.

I don’t agree with this either because I don’t care how built you are, that will only last so long if you can only muster shallow, personality lacking conversation.

Again, there is value in taking care of your body not only for physical appearance, but also how it affects confidence and mindset. As a man you want to become the ultimate package and to do that one must look at the whole picture.

There is a place in the middle; the truth very rarely resides in the extremes so that’s what we’re going to talk about today. The biological factors that come into play that most men are not aware of.

Research has actually been done to look deeper into why some women are attracted to certain guys and why some are not.

For example, Polish scientists discovered that when it comes to choosing a man, the more sexy and curvaceous a woman is the more importance she places on a man’s looks.

Curvier women tend to have more estrogen and a greater maternal urge to find a partner who looks like he will produce strong babies, provide for and protect a family.

Women are wired to be attracted to certain physical traits just as they are to behavior, confidence and success. Without trying to sound barbaric you see this in nature over and over again. When it comes to mating, whether you’re talking about lions or even chimpanzees, the more powerful dominant males have more success.

The weak and more submissive males are beaten up, last to eat and many times they are almost forced to go out on their own or die. We’re not talking about animals; however, the similarities in sexual behavior are undeniable.

According to David Frederick and his team of researchers at UCLA, muscular men are likely to have more sex partners than their less-physically impressive competition. They also found that muscular men are twice as likely to have had more than three sex partners as less muscular men.

Their research suggests men with muscles are comparable to elaborate tail feathers in male peacocks: They attract females looking for a masculine mate. “Women are predisposed to prefer muscularity in men,” said study author David Frederick of UCLA.

Interestingly enough there are some studies out there that say women are more concerned with how much money men make and their level of commitment. Fredrick of UCLA found that muscularity and physical characteristics actually mattered more.

In the study 141 women were asked to look at six standardized silhouettes of men ranging from more muscular to slender. “Most preferred a toned man who was more likely to commit over a muscle-bound man they perceived as more volatile, aggressive and dominant.”

So here’s the deal, women are not looking for some muscle bound maniac but rather a guy who’s in shape enough that it’s noticeable and also displays behavior consistent with commitment.

Here we are again back somewhere between the extremes. As I said before, most times we find the truth somewhere in the middle; life is about balance and it’s a man’s job to find it. He that can accomplish this will live a life to be envied and enjoyed.

So at the end of the day it’s important for us as men to learn the laws of attractiveness and the behaviors that are consistent with those laws. It’s equally important to understand certain biological factors are at play that just can’t be avoided. Women are wired to be attracted to the physical as much as the behavior and confidence you project. Take care of the mind and take care of the body.

Think about this, you may be funny, have that attractive magnetic personality but if the guy who is muscular and physically in balance does too who do you think is going to be leaving with her at the end of the night.
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CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

What do you think about this article? Make sure to post your comments…

By the way, Nathan Hopkins is a men’s fitness and weight loss expert. His primary focus is not only to help men feel more powerful but to look the part as well. Through his 3X Method he helps guys find the physique that women biologically cannot help but be attracted to.

Learn more about the 3X Method by clicking HERE…

Good news… the Apple Store just released my iPhone application today!

Woo-hooo!

You can now enjoy my updated daily dating tips for guys on your iPhone.

I don’t know about you, but I love my iPhone and do a lot of work on it. I don’t want to sound like just another one of those Apple zealots out there, but it really is a brilliant piece of technology.

When I go to the store and I see a new movie on Blu-Ray, I can just pull up a quick search to see the reviews of it before I buy it. The same for games, too. (Get the IGN reviews application, while you’re at it…)

To get my new dating tips app, just pull up iTunes, go to the iStore, and search on Carlos Xuma. You’ll see my apps and the Podcast.

Windows users can get it, too..

- CX

HOW TO GET A GIRL TO LIKE YOU…
Learn the 3 Laws of Attraction…

There are only a few essentials you have to learn when you start learning dating strategy. One of them is that you simply have to understand that to get a girl to like you, you must start ATTRACTION for you.

There are 3 simple laws to this that are based in psychology. These laws don’t change just because we think we’re “rational.” They always work.

Read my latest article on How to Get a Girl to Like You, and learn the Critical 3 Laws of Attraction with women.

Read it here:

HOW TO GET A GIRL TO LIKE YOU…

Love your program Carlos, and I have also noticed a better difference in my interaction with women already! My question is: There is this goth/industrial dance club in downtown Austin were I was hanging out with a buddy of mine one night.

After talking for a while he went to go dance and I was left alone at my table. I didn’t want to look like some loner wierdo so I decided to do what I’m not very good at….dancing. I didn’t want to seem insecure by doing some nervous looking half-ass “bob my head & snap my fingers” routine, so I just let it out as uninhibited as I could without running into anyone.

I think I might have made a fool of myself and I felt a very uncomfortable feeling of people staring at me. When I found my friend he was talking to this girl I saw on the dance floor so I went up to them(just to be sociable,no pick-up)and she darted of as fast as she could (if she liked my friend wouldn’t she be more polite with one of his buddies?)

I like this club alot and I get along pretty good with the owner and his staff, even on that night. However I would like the general people to be comfortable with me so my question is this: Is there any way I can repair this social damage and still make friends(not just meet girls) with the regular patrons?

Am I forever branded as “that guy”?

- J
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

It’s funny, but there seems to be a lot of advertising and social awareness that is based around guy’s fears of being “that guy.”

Of course “that guy” is always someone who is unbelievably dorky, or just NOT the cool guy.

Now if by “that guy” you mean the guy who is in his own reality, makes his own fun, and doesn’t give a shit about what other people think, then YES – BE THAT GUY!

Look, the best thing you can do is to not even allow that impression that you’ve created “social damage” to creep into your head.

We always seem to create a horrific scenario when we feel like we’ve made a social mistake, but in fact, the mistake was that you were not OWNING your behavior.

I’ve been a complete asshole, but I owned it, and I didn’t make excuses or even run around looking for forgiveness. I just went on with my life.

The chick that ran off probably is so caught up in appearances and superficial “what will people think of me” childish thinking that she’s not capable of hanging with the fun people. I would have run after her and caught her. Someone like that deserves a little social “awareness.”

No, you’re not forever branded. You just need to set out to establish some social comfort for yourself there by being consistent with yourself, and really pulling people into your reality a bit more.

If you were a punk and complete butt munch, then I say make amends and get over it. Chill and be the cool guy at the club for a few weeks. No one will remember it by the next weekend.

What was the last socially awkward thing you remember happening to someone else? I can’t even remember the last person to do something. We just forget these things.

This is a bit complicated to explain here, but you’ll probably get a lot out of this:
HOW TO BE A CONFIDENT MAN – even if you’re with a bunch of lamers.

It’s where every guy who wants to improve his inner game needs to start.

I hope this helped…

CX

I was getting your news letters and e mails. They were Really Cool with excellent tips. Even my brother was getting your news letters. That made us to buy your book “The Seduction Method” and the “Alpha Rules book“.

Kudos to you and Dean. The Alpha Rules book was really amazing. The insights in that book was mind blowing… the Seduction Method was packed with solid fundamentals. Your Focus on having a strong Inner game was really a commendable job.

Both the brothers have started Applying those principles. Your Topic on “Expanding your comfort zone” and “Alpha socialising”& “Surround yourself with winners” in the Alpha Rules book was really superb. I have started doing things now for which i am feeling uncomfortable. for eg: I was an introvert and not that comfortable meeting new people. i have started forcing myself to go and talk to the people in general. So thats a positive sign for me as of now.

One question i wanted to ask you is that often i have come across the word “Relaxed Confidence” also called as “James Bond confidence”. I really could get about it when i saw a few james bond movies but i am still unable to get the clear picture. I am still unable to find the right source in me when talking to women and people in general.

Allow me to explain it: For eg When it comes to Body Language you suggested that i move slowly, talk slowly, make solid eye contact and dont break it till the other person does it, and every motion i do has to be careful and deliberate. Even i got the point as to why the body language has to be fluid and slow and relaxed.

Now when ever i talk to women or any person for that matter it remains in my head that i have to look continuously in their eyes, i have to move my hands slowly, i have to stand tall not slouch, i have to talk slowly etc. All these things makes me uncomfortable when talking to people and i have to end the conversation very shortly.

The conversation does’nt last long. It becomes so much of a stress to keep all these things in mind and apply it!!!! I hope you are getting my point. I just want your help Brother regarding this. I am still unable to get the bigger picture. Please help me out.

I’ll be grateful to you if you could explain me where am i going wrong, and also some more insights about “Relaxed Confidence”. Do help me in being a true alpha man…..

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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

You’re probably still too aware of yourself in the conversation.

You are:

1) thinking in the back of your head that eventually you want this conversation to GET you something, so that taints your ability to just have fun with it.

2) pressuring yourself to perform and get a certain result.

You need to have conversations with women JUST for the fun of it and the joy of making her laugh.

Start there. When you have a problem thinking of what to say, it’s probably because you’re falling back on “memorized” material more than you are staying in-the-moment with the woman you’re talking to.

If she goes quiet, you can always tease her and bust her chops about it.

“You’ve run out of interesting conversation already? Oh, man! I thought women were experts at conversation. What happened? Didn’t you graduate from “chick school?”

Have fun, and when you’re having fun, the conversation will flow…

The point is to simply RELAX.

You’re not relaxing by trying to keep all this stuff in your head. (This is one of the big mistakes PUAs make is to use technique to try to overcome their limitations, and then they create an anxious mind.)

And you can’t FORCE yourself to relax. That’s something that has to happen on its own when you stop getting anxious about the interaction itself.

Hey I’ve got some big news for you.

My friend David Shade has just invited me to speak
at his Masterful Lover Super Conference in Las
Vegas. This is going to be a first-class event
with some great speakers and I’m very excited to be a
part of it.

Some of you may know this, but many don’t… David
was a big influence on me, so It’s an honor for me
to be a part of his invite and share my ideas on
the Alpha Lifestyle and relationships.

And there is a way for you to get a FREE ticket to
this event. I’ll tell you upfront that it’s a
bribe to encourage you to buy David’s new system,
but it’s one hell of an offer.

You see, full price tickets for this event will be
$997, which is actually quite a bargain considering
the guests, the information, and the experience you
will have with us.

David is also buying EVERYONE who attends
a very expensive dinner on Saturday night,
and if you want to bring your
girlfriend or wife, there is NO extra charge (he
will even buy HER dinner).

And you get to eat and talk with all of us.

Now, if you don’t know David Shade, the best way to sum
it up is he shows men the secrets of giving women
incredible pleasure. This isn’t about
one-night-stands, it’s about leading a woman to
unleash the wild erotic creature she has inside.

David is a NO BS guy when it comes to the truth
about female sexuality. He can be very blunt, (which
I, for one, totally appreciate) but his stuff works.

And he will tell you secrets about women you
simply won’t find anywhere else…

His new program will be released this Saturday.
And he’s giving away a ticket to the Super
Conference to each of the first 50 people who
invest in his new program.

There’s just one catch: You need to be on his
official list to be the first to know about the release.

So, it’s a bit of an “ethical bribe,” and I think that it’s all
very much worth it.

You can learn more about David and his tips for
handling women – AND get on the priority notification
list – ALL at this link. Go now to: The Masterful Lover

Stay Alpha,

Carlos Xuma

P.S. You’ll find freebies such as video, audio and
more here as well. Some great stuff.

CLICK HERE to check it out now…

Flirting With Women

QUESTION:

I flirted some with a female security guard at a bank and she out of the blue came up to me and asked me if I was buying lunch. I have read that you shouldn’t buy lunch until you get closer to being intimate with someone. I said well, “I could” but was then interrupted and had to leave.

From that point on she changed her attitude and became very “professional” in her actions, and now she just nods her head when I speak or wave to her when I see her. I don’t know whether to continue to flirt with her or just keep my distance keep it on the “professional” relationship with her and let it go at that.

What did I do wrong to offend her? Was it I refused to buy lunch? I did ask her out after that and she just said she was busy that weekend.

D.H., Indiana
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Okay, so we should probably talk a little bit about the dating dynamic that happened here…

But first, I need to give you a little tough love.

Yes, from time to time I will advise you to do certain things, but nothing is a black & white rule in dating and attraction. That means that from time to time you can do completely opposite things from my advice and they will both work the same for you.

This is very hard for guys to understand when they’re first learning, so I will give you a few “rules” now and then.

So when I tell you that you shouldn’t buy lunch, that’s most of the time. And it’s a good rule to stick to.

Why?

Because MOST guys buy lunch for a woman because they’re trying to kiss her ass to get her to like them. They think that if they just give a woman enough stuff, that this will “prove” to her that she should like him.

(WHY this should work is beyond my reasoning… and I’m assuming most guys have figured out that this is a losing strategy.)

The reality is that we look down on people who try to buy our favor with gifts. We secretly resent them because we know they’re trying to manipulate us for personal gain.

In this situation, your job is to wonder why she wanted you to buy her lunch.

After all she offered that to you.

One very likely explanation is that she was into your flirting and decided it was okay to put herself out there and take the lead.

But a woman will very likely only do this once. That was a risk to her ego to put it out there, and it might not have been a bad thing for you to accept.

What happens is that after a woman does this, she then feels that “Oh no! I just initiated a flirtatious connection with a man! That might make me a slut…!”

And this happens in just a split second in her emotional brain. She doesn’t even know it’s happening to her.

And then she backs off.

So there are really only two kinds of women that ask for you to pay for something.

1) There’s this kind of woman who was genuinely interested, but used this request as a demure way of showing interest, and then…

2) There are the “let me see what I can get” women that are basically trying to sucker the chumps out there.

It’s your job to be able to tell the difference, and you’ll see it in the future now that I’ve explained them to you.

Keep flirting… you’re too worried about winning her over and interpreting her behavior. If you modify your behavior to accommodate her “mood” or the way she acts, she’ll sense it, and it will lower her attraction.

This is what is known as “social reactiveness.”

If she said she was busy for that date, you should bust her chops. Tease her. Give her a hard time.

“Busy? What could you be doing that would be more fun? Cleaning your gun? Watching Lethal Weapon for the 37th time? C’mon! Live a little!”

Have fun with her and keep it up. What have you got to lose? You’re not dating her now are you?

Guess what? The worst case is that you won’t be dating her later on either.

Do you see the mindset? There is NO POSSIBLE LOSS.

That is what is most important… That you learned how to think like a confident Alpha Man, not whether or not she likes you or not.

One of them is meaningless in the grand scheme of your life, and the other is VITAL to your lasting self-esteem and happiness.

I’ll let you figure out which is which.

And take a look at this: Flirting With Women – HOW TO….

Best of luck,

CX

Hi guys!

Carlos here…

Today, I wanted to share with you some very exciting news… and a new video clip…

I wanted to let you know that the October episode of Infield Insider features – ME!

That’s right. For you guys who were wondering about when I’d release some hidden camera footage, well, I decided that since time was so short for me this year with all my new programs and work, that I’d have my buddy Mehow do the honors.

I’m attaching the information straight out of Mehow’s mailing list, and you can go see the inside details here...

From the release announcement:

“We just completed the October episode of Infield Insider, featuring “Day Game” guru… Carlos Xuma!

Carlos Xuma has been a prolific contributor to the community with over a dozen training programs, and hundreds of podcast and insightful articles.

Carlos has also shared his insight on David DeAngelo’s interview with dating gurus, Playboy radio, Maxim radio… and more.

Now, you can get an insider’s view and get the real world tactics that Carlos uses to approach, attract and seduce beautiful women in broad daylight.

In fact, in this groundbreaking episode of Infield Insider you will discover:

- How to effortlessly and successfully “number close”
alluring women… at the apple store!

- The secrets to confidently approach any woman and instantly
start a conversation… in any venue, day or night!

- How to be the alpha male, with a gentle side, that attracts
women like crazy… and automatically!

- And MORE!

As a matter of fact, if you would like to discover the secrets to approach women in day time venues… like coffee shops, bookstores, or even in the middle of the street… then the October episode of Infield Insider is right up your alley.

As Carlos Xuma, will provide you with practical, “Field Tested”, tactics, strategies, and techniques to get results you want in almost any venue you choose.”

There you have it!

Go see the program by CLICKING HERE…

And I’ll be back again soon…

Your Friend,

Carlos

PS: If you missed yesterday’s newsletter, you better get over and read it right away. I outlined my 7 tips on how to get a girlfriend – fast…