Flirting With Women

QUESTION:

I flirted some with a female security guard at a bank and she out of the blue came up to me and asked me if I was buying lunch. I have read that you shouldn't buy lunch until you get closer to being intimate with someone. I said well, "I could" but was then interrupted and had to leave.

From that point on she changed her attitude and became very "professional" in her actions, and now she just nods her head when I speak or wave to her when I see her. I don't know whether to continue to flirt with her or just keep my distance keep it on the "professional" relationship with her and let it go at that.

What did I do wrong to offend her? Was it I refused to buy lunch? I did ask her out after that and she just said she was busy that weekend.

D.H., Indiana
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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Okay, so we should probably talk a little bit about the dating dynamic that happened here…

But first, I need to give you a little tough love.

Yes, from time to time I will advise you to do certain things, but nothing is a black & white rule in dating and attraction. That means that from time to time you can do completely opposite things from my advice and they will both work the same for you.

This is very hard for guys to understand when they're first learning, so I will give you a few "rules" now and then.

So when I tell you that you shouldn't buy lunch, that's most of the time. And it's a good rule to stick to.

Why?

Because MOST guys buy lunch for a woman because they're trying to kiss her ass to get her to like them. They think that if they just give a woman enough stuff, that this will "prove" to her that she should like him.

(WHY this should work is beyond my reasoning… and I'm assuming most guys have figured out that this is a losing strategy.)

The reality is that we look down on people who try to buy our favor with gifts. We secretly resent them because we know they're trying to manipulate us for personal gain.

In this situation, your job is to wonder why she wanted you to buy her lunch.

After all she offered that to you.

One very likely explanation is that she was into your flirting and decided it was okay to put herself out there and take the lead.

But a woman will very likely only do this once. That was a risk to her ego to put it out there, and it might not have been a bad thing for you to accept.

What happens is that after a woman does this, she then feels that "Oh no! I just initiated a flirtatious connection with a man! That might make me a slut…!"

And this happens in just a split second in her emotional brain. She doesn't even know it's happening to her.

And then she backs off.

So there are really only two kinds of women that ask for you to pay for something.

1) There's this kind of woman who was genuinely interested, but used this request as a demure way of showing interest, and then…

2) There are the "let me see what I can get" women that are basically trying to sucker the chumps out there.

It's your job to be able to tell the difference, and you'll see it in the future now that I've explained them to you.

Keep flirting… you're too worried about winning her over and interpreting her behavior. If you modify your behavior to accommodate her "mood" or the way she acts, she'll sense it, and it will lower her attraction.

This is what is known as "social reactiveness."

If she said she was busy for that date, you should bust her chops. Tease her. Give her a hard time.

"Busy? What could you be doing that would be more fun? Cleaning your gun? Watching Lethal Weapon for the 37th time? C'mon! Live a little!"

Have fun with her and keep it up. What have you got to lose? You're not dating her now are you?

Guess what? The worst case is that you won't be dating her later on either.

Do you see the mindset? There is NO POSSIBLE LOSS.

That is what is most important… That you learned how to think like a confident Alpha Man, not whether or not she likes you or not.

One of them is meaningless in the grand scheme of your life, and the other is VITAL to your lasting self-esteem and happiness.

I'll let you figure out which is which.

And take a look at this: Flirting With Women – HOW TO….

Best of luck,

CX

Hi guys!

Carlos here…

Today, I wanted to share with you some very exciting news… and a new video clip…

I wanted to let you know that the October episode of Infield Insider features – ME!

That's right. For you guys who were wondering about when I'd release some hidden camera footage, well, I decided that since time was so short for me this year with all my new programs and work, that I'd have my buddy Mehow do the honors.

I'm attaching the information straight out of Mehow's mailing list, and you can go see the inside details here...

From the release announcement:

"We just completed the October episode of Infield Insider, featuring "Day Game" guru… Carlos Xuma!

Carlos Xuma has been a prolific contributor to the community with over a dozen training programs, and hundreds of podcast and insightful articles.

Carlos has also shared his insight on David DeAngelo's interview with dating gurus, Playboy radio, Maxim radio… and more.

Now, you can get an insider's view and get the real world tactics that Carlos uses to approach, attract and seduce beautiful women in broad daylight.

In fact, in this groundbreaking episode of Infield Insider you will discover:

- How to effortlessly and successfully "number close"
alluring women… at the apple store!

- The secrets to confidently approach any woman and instantly
start a conversation… in any venue, day or night!

- How to be the alpha male, with a gentle side, that attracts
women like crazy… and automatically!

- And MORE!

As a matter of fact, if you would like to discover the secrets to approach women in day time venues… like coffee shops, bookstores, or even in the middle of the street… then the October episode of Infield Insider is right up your alley.

As Carlos Xuma, will provide you with practical, "Field Tested", tactics, strategies, and techniques to get results you want in almost any venue you choose."

There you have it!

Go see the program by CLICKING HERE…

And I'll be back again soon…

Your Friend,

Carlos

PS: If you missed yesterday's newsletter, you better get over and read it right away. I outlined my 7 tips on how to get a girlfriend – fast…

How good do you feel about yourself?

Are you winning your "inner game"?

I really want to know.

In fact, I want to give you the chance to talk with me on the phone about it.

Just you and me. (More on this in a second…)

Look, I take a lot of pride in the fact that I do my very best to stay in contact with you and in close touch with you.

Some "gurus" just seek glamor and fame on television. Well, yeah, I've been offered a few opportunities like that, but most of them would either compromise my values or pull me away from helping guys like you.

(Or, honestly, they weren't creating anything new or original.)

I really don't want that to sound like I'm some superior do-gooder here, or that I'm throwing out lame rationalizations. I'm just as fallible as the next guy. Sure, who wouldn't love to have his own television show?

I just pay attention to my gut about what will make me happier in both the short and long-term. It's something I hope you do, as well.

And the other reason WHY I want to hear from you is something that will help you out the most…

Because I'm in the process of creating some new videos and newsletters – and probably some special reports. And I want to make sure I get you what you need.

So go over and Take my Inner Game Survey
And I'm going to be drawing emails from the guys that respond. The ones who respond with the most complete answers will get a Blitz Session with me coming up in the next month or so.

That's a free half-hour on the phone with me, working on one of your inner game hurdles.

And your question doesn't even have to do with women! It can be any area of your inner game and confidence.

So go take the survey right now. The guys that give me the most thoughtful answers will get that one-on-one time with me.

Right now that's only a maximum of 10. And this email is about to go out to about 20,000 other guys, so get in gear…

Click here to go to the survey…

Talk to you soon!

- Your friend,

Carlos

HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND…
Without all the games.

Amazingly, I get a lot of guys asking me the one question that you wouldn't expect – especially in this age of "pickup artists" and pickup techniques…

They all seem to want to know one thing: How to get a girlfriend.

I believe that most guys want the ability to attract many girls, but they want to get that one special girl.

Read my article on How to Get a Girlfriend, and learn my 7 tips that will absolutely guarantee you can get her FAST.

Read it here:

How to Get a Girlfriend

Hey guys… I know you were all asking when I was going to reveal some of that hidden camera stuff.

Well, I did this month's infield insider with Mehow, and you can see the preview here:

And you'll be able to get it HERE…

My session will be coming out in just a few weeks… I did some day game approaches. Mehow and I sat down and dissected one completely.

When we sat there talking about it, it was interesting to hear from a guy who only does club approaches as we broke down a day-game approach. The energy and the technique is completely different…

I pulled this letter from my friend F.J. Sharks' group because I thought it brought up an interesting point.

I'd love to hear your comments on this post:

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Pulled out the Red Queen for lunch today…almost done but hadn't looked at it in awhile…

I bought it and The Selfish Gene at the same time…its a much better read (Selfish Gene is VERY clinical – it's interesting, but probably not for most…I imagine it will take months to finish)

Anyway, was just finishing a chapter about testoserone, the womb, boys vs girls and the author made a great point about feminists – on the one hand, their rally cry is "equality for all", but then the flip side is that feminists claim that if women were in charge, there would be no wars, no starvation, etc.

Doesn't that by it's very definition mean feminists think women are DIFFERENT then MEN…

Where's the EQUALITY in that?

Bring that up at your next cocktail party…

Carp
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CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

Well, I think we'd all agree that men and women are NOT equal in terms of capacity, we do need to be equal in places where gender is irrelevant. Keep in mind that "different" suggests inequality, but is not the same thing. Two people CAN be different – and equal.

Equality is ALWAYS subjective. I hate to say it, but one of the most well-meaning but inaccurate statements is that "all men are created equal." We're all very UN-equal in talents and skills, but that's where we can each leverage our strengths to balance things out. But I digress…

But even more important, I suggest you DON'T bring these topics up at a cocktail party. (Yes, I know Carp was just carping, but hear me out…)

Sometimes guys get really tempted to flaunt their knowledge of the "game" and how things "really" work with women.

BAD idea.

The guys that I know that are the most socially successful can keep this information under their hats and JUST use it to their advantage without having to make sure other people know that they're A) angry about it, or B) more right about it than other people.

It's just a little trap I've seen out there that snares a lot of well-meaning men.

Keep your knowledge of how attraction works between men and women to yourself as much as you can. Share it with a buddy, but keep it on the down-low…

- Carlos Xuma
See more attract women videos, and how to flirt with women

WHAT DO YOU THINK??