I’ve had quite a few guys ask me about using the latest in social networking to get hooked up meeting women.
Well, it’s actually not that hard, but you have to do it with some understanding of how to play the game. Because there are many ways to do it wrong, and only a few to do it right…
QUESTION ABOUT FACEBOOK:
Carlos, hey man, thanks for all your great advice…
I wanted to ask you about something – how can I use Facebook to meet women online?
I’ve heard that it can be done, but I can’t help thinking it would be weird and creepy to approach some of my friends’ friends like this and ask for a date.
But it seems like a MEGA opportunity to meet women.
How can I work this?
– Allen L., Houston
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
I’ve been eyeing this method to meeting women for some time, and I agree completely. It IS a mega-mega opportunity to meet women…
…if it’s handled right.
First of all, let’s remember the catastrophe that is “Myspace.” (May it rest in peace.) That social network has been so polluted and abused that it’s really not useful anymore. I know I don’t take it seriously.
What happened there?
Well, first of all, everyone got slammed with spam. A few clever programmers and bulk friend programs, and suddenly you had Myspace pages that looked like web sites from the year 1998.
Cheap backgrounds, silly wallpaper, and everybody’s page looked like a 14-year-old girl’s bedroom, complete with Britney Spears posters.
A whole lot classier than its trailer-park cousin, Facebook has maintained a better image. But with a bunch of cool toys and add-ons that made it interesting and more fun.
So how can you work this great social networking tool to help you with your dating life – while not looking like some pervert who got kicked out of the alleys of Myspace?
I’ll give you a very simple 4-step model to use. This is the one that my friends and I have used consistently to get results online.
STEP 1: Connect with the guys – and other women – who have a lot of cute girl friends.
In other words, connect with people that YOU are not interested in dating who have big networks.
You must be very indirect at first using Facebook.
Remember the lesson from Myspace – Don’t be a spammer!
This is not “match.com” or an online dating site, so don’t just start sending out invites and emails hoping to score based on numbers. We’ve come to hate the abusers, and you’ll just get your sorry ass kicked right off.
Start out with light connections. Think “friends first.”
Don’t make your Facebook profile look like you’re trying to meet women. Be subtle.
What you’re trying to do is multiply your results and increase your connection potential by meeting more people who know more people.
If you just start trying to hit on the women you’re interested in right off the bat, you’ll be limiting your results with shortsighted thinking.
Think out to the LONG term. The more cool people you connect with and forge relationships with, the more likely you are to connect with a woman naturally.
STEP 2: Connect with women you are interested in VERY indirectly.
What you have to do is send a simple friend request – and make sure you include a message with it!
You just say something like, “Hey, I saw we’re both friends with Greg… Then I noticed you’re a snowboarder, too… Ever go to Tahoe?”
You see what I did there? I left a question INSIDE my friend request. For her to answer it, she’s going to feel compelled to add me.
It’s also just something people are looking to do. Let’s face it, we all measure our social success by how many people we’ve got as friends on Facebook. We all want a HUGE network, so women will WANT to add you – if only to increase their friend count.
STEP 3: Start leveraging the tools.
Facebook has a huge amount of potential for the guy who wants to take advantage of them. You can add all kinds of cute little applications to send virtual drinks to friends, send goofy gifts, or even start your own polls and surveys.
But one of the best tools you need to be using is the GROUP function on Facebook.
In fact, in preparing for this article, I created the group “Carlos Xuma’s Alpha Lifestyle” to start connecting you guys together and enabling men to share information.
You can do this, too. Just create a group based on your passion and your local area.
I’m going to advise you to avoid starting a group based on “Warcraft” or on the latest hot actress.
Make your group something a woman can relate to and might be interested in. Maybe it’s the television show “Lost…” or maybe it’s about all things Italian.
Ba-da-bing! Now you’ve got a hook to use to invite her into your group.
STEP 4: Start escalating and creating more opportunities.
Remember, this is a VIRTUAL tool. It’s online.
In other words, your connections don’t REALLY exist anywhere except on some server in an air-conditioned room in a data center somewhere.
It’s up to YOU to bring these connections to life with events that you can invite people to.
Most people will stroll around this virtual network, but then never take it into the REAL world. That’s where YOU come in.
Maybe once a month you should organize a happy hour at your local favorite bar. Or maybe you make a Facebook group for wine tasters, and then every other Friday you meet up and go tasting the latest Pinot Noirs.
THAT is your opportunity to start looking for romantic potential in the groups. You have to remember that you can’t be a Facebook “pickup artist” and try to attract women online.
You have to build a network, forge some connections, and meet women in person to start creating the attraction.
That being said, you can also send out some playful introductions to women you don’t know and see if they bite. (Just make sure your profile has enough interesting bait for them to nibble at…)
– Write on people’s walls…
– Send a few virtual drinks…
– Send some good karma…
– Use the “Flirtable” app…
For the man with initiative, the Facebook world is yours.
So step up and start creating the social network, then start meeting the women in it.
By the way, if you’d like to add me as a friend, go look me up. Carlos Xuma on Facebook.com…
Dating Advice for Men