Play the Field – Or Have a Relationship? Pickup Artist Dilemma

QUESTION FROM A READER:

This has been mentioned many many times; THANK YOU for sharing your many insights and experiences. I cannot properly convey how much it has changed my life…

When I first started, I was only interested in the pick-up process. Then I found myself getting increasingly agitated and angry as I went through the material; due to realizing that, throughout my entire life, I have been fed all the b*llsh*t from hollywood, the media and society about attraction and my role as a MAN.

Carlos, your program is not just about women and sex (to put it crudely), but it is the best self-help material for men! And the male race desperately need this help!

We are misled to believe that we are stuck to choose between a limited selection of polarized roles: 1. the 'nice guy' who constantly ask for permission and apologizes; 2. the 'jerk' who treats everyone with disrespect; 3. the famous rockstar / rich playboy.

I have personally seen men fall prey to this categorization time and again, and they come out the other end far from being fulfilled. Keep up the work you are doing because you are an inspiration to our generation of men!

On to my question:

I have been seeing this girl on a regular basis (about once a week) for a few months now. Early on, I have told her that I am not yet looking for a serious relationship and hinted that I am ok with her seeing other people (which I don't think she is, as far as I can tell). I find us to be very compatible; we have totally different taste in music, movies, cuisine and friends, but we have the same sense of humour and sense of the subtleties.

She does not play emotional games, has no drama and most importantly, knows how to play her role as a woman and lets me play my role as a man. The same cannot be said for the other women I have dated over the past months.

Lately, I have sensed that she wants something more stable and exclusive (she has not expressed it verbally), but I am not ready as I have only started building my game for a few months and would like to play the field more.

Yet, I have to admit that I feel a little guilty when I approach other women lately, like I am cheating. My question is: Do I rationalize my guilt and continue to go out meeting other women? Or do I put my approach game on-hold and start looking at building my inner game from within a relationship?

Also, I remember you said that "We can just keep dating without getting into a relationship." Question is, how long can we keep it in this state of ambiguity? Or is there another way to look at this situation?

Thanks for everything man.

Johnny.

______________________

CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Thanks for your email!

You pose an interesting question that I know most would-be pickup artists have asked themselves.

I'd say that you could go either way right now – You could put other things on hold to pursue this woman as an exclusive relationship, or you could find that you still need to date around.

The problem is, if you don't feel that you want it, you shouldn't commit to it.

You see, your sense of self-esteem and confidence is ultimately built on your foundation of trust. I'm talking about your level of trust you have INSIDE YOU. If you can't trust yourself, your entire world is an earthquake waiting to happen.

If you know you don't want a woman full-time, then it's your duty to not make things seem any more committed than they already are. The fact is that the less you appear to want to have a relationship, the more this girl you have probably will. It's my Law of Inverse Interest.

Most guys wouldn't admit this, but we are actually MORE likely to keep a girl on the side for an emotional cushion. It's kind of like an insurance policy against rejection, right?

Whatever your choice is, it must come from the part of you that makes the decision that is best for YOU – not from a place that is afraid of loss, or being afraid of what other people think.

Make sense?

I think that would be the best start – figure out where YOU are and what you want right now. If you don't want a relationship, you must come to terms with the fact that this woman will eventually become more and more insecure as your relationship lacks the boundaries that she needs to feel safe and secure. In which case, you may have to move on.

It is tempting once you start to get good at this stuff to keep playing the field. It's an addiction, in a way.

But eventually, even guys want to find ONE good woman to make something that works.

I have a saying: You have to date a lot of women to know which woman is the ONLY woman.

It sounds like this woman is a good catch. You want to take a good hard look at this before you move on, too.

Best of luck!

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