Carlos Xuma's Dating Tips for Guys

In the club two nights ago, right away this hot girl asks me to teach her how to dance better and goes out to dance with me. She’s into me big time and is all over me the rest of the evening, never leaving my side. She gives me her phone number without me asking for it and we make a date to meet last night in a different club for Latin dancing. I figure she’s going to flake out like many do but when I get there she’s already been in the club for an hour waiting and the band hasn’t even arrived yet.

The first thing she says is, “I was going to the other club to look for you if you didn’t show in another five minutes. We’re going to have a good time tonight.” The night begins as a repeat of the previous night but more so. She’s all over me with keno, listens attentively to my instructions while I teach her the dance moves, compliments me, laughs a lot, and generally shows she’s into me.

Then halfway through the night she becomes inattentive, doesn’t listen much to what I’m saying, loses interest in me and dancing and suddenly says, “I’m looking for a young handsome guy to ask me to dance but no one has. I’m looking for a steady date and I want to get married to someone whose dependable. The guy I’m seeing now is in Oregon on a child custody case and he doesn’t have any money or a job and not even a driver’s license. “

This blows my mind so when another girl comes over and asks me to dance I go out with her and when I come back the girl has left the club and never returned.

I don’t think I want to call her because I don’t have a clue what to say. What’s your take on what happened and what do you think I should do?

-Richard

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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Remember that women are fickle. In a club environment, her energy is all over the place. She has no loyalty or allegiance to anyone. Least of all a guy. All she has to do is walk 6 inches and there’s another dude looking to score with her.

As for your situation, I suspect you didn’t escalate with her fast enough. You need to isolate her and get her in YOUR element as soon as possible. She probably got bored.

At the first sign of a woman disrespecting you or your time, you must be willing to call her on it.

“Hey, what’s up? Are you getting bored already? Do you need me to entertain you? Here – look… something shiny… Ooooh….”

And of course, you can do this with a playful edge. If she’s offended IT’S HER FAULT! Not yours.

She probably left because you didn’t beg for the privilege of kissing her ass to get her attention.

Hats off to you, my friend. Going off with another woman was the best thing for you to do. (You may think you’re inexperienced, but you had the good sense and self-respect to walk away from that.)

Be glad that she saved you the trouble and eliminated herself from your life. She did you a favor.

Now stop worrying about the one that got away. Your story should have ended with a wild night with the woman that WAS interested and asked you to dance. What happened to her?

Don’t be the guy that’s motivated solely by the one he can’t get…

Some chicks are just plain lame. AND crazy.

You’re right. You don’t want to call her. What does it say about her character if she gives you a speech like that?

Here’s what she said:

“I’m looking for a young handsome guy to ask me to dance but no one has.”

Well, maybe if you weren’t giving off psycho vibes, more men would.

“I’m looking for a steady date and I want to get married to someone whose dependable.”

Yeah, you and every other woman out there. “Dependable?” I smell gold-digger.

“The guy I’m seeing now is in Oregon on a child custody case and he doesn’t have any money or a job and not even a driver’s license. “

So why the hell are you seeing him, woman? Are you stupid AND crazy?

Now I smell “victim” mentality. She sees herself as being weighted down with this horrible burden – that SHE CHOSE!

Frankly, I was appalled, as you were.

Ewwww.

Run, Forest! Run!

If you want to learn how to avoid more of the psychotic hose beasts out there and find a QUALITY woman, go download THE dating manual for all men: The Dating Black Book.

Download my dating tips here…

The guys have been tearing it up on my Facebook page, on this topic I’ve been asking about: EGO.

Some good stuff there.

I wanted to share a few thoughts on Ego and the role it place. Robert Martin, a good friend of mine from the “Look Great Naked At Any Age” site, wrote an essay on the subject. I got his permission to re-print it here.

If you get the chance, you should also go look at his site over at: Look Great Naked At Any Age

- Carlos

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Self-defense, self-discipline, self-motivation, self-improvement, self-respect, self-esteem all begin with the word “self,” and depend on one’s self to be brought to life. In order to defend yourself, you must first have a self you feel is worth defending. We are often told, “Check your ego at the door,” or “Don’t let your ego get in the way.”

In fact, when you encounter a person with an ego problem, it is almost certainly because that person’s ego is not too big, but too small. A small ego requires constant stroking and excessive reinforcement to make up for its insecurity. That is the person who brags and loudly proclaims their accomplishments, which are often as imaginary as their artificial self-esteem.

A person with a secure, well-developed sense of self does not strut and boast. He is quiet about his accomplishments, not because of false humility, but because his self-esteem gives him a sense of security and confidence…

Many philosophies teach that pride is evil. One of the greatest philosophers of all, Aristotle, had a different view. He honored pride as the crown of all virtues, because you earn it by first practicing the other virtues of rationality, honesty, integrity, productivity, independence, and justice. While many would label this approach as selfish in the pejorative sense, in fact it produces more benefits for others than so-called selflessness ever has. I have been inspired by the example of many students whom I’ve watched struggle and work and finally succeed through long-term effort and relentless commitment.

My inspiration was not their goal, their own improvement was. The feeling of inspiration I received was like a secret gift to me, which I gained merely for the price of observing and admiring their effort. Similarly, I’m sure that my hard work and my commitment have provided inspiration for some of you.

If you are truly interested in helping others, one of the best ways to do it is not to diminish your own value through self-sacrifice, but rather to set a positive example by making yourself the best that you can be, and encouraging others to reach their highest potential as well. By doing so, your capacity to help is doubled – first, indirectly by your good example for others, and second, directly by the increased capacity for effective action that your self-improvement has given you.

Well I just struck out on a beautiful woman that I happened to like. Her name was Karen and I had the biggest crush on her. I have her some roses that I thought that would help me to get to take her out, but in the end, it didn’t work. I also wrote her a nice letter.

She came back and gave the letter and the flowers back to me. She said that we could just be friends. I’ve always been getting that line from women all my life and I’m tired of it.

I became mildly depressed afterwards from work and I just ended up listening to love songs after that to cope with my hurt feelings. But the songs made me feel better. I don’t know what I did wrong.

She said that she liked flowers and I bought her 6 red roses. I’m a hopeless romantic. Now this is exactly why I don’t like approaching women. I seem to get rejected all the time. I’ve always been the nice guy and I’ve always gone the nice guy way of trying to get a girlfriend.

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CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

Dude, I have a couple things to say to this…

1. That hurts like a left hook to the kidneys. It sucks.

I feel for you.

Now for the tough-love…

2. Ewwwwww….!

Sorry, but that’s what every woman out there is doing as she reads this.

You’re turning into a needy wuss-bag, and this is the kind of behavior that is sending you down a path of no results and no women.

Karen did what any sane woman would do in that situation. (Not that it’s your fault, but that is the worst approach. Even if you can’t see why at the moment.)

She just gave you an invaluable lesson by giving them back to you and telling you how she feels.

As the saying goes, if you keep doing what you’ve been doing, you’ll keep getting what you been getting.

Sucks, doesn’t it?

But THAT is life.

And it’s your life on steroids when it comes down to being a MAN.

1) Listening to love songs?

Give me a freakin’ break. Start listening to heavy metal, or just some good old AC/DC. Drop the emo crap and get your stones back.

2) Roses? You haven’t been reading my newsletter, have you?

Dude, when a woman gives you the flowers BACK, you’ve really hit a low mark. Usually they just smile awkwardly and try to leave without a scene.

Unfortunately, this is the kind of garbage that the media, television and movies, and even some well-meaning lady friends still tell guys.

Crazy idea: If doing what you’ve been doing isn’t working –
STOP DOING IT.

Stop listening to the madness of bad dating advice and go take the RED pill.

Let’s find out how deep the rabbit hole goes:

Get a Girlfriend FAST… and lose that needy behavior NOW.