Carlos Xuma's Dating Tips for Guys

I love this clip. This is how you look at life. And how a man deals with it.

What's that sound?

Bad knees?

Bad back?

No endurance?

Those aren't sounds of a man that's at the top of his game…

That sounds like an unhappy body.

My good friend Robert has some crazy information to give you on his blog. This entire week, he's going nuts and posting videos on better fitness and training.

Go check them out: Robert Martin's LGNAAA Tips

QUESTION FROM A READER:

There is this girl who i recently met, it seems like she is into me…

only thing is,, i went for coffee with her and her friend today and her friend kept talkin to her about other guys and wheneva a 'decent' lookin guy would walk past they would both comment on how hot he is…
i didnt know how to react to this as its neva happened before…

so any advice or insight would be really appreciated…
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:
This is a brutal situation for most guys. It's not easy to handle it when you're with a woman that you think is into you, and you've got someone pushing her buttons like that – and YOUR buttons.
You should understand that this is one of two things:
1) It's a test.
You can't respond any other way than if you really don't care.
Heck, if you really want to impress her, you should ENCOURAGE her to dig on the other guys.
Why?
Because ANY OTHER REACTION will demonstrate just how insecure you are.
And that gets you booted out of her booty-camp. (That's one of those lines that sounded good in my head, but I'm not sure about it here… hmmm.)
That's the worst part about this kind of test. She knows that you're into her, yet she still wants to see what you're made of.

2) This is also a way to tell you that she's not interested in you that way, or she thinks you're a wuss.
I can tell the girl you're with is very young. Like, 21 or younger.
The older a girl is, the less likely she will be to do this sort of thing, if only out of respect for your feelings.
The sad reality is that some girls just don't care about your feelings, or that it might "hurt" to say that sort of thing in front of you to get a rise out of you.
Both of these girls were behaving disrespectfully and mean-spirited. They wanted to see what kind of reaction you would give.
In reality, it shouldn't matter that much to you because you've got at least a few other girls on the back burner that you can easily give your time to. And they should SENSE this from you.
My advice is to:
1) Toughen your hide a bit.
Life is a contact sport. Chicks will do stuff like this. Don't let it get to you.
(If this sort of thing gets to you a lot, you should look at THIS: Click here...)
2) Go find some girls who are into you, and don't let ANY woman disrespect you.
When she shows her true colors like this, do you think the treatment would get any better if you were her boyfriend?
Uh, no.
In fact, it would probably be a situation where she just keeps playing you to see how much you'll take.
Go meet some QUALITY women.
There are plenty to be found, if you know where to look.
You can also look here…

I realize that the whole "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" thing has gotten a bit old in some circles, but I feel the need to expose some of the ridiculous "controversy" over John Gray's information.

I'm not the biggest fan of his work, but I do respect that – on the whole he understands masculine and feminine gender roles fairly well.

What drives me up a wall are all these people who "think" way more than they feel, and believe that we can intellectually re-define relationships and attraction based on our anger and imagined injustices supposedly created by "oppressive masculine institutions."

Many of the critics are those people who want to rush to classify what he's teaching as "anti-feminist" and therefore quickly push the concept of emotional reality right out of the picture.

Here's what one of those critics of his work had to say on her web site:

This page is exclusively for the critical review and analysis of the enormously popular (as puzzling as that may be) self-help book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships (New York: HarperCollins, 1992). Despite its promotional hype, at its very core it is a sexist, patronizing, male-centered invective which does little more than perpetuate long-held negative gender stereotypes. Infomercials, popular magazines, the existence of a WWW site, television appearances and published spin-offs by the author, John Gray, have made this book appear undisputed in its broad claim to improve communication between men and women. Unassailable it is not and thus there is a very sincere need to rebut the arguments put forth by John Gray.

Intelligent discussion concerning John Gray's methods is needed outside the realm of TV talk, four-minute interviews, biased infomercials and various women's and on-line magazines. The intent is not to make ad hominen attacks on the author, but to seriously question his point of view and the advice advanced in his publications. "Success stories" notwithstanding, Gray's advice, and the methods he uses to promote it, poses more troubling questions than those it professes to answer. Please accept this invitation to read through The Rebuttal and share your point of view.

CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS:

Well, the puzzling is not so puzzling as this author would have it.

The reason his views are popular (in my belief) is because he respects and understands that MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT.

We are NOT alike (equal, but not alike), and we have differences that complement each other by virtue of understanding them. The unfortunate thing is that in this mad quest for "political correctness" (i.e., trying not to hurt other people's feelings) and "equality," we've lost sight of the NATURAL aspects of us.

(I saw one author argue that we should discount gender roles because they're not what make up our identity. Can you think of ANYTHING that defines who you are more than your gender?)

Men and women simply are not meant to behave the same. And when we try to pretend (with our big "brains") that simply because our logical brain wants something, we'll always be very disappointed when our emotional brain wins the hand – as it does every time.

The western world (which is fast becoming the World) does not respect emotions as a way of "thinking."

Remember: Attraction is not a choice.

In my experience, those people who are solely motivated to counter a different point of view (in this case, just to discredit and attack John Gray's material) – these people feel a sense of intellectual frustration and anger at not having reconciled for themselves what does make relationships work.

The relationships that work long term are those that understand the roles of masculinity and femininity within the relationship – and RESPECT those traits. Not fight them.

And – contrarily – I have yet to see a relationship founded on the "new version" of gender roles (i.e., that both people lead in all areas of the relationship – that did not have a distinctly false aura of partnership to it.

In other words, they always seemed a bit like they were in a business partnership rather than a loving and caring relationship.

The funny thing is that in almost every successful family, the man is the "patriarch" of the family, but we always know that the woman is the effective leader in just as many decisions by virtue of her feminine leadership – which doesn't mean a big power struggle over who "wears the pants."

Women who grew up with good feminine role models – and were secure in their own gender identity – rarely had an issue with this. Yeah, the dad was the law, but mom was the one who made things run behind the scenes. I call these the Alpha Matriarchs.

Now, I hate to speak in generalities, and I don't want to come across as some old-school dinosaur…

I'm not arguing for some misogynist family structure – only that we stop looking at traditional family structures as being flawed in some major way. I see many more flaws in today's family structure, where neither boys nor girls are learning what it means to be their own sexual best.

And yet, as I always say, I must speak my mind – even if my voice shakes.

What do you think?

I took a quick peek at that blog I posted from yesterday, and I have a little more for you.

If you've ever wondered about how women behave when you're not looking, this may startle you.

On the other hand, it may not…

Reader beware:

______________________

One of the ugly truths about older successful men in finance is that despite having lavish homes, gorgeous wives, a few adorable kids and multi-million dollar bank accounts, they often yearn for more. “More” may be a distraction as innocuous as golf.  It could also be a darker vice—gambling, drugs or prostitutes a la Spitzer. Unfortunately, it is rare man, rich or poor, that can withstand the temptation of forbidden fruit. That’s where I come in. My name is “Courtney” and I’m the other woman.

My married man’s (let’s name him “Charles”) Achilles’ heel is having a Mistress. Definition: a young, attractive woman who offers love and affection along with kinkiness in the bedroom.  Charles treats me just as well as, if not better than, many of the unmarried bankers I’ve dated in the past. I would call myself his “girlfriend” in the sense that I receive constant attention via text messages, emails and phone calls, fabulous vacations while he is on “business trips” and a never ending supply of gifts, gourmet meals and affection. I get all this AND I get to leisurely continue to date in search of my own Mr. Right. Win-win, don’t you think? I certainly did… until the mortgage meltdown.

Suddenly, I found myself being taken out less and less frequently. A recent argument went along these lines:

Me *pouting*: You haven’t taken me on a trip since we went to Bermuda in September. What’s going on?

Charles: Honey, finances are tight right now so my wife has taken it upon herself to check up on all of our accounts.  She will notice any big expenditures.

Me *cute voice*: Wellllllllllllll, what are you going to do to make it up to me?

Charles: Can we talk later sweetheart? I’m really busy right now.

Me: No. Give me an answer NOW. Don’t you realize what you have? I’m way too hot to be treated like this. (Disclaimer: Yes, I come across as bratty here, but it typically works when trying to get something out of him)

Charles *yelling for the first time in our almost two-year relationship*: I’VE GOT TO FIRE TWENTY PEOPLE BY THE END OF THE WEEK. Z has four kids, X just had a baby girl, Y just sent his son to college and I’ve got to get rid of two of those guys… and you’re complaining about vacations and dinner? God, you are so 24! GROW UP!

Me *stunned*: Okie dokie, let’s talk later lover.

______________________

CARLOS XUMA COMMENTS…

Hmmm…
You might ask yourself, why isn't this successful banker her "Mr. Right…"
After all, isn't that what women are looking for? Rich?
Yeah, well, not married.
Because the "girl on the side" knows that her ultimate goal is to have her own family – her own man – at some time when she's done playing.
Do women play the field?
You bet your Brittany…
(In case you don't know what a "Brittany" is, just ask any 24 year old girl…)
More interesting is the way she "plays" this guy with her pouting and cute voice.
How many times have you been played this way?

You may not have seen all the comments on the last post I did on the 3 Essential Alpha Male Traits, but the responses I got from everyone were fantastic…

I even got a great response from a woman who – get this – has all my books…

Be careful, Aimee… with great power comes great responsibility…!

Here's her post, and it's worth repeating:

As a woman, I can tell you that Meme can try to convince herself that she is different and unpredictable. Women definitely want an Alpha Male! I had a nice guy come to sit at my table last night, where I was seated alone (a brave move for a nice guy). I went to get another drink and ended up being away from him for about 20 minutes. He was still sitting in the same position politely waiting for me when I returned. Think he got my number?! NOPE!

Hey Carlos, do men want an Alpha Female? I have your books, and I am definitely working with some A-Game (Aimee-Game, baby)! I even have the straight ladies trying to pick me up! Haha. And, I only go for men that will come up to me without hesitation and show me what there made of. Then, they have to step it up and see if their game can entice a girl who already has game and can predict what's next to come!

-Aimee

CARLOS XUMA RESPONDS:

Absolutely. Right on.

I can't say anything to improve that, so I'm shutting up right… NOW.

- CX

What's it take to be a man these days?

I find myself asking that question a lot. If you watch young boys

and how a lot of them are being brought up these days, you'll find

yourself shaking your head as you ask it.

What are the important parts of being a MAN?

Just because you have the equipment doesn't mean that women

perceive you as being "MANLY." In fact, "manliness" has gotten a

bad rap.

And that has led a great many of us (including ME for many years)

to believe that we should be ashamed of being men.

Well, first and most importantly, you have to learn how to be

comfortable with just BEING a man.

With all the stupid messages you get from the media on things to

"enhance" your masculinity, you'd think that there was something

basically wrong with us right from the start, wouldn't you?

You're not long enough, hard enough, rich enough, or good looking

enough to get the woman you want – that's what They tell you.

But the reality is that women are attracted to a man from emotions

- NOT appearance.

(Yes, we know that a hot guy will get more initial interest, but he

can't KEEP it if he isn't showing her the right Alpha traits.)

So here are my top 3 traits for you to work on your masculinity and

demonstrating your Alpha Manhood.

>> WARNING: I'm not pulling any punches here. If you have a weak

stomach, I suggest you close this email and go back about your day.

Still with me?

GOOD! I knew you had the stones.

Here we go…

*** ALPHA MAN TRAIT 1) Initiative – Leadership drive

Women LOVE leaders.

They love it when a guy takes the lead and just makes the decision

and goes with it.

Even if he's wrong.

I make it a point when I'm out to ask women what they find most

un-attractive about men, and one thing comes up more than anything

else…

Indecisiveness and wishy-washy behavior.

Guys are trying to be "easy going" and cool, but they're actually

being perceived as weak-kneed little girls.

The great thing about taking initiative is that by doing this, you

actually demonstrate two other POWERFUL traits that draw women in

like moths to a flame: Ambition and Power.

Just by demonstrating the initiative with a woman, you are

sub-communicating all the right things about your masculinity and

drive.

In order to take this initiative, most men need to feel…

*** ALPHA MAN TRAIT 2) Assertiveness/Confidence

It's probably no secret to you that I don't cater to "political

correctness."

This story should help you understand how I feel:

There was a priest addressing his congregation, and he said to them

during his sermon: "There are millions of people out there starving

in the world today… and the problem is YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN

about it!"

Then he said, "And the BIGGER problem is that MORE of you are

shocked by me saying 'damn' in church than you are about the fact

that there are millions of people starving out there!"

WOW.

And the thing about confidence is that it really translates into

another word that allows us to understand it better.

Confidence

is

CERTAINTY.

Just the fact that you are sure about something is what gives you

confidence.

… Are you sure you can throw a baseball?

… Are you certain about yourself?

… Are you sure about what you want?

… Are you certain about your ability to approach women?

Wherever you have certainty in life, you feel confidence.

And assertiveness is what comes from your confidence. You can be

more firm and assertive when you know what it is you want, and

you're not willing to settle for less.

In order to exercise that confidence, we have to achieve…

***ALPHA MAN TRAIT 3) Emotional Control/Emotional Strength

Look, women are NOT attracted to men that cry on their shoulder.

They're NOT attracted to men who are always talking about their

"feelings."

Women want a man that is in control of his own emotional world.

You may hear women complain about the guy who's "not in touch with

his emotions," but the reality is that most of the guys who seem to

think they are in touch with their emotions are just PUPPETS of

their emotions.

There are really relatively few cases of guys who are strong and

emotionally controlled who just wake up one day and freak out

because their emotions had been bottled up inside them and went

thermo-nuclear.

I think a lot of 'sensitive' guys are afraid of this.

Forget about it!

You don't have to be an emotional man to be "aware" of your emotions.

Don't DENY your emotions, but don't LIVE in them, either.

First and foremost is emotional CONTROL. That's your big responsibility

as an Alpha Man.

*** BONUS ALPHA MAN EXERCISE: Do something BALLSY.

I mean do something that takes a pair of good-sized gonads.

I'm not talking about walking into Victoria's Secret with your

female friend while she buys a new bra, either.

Here are some "fake ballsy" and "REAL ballsy" activities so you

know what I mean:

FAKE ballsy: Writing a nasty comment on someone's Youtube video…

REAL ballsy: Sitting down with your friend and setting him straight

on how he's wussing out in his life…

I go on Youtube to look up good martial arts training videos, and

I'm ASTONISHED at the 3rd grade comments and flame wars that people

get into. The Internet has devolved into a cesspool of egos

battling it out for who's "right" about something.

Real balls means that you're using your character to do something

difficult that most other people wouldn't risk, because they don't

want to 'hurt someone's feelings.'

Or they don't want to 'confront' someone…

Look, we know that men are here to DO the things other people fear.

FAKE ballsy: Wearing the t-shirt of your favorite heavy metal band.

REAL ballsy: Wearing a t-shirt with "Got Dick?" on it…

True story: I had a friend named Dan in high school who came in with a

t-shirt that read, "If it ain't stiff, it ain't worth a f*ck."

He got suspended for a day or two for that. But I also remember him

doing that and secretly wishing I had the nads to be that brave.

(Oh, and the girls were talking about him for WEEKS after that.)

I got my chance a few years back when I went to a sushi place in

San Francisco and bought their t-shirt that said: "Your fish smells

like pussy."

I wore that out one day and got a lot of comments from women that I

could tell were secretly loving it – even as they were telling me

"that's not a nice t-shirt…"

Yeah. "Not-nice."

That thing that women say they don't want, but somehow always pursue.

Got me on that one, ma'am.

You see, every so often you have to break those shackles of

"political correctness" and "niceness" that has defined you.

Stop being the boring "nice guy" that makes women yawn and roll

their eyes.

Stop seeking approval. If I had chosen to go that route, I'd never

have had the opportunity to help guys like you to get the

confidence and women they want in life.

I'd have crumpled like a wet taco when the first person wrote me an

email saying he disagreed with my teachings.

(Funny, I don't get those emails anymore.)

SHOCK someone… Be different.

Ask yourself: How alive are you willing to be?

Dare to live your life on your own terms, and you'll feel a sense

of liberation and Alpha Masculinity that will open up a new world

to you.

It's the world where you get what you want – and what you deserve.

Talk to you again soon…

Your friend,

Carlos Xuma

PS: It's easy to take a message like this and nod your head in

agreement, but then go back to the same old ways…

"Forget about it," that voice in your head says. "Go back to being

happy and blissfully ignorant."

Until you run into the same challenges again and again…

Instead, why not make today different? Why not make it the day you

finally went after what YOU wanted?

REMEMBER: Either you will make yourself, or the world

will change you – against your will.

Which do you want?