Why You Can't Keep A Conversation Going

I was getting your news letters and e mails. They were Really Cool with excellent tips. Even my brother was getting your news letters. That made us to buy your book "The Seduction Method" and the "Alpha Rules book".

Kudos to you and Dean. The Alpha Rules book was really amazing. The insights in that book was mind blowing… the Seduction Method was packed with solid fundamentals. Your Focus on having a strong Inner game was really a commendable job.

Both the brothers have started Applying those principles. Your Topic on "Expanding your comfort zone" and "Alpha socialising"& "Surround yourself with winners" in the Alpha Rules book was really superb. I have started doing things now for which i am feeling uncomfortable. for eg: I was an introvert and not that comfortable meeting new people. i have started forcing myself to go and talk to the people in general. So thats a positive sign for me as of now.

One question i wanted to ask you is that often i have come across the word "Relaxed Confidence" also called as "James Bond confidence". I really could get about it when i saw a few james bond movies but i am still unable to get the clear picture. I am still unable to find the right source in me when talking to women and people in general.

Allow me to explain it: For eg When it comes to Body Language you suggested that i move slowly, talk slowly, make solid eye contact and dont break it till the other person does it, and every motion i do has to be careful and deliberate. Even i got the point as to why the body language has to be fluid and slow and relaxed.

Now when ever i talk to women or any person for that matter it remains in my head that i have to look continuously in their eyes, i have to move my hands slowly, i have to stand tall not slouch, i have to talk slowly etc. All these things makes me uncomfortable when talking to people and i have to end the conversation very shortly.

The conversation does'nt last long. It becomes so much of a stress to keep all these things in mind and apply it!!!! I hope you are getting my point. I just want your help Brother regarding this. I am still unable to get the bigger picture. Please help me out.

I'll be grateful to you if you could explain me where am i going wrong, and also some more insights about "Relaxed Confidence". Do help me in being a true alpha man…..

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CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

You're probably still too aware of yourself in the conversation.

You are:

1) thinking in the back of your head that eventually you want this conversation to GET you something, so that taints your ability to just have fun with it.

2) pressuring yourself to perform and get a certain result.

You need to have conversations with women JUST for the fun of it and the joy of making her laugh.

Start there. When you have a problem thinking of what to say, it's probably because you're falling back on "memorized" material more than you are staying in-the-moment with the woman you're talking to.

If she goes quiet, you can always tease her and bust her chops about it.

"You've run out of interesting conversation already? Oh, man! I thought women were experts at conversation. What happened? Didn't you graduate from "chick school?"

Have fun, and when you're having fun, the conversation will flow…

The point is to simply RELAX.

You're not relaxing by trying to keep all this stuff in your head. (This is one of the big mistakes PUAs make is to use technique to try to overcome their limitations, and then they create an anxious mind.)

And you can't FORCE yourself to relax. That's something that has to happen on its own when you stop getting anxious about the interaction itself.

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