Does it ever feel like no matter what you say to a woman, you just can't say the right thing?

Do you ever have problems understanding what women are saying to you?

I always wished I had a guide to understanding women. It would have made my life SO much simpler. Just a short 100 page paperback that explained the basics so I knew what I was dealing with.

Look, I love talking to women. Because if there's one thing that's guaranteed, there's never a dull moment in a conversation with a woman.

But if you don't know how to handle yourself, it can also be a real challenge, and that's what kills the fun for most guys.

Here are some funny interpretations of what women are saying, and then what she really means.

CARLOS' GUIDE TO UNDERSTANDING WOMEN -
WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS WHEN SHE SAYS:

"FINE": This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of "those" arguments.

"FIVE MINUTES": This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you pay attention to her again, so it's usually an even trade.

"NOTHING": This means "something" and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and will end with the word "Fine".

"GO AHEAD" (With Raised Eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

"GO AHEAD" (Normal Eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine", and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

Now that's a humorous take on how women can say one thing and mean something completely different. Raise your hand if you've ever had THAT kind of conversation with a woman…

Well, when you're just meeting a woman for the first time, or in the early stages, you'll probably encounter a whole different set of challenges.

I've got some serious tips on communicating with women that will help you. They've gotten me through some wickedly frustrating moments, and if you can use them, all the power to you.

This is your REAL Guide to Understanding Women:

- WHEN A WOMAN SAYS THIS:
"I want a sensitive guy…"

She does NOT want a guy who is sensitive in the way of breaking down in tears on a regular basis, or always "Sharing his feelings and heart" with a woman.

It may sound cold and old-fashioned, but this is true: Women don't feel attraction – gut-level, stop-her-heart attraction – for sensitive new-age guys. (S.N.A.G.s)

You see women know that they live in a rather volatile and bumpy ride of emotions a great deal of the time, and they need someone who can ground them and give them a feeling of safety.

Write that one down in your Guide to Understanding Women – then highlight it and circle it.

- WHEN A WOMAN SAYS THIS:
"Yeah, sure, let's go out this weekend. Give me a call on Saturday afternoon to confirm the plan."

Ever had this one happen?

TRUE STORY: I once called a woman ten times before she finally answered and yelled, "Get a clue!" into my ear. That was a harsh lesson.

One of the cold hard realities is that women (especially younger women) are always trying to plan their time on the best bet. They'll make several commitments and take the one that looks the best. That's usually 5 minutes before you're supposed to meet her.

Very often, you're just a backup plan, dude.

It's not that you don't have potential, but you haven't shown KICK-ASS potential to get her to think: "Holy crap, going out with him will be more fun than anything else. I'll cancel my plans to pick up my lottery winnings to meet up with him."

When you KNOW you're going to have a fun time, you won't turn it down.

And it's your job to communicate that to a woman so that she will know this and drop anything and everything and spend time with you.

- WHEN A WOMAN SAYS THIS:
"I'm not ready for a relationship…"
OR
"I think we should just be friends…"

Wow.

That's a cold one to swallow, but it's also very true. I would have saved myself a TON of pain and suffering if I'd had a guide to understanding women. I had women that would go out with me on dates and get super intimate with me, and then – when they smelled a little bit of "wuss" on me – they pulled that one out of left field.

WTF?

REMEMBER THIS: Women do NOT ask to be friends with a guy they feel sexually attracted to.

This is RULE 1 in my guide to understanding women:

When a woman feels attraction for you, she simply does not have the will or the desire to stop herself from acting on her desire.

If you wanted a woman, would you ever find yourself telling her, "I really think we should just be friends for a while to see how things go first."

HELL NO! You hit that thang like it's water to a man dying of thirst. Well, maybe not that eagerly. But you get my point.

We simply do not refuse to act on sexual attraction when it's there. We just go for it. It's human nature.

And even if she just came out of a horrible relationship, a woman will still jump on the first bad-boy that drives her wild. So don't ever fall for that "my heart is vulnerable" or "I'm not ready" crap.

We're ALWAYS ready for the person we really want.

If you've ever been a woman's "buddy" and listened to hear tale of heartbreak, only to have her go jump in some other guy's bed, you know exactly what I mean.

The funny thing is that you don't have to spend that much time understanding what women are saying to you if you spend enough time communicating your confidence and strength to HER.

Interpretation is unnecessary when you're being clear about your confidence, your Alpha masculinity, and your comfort with your sexual desires.

Unfortunately most guys never really learn what it takes to do this the right way…

The good news is that I've got a "Guide to Understanding Women" that can give you the understanding about women that you may have missed.

Women keep their secrets well, but once you understand and decipher what it is she's looking for in a guy, you'll have no problems translating her words into what she's really saying.
And here's another nasty truth: If you're not actively learning these secrets and techniques, you're probably losing ground to the other guys out there who are.

Let's face it, guys are more aware of the rules of the game now than ever before. The guys that are learning these strategies move forward by leaps and bounds, and get success a LOT faster than guys who try to figure it out on their own.

Which means that in as little as just a few weeks, you could be falling into the lowest percentage guys who get little or no success with women.

I'm not here to scare you with fear, though. There is a cure for this, and it's fast and easy to learn.

And if you learn what I teach about REAL Game with women, you'll find that your success will easily surpass any "pickup artist" out there.

Why?

Because I teach you what they can't: How to attract quality women with your genuine personality, with no fear and no rejection.

And the biggest bonus is that your self-esteem and self-confidence will shoot through the roof at the same time.

Don't get left behind. And don't fall for the clever marketing pitches that tell you that you need to spend $3000 to go to a bootcamp to meet women in dark, noisy bars.

In just a few hours, you can learn the secrets that will help you for a LIFETIME.

Attract Women – The QUALITY Women….

You know, if you study dating and the art of attraction,
you start to hear some crazy stuff. You even begin to wonder if some of it
is for real.

Have you ever heard of "pick up lines" before?
Of course you have… Guys have been using them for years…

Or, well… I should say they've been thinking about using them. They're actually more of a kind of joke than they are a real way to meet women, right?

I mean, have you ever actually said this to a woman:

"If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it
against me?"

Rrrrrright.
Well, here are just a few of the pick up lines I've heard in my time:

- "If you were a new sandwich at Mcdonalds, you'd
be called the McGorgeous."

- "If you were a booger I'd pick you first."

- "I'm not actually this tall, I've got this bad habit of sitting
on my wallet."

- "Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have
a weak heart."

- "You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the
other women look really bad."

- "My boys over there bet that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation
with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with
their money?"

Are these pick up lines funny? Yeah. In the way that a one-line joke is
amusing.

By the way, I chose only the least cheesy lines to show you, because
most pickup lines SUCK.
BAD.

Mostly because they show ZERO calibration and sensitivity. They come across
as bad jokes you might hear instead of a real way to open a conversation
with a woman.

*** So you might ask, are there any pickup lines that work?

Yes, some pickup lines actually DO work.

But they are not what you think of as "pick up lines…"

First, before I talk about the ones that work, I want to tell you why guys
are so hung up on searching for the latest pick up line.

Here's why:

A pickup line is a deflection and a crutch.

What I mean by that is that when you walk up and use a pickup line on a woman,
and it doesn't work, and she squints at you and tells you to get lost, she's
not really rejecting YOU, right?

She's rejecting the Pickup line. And now you can blame the LINE instead of
your approach.

Sounds kinda goofy, but that's the psychology of it.

But that's also why you never really hear any guys using these things on
the street. I know you're the kind of guy that knows these pickup lines
are lame, and you want something more substantial and GENUINE to say.

AND you also want something easy that you can use to start a conversation.

So what you're really looking for is an "opener." I'll get back
to this in a second.

Here's the biggest secret about your "pick up line" that you MUST
use to your advantage. It's probably the single most important thing you need
to know about women, by the way.

It's this…

It doesn't matter what the first thing you say to a woman is… (as long
as it's not vulgar or downright stupid.)

What matters is what you say to her after she responds.

Let me repeat that for the cheap seats:

What REALLY matters is what you say to her AFTER she responds to your opening
line.

So if you walk up to a woman and say, "You're beautiful, I'd love to
get to know you…"

or maybe you open with, "Hey, I just had to let you know you've got
a great energy about you…"

And then she replies, "Oh, that's so sweet!" And she stands there
smiling at you, waiting.

And waiting…

NOW what do you say?

Well, what you say next is even MORE important than your opener because it's what tells her why you're there talking with her, how confident you are,
and whether or not she should be interested in getting to know more about
you.

She needs to know what you're made of. And your response tells her more than what you said to open the conversation, believe it or not.

After all, you could have rehearsed your pick up line for weeks, or read
it out of a book, or gotten it online, right?
But you wouldn't be able to predict what she was going to say, so the next
thing out of your mouth is going to be very REAL to your conversation.

If you hesitate, or look like you're going back into your head to check your
memorized pickup responses, she will see it in your eyes.

When I first found out about how women pick up on this stuff, I was AMAZED that it was so obvious that I was running around in my head the way I was.
And this is the one thing you can't get into the habit of doing.

Unfortunately, pickup artist advice only tells you how to go further and
further into your head with pre-programmed responses.

But you do need some things to say, though. You just don't want to try to
memorize everything you can possibly say. That's just too
much.

(A lot of guys try to do this, and they always come to me asking
why they get so tongue-tied in front of a woman. I tell them that its because
conversation has become like looking up something in an encyclopedia. It
takes too much time. Especially when you have to think fast.)

Now, the two openers I gave you above actually work really well.

"You're beautiful, I'd love to get to know you…"

"Hey, I just had to let you know you've got a great energy
about you…"

Yes, telling a woman that she's beautiful is not necessarily
bad. It's HOW guys tell women that creeps them out, and that's why you should hold off on direct compliments like this until you really understand what women want.

In other words, if you don't understand WHY that can be a really bad pickup
line/opener for a woman, then you shouldn't be using it.

The second one, "…you've got a great energy about you…" is
very good for a direct opening line. It's to-the-point, and not a suck-up
compliment that will make her wonder what your agenda is.

Remember, when you walk up to a woman, the only thing she wants to know -
the BIG question in her head – is "Why is this guy talking to me?"

And she'll answer it one of three ways:

1 – Oh, he's just chatty…

2 – Oh, he's interested in me… Cool!

3 – Oh, he's interested in me… Yuck.

The difference between #2 and #3 ("cool" or "yuck") is
just one thing – how relaxed and non-needy you seem to be with her.

What I mean by non-needy is this: Do you seem like you're trying to just
GET something from her – her number, a date, a one-night stand, etc. – or
are you trying to have some fun?

I'm going to leave you with a pickup line that my buddy Lance uses, and this
one is great. I honestly wish I'd thought of this one, because it's so simple
and easy to remember.

Just walk up to a woman and say, "Do you have the time?"

She'll start to tell you what time it is, and you just wave your hands at
her and say, "Actually I already know what time it is. I just wanted
an excuse to flirt with you."

And that will always get you a smile and a laugh.

And THAT is your goal!

Then, what you say next is easy: "So what brings
you out here today?"

If you're out during the day, that works wonders. Even if you're in a bar
or club, you can still ask her and her friends: "So
how do you all know each other…?"

Classy, smooth, and it's the perfect pick up line for any situation.

If you've ever wondered how to approach women so that they will respond positively
to you, and how you can impress a woman without having to do some stupid trick
from a bad romantic comedy movie, then you should look at the programs I offer
on approaching women.

In my Approach Women NOW program, I give the solid foundations for approaching
and talking to women, including what to say, and how to really open a woman
up.

In my advanced program, Approach Women 2 – Anywhere/Anytime, I give all my
most effective and powerful strategies for meeting women in any location.

If you're sick of the bars and noisy clubs, and you're tired of fighting
with the crowds every weekend, why not learn how to meet women where you go
every day?

• At the coffee shop…
  At the grocery store…
  At the bookstore…
  At the gym…

I even demonstrate my techniques and opening "pick up lines" for
you so you can see what works – and what doesn't! – so that you can meet women
anywhere, with no fear and no rejection.

And for a limited time, I'm offering both of these programs in a special
package that gives you a discount.

Go check it out: Approach Women – Anywhere/Anytime – No Fear, No rejection

Stay Alpha!

Your friend,
- Carlos Xuma

PS: Even if you have the Approach Women NOW program already, you can still
get my latest program with a special lineup of bonuses, including my Masters
Class interview discs that explain how 8 of the top dating gurus out there.

Go check it out: Approach
Women – Anywhere/Anytime – No Fear, No rejection

When I first started dating, I had good luck in finding women, but lousy luck in keeping them.

I found myself wondering why do women break up with men, anyway?

• Is it my looks?
• Is it my money?
• Is it my job?

Tell me if one of these situations sounds familiar…

DATING DISASTER 1:

In the first situation, I'd go out on a date with a girl, and everything would seem to be going pretty cool. She was digging me, I was digging her.

And there was usually no problem getting that kiss at the end, once I got past the butterflies in my stomach.

Then, I'd call her back the next day (don't women want that?) and I'd never get her, just her voicemail. I'd leave a message, telling her how I had a great time and wanted to see her again.

And then she wouldn't call.

I'd wait for a day or two and try her back again, and if I finally did get her, the conversation would go something like this:

ME: "Hey…"
HER: "Hey." (Not very excited. And I'd feel my stomach sink.)
ME: "Uh, I just thought I'd call and say hello. See how you were doing…"
HER: "Oh, yeah, I'm doing great. Look, I can't really talk right now – I'm hanging out with a friend."
ME: "Oh, uh, okay. Call you later?"
HER: "Sure thing. Talk to you later…"
– CLICK –

And then later on I'd get an email about how she thinks we should "just be friends."

ARRRRRGH!

What about this situation…

DATING DISASTER 2:

You go out on a date with a girl, and things seem great. You go out on a 2nd and 3rd date, and everything seems pretty fun and cool. Heavy duty makeout sessions…

Ah, it's bliss.

Then, you decide it's time for the "BIG MOVE!"

You invite her over for dinner at YOUR house.

Candles. Music. Wine. Good food.

You're all set. You've even got a condom under the mattress for the "right moment."

Sure enough, she comes over. But you feel a strange vibe as she comes in and gives you a peck on the cheek. Things are a little cooler than before.

You ignore it and go on with the dinner. After the food and wine is done, you go to the living room to chill and hang out on the couch.

You try to get her warmed up, start a little kissing, but she's not as into it as before. She might even throw out the "it's my time of the month" excuse.

Before you know it, she's got an "early day tomorrow," and she has to get going.

I mean, you don't want to admit to yourself that this happened, but it did, and you keep wondering…

WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WRONG?

And then I'd immediately wonder… WHY do women break up with men like this?

It's frustrating, isn't it?

That's kind of an understatement. It's a real pisser is what it is.

Let's talk about the reasons, but first, you should understand something…

Dating a woman is kind of like driving a car. It takes some work to get it started and moving, but once you get it up to speed, you want to just let it coast under its own power.

You want to click the "cruise control" and just let it riiiiide…

One of the problems here is that dating has no "cruise control."

And the other problem is that if you don't keep your foot on that gas, you will slow down to nothing when the first hill comes along.

Think of dating "gas" as being the excitement and fun you put into it.

That's all a woman needs to keep feeling that "spark" with you.

I'm going to come back to this one.

Now, let's answer the Big Question: Why do women break up with men?

REASON #1) She found another guy.

Well, this really isn't a reason the way most guys think it is. You see, a woman doesn't want another guy if the one she's with is doing the right things and challenging her.

(Mind you that we're assuming that the woman is stable and doesn't have a major character flaw that leads her to cheating.)

I found out – the hard way – that a woman has NO problem cheating on her boyfriend if she feels that he's not living up to his end of the deal. Meaning, he isn't doing all the things the new guy is to make her feel unique and attractive.

She will feel JUSTIFIED in cheating, in fact. She won't even see it as cheating. She'll see it as self-preservation.

I'm not trying to make women out to be evil here. Guys do the EXACT SAME THING – just for slightly different reasons.

I'm going to talk about this again in a minute… Let's move on.

REASON #2) She's exceptionally smart and emotionally mature, and she realizes that you're not what she's looking for in a long term relationship.

Hmmm. This one doesn't happen often, in my experience, even though it really ought to.

The reality is that when I finally "got it" and understood that you can very easily get a woman so addicted to having you around (because you're giving her what no other guy seems to be able to, other than the unstable "bad boys" out there), you'll have the very real problem of women staying with you even when it's not a good match.

But, as we say, that's a High Quality Problem, huh?

In other words, if I'm going to have a problem, that's a good kind to have.

So while I'm including this as Reason 2 here, the reality is that it's not going to happen if you follow my strategies for building attraction.

REASON #3) You STOPPED doing all the things that got her attracted to you in the first place.

In other words, you let the attraction energy die out.

I could write books and books on this topic…

The fact of the matter is that guys typically put in a lot of energy to get things started with a woman, don't we?

• We have to approach her (tell me that isn't agony…)
• We have to brave the fear of rejection.
• We have to get her number.
• We have to call her up and ask her out.
• We have to make the plans for the date.
• We have to keep things fun until we can sleep with her.

Hey, that's a lot of work! But we don't mind because it's the thrill of the chase.

But after you've conquered her, this is typically where the average guy lets off that gas and expects the woman to take over. And many women DO take over… for a time.

Eventually, though, she becomes resentful that she feels like SHE is doing all the work, and she starts to withdraw. Eventually, she'll either cheat, or she'll just break up with you.

Just remember, there's always a guy out there waiting to do whatever it is you stopped doing to attract your woman.

Look, I'm not saying a woman is justified here, but you have to be realistic. If you weren't doing your work at your job, would you REALLY be surprised if your boss came to you one day and said, "We're terribly sorry, but you haven't been doing your duties. We've found a replacement for you. You're fired."

Cheating sucks, and it's the most painful lesson in the world. But when you clear away all the emotional fog, you'll usually see that there were signs WAY long ago.

There's a rule you must remember: A woman will NOT leave a man she doesn't feel like she's completely WON.

This is BIG time important! I can't tell you how much that one tip has made ALL the difference in my dating. After I learned it, women stopped breaking up with me. Then it was MY choice to stay with her or not.

I'm not some kind of control freak or something here, but if there's a choice between being the guy that gets dumped, and the guy that does the dumping – I choose to be the guy that breaks up with her.

I suspect you'd rather be that guy, too.

So let's stop "wrongful termination" in its tracks.

Remember that if you focus on ONE area of your connection with women, you'll eliminate about 90% of all the issues you'll ever run into.

That one area is ENERGY.

In my model of attraction called "REAL Game," REAL stands for:

• R = Relaxed & Resourceful
• E = Effective & Energized
• A = Alpha & Authentic
• L = Lifestyle & Lasting

These are the essential ingredients of your game that create MASSIVE attraction with women – if you know how to use them.

Notice the "E" = Energized.

This is the one area that many guys think of as being the "entertainer," or the life of the party, or Mr. Excitement.

Well, this isn't true. It's actually a technique that you apply in different ways and at different times. And I'll be talking about this more in the upcoming videos and newsletters.

Remember, a woman's definition of "romance" is the same as a guy's. It's simply "fun…"

Flirting with women is something that guys often feel uncomfortable doing. I've had many guys write to me to tell me that they were afraid they'd get arrested if they were seen flirting with women in a store or other establishment during the day.

(I think this fear is very common, and it holds a lot of guys back from approaching women during the day…)

I want to give you some of my favorite strategies for flirting with women that you can put to work right away.

First of all, I want you to know that the term "flirting" is really just chick-speak for "pickup." Guys talk about "picking up" on girls, and women talk about "flirting" with guys.

It's a subtle difference in language and terminology that you need to understand so that you don't risk turning off a woman. Women love to flirt, but hate the thought of being picked up on – which connotes fun and playfulness.

Pickup, on the other hand, is serious and sex-oriented, which turns women off.

The next thing you need to be aware of is that we are all born natural flirts. Just watch kids when they're playing. Watch their body language and their facial expressions. Watch how they roll their eyes, and how they use the tone of their voice to get their way with adults, as well as other kids.

They are EXPERTS!

You were once, too, and all you need to do is tap back into it.

Now, the rules of flirting with women:

RULE #1) Flirting is always acceptable in a humorous tone.

If you get serious, a woman is going to turn off and tune you out.

Simple. 'Nuff said.

RULE #2) Flirt to GIVE, not to get.

Outcome thinking sabotages your results. When you create a situation where you have to get a result from something you do, you no longer feel fun.

All conversations where someone wants something from the other person inevitably become uncomfortable.

RULE #3) Flirt for your own FUN.

If it's not fun, you won't keep doing it. Self-reinforcing habit. You must have a positive motivational reason to flirt, or you'll feel like it's just another chore and you'll stop doing it.

I was at the best buy the other day buying a movie, and the cute cashier asked me: "Can I see your credit card real fast?"

So I literally pulled it out of my wallet and slid it back in about a split second.

She laughed and her body language changed instantly. Now our interaction was no longer just business. And I did that because I'm Italian, and we just LOVE to bust people's balls like that.

Flirting with women and teasing are practically the exact same thing.

RULE #4) Flirt with EVERY woman, child, and small furry mammal you encounter.

Flirting is an attitude that comes through in your vibe. If you only approach attractive women, you'll just create a mental barrier for yourself, and more anxiety when you find a woman you "really" want to meet.

Flirting is about creating an abundance mindset. The more abundant you feel, the less you appear needy to a woman.

Now, HOW do you get started?

Here's my 4 step formula for flirting with women:

Step 1) Indirect Question – Ask her something about wherever you are, and keep it situationally relevant.

In other words, if you're in a coffee shop, you need to ask a question that relates to fact that you're both in this coffee shop.

Step 2) Use a sassy comment – Sometimes called "Cocky & Funny", or teasing.

Here's what I like to use. I call it the "Duh" question:

"Do you think they serve the drinks really HOT here?"

Then she usually answers me with, "Uhm, yeah…" And after she looks at me like I'm from another planet, I smile, wink at her, and say, "You didn't really think I was serious, did you?"

And the teasing has begun…

Then you have a playful conversation.

And finally, the last step in flirting with women is this:

Step 3) YOU leave the conversation first.

When you're the one to control the ending of the conversation, your confidence will go up ten times more than if she tells you, "I've got to get going."

So don't let her get the drop on you.

Create what I call the Sacrificial 20: Leave with nothing for the first 20 women you flirt with.

No phone number, no nothing.

After you leave behind your old scarcity mindset, and when you feel like women are abundant, you can start to go further…

Remember, every girlfriend you've had started with a little bit of flirting…

Lately I've been working on collecting some of my random thoughts and ideas together so that I can put them into the skeleton of a new program for men on inner game and unstoppable confidence.

One of the things that guys are asking more about – and it's something that I'm all too happy to talk about – is the subject of relationships.

(Gasp from the crowd…)

Yes, despite all that you see on TV and hear from women out there, men really do want relationships.

And with ONE woman.

We want the power to have many women, but in the end, every man just wants one quality woman in his life.

There are a few mistakes guys make along the way, though, that keep them from getting a relationship they can fully commit to. (Yes, I know I used the "c" word there.)

I just want to talk about one of the biggest mistakes in this newsletter, and maybe I'll cover the rest in future reports.

So what is this big mistake men make?

And – more importantly – how can you avoid making this mistake?

The mistake is simply one word:

SETTLING.

That's right. As in "settle down."

You see, "settling" is not a good way to view this. Guys look at it this way, because we're trying to radically reduce the amount of drama in our lives. Guys just want things smooth and calm.

Settling – as it pertains to women and lifestyle – is defined as:

"Adopting a more steady or secure style of life."

That sounds very nice, but the reality is that "steadiness and security" is what we seek when we're trying to make things low-intensity.

Relationships, in order to last, must have some intensity to them. Excitement…

You ever seen a couple that has lost that "intensity"? They end up a bit… well, they end up boring. You'd swear they were brother and sister.

They start dressing and acting alike.

And often they start to look alike.

They seem like activity partners rather than the jumpy horn-dogs they ought to be. They stay up to watch Letterman's monologue, and then it's off to bed…

Routine.

Well, this is the kind of relationship a lot of guys get into mostly because they want to stop "playing the field" and they want to "settle down."

But what "settle down" really means is this:

Lock in some woman that you can comfortably keep around. A woman who will simply "settle" with you.

Let's be realistic here. You don't want a woman that's going to drive you nuts with the level of intensity and drama that just gets your ulcers burning like a hot coal in the pit of your stomach.

On the other hand, you don't want a woman who won't challenge you and inspire you to grow and become a better person. Because that, my fellow Alpha Brothers, is what relationships are all about.

Not about dooming yourself into a 50 year relationship…

Not about "locking one in…"

But about being all you can be through the challenge of a close, intimate relationship.

You see, you'll learn more about yourself in the context of a long-term relationship than you ever will in a series of "pickups" or one night stands.

So how do you avoid this trap of getting into a relationship – and then staying there – only because it's less painful than being single?

Let me lay out the steps for you. These are the tried and true strategies I've used for years now, and they're VERY effective.

Step One: Date as many women as you can…

That's right. The best thing you can do as research for a long-term relationship – as you develop your dating skills – is to date a LOT of women.

You've probably heard me say this a million times, but it can't be repeated too much. You simply MUST date other women. You don't want to jump into a relationship just because you have nothing better going on.

You go into a relationship because that's the next logical step on the path that you're on.

You never want to feel like women are scarce, and that you must grab one up and marry her just because you think you might end up old and alone.

Step Two: Figure out what you're looking for in a relationship along the way.

The one thing most people never do is look at their past mistakes and re-examine their true motives for getting into a relationship in the first place.

A relationship is something that should be a CHOICE, not something you fall into because you don't want to be alone, or you're afraid of hurting the woman.

This is a really common pattern I used to get into with women. It would start with a phone call to ask her out to do something, and the next thing you know, we're in bed.

Wow, I said to myself. Now what? Oh, okay, I guess we're boyfriend and girlfriend now.

It was just easier than admitting to myself that this wasn't what I was looking for. I was also feeling guilty that I had slept with this woman, and now she's going to want a relationship.

(You'll find that this is bad programming that a lot of guys have, and I talk about this at length in the Dating Black Book…)

Getting into a lot of short term relationships helps you figure out what you want a long term relationship to do for you.

Step Three: Figure out what you're looking for in a woman along the way

You won't know this up front, and that's why I made this step 3. You have to date a whole bunch of women to figure out what it is that you actually want from her when you find her.

I'll tell you this – one of the biggest mistakes I see guys make (and it's one I've made so many times over the years) is that they want to date only one specific physical type, and no other.

In other words, they're all hung up on the "librarian" type, or the "stripper" type, or the "rocker" type.

Sometimes it's an appearance thing, too, like dating only blondes, or women with short hair.

I can tell you from experience that the woman you click with will probably NOT be the type you expect. In fact, the one thing that holds guys back from much faster success in finding the right kind of woman is often sticking too close to their "type."

I always liked the short, gymnast type. You know, small tight body. Short hair.

I'm currently dating a tall, leggy Asian girl.

Go figure.

I also thought I'd enjoy a woman that was a firecracker – full of energy and sarcastic challenge.

Nope.

That turned out to annoy the hell out of me after a while. These women very often weren't in touch with their femininity and that made it nearly impossible to have a healthy dynamic with her.

The point is that if you don't date all types, you'll fall into some predictable – and sometimes hazardous – patterns of behavior, because you'll only be tuning your relationship skills to one kind of woman. And that kind of woman might not really be compatible with YOU.

So use this "dating around" time to really get a sense of what kind of woman you are capable of hanging with.

Avoid the dreaded mistake of "settling" for a woman. Instead, find a woman that you would dream of having, and then do the necessary research and field work (can you call this work?).

As I like to say, you should only be in a relationship with a woman who brings out the best in you.

There is no more important decision you will make in your life than which woman you will make your partner.

Stay Alpha…

I've had quite a few guys ask me about using the latest in social networking to get hooked up meeting women.

Well, it's actually not that hard, but you have to do it with some understanding of how to play the game. Because there are many ways to do it wrong, and only a few to do it right…

QUESTION ABOUT FACEBOOK:

Carlos, hey man, thanks for all your great advice…

I wanted to ask you about something – how can I use Facebook to meet women online?

I've heard that it can be done, but I can't help thinking it would be weird and creepy to approach some of my friends' friends like this and ask for a date.

But it seems like a MEGA opportunity to meet women.

How can I work this?

- Allen L., Houston

I've been eyeing this method to meeting women for some time, and I agree completely. It IS a mega-mega opportunity to meet women…

…if it's handled right.

First of all, let's remember the catastrophe that is "Myspace." (May it rest in peace.) That social network has been so polluted and abused that it's really not useful anymore. I know I don't take it seriously.

What happened there?

Well, first of all, everyone got slammed with spam. A few clever programmers and bulk friend programs, and suddenly you had Myspace pages that looked like web sites from the year 1998.

Cheap backgrounds, silly wallpaper, and everybody's page looked like a 14-year-old girl's bedroom, complete with Britney Spears posters.

Enter Facebook.

A whole lot classier than its trailer-park cousin, Facebook has maintained a better image. But with a bunch of cool toys and add-ons that made it interesting and more fun.

So how can you work this great social networking tool to help you with your dating life – while not looking like some pervert who got kicked out of the alleys of Myspace?

I'll give you a very simple 4-step model to use. This is the one that my friends and I have used consistently to get results online.

STEP 1: Connect with the guys – and other women – who have a lot of cute girl friends.

In other words, connect with people that YOU are not interested in dating who have big networks.

You must be very indirect at first using Facebook.

Remember the lesson from Myspace – Don't be a spammer!

This is not "match.com" or an online dating site, so don't just start sending out invites and emails hoping to score based on numbers. We've come to hate the abusers, and you'll just get your sorry ass kicked right off.

Start out with light connections. Think "friends first."

Don't make your Facebook profile look like you're trying to meet women. Be subtle.

What you're trying to do is multiply your results and increase your connection potential by meeting more people who know more people.

If you just start trying to hit on the women you're interested in right off the bat, you'll be limiting your results with shortsighted thinking.

Think out to the LONG term. The more cool people you connect with and forge relationships with, the more likely you are to connect with a woman naturally.

STEP 2: Connect with women you are interested in VERY indirectly.

What you have to do is send a simple friend request – and make sure you include a message with it!

You just say something like, "Hey, I saw we're both friends with Greg… Then I noticed you're a snowboarder, too… Ever go to Tahoe?"

You see what I did there? I left a question INSIDE my friend request. For her to answer it, she's going to feel compelled to add me.

It's also just something people are looking to do. Let's face it, we all measure our social success by how many people we've got as friends on Facebook. We all want a HUGE network, so women will WANT to add you – if only to increase their friend count.

STEP 3: Start leveraging the tools.

Facebook has a huge amount of potential for the guy who wants to take advantage of them. You can add all kinds of cute little applications to send virtual drinks to friends, send goofy gifts, or even start your own polls and surveys.

But one of the best tools you need to be using is the GROUP function on Facebook.

In fact, in preparing for this article, I created the group "Carlos Xuma's Alpha Lifestyle" to start connecting you guys together and enabling men to share information.

You can do this, too. Just create a group based on your passion and your local area.

I'm going to advise you to avoid starting a group based on "Warcraft" or on the latest hot actress.

Make your group something a woman can relate to and might be interested in. Maybe it's the television show "Lost…" or maybe it's about all things Italian.

Ba-da-bing! Now you've got a hook to use to invite her into your group.

STEP 4: Start escalating and creating more opportunities.

Remember, this is a VIRTUAL tool. It's online.

In other words, your connections don't REALLY exist anywhere except on some server in an air-conditioned room in a data center somewhere.

It's up to YOU to bring these connections to life with events that you can invite people to.

Most people will stroll around this virtual network, but then never take it into the REAL world. That's where YOU come in.

Maybe once a month you should organize a happy hour at your local favorite bar. Or maybe you make a Facebook group for wine tasters, and then every other Friday you meet up and go tasting the latest Pinot Noirs.

THAT is your opportunity to start looking for romantic potential in the groups. You have to remember that you can't be a Facebook "pickup artist" and try to attract women online.

You have to build a network, forge some connections, and meet women in person to start creating the attraction.

That being said, you can also send out some playful introductions to women you don't know and see if they bite. (Just make sure your profile has enough interesting bait for them to nibble at…)

• Write on people's walls…
• Send a few virtual drinks…
• Send some good karma…
• Use the "Flirtable" app…

For the man with initiative, the Facebook world is yours.

So step up and start creating the social network, then start meeting the women in it.

By the way, if you'd like to add me as a friend, go look me up. Carlos Xuma on Facebook.com… Get Social!

You may or may not recognize that as the title of one of Motley Crue's latest songs.

(I'm a relic of the heavy metal days when bands were rowdy and trashed hotel rooms, so I had to grab their album…)

Well, I was listening to the lyrics to this song, and I thought that this is the perception that some guys have of women when they don't know how to handle her natural feminine force.

Oh, yeah. Just like Darth and Obi Wan, women have a very powerful 'force' all of their own.

It's their FEMININITY.

You know it.

You've felt it when they walk by you in those short-short jean shorts and that thin little T-shirt that says: "Girls Rule" on it.

Just a moment of shared eye contact and you feel your solar plexus tighten up like a drum…

Yowza…

Hit me with some more of THAT….!

Just sitting here and thinking about that kind of feeling makes me smile, because it's something I've experience a thousand times, and I know YOU have, too.

It's the best kind of feeling, but unfortunately, it does nothing for our confidence and ability to manage the women in our life.

Let's be clear here…

The only chicks that = trouble are the ones that you LET run wild in the playground of your life.

I'll admit that back when I didn't have a lot of ability to handle the crazy crap that girls sometimes throw at you, I had a lot of troubles. But I found out later that these same women could be as tame as kittens when they were around men who knew their MASCULINE power.

Oh, yeah. Just like Darth and Obi Wan, men have a more powerful force all of our own.

It's our MASCULINITY.

For some people, that word has managed to sound almost negative lately. Don't be fooled.

Being a man has never been more important.

So back to that song…

Do chicks really = trouble?

Only if you cannot be the leader – the Alpha Man – who knows how to manage her energy with your own energy.

You ever been out at a bar and a group of women are together, and one of them hears a song the DJ puts on, and she screams: "Ohmigod! Ohmigod! I sooooo requested this! Come on, we have to go dance!"

And she promptly yanks your girl away from right in front of you to go up on the dance floor…

Some guys call this "cockblocking," but it's really just girls being girls.

And it's annoying as hell when it happens, isn't it? You feel abandoned. Like the rug was just pulled out from under you.

You know what I do when this happens to me?

I just invite myself out with them on the dance floor, making sure to keep my target in my sights, while still getting all funky and dancing with the whole group.

AND I make sure that I'm having more fun than anybody in that group in the process.

You see, most guys either go out on the dance floor against their will, or they just follow-along to avoid being abandoned.

Or, they simply don't do ANYTHING. They wait around until the group gets tired and comes back with their new drinks…

…and 3 new guys they met while bumping and grinding on the dance floor.

Ah yes. Crazy times.

You see, in a bar or club, or just on the street corner, the person who has the strongest reality will be the leader of the situation. The person that's most convinced of their own value will rule.

That better be YOU, or the woman will simply never get very attracted to you.

Think back to the guys you see leaving bars with chicks on their arm…

Yup. They're the guys that are most in control of the situation, leading the women, and having MORE fun than most of the people they're with.

But if your headspace is filled with more concerns and worries than it is with fun, chances are you won't do too well. You'll give off the vibe of the "needy" guy, and women can pick up on this.

And that's why I'm here to tell you – once again – that chicks do NOT equal trouble if you're the one in control of the situation.

Not being a dick and controlling things, but just knowing that no matter what happens, you're the guy with the plan and the path to fun.

The chorus in that Motley Crue song goes: "They'll kick you when you're down in the ditch…"

Which is completely untrue.

IF you're a guy who can sniff out the drunk, obnoxious girls.

And keep your ass out of the ditch!

But let me put something to you…

Wouldn't it make sense to go find the QUALITY women that are out there?

These are the classy gals that are all over the place, but they don't really go to the bars or clubs.

• She might be reading a magazine in the local bookstore…
• She might be in front of you in the line at Starbucks…
• She might be on her cell phone on a street corner…
• She might be in the produce section of your grocery store…
• She could be anywhere in the other 96% of your life that you don't spend in bars.

And every time you see her, you just wished you knew what to say to her to start a conversation with her…

Well now you can find out.

All you have to do is learn how to use your "Day Game."

This skill is called "Day Game," because you don't have to do be in a bar or club at night to do it.

What it's really about is approaching women ANYTIME and ANYPLACE you want to meet women.

I believe this is the strongest strategy for meeting women because it doesn't depend on special rules to get you into a conversation with a woman.

And you see women all day long – everywhere you go…

Imagine if you could just walk up and meet any attractive woman you see, and never have that feeling of tension and anxiety in your gut…

No more "Approach Anxiety…"

What would that do for your confidence?

How many more dates would you have?

What would that do for your love life?

All I can tell you is that when guys see these skills put to use, they are envious of the guys that have them.

THAT is what living the Alpha Lifestyle is about. Creating the kind of life that other men would envy – and that other women want to be a part of.