How To Compliment a Woman
Chris Rock once said: “There are only 3 things women need in life: Water, food, and compliments.”
Someone else once said: Men socialize by insulting each other – but they really don’t mean it.
Women socialize by complimenting each other – but they really don’t mean it.
I think both of them are probably right on about this subject.
Have you ever found yourself confused about how to compliment a woman correctly?
I know it happened to me more often than I wanted it to…
Something like this usually happened:
– I’d take a look at what she was wearing, or some accessory, and say: “Hey, that’s a nice ________.” (Fill in the blank with whatever item.)
She would then look at me like I’d just lit my own fart and say: “Gee, uhmmm… thanks.”
– I’d make a more generic compliment directed at how attractive I thought she was. Something like: “Wow, you sure have beautiful hair.”
Of course I’d expect her to say something back to me – like: “You’re incredibly perceptive – and you have a keen eye for women. I think I’m falling for you.”
But she’d usually just say: “Gee, uhmm… thanks.”
Look, complimenting women can seem like a lose-lose scenario – because you can never really be sure she’s going to see you as being sincere.
But at the same time, so many guys think this is the only way you can compliment a woman – and so they do the same wrong things anyway.
Over and over again.
In case you hadn’t heard this before, the informal definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
So let’s stop complimenting women’s appearances before we understand the right and wrong way to compliment her.
First – let’s talk about the wrong ways…
WRONG Way to Compliment Her: Insincere flattery
Most guys have their “bang this chick” headlights on when they talk to girls in most situations.
Hey, it’s our nature.
Our little guy down there is trying his best to get a little relief. However, we can’t let that make us so obvious to girls.
A woman can smell insincere flattery a mile away.
She can tell when you haven’t put that much thought into what you’re complimenting.
Here’s one that every guy uses: “You have really pretty eyes!”
Yup, she’s heard that so much that she throws it in her mental trash the second she hears it.
Skip complimenting the obvious.
Another WRONG Way to Compliment a girl: Complimenting her beauty.
I can’t tell you how many guys throw this one out. Most girls will tell you that it’s a tough one to resist, because a woman wants that validation of her looks.
However, she gets it so much that it loses its unique flair. And again she will just ignore it.
The other reason this fails to work is that it communicates something about your attitude to her.
Most guys don’t understand that their confidence level is communicated directly through the words he uses and the things he says.
When you tell a girl that she’s attractive to you, it just makes you sound like a chump who will roll over and worship her at the first opportunity.
Let me reveal a little secret about how girls think: Girls are attracted to guys who they think they’ve “enchanted.”
This means that she likes it when a guy has lost control of himself around her – but in a good way.
However telling her she’s “pretty” isn’t anywhere NEAR the same thing.
She wants to see that she’s had an impact on you. Her beauty literally mesmerized you and had you in a trance.
When she sees that she’s had this effect, she will be more attracted.
It’s crazy, but it’s true.
Now, let’s go into some of the ways to actually compliment a girl. These are ways that work, and have withstood the test of time…
How To Compliment A Girl – 1: Find something unique
A girl never wants to feel like she’s just another woman to you. She wants to feel like she’s special and unique.
It’s part of a kind of narcissistic drive that all of us have to feel like we stand out from the rest. And women feel this drive from when they’re little girls.
So when you compliment her, you can’t just pick something that she’s heard before.
I once dated this girl Alice who had freckled spots in her iris – the colored part of her eye. It was really amazing to see, and I complimented her on it.
You know what she said?
“Thanks, but everyone notices that…”
Even though my compliment was sincere, and that was something very unique about her – it didn’t mean bean dip in the end.
She’d heard it from every guy.
So sometimes the best thing to compliment her is not just on something unique – which leads us to the next tip:
How To Compliment A Girl – 2: Find something that no other guys see.
Fortunately this is something that’s fairly easy to do.
Most guys don’t look past the surface details with women. Besides the size of her boobs and her looks, they just don’t look any further.
Which gives you an excellent opportunity to sneak in under the wire.
What most women are never complimented on are their:
I’ll give you a great example of a compliment about her choices that works every time. Just don’t try to use it on every woman you meet…
“Hey, that’s amazing how you matched up your jewelry with that dress. You really have a great eye for style…”
Now there’s a few things going on there. The first is that you noticed something that would be completely lost on 90% of guys.
The second is that you complimented her style, which is something that she probably never hears – especially from a guy.
And even if her friends see it and compliment her on it, you can bet that it will mean 10 times more coming from you.
If you want to compliment her character, then you need to find something about her that you can compliment.
Again, this can sometimes be tricky if all she’s got going for her is looks, but you can usually find something.
Maybe she’s going to college for accounting. You can compliment her on her decision to further her education, and her persistence.
Of course, it helps to actually be impressed, so take the time to hunt for something that counts.
And the last way I want to advise you on appreciating a woman is…
How To Compliment Her 3: Make her feel accepted as she is.
Girls grow up with a very weak sense of self. They don’t have identities that are as clearly defined as men’s are.
As a result, many women identify with who they are to others more than they do as who they are to themselves.
What this means to you is that she’s always hungering for approval of who she is – even if she doesn’t know who she is.
Just accepting whatever she’s doing – even if it’s a bit off the mark – will spark some of her interest and desire.
At any given moment, it’s unlikely she feels accepted.
She’s battling a hundred different messages that she’s too fat, not pretty, not independent enough, her clothes are all wrong, she’s got the wrong lipstick, she’s never going to meet a guy… etc.
And those are just the messages from the commercials she sees. Can you imagine the subtle feedback her friends give her?
Or her mom?
That’s why letting her know you accept her can go a long way towards creating a real connection between you and her.
If she starts talking about something she feels unsure about, you simply reassure her that she’s doing the right thing. Or that she’s doing enough.
That kind of acceptance will open her up, and get her trusting you.
Let me ask you a question…
Can you look back on your younger self, maybe 5 or even 10 years ago, and say:
“Geez, I was so immature. I can’t believe all that stuff I was doing.”
I think you’ll agree that we can all look back and find something from our past that we’re much smarter about now than we once were.
Now ask yourself this question:
Do you think you’ll look back 10 years from now and think the same thing about the present “you”?
You bet you will.
Sometimes we fall into that self-deception that the person we are today is the finished product, but we know deep down that we’ll always be changing.
Well, there’s something you can do that will not only accelerate the process of getting to where you want to go – it will practically guarantee you arrive at your destination.
That thing is called discovery – finding out the secrets that make men successful.
There’s a way to get these secrets…
If you want more information on how to talk to girls and how to seduce women with rock solid confidence, I’ve got a complete program that explains exactly what women want, and how to get a girlfriend in the shortest possible time.
Don’t be a con-man – be an Alpha Man…
Date Out Of Your League…
– Carlos Xuma