{"id":129,"date":"2010-01-05T06:39:37","date_gmt":"2010-01-05T14:39:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/2010\/01\/129\/"},"modified":"2010-01-05T06:47:36","modified_gmt":"2010-01-05T14:47:36","slug":"129","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/2010\/01\/129\/","title":{"rendered":"Question & Answer with Carlos"},"content":{"rendered":"

DATING ADVICE QUESTION:<\/strong>\u00a0<\/p>\n

Hey Carlos,\u00a0<\/p>\n

I myself have a lot of success with women and date a lot. Some of my relationships last as long as 6 months and some only 6 days – this since breaking up with my 4 year “High School Sweetheart” after graduation in 2001.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I’ve been involved in different types of relationships since then (long distance, dating mutiple women, short term, long term, serious, not-serious, ect.)\u00a0<\/p>\n

I didn’t want to be too serious with anyone… It’s just that my last serious relationship about 3 months ago ended badly because we both wanted more and I wasn’t able commit myself. I’m not sure why but I couldn’t get too close…\u00a0<\/p>\n

And it’s not that I don’t want to be hurt because I am pretty good with getting over women… It’s just that it’s an old habit that I need help breaking.\u00a0<\/p>\n

What do you think?\u00a0<\/p>\n

– Scott from Pensacola<\/p>\n

——————-<\/p>\n

CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:<\/strong>\u00a0<\/p>\n

Remember some of the most important things I teach:\u00a0<\/p>\n

1) We rarely tell the truth to ourselves. We all struggle to protect our sense of self-esteem, so we tell ourselves whatever story makes us feel better.\u00a0<\/p>\n

2) What you THINK<\/strong> is going on is rarely the case because you are almost always hiding some bit of information – or just not seeing it. Your actions always tell the truth.\u00a0<\/p>\n

What you mention with not getting too close is not a “habit,” my friend.\u00a0<\/p>\n

By calling it a ‘habit,’ you are attempting to remove any emotional responsibility for what you’re doing instead of owning up to the Reality.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Or the ‘Dating Truth,’ as I call it.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Not that you’re a bad person. It’s just that from the clues you give me in your email, you’re not much older than 24, and you’ve got a lot of years ahead of you in the dating scene. You’re told (by the media, social pressure, etc.) that you SHOULD<\/strong> want a long-term monogamous relationship and marriage.\u00a0<\/p>\n

But the TRUTH<\/strong> again is that most people marry too early, and without the skills they need to make it last.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I need to also point out a contradiction in your letter where you say:\u00a0<\/p>\n

“My last serious relationship about 3 months ago ended badly because we both wanted more and I wasn’t able commit myself. I’m not sure why but I couldn’t get too close..”\u00a0<\/p>\n

ACTIONS<\/strong> are all that matters. RESULTS<\/strong> tell the story.\u00a0<\/p>\n

If you weren’t able to get closer to her, you didn’t WANT<\/strong> to get closer. You wanted OUT<\/strong>. I think a lot of women label a guy’s reluctance to “settle down” as “intimacy issues.” The truth is that just as many women have intimacy problems as men. We just use clever self-help terminology to label it and judge.<\/p>\n

The bottom line is that you are not ready to jump into a deep relationship. And that’s fine.\u00a0<\/p>\n

I think the most likely answer to WHY<\/strong> is this:\u00a0<\/p>\n

You’re young.\u00a0<\/p>\n

You’re a guy.<\/p>\n

\u00a0You want to experience more women.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Marrying or jumping into a long term relationship before you’re ready for it is the kiss of death.<\/p>\n

I don’t think people are ready to “settle down” until MUCH<\/strong> later in life. I used to think LATE<\/strong> twenties, but now I’m more convinced that early 30’s is even better. The newest “trend” is people getting married in their late 30’s and having children in their early 40’s.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Just don’t be in too much of a hurry.\u00a0<\/p>\n

So, you don’t have a “habit,” Scott.\u00a0<\/p>\n

You have a natural need to experience the world of women.<\/p>\n

And don’t listen to anyone that tells you that you MUST<\/strong> conform to their idea of proper mating habits. Your family will be the first to pressure you…\u00a0<\/p>\n

– Grandma: “When are you getting married, Scotty?”\u00a0<\/p>\n

– Mom: “You should settle down! Find a nice girl! You’re just too picky.”\u00a0<\/p>\n

– Dad: (Silent, but envious.)\u00a0<\/p>\n

When you find someone that’s good for you, AND<\/strong> you’re ready, you’ll REALLY want to get closer.\u00a0<\/p>\n

But don’t fool yourself and get all neurotic about it now. You’re too young.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Use what I teach to find the women you want to date casually. When you’ve gotten more experience, you’ll be ready.\u00a0<\/p>\n

– Carlos Xuma<\/p>\n

http:\/\/www.datingdynamics.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

DATING ADVICE QUESTION:<\/p>\n

Hey Carlos,<\/p>\n

I myself have a lot of success with women and date a lot. Some of my relationships last as long as 6 months and some only 6 days – this since breaking up with my 4 year “High School Sweetheart” after graduation in 2001. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,9],"tags":[32,142],"class_list":["post-129","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-alpha-lifestyle-coaching-content","category-qa","tag-dating-advice","tag-qa"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/129","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=129"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/129\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=129"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=129"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=129"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}