Hey Carlos,\u00a0<\/p>\n
My wife has been starting up some really deep discussions recently.\u00a0 It’s basically been revolving around, me, not wanting to have a baby. Then even deeper to my parents, and my childhood, on why not.\u00a0<\/p>\n
I actually felt like I was at the table with my dad getting lectured about responsibility, commitment, and how much I need to grow up.\u00a0 I eventually shut down (just like back then), which I don’t think was the ALPHA<\/strong> thing to do.\u00a0 We eventually stopped, but I can still tell that this is not over yet.<\/p>\n \u00a0Would you please teach me some guidelines for talking about feelings and such?\u00a0<\/p>\n How can I control the conversation better, and be able to really end it, when I don\u2019t want to talk about it any more?\u00a0<\/p>\n Thanks,\u00a0<\/p>\n H.K.<\/p>\n ______________________<\/p>\n CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:<\/strong>\u00a0<\/p>\n This is a pretty broad topic, and obviously not one I can answer in a blog or email.\u00a0<\/p>\n You’re right that “shutting down” is not a very good way to handle it. The Alpha Man understands his feelings, but he doesn’t need to live his life through them or be victimized by them.\u00a0<\/p>\n Think: Awareness.<\/p>\n My first recommendation is this:\u00a0<\/p>\n 1) Be more assertive and stop reacting to her demands to go into “therapy” mode.\u00a0<\/p>\n And tell her that, word-for-word.\u00a0<\/p>\n YOU<\/strong> decide how healthy you are. Don’t fall into that trap with her. A lot of women start to deep-dive into your childhood to figure you out and diagnose you.\u00a0<\/p>\n Hell, even if there are problems, I can guarantee you that she is NOT<\/strong> qualified to start picking around in your head. Don’t allow it!<\/p>\n She means well, but she’s got no business playing therapist with you, and the opposite is also true.\u00a0<\/p>\n 2) Perhaps consider a moderated therapy with a marriage counselor (and choose a good one – there are a lot of sketchy ones, so make sure you really shop around….)\u00a0<\/p>\n Again, the best place to go for the deeper issues is to someone with professional credentials.<\/p>\n When you’re dealing with something as deep and important as marriage, an investment that you both presumed would be “forever,” you should be sure to explore every avenue.\u00a0<\/p>\n 3) As for ending a conversation on your own terms, when you don’t want to talk about a subject, you should try this:<\/p>\n “I’m not comfortable talking about this with you right now. I think we’re done with this topic for the moment.”<\/p>\n And if she pushes and presses and does her best to keep you in it, you calmly, nicely, firmly tell her:\u00a0<\/p>\n “I’m not comfortable talking about this with you right now. I think we’re done with this topic for the moment. You should respect my feelings and my decision.”\u00a0<\/p>\n Stand your ground. Be compassionate, but stand your ground.\u00a0<\/p>\n Boundaries must be set, as well as expectations.\u00a0<\/p>\n Then, when you’ve had a chance to review your own thoughts on the matter, you can revisit it later.\u00a0<\/p>\n Also realize that she’s obviously wanting an answer to her biological imperative, and it’s not really about YOU<\/strong>. You’re just the donor, after all. Sorry to minimalize it like that, but it’s true. She probably does want to start a family, and this is a BIG issue for your relationship.<\/p>\n Get some resolution for both of you before she has a baby that looks… hmm…. NOTHING<\/strong> like you.\u00a0<\/p>\n By the way, if you want more information on how to handle these kinds of games that women – and everyone – play with us, you should have a look at my Power Social Skills program.\u00a0<\/p>\n – Carlos Xuma<\/p>\n http:\/\/www.powersocialskills.com<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Hey Carlos, <\/p>\n My wife has been starting up some really deep discussions recently. It’s basically been revolving around, me, not wanting to have a baby. Then even deeper to my parents, and my childhood, on why not. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,9],"tags":[142],"class_list":["post-166","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-alpha-lifestyle-coaching-content","category-qa","tag-qa"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/166","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=166"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/166\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=166"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=166"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=166"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}