{"id":171,"date":"2010-01-06T07:45:16","date_gmt":"2010-01-06T15:45:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/?p=171"},"modified":"2010-01-07T06:28:23","modified_gmt":"2010-01-07T14:28:23","slug":"question-answer-with-carlos-21","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/2010\/01\/question-answer-with-carlos-21\/","title":{"rendered":"Q&A: Carlos Explains Social Games"},"content":{"rendered":"

QUESTION:<\/strong>\u00a0<\/p>\n

Hey Carlos,\u00a0<\/p>\n

I’ve been going out the last few weeks and meeting people as a way to improve my social ability. I try to get out at least two times a week to meet new people, get some phone numbers, meet new women, etc.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Something I’ve noticed is that there is a lot more going on in conversations than just the words.\u00a0 I mean, when I’m talking with people (men, women, whoever) I find that they are always playing this kind of tug-of-war with me for control in the conversation.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Women like to play it for certain things, and guys want to play it for power and status.\u00a0<\/p>\n

What’s your take on this?<\/p>\n

Can I get past the games?\u00a0<\/p>\n

– J<\/p>\n

California<\/p>\n

______________________<\/p>\n

CARLOS XUMA EXPLAINS SOCIAL GAMES:<\/strong>\u00a0<\/p>\n

You know, if there’s one thing I hear all the time, from both men AND<\/strong> women, it’s “Why do we have to play all the games?!?”\u00a0<\/p>\n

And you’re right, men and women both play different kinds of games with others. But surprisingly, they both want and need a certain level of “ego-stroking” in their games.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The reasons we play games are nearly infinite, but they all track back to some very common needs as human beings.<\/p>\n

For one, we all need APPRECIATION<\/strong>.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Think of how much work you go through in life just to squeak out a little appreciation or acknowledgment from other people.\u00a0<\/p>\n

It’s really amazing when you think about it.\u00a0<\/p>\n

And the funny thing is that we all want this appreciation so much that we hold it back from others, because WE <\/strong>are so starved for it.\u00a0<\/p>\n

And then what does this do? Yep, that’s right. It creates this universal shortage in the amount of pats on the back or compliments given out there in the world.\u00a0<\/p>\n

And the less there is, the less people give, and the spiral goes down and down and down….\u00a0<\/p>\n

And THAT<\/strong> right there is a game all of its own. Have you ever caught yourself playing that game? I know I have.<\/p>\n

You may already know that I’m a martial arts instructor, and we are known for being critical and very stingy with praise.\u00a0<\/p>\n

In fact, there’s a joke about it that goes like this:\u00a0<\/p>\n

Q: How many martial arts teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb?\u00a0<\/p>\n

A: Five. One to screw it in, and four to tell him how he’s doing it wrong.\u00a0<\/p>\n

(You guys that take martial arts will probably relate to that one quite well…)\u00a0<\/p>\n

These games we play all come from our inner needs and emotional desires. And sometimes games just come up because of the differences in approach between people.\u00a0<\/p>\n

– Some people are confrontational… but most are not.\u00a0<\/p>\n

– Some people like to talk about themselves… but some prefer to be more discreet.<\/p>\n

– Some people like to approach women directly… and some prefer to do it more indirectly and cautiously.\u00a0<\/p>\n

There are good social games, and there are unhealthy and BAD<\/strong> social games.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Now, as far as social games are concerned, there’s one thing I’ve noticed as being true in almost EVERY interaction I’ve studied.\u00a0<\/p>\n

In fact it’s pretty much a universal rule, and one that’s been backed up by studies everywhere…\u00a0<\/p>\n

It’s this:\u00a0<\/p>\n

The person with the best social skills and ability to handle social games is the person who typically gets what they want.\u00a0<\/p>\n

AND<\/strong> that person is also the one who gets more success in life<\/p>\n

in all the ways we typically think of as “REAL<\/strong>” success.\u00a0<\/p>\n

More happiness, more friends, better love life…<\/p>\n

It flows together because there is one thing that is FOR SURE<\/strong>:\u00a0<\/p>\n

You MUST<\/strong> deal with other people. And you can’t reprogram them to turn their “game playing” switch off.\u00a0<\/p>\n

So you must develop options.\u00a0<\/p>\n

And even though it may not seem like it at first, dating skills and attracting women is a META<\/strong> skill. That means that what most guys are not seeing as a particular skill to develop is actually the union of all the confident skills they have in their life.\u00a0<\/p>\n

In order to be attractive to women, you have to be skilled socially, and know how the games are played…\u00a0<\/p>\n

– Carlos Xuma<\/p>\n

“Power Social Skills”<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

QUESTION: <\/p>\n

Hey Carlos, <\/p>\n

I’ve been going out the last few weeks and meeting people as a way to improve my social ability. I try to get out at least two times a week to meet new people, get some phone numbers, meet new women, etc.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,9],"tags":[142],"class_list":["post-171","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-alpha-lifestyle-coaching-content","category-qa","tag-qa"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/171","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=171"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/171\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=171"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=171"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.carlosxuma.com\/dating-seduction-techniques\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=171"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}