Hey Carlos!\u00a0<\/p>\n
Thanks for writing the Dating Black Book.\u00a0 It is very well written and I’m on page 400.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
However, my experience is this: I see an attractive woman and I get this serious attitude.\u00a0 This is a person an individual that should be respected as such.\u00a0 Trying to be “cocky” or funny seems like a good idea or teasing her seems inappropriate.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n
Why does this work and why should they respect such an approach?\u00a0<\/p>\n
From Richard in Greenbelt, MD.<\/p>\n
______________________\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS<\/strong>:\u00a0<\/p>\n Let’s follow my usual 2-prong approach to understanding this question from the inside out.\u00a0<\/p>\n First of all, there’s an inner game side to this and an outer game side to it.\u00a0<\/p>\n INNER GAME EXPLANATION<\/strong>:\u00a0<\/p>\n When you first encounter teachings like my “tease to please” concept, the first thing your mind will do is try to stop you from doing it.\u00a0<\/p>\n 1) Because it’s different than what you’re used to, and that’s human nature to resist change.\u00a0<\/p>\n 2) Because your “nice guy” identity is suddenly being challenged.\u00a0<\/p>\n This is a big one.\u00a0<\/p>\n You see, whenever you come up against your own sense of what is “appropriate” or not, you are probably running up against your own shame.\u00a0<\/p>\n That’s right.\u00a0<\/p>\n SHAME<\/strong>.\u00a0<\/p>\n You see, when you were a kid, you were made to feel guilty and feel less acceptance of yourself if you “offended” or “made” other people not accept you. This is the most common of all self-esteem killers, and yet no one talks about it.\u00a0<\/p>\n You have to understand that as well-meaning as the people were around you, you got into a dangerous game of “I gotta make people accept and like me.” You did this because it’s only natural for people to want to be accepted as part of the group.\u00a0<\/p>\n But when you place MORE<\/strong> importance on other people’s concept of you, you run into a situation where you never control your own self-confidence.\u00a0<\/p>\n Remember what I say: NEVER<\/strong> give someone else the power to make you feel good about yourself. They don’t have the right or the skills.\u00a0<\/p>\n And it’s for this reason – that you feel this inner sense of “uh-oh, this might not be ‘appropriate’ to say to her” – that you MUST<\/strong> actually do it.\u00a0<\/p>\n Because even if she isn’t completely blown away by your approach, you’ll still be sending the right message to your subconscious mind that says “I’m a strong man who doesn’t need other people to approve of me.”\u00a0<\/p>\n OUTER GAME EXPLANATION<\/strong>:\u00a0<\/p>\n The reason that this technique of teasing works is because of several psychological factors:\u00a0<\/p>\n 1) By doing something socially “risky,” you’re telling her with your attitude that you’re not another “nice guy” suck-up looking for everyone’s approval.\u00a0<\/p>\n 2) By challenging her a little, you set up a positive sexual charge between you and her.\u00a0<\/p>\n This is called sexual tension, and it’s the one thing that most of the “nice guys” never do because they are afraid of disapproval.\u00a0<\/p>\n But without TENSION<\/strong> – good tension – between you and a woman, there is no charge and no ATTRACTION<\/strong>.\u00a0<\/p>\n It’s the same reason that a battery works. There is a part of the battery that is desperate to get the charge from the other side, and when they’re connected, you get heat – or light – or a text on your cell phone.\u00a0<\/p>\n When everyone is neutral and nice, we’re all bored to freakin’ DEATH<\/strong>.\u00a0<\/p>\n She’ll respect this approach simply because you are showing something I call SINGULAR ALPHA INDEPENDENCE<\/strong>.\u00a0<\/p>\n That means that you can stand alone and strong on your own.\u00a0<\/p>\n And to a woman, this is one of the most attractive things to her.\u00a0<\/p>\n If you want to learn more about this concept and how to attract women, I suggest you get busy learning my rules of Alpha Man Confidence…\u00a0<\/p>\n – Carlos Xuma<\/p>\n