How a woman knows if you’re confident or not…\u00a0<\/p>\n
QUESTION<\/strong>:\u00a0<\/p>\n Carlos, I have a question for you…\u00a0<\/p>\n I have been approaching going on dates with women pretty regularly over the last year, and I think I may have an issue.<\/p>\n On the last 3 dates I’ve been on, they’ve all ended with the woman avoiding my kiss and just giving me a hug.\u00a0<\/p>\n What the hell is up with that? I don’t understand what’s going on with them.\u00a0<\/p>\n For example, one of the women I got hold of again on the phone, and she told me that she just didn’t think I was “strong enough” for her.\u00a0<\/p>\n Huh? I mean, I know I’m not as confident as I’d like to be, but come on!\u00a0<\/p>\n Carlos, why do they say this? How does a woman pick up on a man’s confidence?\u00a0<\/p>\n Bill H., Martinville, NH<\/p>\n ______________________<\/p>\n CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS<\/strong>:\u00a0<\/p>\n Your story reminds me of something that happened to me when I was in high school.\u00a0<\/p>\n There was this girl, Shelley. She was too darn cute for her own good. I still remember her weird little smile and the way she would hunch her shoulders when she laughed…<\/p>\n Well, I was friends with her for a while, and suddenly she wanted to date me, which I didn’t argue with. This happens all the time when you’re a teenager.<\/p>\n Shelley and I went out 3 times, that I recall, and at the end of the third date (the “magic” date), I remember what she said to me to this day…\u00a0<\/p>\n “Hey, it’s been a lot of fun, but I think we’re just meant to be friends…”\u00a0<\/p>\n Now, this was very disappointing to me. Wait, correction. That CRUSHED me. I actually liked her, and I didn’t just want to score. I thought of her as being my next girlfriend.\u00a0<\/p>\n So that broke my heart just a little.\u00a0<\/p>\n What I figured out from that experience later on, when the dust had settled and I could talk to her more openly about the whole thing, was that I wasn’t acting very confidently.\u00a0<\/p>\n I had just broken up with another girlfriend about a month or two before, and my self-image was in the crapper. So what I didn’t realize and that Shelley was explaining to me was that I was SUB-communicating the fact that I wasn’t very confident.\u00a0<\/p>\n I discovered that women figure out how confident you are by INTERPRETING<\/strong> your behavior.\u00a0<\/p>\n Imagine if someone walked up to you and said to you, “Hey, I’m confident.”\u00a0<\/p>\n You’d think they were a loser, and you probably wouldn’t believe them.\u00a0<\/p>\n So we use our keen instincts to figure out whether a person REALLY is confident.\u00a0<\/p>\n To make my situation with Shelley worse, I didn’t know what I was doing, or how to get rid of this low-confidence behavior, even when I KNEW what was going on.\u00a0<\/p>\n Well, a few years later, I’ve got the answer to this puzzle, and I can tell you exactly how she picked up on my bad vibe.\u00a0<\/p>\n So here now are my:\u00a0<\/p>\n TOP 5 WAYS WOMEN FIGURE OUT IF YOU’RE CONFIDENT<\/strong>…<\/p>\n CONFIDENCE \ufffc\ufffcSIGNAL 1)<\/strong> You make decisions quickly.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n You might think it’s a good idea to be “laid back” and “chilled” when dealing with women, and you’d be right.\u00a0<\/p>\n BUT<\/strong>…<\/p>\n \u00a0(And this is a BIG ‘but’… bigger than Oprah’s after she’s fallen off her 33rd diet…)\u00a0<\/p>\n Women want you to make decisions quickly and effortlessly.\u00a0<\/p>\n When it comes to casual conversation and interpersonal dynamics, by all means, you can chill and relax. And you NEED<\/strong> to if you want to be able to have a normal conversation with a woman.\u00a0<\/p>\n But you must be decisive when you’re presented with options. A woman needs to see this from you.\u00a0<\/p>\n One quick and easy way to demonstrate this is to have a DEFINITE<\/strong> idea of what you want to order when you go out with her. Whether it’s drinks or it’s food, you should know what you want.\u00a0<\/p>\n CONFIDENCE SIGNAL 2)<\/strong> You don’t watch for HER<\/strong> reactions.\u00a0<\/p>\n I’ve observed a lot of guys in my bootcamps. The one thing that has been very consistent and has allowed me to predict a guy’s success or failure in an approach is how much he’s looking at HER to figure out either what to do next, or say next.<\/p>\n In psychology, they call this a “boundary” issue. Meaning that you must have a clear and distinct idea of where your identity stops and another person’s begins.\u00a0<\/p>\n BIG problem here for some guys in the approach because we all desperately WANT<\/strong> the woman to approve of us, don’t we?\u00a0<\/p>\n Sure we do. It’s only natural in a lot of ways.\u00a0<\/p>\n But we can’t let that dictate how we act when we talk to women. If you create a “feedback loop” where how SHE reacts changes how YOU<\/strong> act, which then changes how SHE <\/strong>acts…\u00a0<\/p>\n You see where this gets you? You’re stuck spiraling the drain.\u00a0<\/p>\n Instead of watching her reactions, you need to act INDEPENDENTLY<\/strong> of her. This is one of the most important indicators a woman looks for, because if you are too busy reacting to her, how can you possibly lead her and provide her a sense of safety and security?\u00a0<\/p>\n CONFIDENCE SIGNAL 3)<\/strong> You know what you like and what you don’t like. What you stand for, and what you definitely won’t stand for.\u00a0<\/p>\n This may sound similar to number 1, but it’s not the same thing.\u00a0<\/p>\n You must have STANDARDS<\/strong> in your life.\u00a0<\/p>\n These are the critical areas where you decide what you will and WILL NOT<\/strong> have in your life.\u00a0<\/p>\n – Are there certain kinds of women you would simply not date?\u00a0<\/p>\n – Is there a woman you would break up with?\u00a0<\/p>\n – Is there behavior you would not tolerate?<\/p>\n If a woman senses that your answer to those questions is no, or that you’re not sure about them, then you’re going to have a hell of a time getting her to feel SPECIAL<\/strong>.\u00a0<\/p>\n Remember, she must feel unique to you or she will move on to a man that makes her feel unique and special.\u00a0<\/p>\n By not having ANY <\/strong>criteria for accepting or denying her, you’re saying – essentially – that you’re desperate.\u00a0<\/p>\n No woman wants to be the only hope of a desperate man. After all, what does that say about her quality?\u00a0<\/p>\n CONFIDENCE SIGNAL 4)<\/strong> You can reveal your vulnerabilities.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n I’ve discussed this before, but if you really want a woman to get caught up in your spell, you have to drop a lot of your defenses.\u00a0<\/p>\n Yes, I know that all the other “experts” out there want you to be super strong and guarded against women, but that’s completely the wrong thing to do.\u00a0<\/p>\n And you also don’t want to act like a wuss, right…?\u00a0<\/p>\n Damn straight.\u00a0<\/p>\n Let me tell you something… Women can SENSE<\/strong> low self-confidence. They can pick up on it like a bloodhound.\u00a0<\/p>\n And while women definitely know when a guy IS confident, they are also very good at figuring when you’re NOT<\/strong>.\u00a0<\/p>\n One of the best ways to show her you are confident is to demonstrate that you can let her past your initial defenses and show her that you’re a human being.\u00a0<\/p>\n Let me be clear here: This does not mean that you show her where your weaknesses are, or how to hurt you.\u00a0<\/p>\n It also does NOT<\/strong> mean that you break down into a sobbing emotional wreck.\u00a0<\/p>\n You just have to learn how to show vulnerability. Because this is the fastest way to demonstrate that you are a real, AUTHENTIC<\/strong> man.\u00a0<\/p>\n This one always works if done correctly, because it cannot be faked.\u00a0<\/p>\n And women KNOW <\/strong>this…\u00a0<\/p>\n CONFIDENCE SIGNAL<\/strong> 5)<\/strong> You are going somewhere.\u00a0<\/p>\n I mean this in two different ways.\u00a0<\/p>\n The first meaning is that when you walk up and talk to her, you also have someplace else you’re going. She wasn’t the reason you stopped – she just got lucky to cross your path, and that you had a few seconds to brighten up her life.\u00a0<\/p>\n The other way that you are going somewhere is that you have ambition and purpose to your life.\u00a0<\/p>\n Quite simply, do you have the vibe of a guy who is on his way to something cool…\u00a0<\/p>\n OR<\/strong>… are you just looking for something cool to do?\u00a0<\/p>\n The first one indicates that you have already installed and interesting life, and you’re going after it.\u00a0<\/p>\n If you’re just looking for something cool, this tells her that you’re just waiting for life to HAPPEN <\/strong>to you. You’re passive, not a leader.\u00a0<\/p>\n Find your purpose.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n Find your ambition.\u00a0<\/p>\n And tap into that Alpha Power.<\/p>\n \u00a0Your Friend,\u00a0<\/p>\n Carlos Xuma\u00a0<\/p>\n PS: You should also know if you want to get the jump-start – I created my Secrets of the Alpha Man program to help guys do just that. Click the link below to learn more.\u00a0<\/p>\n