Guide to Understanding Women:

How to Avoid a Big Mistake Guys Make With Women...

QUESTION FROM A READER:

Thanks, Carlos, for sending the informative videos.

Was wondering if I can ask you a quick question:

Met a girl from online dating recently, and we hit it off instantly after 1st meeting.... 1st night from Pub we were kissing after about 20 min of conversation (I sat beside her after saying I couldn't hear her at all - true).

Since then I've seen her 3 more times, and slept with her twice at my place.

Today, however, I tried texting her for the 1st time and she replied 'who is this'. I replied in a joking way 'the cool guy with a golf swing putting Tiger to shame' (we had gone to driving range).

After that - no response. Based on this and the last phone converation I had with her about 3 days ago, in which she was pretty cold, I'm thinking its done - over (but I hope not).

What's the best way to deal with this rejection:

A. text her again asking 'are you mad at me'?

B. leave it at that (unreturned text), and never try to contact her
again.

C. check in with her at a later time (week or so) and pretend
nothing happened.

Thanks dude, for your help

Bummed out....

Richard
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

I'll be honest - I don't think she knows it's you.

Why are you texting her?

Pick up the phone and call her. Then you'll know for sure.

______________________
REPLY FROM READER:

Hey Carlos, you were right -- she said she got the text but it was just a blank screen (its the 1st time I've tried texting from this new phone).

I thought it might be a good way, at times, to communicate and build rapport with her (as messages can be created and checked conveniently), as opposed to phoning and catching at a bad moment (like the last call).

Anyways, 1 hour later, I'm off the phone, and things still seem to be great.

Thanks so much, and nice catch bro!

Cheers, Rupert

______________________
A GUIDE TO UNDERSTANDING WOMEN - AND YOUR INNER GAME:

This is one of those situations that guys run into a lot.

(Women probably a bit more because they really like to interpret situations passively.)

It's what I call the ... ahem... passive interpretation syndrome. Or PIS for short. :)

What happens is this...

1) Something happens that triggers you to feel insecure or rejected...

2) We make a bunch of interpretations of the event to justify our emotion (instead of validating our emotion first...)

3) We act based on those interpretations and thereby create the situation we are dreading (and anticipating at the same time!) This is sometimes known as a "self-fulfilling prophecy."

The secret here is to avoid making quick judgments that we're being rejected/blown off/ignored/forgotten/etc., until we've been able to VALIDATE that experience.

For a lot of guys, that assumption of rejection is a reflex - just like when the doctor taps your knee and your leg twitches. We have to exercise self-control and not let that assumption get the better of us.

This is the other side of that coin where a woman wants to know that she can trust that her occasional emotional instability will not rock YOU. You must be the stable island upon which her emotional "waves" can break.

We have to re-program that knee-jerk reflex of just assuming that something bad is happening when you have no contact with a woman.

No news becomes BAD news.

Trust me, I know this mistake. I still make it all the time.

It comes from the uncertainty that we all feel when we haven't got a lot of successes going on in our life, and our brains have switched over into scarcity mode. This is where we become keenly aware - and we start over-interpreting. Mostly because fear (of loss, of rejection, of PAIN) has hijacked our brains.

The key is to recognize the trigger, and the emotion you sense when that trigger is pulled.

In this situation, it was when he first texted her and she responded with "who is this?" That response rattled his cage because he thought she should know who it was.

But there were a lot of mitigating factors here:

1) New phone

2) First time text

3) No previous pattern or reason to doubt

Unfortunately, number 3 is probably the LAST thing we think about when we're in this situation, because our conditioned response takes over before we can see things in a rational light.

For those of you that want the psychology behind this situation, it comes from our childhood conditioning. A lot of guys are conditioned to scarcity thinking because of anxiety we experienced as kids. We didn't get the love we wanted, or we had a parent that wasn't very attentive to our needs, and we fall victim to thinking that we just can't get the things in life we want.

We experience this over and over, and after enough of this kind of reinforcement, our minds start to leap to emotional (i.e., NOT logical) deductions about what it is we can expect. We stop questioning whether or not these assumptions are even realistic. We just assume they make sense.

The key here is to catch that trigger.

Stop it before it makes you take action on a faulty assumption.

This is all part of mastering your "inner game." Inner game is that sense of confidence and personal mastery that gives you a feeling of complete control when you meet and approach women.

Remember that the most important part of developing your skills and ability with women is to have your inner game mastered.

If you'd like more information on how to understand and control your emotions, how to have rock-solid and BULLETPROOF inner game, then go take a look at this: Ultimate Inner Game - How To Be Confident With Women

 

Wishing you confidence and success with women - With HONOR and integrity.


Carlos Xuma

PS: Remember, Inner Game is the one area that EVERY guy wants to improve. You don't want lame advice like "just do it." You need to know HOW to do it.

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CLICK HERE: Ultimate Inner Game and Self-Confidence

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