Dating Tips For Guys: SHE FLAKED?
SHE FLAKED?
I had an “a-ha!” moment the other day that I thought I would share with you guys.
I recently have been enjoying the company of a few women, and I was lining up one to see again on Friday night. She’s young, and just out of a relationship. TRANSLATION: She’s a walking bag of cRaZy just waiting to happen.
Occasionally I will text her and do the “flirt” thing with her. All last week she was all a-glow with attraction. I figured it was time to get together with her again and finish what we’d started the week before.
So I sent her a message on Thursday night that said simply “Let’s get together tomorrow night after you’re done at work…” I needed to find out if she was available or not so I could plan things out for the weekend.
Her response came back, “Sounds like fun! See you …”
Well, that was less than her flirtatious self, which led me to think “She’s going to flake.” I can sense an impeding flake with about a 95% accuracy these days.
Sure enough, she did.
Now, I’ve been in this game for a LONG time, and it didn’t phase me, and I knew that any reaction was a BAD reaction.
But for the first time, I had an epiphany as to WHY it is that women need to see NO reaction from you on this kind of behavior.
It’s like this: We all know that to ‘call her on her shit’ is a bad, bad, bad way to handle flaking. You send the message that you’re an inflexible dork who will NOT be fun. Sometimes, when a guy is just getting his self-dignity and self-respect up to Alpha Man level, he thinks that he needs to ‘set her straight’ or ‘let her know where he stands.’
Usually, this is not good. Especially for most younger women who are (as I like to say) flakier than day-old croissants.
But consider what she really interprets from your reaction:
If you react to her flaking with anything more than an “I didn’t even notice you flaked” reaction, than you are telling her:
A) You lack emotional maturity, since you can’t handle disappointment or changes in your rigid, structured little life. TRANSLATION: You’re about as fun as a stick in the eye.
B) You must not go through this experience of being flaked on very much or you would have figured it out by now. What, this is the first time you’ve been flaked on? Get over it. TRANSLATION: You’re a loser.
C) If you HAVE been flaked on before and STILL react this way, it tells her that insecure anger is where you react from, and she knows what THAT means about you. (I don’t need to translate this one, do I?)
After all, what kind of guy isn’t even phased by a woman flaking on him?
ANSWER: A man who has other options in his life.
Guys, until she’s begging you to be her one-and-only, there is NO woman that is THAT big of a concern to you. If she is, you’ve lost focus and perspective.
A man will only make a woman this important to him when his own life lacks direction, power, and fun. She’s not here to give you a purpose. She’s here to support and go where you’re already headed.
Some guys incorrectly assume that women need to understand that you are the type of guy that no woman would DARE flake on because he’s so “high value.”
Or they think “If I let her get away with this, I’ll be communicating my lack of value or low social status…”
Sorry, dude. Dead WRONG.
She knows that EVERY girl on the planet has flaked on a guy, and EVERY guy in the world has been flaked on. It’s like when you woke up this morning with wood. It’s a fact of life.
If a woman flakes constantly AFTER you’ve had a chance to demonstrate your Alpha Bad-ass self, then you’ve got only one problem to consider: Stable, sane women do NOT flake on men they genuinely WANT to see again.
So if she continues to flake … that’s not the problem. What you need to know is, why didn’t she want to experience you again?
So here’s my approach:
1) Recognize that it’s in a woman’s nature to flake. It’s not personal, so again, get over it.
Rain gets you wet. Dogs bark. Women flake.
Getting angry about this is neurotic and pointless. Accept it and move on.
2) Always stack your possibilities. If one falls through, you can’t be wasting time getting indignant and angry over something that really doesn’t impact you. It’s a typical newbie mistake to load up far too much meaning on any particular incident of flake-age, and that’s why they tend to keep asking this question about “what do I do when she flakes?”
YOU DON’T CARE, that’s what you do.
3) Never let a woman think you will be anything less than FUN. Her fun is more important initially to her than any belief in your ‘value.’
In fact, the amount of fun you give her is – to a large degree – what she equates as your ‘value.’
Read that again.
And never forget this fact. EVER. Fun for women is one of the most overlooked aspects of building at traction with women, and one of the most under-developed abilities in most men. (I’ll cover this in the future in more detail…)
From now on, repeat after me: “She flaked? Wow, I didn’t even notice…”
PS: I just got a text from that girl in the course of writing this article. She apologized and is back to asking about a second chance. Do you think this would have happened if I’d shown any reaction to her flake? Uh, not likely.
