Flirting With Women – The Best Kept Secrets

Flirting with women is something that guys often feel uncomfortable doing. I’ve had many guys write to me to tell me that they were afraid they’d get arrested if they were seen flirting with women in a store or other establishment during the day.

(I think this fear is very common, and it holds a lot of guys back from approaching women during the day…) 

I want to give you some of my favorite strategies for flirting with women that you can put to work right away. 

First of all, I want you to know that the term “flirting” is really just chick-speak for “pickup.” Guys talk about “picking up” on girls, and women talk about “flirting” with guys. 

It’s a subtle difference in language and terminology that you need to understand so that you don’t risk turning off a woman. Women love to flirt, but hate the thought of being picked up on – which connotes fun and playfulness. 

Pickup, on the other hand, is serious and sex-oriented, which turns women off. 

The next thing you need to be aware of is that we are all born natural flirts. Just watch kids when they’re playing. Watch their body language and their facial expressions. Watch how they roll their eyes, and how they use the tone of their voice to get their way with adults, as well as other kids. 

They are EXPERTS

You were once, too, and all you need to do is tap back into it. 

Now, the rules of flirting with women: 

RULE #1) Flirting is always acceptable in a humorous tone. If you get serious, a woman is going to turn off and tune you out. 

RULE #2) Flirt to GIVE, not to get thinking sabotages your results. When you create a situation where you have to get a result from something you do, you no longer feel fun. 

All conversations where someone wants something from the other person inevitably become uncomfortable. 

RULE #3) Flirt for your own FUN. 

If it’s not fun, you won’t keep doing it. Self-reinforcing habit. You must have a positive motivational reason to flirt, or you’ll feel like it’s just another chore and you’ll stop doing it. 

I was at the best buy the other day buying a movie, and the cute cashier asked me: “Can I see your credit card real fast?” 

So I literally pulled it out of my wallet and slid it back in about a split second. 

She laughed and her body language changed instantly. Now our interaction was no longer just business. And I did that because I’m Italian, and we just LOVE to bust people’s balls like that.

Flirting with women and teasing are practically the exact same thing. 

RULE #4) Flirt with EVERY woman, child, and small furry mammal you encounter. 

Flirting is an attitude that comes through in your vibe. If you only approach attractive women, you’ll just create a mental barrier for yourself, and more anxiety when you find a woman you “really” want to meet. 

Flirting is about creating an abundance mindset. The more abundant you feel, the less you appear needy to a woman.

Now, HOW do you get started? 

Here’s my 4 step formula for flirting with women: 

Step 1) Indirect Question – Ask her something about wherever you are, and keep it situationally relevant. In other words, if you’re in a coffee shop, you need to ask a question that relates to fact that you’re both in this coffee shop. 

Step 2) Use a sassy comment – Sometimes called “Cocky & Funny”, or teasing. 

Here’s what I like to use. I call it the “Duh” question:

“Do you think they serve the drinks really HOT here?” 

Then she usually answers me with, “Uhm, yeah…” And after she looks at me like I’m from another planet, I smile, wink at her, and say, “You didn’t really think I was serious, did you?”

And the teasing has begun… 

Then you have a playful conversation. 

And finally, the last step in flirting with women is this: 

Step 3) YOU leave the conversation first. 

When you’re the one to control the ending of the conversation, your confidence will go up ten times more than if she tells you, “I’ve got to get going.” 

So don’t let her get the drop on you. 

Create what I call the Sacrificial 20: Leave with nothing for the first 20 women you flirt with. 

No phone number, no nothing. 

After you leave behind your old scarcity mindset, and when you feel like women are abundant, you can start to go further… 

What I see is that guys will argue for – and give all their power over to the belief that is holding them back – their own fear of flirting with women and talking with women… 

Arguing for your limitations sounds a bit like this: 

– “But… I think that women are scared of men… they don’t want us to approach them…” 

– “But … what about the women that just want us to approach to get compliments from us?” 

– “But … I think that women are just being polite when guys approach…” 

– “But what about…?” 

– “But… But… But…” 

And the list goes on and on. 

If you want to, you can keep giving your anxiety more and more power by finding reasons to believe in it even more…  KEEP coming up with those “Buts.” 

Or you can accept that arguing for your enemy is what’s really holding you back, and just agree to not fuel it with any more of your fear. 

Can you imagine how that would change your perception of the fear? 

Go check out my latest videos on flirting with women here:


Remember, every girlfriend you’ve had started with a little bit of flirting…

 Your friend, 

Carlos Xuma 

PS: If you want to read about how to massively improve your skills flirting with women, go have a look at this. It might not be for you, but I want to make sure you know about it…

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