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	<title>Carlos Xuma Articles</title>
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		<title>How to be a MAN</title>
		<link>http://www.carlosxuma.com/get-a-girl-dating-tips/2009/01/how-to-be-a-man/</link>
		<comments>http://www.carlosxuma.com/get-a-girl-dating-tips/2009/01/how-to-be-a-man/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 25 Jan 2009 20:22:05 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Confidence]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Inner Game]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Masculinity]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[What's it take to be a man these days?
I find myself asking that question a lot. If you watch young boys and how a lot of them are being brought up these days, you'll find yourself shaking your head as you ask it.   What are the important parts of being a MAN?]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong>What&#8217;s it take to be a man these days?</strong></p>
<p><strong><br />
</strong></p>
<p>I find myself asking that question a lot. If you watch young boys</p>
<p>and how a lot of them are being brought up these days, you&#8217;ll find</p>
<p>yourself shaking your head as you ask it.</p>
<p>What are the important parts of being a MAN?</p>
<p>Just because you have the equipment doesn&#8217;t mean that women</p>
<p>perceive you as being &#8220;MANLY.&#8221; In fact, &#8220;manliness&#8221; has gotten a</p>
<p>bad rap.</p>
<p>And that has led a great many of us (including ME for many years)</p>
<p>to believe that we should be ashamed of being men.</p>
<p>Well, first and most importantly, you have to learn how to be</p>
<p>comfortable with just BEING a man.</p>
<p>With all the stupid messages you get from the media on things to</p>
<p>&#8220;enhance&#8221; your masculinity, you&#8217;d think that there was something</p>
<p>basically wrong with us right from the start, wouldn&#8217;t you?</p>
<p>You&#8217;re not long enough, hard enough, rich enough, or good looking</p>
<p>enough to get the woman you want &#8211; that&#8217;s what They tell you.</p>
<p>But the reality is that women are attracted to a man from emotions</p>
<p>- NOT appearance.</p>
<p>(Yes, we know that a hot guy will get more initial interest, but he</p>
<p>can&#8217;t KEEP it if he isn&#8217;t showing her the right Alpha traits.)</p>
<p>So here are my top 3 traits for you to work on your masculinity and</p>
<p>demonstrating your Alpha Manhood.</p>
<p><em><strong>&gt;&gt; WARNING: I&#8217;m not pulling any punches here. If you have a weak</strong></em></p>
<p><em><strong>stomach, I suggest you close this email and go back about your day.</strong></em></p>
<p><em><strong><br />
</strong></em></p>
<p>Still with me?</p>
<p>GOOD! I knew you had the stones.</p>
<p>Here we go&#8230;</p>
<p><strong>*** ALPHA MAN TRAIT 1) Initiative &#8211; Leadership drive</strong></p>
<p>Women LOVE leaders.</p>
<p>They love it when a guy takes the lead and just makes the decision</p>
<p>and goes with it.</p>
<p>Even if he&#8217;s wrong.</p>
<p>I make it a point when I&#8217;m out to ask women what they find most</p>
<p>un-attractive about men, and one thing comes up more than anything</p>
<p>else&#8230;</p>
<p><strong>Indecisiveness and wishy-washy behavior.</strong></p>
<p><strong><br />
</strong></p>
<p>Guys are trying to be &#8220;easy going&#8221; and cool, but they&#8217;re actually</p>
<p>being perceived as weak-kneed little girls.</p>
<p>The great thing about taking initiative is that by doing this, you</p>
<p>actually demonstrate two other POWERFUL traits that draw women in</p>
<p>like moths to a flame: Ambition and Power.</p>
<p>Just by demonstrating the initiative with a woman, you are</p>
<p>sub-communicating all the right things about your masculinity and</p>
<p>drive.</p>
<p>In order to take this initiative, most men need to feel&#8230;</p>
<p><strong>*** ALPHA MAN TRAIT 2) Assertiveness/Confidence</strong></p>
<p>It&#8217;s probably no secret to you that I don&#8217;t cater to &#8220;political</p>
<p>correctness.&#8221;</p>
<p>This story should help you understand how I feel:</p>
<p>There was a priest addressing his congregation, and he said to them</p>
<p>during his sermon: &#8220;There are millions of people out there starving</p>
<p>in the world today&#8230; and the problem is YOU DON&#8217;T GIVE A DAMN</p>
<p>about it!&#8221;</p>
<p>Then he said, &#8220;And the BIGGER problem is that MORE of you are</p>
<p>shocked by me saying &#8216;damn&#8217; in church than you are about the fact</p>
<p>that there are millions of people starving out there!&#8221;</p>
<p><strong>WOW.</strong></p>
<p>And the thing about confidence is that it really translates into</p>
<p>another word that allows us to understand it better.</p>
<p>Confidence</p>
<p>is</p>
<p><strong> CERTAINTY.</strong></p>
<p>Just the fact that you are sure about something is what gives you</p>
<p>confidence.</p>
<p>&#8230; Are you sure you can throw a baseball?</p>
<p>&#8230; Are you certain about yourself?</p>
<p>&#8230; Are you sure about what you want?</p>
<p>&#8230; Are you certain about your ability to approach women?</p>
<p>Wherever you have certainty in life, you feel confidence.</p>
<p>And assertiveness is what comes from your confidence. You can be</p>
<p>more firm and assertive when you know what it is you want, and</p>
<p>you&#8217;re not willing to settle for less.</p>
<p>In order to exercise that confidence, we have to achieve&#8230;</p>
<p><strong>***ALPHA MAN TRAIT 3) Emotional Control/Emotional Strength</strong></p>
<p>Look, women are NOT attracted to men that cry on their shoulder.</p>
<p>They&#8217;re NOT attracted to men who are always talking about their</p>
<p>&#8220;feelings.&#8221;</p>
<p>Women want a man that is in control of his own emotional world.</p>
<p>You may hear women complain about the guy who&#8217;s &#8220;not in touch with</p>
<p>his emotions,&#8221; but the reality is that most of the guys who seem to</p>
<p>think they are in touch with their emotions are just PUPPETS of</p>
<p>their emotions.</p>
<p>There are really relatively few cases of guys who are strong and</p>
<p>emotionally controlled who just wake up one day and freak out</p>
<p>because their emotions had been bottled up inside them and went</p>
<p>thermo-nuclear.</p>
<p>I think a lot of &#8217;sensitive&#8217; guys are afraid of this.</p>
<p>Forget about it!</p>
<p>You don&#8217;t have to be an emotional man to be &#8220;aware&#8221; of your emotions.</p>
<p>Don&#8217;t DENY your emotions, but don&#8217;t LIVE in them, either.</p>
<p>First and foremost is emotional CONTROL. That&#8217;s your big responsibility</p>
<p>as an Alpha Man.</p>
<p><strong>*** BONUS ALPHA MAN EXERCISE: Do something BALLSY.</strong></p>
<p>I mean do something that takes a pair of good-sized gonads.</p>
<p>I&#8217;m not talking about walking into Victoria&#8217;s Secret with your</p>
<p>female friend while she buys a new bra, either.</p>
<p>Here are some &#8220;fake ballsy&#8221; and &#8220;REAL ballsy&#8221; activities so you</p>
<p>know what I mean:</p>
<p>FAKE ballsy: Writing a nasty comment on someone&#8217;s Youtube video&#8230;</p>
<p>REAL ballsy: Sitting down with your friend and setting him straight</p>
<p>on how he&#8217;s wussing out in his life&#8230;</p>
<p>I go on Youtube to look up good martial arts training videos, and</p>
<p>I&#8217;m ASTONISHED at the 3rd grade comments and flame wars that people</p>
<p>get into. The Internet has devolved into a cesspool of egos</p>
<p>battling it out for who&#8217;s &#8220;right&#8221; about something.</p>
<p>Real balls means that you&#8217;re using your character to do something</p>
<p>difficult that most other people wouldn&#8217;t risk, because they don&#8217;t</p>
<p>want to &#8216;hurt someone&#8217;s feelings.&#8217;</p>
<p>Or they don&#8217;t want to &#8216;confront&#8217; someone&#8230;</p>
<p>Look, we know that men are here to DO the things other people fear.</p>
<p>FAKE ballsy: Wearing the t-shirt of your favorite heavy metal band.</p>
<p>REAL ballsy: Wearing a t-shirt with &#8220;Got Dick?&#8221; on it&#8230;</p>
<p>True story: I had a friend named Dan in high school who came in with a</p>
<p>t-shirt that read, &#8220;If it ain&#8217;t stiff, it ain&#8217;t worth a f*ck.&#8221;</p>
<p>He got suspended for a day or two for that. But I also remember him</p>
<p>doing that and secretly wishing I had the nads to be that brave.</p>
<p><em>(Oh, and the girls were talking about him for WEEKS after that.)</em></p>
<p><em><br />
</em></p>
<p>I got my chance a few years back when I went to a sushi place in</p>
<p>San Francisco and bought their t-shirt that said: &#8220;Your fish smells</p>
<p>like pussy.&#8221;</p>
<p>I wore that out one day and got a lot of comments from women that I</p>
<p>could tell were secretly loving it &#8211; even as they were telling me</p>
<p>&#8220;that&#8217;s not a nice t-shirt&#8230;&#8221;</p>
<p>Yeah. &#8220;Not-nice.&#8221;</p>
<p>That thing that women say they don&#8217;t want, but somehow always pursue.</p>
<p>Got me on that one, ma&#8217;am.</p>
<p>You see, every so often you have to break those shackles of</p>
<p>&#8220;political correctness&#8221; and &#8220;niceness&#8221; that has defined you.</p>
<p>Stop being the boring &#8220;nice guy&#8221; that makes women yawn and roll</p>
<p>their eyes.</p>
<p>Stop seeking approval. If I had chosen to go that route, I&#8217;d never</p>
<p>have had the opportunity to help guys like you to get the</p>
<p>confidence and women they want in life.</p>
<p>I&#8217;d have crumpled like a wet taco when the first person wrote me an</p>
<p>email saying he disagreed with my teachings.</p>
<p><em>(Funny, I don&#8217;t get those emails anymore.)</em></p>
<p><em><br />
</em></p>
<p>SHOCK someone&#8230; Be different.</p>
<p>Ask yourself: How alive are you willing to be?</p>
<p>Dare to live your life on your own terms, and you&#8217;ll feel a sense</p>
<p>of liberation and Alpha Masculinity that will open up a new world</p>
<p>to you.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s the world where you get what you want &#8211; and what you deserve.</p>
<p>Talk to you again soon&#8230;</p>
<p>Your friend,</p>
<p>Carlos Xuma</p>
<p>PS: It&#8217;s easy to take a message like this and nod your head in</p>
<p>agreement, but then go back to the same old ways&#8230;</p>
<p>&#8220;Forget about it,&#8221; that voice in your head says. &#8220;Go back to being</p>
<p>happy and blissfully ignorant.&#8221;</p>
<p>Until you run into the same challenges again and again&#8230;</p>
<p>Instead, why not make today different? Why not make it the day you</p>
<p>finally went after what YOU wanted?</p>
<p>REMEMBER: Either you will make yourself, or the world</p>
<p>will change you &#8211; against your will.</p>
<p>Which do you want?</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>How to Seduce Women &#8211; Seduction Techniques</title>
		<link>http://www.carlosxuma.com/get-a-girl-dating-tips/2008/11/how-to-seduce-women-seduction-techniques/</link>
		<comments>http://www.carlosxuma.com/get-a-girl-dating-tips/2008/11/how-to-seduce-women-seduction-techniques/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 11 Nov 2008 17:44:27 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Alpha Lifestyle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Approaching Women]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Confidence]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[We really do want to please women - and ourselves - by being the kind of confident man she wants. We all feel validation when a girl likes us back. It's what we all want. And when a guy wants to know how to seduce women, he's actually talking about the same things I teach, but we're just using different words. You see, when guys want to learn a seduction technique, they're not really talking about "seduction" at all. They're really talking about...]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong>How to Seduce Women: Seduction Techniques of the Alpha Man<br />
</strong><br />
<strong><em>SEDUCTION.<br />
</em></strong><br />
This is one of the words I&#8217;ve tried to stay away from. I also don&#8217;t like talking about &#8220;seduction techniques&#8221; either.</p>
<p>Why?</p>
<p>Mostly because I always felt that &#8220;seduction&#8221; had a bad meaning underneath it. It sounds like sneakiness and angry male behavior, honestly.</p>
<p>And I&#8217;ve also never felt that learning &#8220;seduction&#8221; or &#8220;seduction techniques&#8221; is what men <strong>REALLY</strong> wanted.</p>
<p>But then I came to a realization&#8230;</p>
<p>The first is that most guys are actually very ethical about pursuing women. We&#8217;re not trying to harm or manipulate women, even when we&#8217;re talking about &#8217;seducing&#8217; women.</p>
<p>We really do want to please women &#8211; and ourselves &#8211; by being the kind of confident man she wants. We all feel validation when a girl likes us back. It&#8217;s what we all want.</p>
<p>And when a guy wants to know how to seduce women, he&#8217;s actually talking about the same things I teach, but we&#8217;re just using different words.</p>
<p>You see, when guys want to learn a seduction technique, they&#8217;re not really talking about &#8220;seduction&#8221; at all&#8230;</p>
<p>They&#8217;re talking about creating <strong>ATTRACTION</strong>.</p>
<p>POWERFUL, hypnotizing attraction techniques.</p>
<p>The kind of techniques that get a woman&#8217;s attention like a clap of thunder&#8230;</p>
<p>The kind that makes a woman&#8217;s heart stop for a beat or two, and the man instantly becomes the center of her attention.</p>
<p>This kind of attraction also lasts long after the night ends. She&#8217;s thinking about him constantly.</p>
<p>And the key word here is &#8220;powerful&#8221; because that&#8217;s what men love to feel. Like we&#8217;ve got a mysterious POWER over women.</p>
<p>This is the kind of seduction that a woman actually WANTS from a man, believe it or not.</p>
<p>However, most women will not like the term seduction. The same way they don&#8217;t like the term &#8220;pickup artist.&#8221; After all, a pickup artist is simply an &#8220;Attraction Artist.&#8221;</p>
<p>But we guys like the title of &#8220;PUA,&#8221; don&#8217;t we? It&#8217;s like the King of Seduction walked up and said, &#8220;I confer upon thee the title Pickup Artist!&#8221; <img src='http://www.carlosxuma.com/get-a-girl-dating-tips/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_smile.gif' alt=':)' class='wp-smiley' /> </p>
<p>Now I&#8217;m going to get to some specific ways you can create that kind of attraction with women in just a minute, but first let&#8217;s agree on what seduction techniques should do, and how you can seduce women in an ethical way.</p>
<p>The most important thing I teach men is how to be a better man by choosing methods that you don&#8217;t have feel creepy or ashamed of.</p>
<p>Seduction techniques should do the following 2 things for you:</p>
<p><strong>1. They have to be simple and easy to use.<br />
</strong><br />
Most guys don&#8217;t have the time or the interest to learn all these huge systems to seduce women, and all these thousands of seduction techniques. We might want to be an expert, but we need something to just get us going, quick and easy.</p>
<p>If we can just meet women, start attraction, and keep it going, you know the rest takes care of itself.</p>
<p><strong>2. They have to be AUTHENTIC.<br />
</strong><br />
You don&#8217;t want to feel like a creepy guy that just learned some slick lines to scam women into liking him.</p>
<p>Even the guy that&#8217;s out there using a ton of &#8220;routines&#8221; and scripts &#8211; this guy wants to come up with his own genuine attractive persona that women will respond to NATURALLY.</p>
<p>But sometimes you have to memorize a few things that will get you by. Nothing wrong with that.</p>
<p>Because if you&#8217;re at all like me, you probably just had NO idea where to start, and all you want is just an example of WHAT it is that naturally attractive guys say to women, right?</p>
<p>And THAT is why I&#8217;m not the kind of guy that will give you some lame ass advice about how you should &#8220;never&#8221; use anything you&#8217;ve memorized or rehearsed.</p>
<p>What I advise is that you should never rely *ONLY* on memorized routines. That&#8217;s when you&#8217;re fake, and women won&#8217;t respond to it.</p>
<p>Be REAL with women and you&#8217;ll have much more success. And let&#8217;s be clear: this is NOT the same thing as &#8220;just be yourself.&#8221;</p>
<p>So now let&#8217;s get going on the seduction techniques (or attraction techniques) that a confident Alpha Man can use to get women&#8230;</p>
<p><strong>SEDUCE WOMEN TIP 1: Don&#8217;t try to be the clever &#8216;player&#8217; guy.<br />
</strong><br />
Yeah, you know him. He&#8217;s the guy with the fake front that he always puts on with women. Sometimes with guys, too.</p>
<p>He <strong>ACTS</strong> confident, but you can tell that it&#8217;s just a thin mask because he&#8217;s trying so hard to look like he knows he&#8217;s cool and that he can get any woman he wants.</p>
<p>He practically wears a t-shirt that says: &#8220;Yeah, I seduce women, and they love it!&#8221;</p>
<p>I saw a guy like this at a party last week, and he had this five-o-clock shadow, the &#8220;hip&#8221; t-shirt, and that swagger that just makes you want to throw up.</p>
<p>Again, this is what is know as <strong>BRAVADO</strong>. It&#8217;s showing off, which screams out &#8220;I&#8217;m REALLY insecure! But if I&#8217;m if I&#8217;m loud enough, you won&#8217;t know the difference!&#8221;</p>
<p>But we do.</p>
<p>This is what you might have heard of as &#8220;selling the sizzle, not the steak.&#8221;</p>
<p><strong>SEDUCE WOMEN TIP 2: Don&#8217;t be too &#8220;planned out.&#8221;<br />
</strong><br />
The kind of seduction techniques that feel best to girls are the ones where the conversation really feels like it&#8217;s happening in real-time.</p>
<p>This means that while you can memorize a FEW clever things to say, the best approach is not to try to memorize a lot of stuff, no matter how cool it might sound when you read it.</p>
<p>First of all because the second you feel ANY stress or anxiety, you&#8217;ll immediately go blank in your head. I&#8217;m sure you&#8217;ve had this happen enough to know what I mean.</p>
<p>Most guys go blank when they DON&#8217;T memorize something, so it seems to make sense that when you memorize a few things, you&#8217;ll conquer this problem.</p>
<p>But it doesn&#8217;t really work, does it?</p>
<p>In fact that leads to my second point, which is that if you memorize too much stuff to say, she&#8217;ll see when you start digging back into your head for clever lines or things to say.</p>
<p>Here&#8217;s my rule for memorizing. It&#8217;s so simple, you don&#8217;t even have to memorize my rule because it&#8217;s so damn simple!</p>
<p><strong>CARLOS&#8217; RULE FOR MEMORIZING SEDUCTION MATERIAL:<br />
</strong><br />
<em>You only need ONE approach, ONE fun thing to talk about, and ONE close to meet any women out there.</em></p>
<p>ONE of each. Not ten!</p>
<p>The more options you try to use, the more you confuse yourself and trip yourself up.</p>
<p>By the way, one of the easiest techniques I know of to have a lot of cool stuff to talk about without having to memorize it is to watch a lot of movies, and maybe a couple funny television shows.</p>
<p>You can use the plots and the clever &#8220;catch phrases&#8221; to spice up your conversation anytime. Just use the fun &amp; funny stuff, not the obscure lines that Bruce Willis used in the old &#8220;Die Hard&#8221; movies, okay?</p>
<p><strong>SEDUCE WOMEN TIP 3: The secret to getting a woman attracted to you is being able to ask the right QUESTIONS.<br />
</strong><br />
We&#8217;re often told that we need to know the right answer for everything a woman says to get attraction started. If you know how to ANSWER her the right way, she&#8217;ll realize that she wants you, right?</p>
<p>First she tests you&#8230;</p>
<p>&#8230;and then you respond.</p>
<p>But that&#8217;s not really true, and it&#8217;s one of the big mistakes in pickup today.</p>
<p>Your job is to LEAD the conversation &#8211; all the time, not wait to react to the woman. If you just wait to give her clever responses, no matter how cool they are, it sends a hidden signal to her that you&#8217;re reacting to her.</p>
<p>Again, a woman knows when you&#8217;re <strong>REACTIVE</strong> rather than PROactive. By learning a whole bunch of witty comebacks, you&#8217;re just setting yourself up to be the passive one in the interaction. You&#8217;ll be led around by your nose, until you make a mistake.</p>
<p>Women respond most to <strong><em>INITIATIVE</em></strong>.</p>
<p>The secret key to conversations that seduce women is to know how and WHEN to ask a woman questions to get into DEEP rapport with her.</p>
<p>Questions are the power tool of conversations.</p>
<p>The sad fact is that deep rapport is a skill that most guys never learn, and it&#8217;s the most POWERFUL technique to seduce women you can possibly use.</p>
<p>Because, ultimately, the amount of TRUST she feels for you will ultimately determine whether you seduce her, or you get shot down yet again.</p>
<p><strong>SEDUCE WOMEN TIP 4: Learn how to touch women correctly.<br />
</strong><br />
Once you get past all the &#8220;talk&#8221; and chit-chat (and even DURING it), a woman has to feel your physical presence. This is the element that will push her over the top into seduction.</p>
<p>You may hear this talked about as &#8220;kino&#8221; or &#8220;kinesthetics,&#8221; and it&#8217;s just another bit of pickup jargon that means project your confidence with your physical presence.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s the way you stand, the way you walk, and how you communicate underneath your words.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s how close you stand at the right &#8211; or wrong &#8211; time.</p>
<p>And once you get the hang of it (it&#8217;s super easy, man), you&#8217;ll know what I mean.</p>
<p>You know, there was a time I felt ashamed and completely trapped in my inability with women. I was weak and supplicating. I came on way too strong with the girls I dated, and I drove them all off.</p>
<p>The more women I dated, the more I scared away, and the sicker I felt inside.</p>
<p>I got desperate, man. Trapped in that sense of futility that I could never learn what it was that got women attracted to me.</p>
<p>There was even one woman I was on a date with that some people actually saw what I was doing and laughed at me from across a parking lot.</p>
<p>I felt like a complete loser. It was humiliating. I&#8217;m pissed just talking about this, but it&#8217;s important for you to know.</p>
<p>I promised myself that would never happen again, to me or any other guy I could help.</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve created some home study courses that will get you past a lot of this pain and fear, and a <strong>LOT</strong> of the rejection.</p>
<p>Whether you want to talk about seducing women or attracting women, or learning seduction techniques versus learning attraction tactics, it&#8217;s all the same thing.</p>
<p>Learning how to be the man you want to be to get the girl you want.</p>
<p>Learn more here:<br />
<strong><a href="http://www.datingdynamics.com/dating-tips-for-men-articles/seduce-women-seduction-techniques.php" onclick="javascript:pageTracker._trackPageview ('/outbound/www.datingdynamics.com');">How to Seduce Women &#8211; Seduction Techniques</a></strong></p>
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		<title>A Guide to Understanding Women</title>
		<link>http://www.carlosxuma.com/get-a-girl-dating-tips/2008/10/a-guide-to-understanding-women/</link>
		<comments>http://www.carlosxuma.com/get-a-girl-dating-tips/2008/10/a-guide-to-understanding-women/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 31 Oct 2008 14:26:56 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Alpha Lifestyle]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Approaching Women]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Conversation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[What Women Want]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Does it ever feel like no matter what you say to a woman, you just can't say the right thing? Do you ever have problems understanding what women are saying to you? I always wished I had a guide to understanding women. It would have made my life SO much simpler. Just a short 100 page paperback that explained the basics so I knew what I was dealing with. Now you can understand what women really mean...]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Does it ever feel like no matter what you say to a woman, you just can&#8217;t say the right thing?</p>
<p>Do you ever have problems understanding what women are saying to you?</p>
<p>I always wished I had a guide to understanding women. It would have made my life SO much simpler. Just a short 100 page paperback that explained the basics so I knew what I was dealing with.</p>
<p>Look, I love talking to women. Because if there&#8217;s one thing that&#8217;s guaranteed, there&#8217;s never a dull moment in a conversation with a woman.</p>
<p>But if you don&#8217;t know how to handle yourself, it can also be a real challenge, and that&#8217;s what kills the fun for most guys.</p>
<p>Here are some funny interpretations of what women are saying, and then what she really means.<br />
<strong><br />
CARLOS&#8217; GUIDE TO UNDERSTANDING WOMEN -<br />
WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS WHEN SHE SAYS:</strong></p>
<p><strong>&#8220;FINE&#8221;:</strong> This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use &#8220;fine&#8221; to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of &#8220;those&#8221; arguments.</p>
<p><strong>&#8220;FIVE MINUTES&#8221;:</strong> This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you pay attention to her again, so it&#8217;s usually an even trade.</p>
<p><strong>&#8220;NOTHING&#8221;: </strong>This means &#8220;something&#8221; and you should be on your toes. &#8220;Nothing&#8221; is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. &#8220;Nothing&#8221; usually signifies an argument that will last &#8220;Five Minutes&#8221; and will end with the word &#8220;Fine&#8221;.</p>
<p><strong>&#8220;GO AHEAD&#8221; (With Raised Eyebrows):</strong> This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over &#8220;Nothing&#8221; and will end with the word &#8220;Fine&#8221;.</p>
<p><strong>&#8220;GO AHEAD&#8221; (Normal Eyebrows): </strong>This means &#8220;I give up&#8221; or &#8220;do what you want because I don&#8217;t care&#8221;. You will get a &#8220;Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead&#8221; in just a few minutes, followed by &#8220;Nothing&#8221; and &#8220;Fine&#8221;, and she will talk to you in about &#8220;Five Minutes&#8221; when she cools off.</p>
<p>Now that&#8217;s a humorous take on how women can say one thing and mean something completely different. Raise your hand if you&#8217;ve ever had THAT kind of conversation with a woman&#8230;</p>
<p>Well, when you&#8217;re just meeting a woman for the first time, or in the early stages, you&#8217;ll probably encounter a whole different set of challenges.</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve got some serious tips on communicating with women that will help you. They&#8217;ve gotten me through some wickedly frustrating moments, and if you can use them, all the power to you.</p>
<p>This is your REAL Guide to Understanding Women:</p>
<p style="text-indent:20pt;"><strong>- WHEN A WOMAN SAYS THIS:<br />
&#8220;I want a sensitive guy&#8230;&#8221;</strong></p>
<p><strong></p>
<p style="text-indent:20pt;">- WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS IS THIS:<br />
&#8220;I want a guy who can be sensitive to MY feelings.&#8221;</p>
<p></strong></p>
<p style="text-indent:20pt;"> </p>
<p>She does NOT want a guy who is sensitive in the way of breaking down in tears on a regular basis, or always &#8220;Sharing his feelings and heart&#8221; with a woman.</p>
<p>It may sound cold and old-fashioned, but this is true: Women don&#8217;t feel attraction &#8211; gut-level, stop-her-heart attraction &#8211; for sensitive new-age guys. (S.N.A.G.s)</p>
<p>You see women know that they live in a rather volatile and bumpy ride of emotions a great deal of the time, and they need someone who can ground them and give them a feeling of safety.</p>
<p>Write that one down in your Guide to Understanding Women &#8211; then highlight it and circle it.</p>
<p style="text-indent:20pt;"><strong>- WHEN A WOMAN SAYS THIS:<br />
&#8220;Yeah, sure, let&#8217;s go out this weekend. Give me a call on Saturday afternoon to confirm the plan.&#8221;</strong></p>
<p><strong></p>
<p style="text-indent:20pt;">- WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS IS THIS:<br />
&#8220;I&#8217;m not really interested, or I&#8217;m waiting for better plans to come up. But I don&#8217;t want to say &#8216;no&#8217; and shatter your hopes, so I&#8217;ll take the easy way out on the phone, and when you call on Saturday, I won&#8217;t answer. I hope you&#8217;ll take the hint.&#8221;</p>
<p></strong></p>
<p style="text-indent:20pt;"> </p>
<p>Ever had this one happen?</p>
<p><strong>TRUE STORY</strong>: I once called a woman ten times before she finally answered and yelled, &#8220;Get a clue!&#8221; into my ear. That was a harsh lesson.</p>
<p>One of the cold hard realities is that women (especially younger women) are always trying to plan their time on the best bet. They&#8217;ll make several commitments and take the one that looks the best. That&#8217;s usually 5 minutes before you&#8217;re supposed to meet her.</p>
<p>Very often, you&#8217;re just a backup plan, dude.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s not that you don&#8217;t have potential, but you haven&#8217;t shown KICK-ASS potential to get her to think: &#8220;Holy crap, going out with him will be more fun than anything else. I&#8217;ll cancel my plans to pick up my lottery winnings to meet up with him.&#8221;</p>
<p>When you KNOW you&#8217;re going to have a fun time, you won&#8217;t turn it down.</p>
<p>And it&#8217;s your job to communicate that to a woman so that she will know this and drop anything and everything and spend time with you.</p>
<p style="text-indent:20pt;"><strong>- WHEN A WOMAN SAYS THIS:<br />
&#8220;I&#8217;m not ready for a relationship&#8230;&#8221;<br />
OR<br />
&#8220;I think we should just be friends&#8230;&#8221;</strong></p>
<p><strong></p>
<p style="text-indent:20pt;">- WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS IS THIS:<br />
&#8220;You seem more like a brother or a &#8216;nice guy&#8217; to me, and you&#8217;re just not raising my feelings of attraction. I don&#8217;t feel any spark of chemistry. Mostly because you don&#8217;t seem all that exciting, or I feel like you&#8217;ve got an agenda.&#8221;</p>
<p></strong></p>
<p style="text-indent:20pt;"> </p>
<p>Wow.</p>
<p>That&#8217;s a cold one to swallow, but it&#8217;s also very true. I would have saved myself a TON of pain and suffering if I&#8217;d had a guide to understanding women. I had women that would go out with me on dates and get super intimate with me, and then &#8211; when they smelled a little bit of &#8220;wuss&#8221; on me &#8211; they pulled that one out of left field.</p>
<p>WTF?</p>
<p>REMEMBER THIS: Women do NOT ask to be friends with a guy they feel sexually attracted to.</p>
<p>This is RULE 1 in my guide to understanding women:</p>
<p>When a woman feels attraction for you, she simply does not have the will or the desire to stop herself from acting on her desire.</p>
<p>If you wanted a woman, would you ever find yourself telling her, &#8220;I really think we should just be friends for a while to see how things go first.&#8221;</p>
<p>HELL NO! You hit that thang like it&#8217;s water to a man dying of thirst. Well, maybe not that eagerly. But you get my point.</p>
<p>We simply do not refuse to act on sexual attraction when it&#8217;s there. We just go for it. It&#8217;s human nature.</p>
<p>And even if she just came out of a horrible relationship, a woman will still jump on the first bad-boy that drives her wild. So don&#8217;t ever fall for that &#8220;my heart is vulnerable&#8221; or &#8220;I&#8217;m not ready&#8221; crap.</p>
<p><strong>We&#8217;re ALWAYS ready for the person we really want.<br />
</strong><br />
If you&#8217;ve ever been a woman&#8217;s &#8220;buddy&#8221; and listened to hear tale of heartbreak, only to have her go jump in some other guy&#8217;s bed, you know exactly what I mean.</p>
<p>The funny thing is that you don&#8217;t have to spend that much time understanding what women are saying to you if you spend enough time communicating your confidence and strength to HER.</p>
<p>Interpretation is unnecessary when you&#8217;re being clear about your confidence, your Alpha masculinity, and your comfort with your sexual desires.</p>
<p>Unfortunately most guys never really learn what it takes to do this the right way&#8230;</p>
<p>The good news is that I&#8217;ve got a &#8220;Guide to Understanding Women&#8221; that can give you the understanding about women that you may have missed.</p>
<p>Women keep their secrets well, but once you understand and decipher what it is she&#8217;s looking for in a guy, you&#8217;ll have no problems translating her words into what she&#8217;s really saying.<br />
And here&#8217;s another nasty truth: If you&#8217;re not actively learning these secrets and techniques, you&#8217;re probably losing ground to the other guys out there who are.</p>
<p>Let&#8217;s face it, guys are more aware of the rules of the game now than ever before. The guys that are learning these strategies move forward by leaps and bounds, and get success a LOT faster than guys who try to figure it out on their own.</p>
<p>Which means that in as little as just a few weeks, you could be falling into the lowest percentage guys who get little or no success with women.</p>
<p>I&#8217;m not here to scare you with fear, though. There is a cure for this, and it&#8217;s fast and easy to learn.</p>
<p>And if you learn what I teach about REAL Game with women, you&#8217;ll find that your success will easily surpass any &#8220;pickup artist&#8221; out there.</p>
<p>Why?</p>
<p>Because I teach you what they can&#8217;t: How to attract quality women with your genuine personality, with no fear and no rejection.</p>
<p>And the biggest bonus is that your self-esteem and self-confidence will shoot through the roof at the same time.</p>
<p>Don&#8217;t get left behind. And don&#8217;t fall for the clever marketing pitches that tell you that you need to spend $3000 to go to a bootcamp to meet women in dark, noisy bars.</p>
<p>In just a few hours, you can learn the secrets that will help you for a LIFETIME.</p>
<p><strong><a href="http://www.attractwomenprogram.com" target="_blank" onclick="javascript:pageTracker._trackPageview ('/outbound/www.attractwomenprogram.com');">Attract Women &#8211; The QUALITY Women&#8230;.</a></strong></p>
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		<title>Pick Up Lines &#8211; Secrets to Making Pickup Lines WORK</title>
		<link>http://www.carlosxuma.com/get-a-girl-dating-tips/2008/10/secret-flirting-tips-for-meeting-women/</link>
		<comments>http://www.carlosxuma.com/get-a-girl-dating-tips/2008/10/secret-flirting-tips-for-meeting-women/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 27 Oct 2008 04:23:58 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Approaching Women]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Conversation]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Have you ever heard of "pick up lines" before? Of course you have... Guys have been using them for years. Or, well... I should say they've been thinking about using them. They're actually more of a kind of joke than they are a real way to meet women, right? Well, you need to know why they don't work for most guys, and what you need to do to meet women for REAL...]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>You know, if you study dating and the art of attraction,<br />
you start to hear some crazy stuff. You even begin to wonder if some of it<br />
is for real.</p>
<p>Have you ever heard of &#8220;pick up lines&#8221; before?<br />
Of course you have&#8230; Guys have been using them for <strong><em>years</em></strong><strong>&#8230;</strong></p>
<p>Or, well&#8230; I should say they&#8217;ve been <em>thinking</em> about using them. They&#8217;re actually more of a kind of joke than they are a real way to meet women, right?</p>
<p>I mean, have you ever actually said this to a woman:</p>
<blockquote><p><strong>&#8220;If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it<br />
against me?&#8221;</strong></p></blockquote>
<p>Rrrrrright.<br />
Well, here are just a few of the pick up lines I&#8217;ve heard in my time:</p>
<blockquote class="style73"><p>-  &#8220;If you were a new sandwich at Mcdonalds, you&#8217;d<br />
be called the McGorgeous.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<blockquote class="style38 style73"><p>-  &#8220;If you were a booger I&#8217;d pick you first.&#8221;</p>
<p>-  &#8220;I&#8217;m not actually this tall, I&#8217;ve got this bad habit of sitting<br />
on my wallet.&#8221;</p>
<p>-  &#8220;Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn&#8217;t mean much when you have<br />
a weak heart.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<blockquote class="style38 style73"><p>-  &#8220;You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You&#8217;re making the<br />
other women look really bad.&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<blockquote class="style38 style73"><p>-  &#8220;My boys over there bet that I wouldn&#8217;t be able to start a conversation<br />
with the most beautiful girl in the room. Want to buy some drinks with<br />
their money?&#8221;</p></blockquote>
<p>Are these pick up lines funny? Yeah. In the way that a one-line joke is<br />
amusing.</p>
<p>By the way, I chose only the least cheesy lines to show you, because<br />
most pickup lines SUCK.<br />
<strong>BAD.</strong></p>
<p>Mostly because they show ZERO calibration and sensitivity. They come across<br />
as bad jokes you might hear instead of a <strong>real</strong> way to open a conversation<br />
with a woman.</p>
<p>*** So you might ask, are there any pickup lines that work?</p>
<p>Yes, some pickup lines actually DO work.</p>
<p>But they are not what you think of as &#8220;pick up lines&#8230;&#8221;</p>
<p>First, before I talk about the ones that work, I want to tell you why guys<br />
are so hung up on searching for the latest pick up line.</p>
<p class="bigblue2">Here&#8217;s why:</p>
<p class="bigblue2">A pickup line is a deflection and a crutch.</p>
<p class="bigheading2">What I mean by that is that when you walk up and use a pickup line on a woman,<br />
and it doesn&#8217;t work, and she squints at you and tells you to get lost, she&#8217;s<br />
not really rejecting YOU, right?</p>
<p>She&#8217;s rejecting the Pickup line. And now you can blame the LINE instead of<br />
your approach.</p>
<p>Sounds kinda goofy, but that&#8217;s the psychology of it.</p>
<p>But that&#8217;s also why you never really hear any guys using these things on<br />
the street. I know you&#8217;re the kind of guy that knows these pickup lines<br />
are lame, and you want something more substantial and GENUINE to say.</p>
<p class="bigheading2"> </p>
<p class="bigheading2">AND you also want something easy that you can use to start a conversation.</p>
<p class="bigheadingred"> </p>
<p>So what you&#8217;re really looking for is an &#8220;opener.&#8221; I&#8217;ll get back<br />
to this in a second.</p>
<p>Here&#8217;s the biggest secret about your &#8220;pick up line&#8221; that you MUST<br />
use to your advantage. It&#8217;s probably the single most important thing you need<br />
to know about women, by the way.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s this&#8230;</p>
<p>It doesn&#8217;t matter what the first thing you say to a woman is&#8230; (as long<br />
as it&#8217;s not vulgar or downright stupid.)</p>
<p>What matters is what you say to her after she responds.</p>
<p>Let me repeat that for the cheap seats:</p>
<p class="bigheadingred"> </p>
<p class="bigheadingred">What REALLY matters is what you say to her AFTER she responds to your opening<br />
line.</p>
<p>So if you walk up to a woman and say, &#8220;You&#8217;re beautiful, I&#8217;d love to<br />
get to know you&#8230;&#8221;</p>
<p>or maybe you open with, &#8220;Hey, I just had to let you know you&#8217;ve got<br />
a great energy about you&#8230;&#8221;</p>
<p>And then she replies, &#8220;Oh, that&#8217;s so sweet!&#8221; And she stands there<br />
smiling at you, waiting.</p>
<p>And waiting&#8230;</p>
<blockquote><p><strong>NOW what do you say?</strong></p></blockquote>
<p>Well, what you say next is even MORE important than your opener because it&#8217;s what tells her why you&#8217;re there talking with her, how confident you are,<br />
and whether or not she should be interested in getting to know more about<br />
you.</p>
<p>She needs to know what you&#8217;re made of. And your response tells her more than what you said to open the conversation, believe it or not.</p>
<p>After all, you could have rehearsed your pick up line for weeks, or read<br />
it out of a book, or gotten it online, right?<br />
But you wouldn&#8217;t be able to predict what she was going to say, so the next<br />
thing out of your mouth is going to be very REAL to your conversation.</p>
<p>If you hesitate, or look like you&#8217;re going back into your head to check your<br />
memorized pickup responses, she will see it in your eyes.</p>
<p>When I first found out about how women pick up on this stuff, I was <strong>AMAZED</strong> that it was so obvious that I was running around in my head the way I was.<br />
And this is the one thing you can&#8217;t get into the habit of doing.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, pickup artist advice only tells you how to go further and<br />
further into your head with pre-programmed responses.</p>
<p>But you do need some things to say, though. You just don&#8217;t want to try to<br />
memorize <strong>everything</strong> you can possibly say. That&#8217;s just too<br />
much.</p>
<p>(A lot of guys try to do this, and they always come to me asking<br />
why they get so tongue-tied in front of a woman. I tell them that its because<br />
conversation has become like looking up something in an encyclopedia. It<br />
takes too much time. Especially when you have to think <em>fast</em>.)</p>
<p>Now, the two openers I gave you above actually work really well.</p>
<blockquote><p><strong><em>&#8220;You&#8217;re beautiful, I&#8217;d love to get to know you&#8230;&#8221;</em></strong></p></blockquote>
<blockquote><p><strong><em>&#8220;Hey, I just had to let you know you&#8217;ve got a great energy<br />
about you&#8230;&#8221;</em></strong></p></blockquote>
<p>Yes, telling a woman that she&#8217;s beautiful is <strong>not necessarily<br />
bad</strong>. It&#8217;s HOW guys tell women that creeps them out, and that&#8217;s why you should hold off on direct compliments like this until you really understand what women want.</p>
<p>In other words, if you don&#8217;t understand WHY that can be a really bad pickup<br />
line/opener for a woman, then you shouldn&#8217;t be using it.</p>
<p>The second one, &#8220;&#8230;you&#8217;ve got a great energy about you&#8230;&#8221; is<br />
very good for a direct opening line. It&#8217;s to-the-point, and not a suck-up<br />
compliment that will make her wonder what your agenda is.</p>
<p>Remember, when you walk up to a woman, the only thing she wants to know -<br />
the BIG question in her head &#8211; is &#8220;Why is this guy talking to me?&#8221;</p>
<p>And she&#8217;ll answer it one of three ways:</p>
<blockquote><p><strong>1 &#8211; Oh, he&#8217;s just chatty&#8230;<br />
</strong></p>
<p><strong><br />
2 &#8211; Oh, he&#8217;s interested in me&#8230; Cool!</strong><br />
<strong></strong></p>
<p><strong> </strong><strong>3 &#8211; Oh, he&#8217;s interested in me&#8230; Yuck.</strong></p></blockquote>
<p>The difference between #2 and #3 (&#8220;cool&#8221; or &#8220;yuck&#8221;) is<br />
just one thing &#8211; how relaxed and non-needy you seem to be with her.</p>
<p>What I mean by non-needy is this: Do you seem like you&#8217;re trying to just<br />
GET something from her &#8211; her number, a date, a one-night stand, etc. &#8211; or<br />
are you trying to have some fun?</p>
<p>I&#8217;m going to leave you with a pickup line that my buddy Lance uses, and this<br />
one is great. I honestly wish I&#8217;d thought of this one, because it&#8217;s so simple<br />
and easy to remember.</p>
<p>Just walk up to a woman and say, &#8220;Do you have the time?&#8221;</p>
<p>She&#8217;ll start to tell you what time it is, and you just wave your hands at<br />
her and say, &#8220;Actually I already know what time it is. I just wanted<br />
an excuse to flirt with you.&#8221;</p>
<p>And that will always get you a smile and a laugh.</p>
<blockquote><p>And THAT is your goal!</p></blockquote>
<p>Then, what you say next is easy:<strong> &#8220;So what brings<br />
you out here today?&#8221;</strong></p>
<p>If you&#8217;re out during the day, that works wonders. Even if you&#8217;re in a bar<br />
or club, you can still ask her and her friends:<strong> &#8220;So<br />
how do you all know each other&#8230;?&#8221;</strong></p>
<p>Classy, smooth, and it&#8217;s the perfect pick up line for <em>any</em> situation.</p>
<p>If you&#8217;ve ever wondered how to approach women so that they will respond positively<br />
to you, and how you can impress a woman without having to do some stupid trick<br />
from a bad romantic comedy movie, then you should look at the programs I offer<br />
on approaching women.</p>
<p>In my <strong><a href="http://www.alphaconfidence.com/approach/" target="_blank" onclick="javascript:pageTracker._trackPageview ('/outbound/www.alphaconfidence.com');">Approach Women NOW program</a></strong>, I give the solid foundations for approaching<br />
and talking to women, including what to say, and how to really open a woman<br />
up.</p>
<p>In my advanced program, <strong><a href="http://www.realdaygame.com" target="_blank" onclick="javascript:pageTracker._trackPageview ('/outbound/www.realdaygame.com');">Approach Women 2 &#8211; Anywhere/Anytime</a></strong>, I give all my<br />
most effective and powerful strategies for meeting women in any location.</p>
<p>If you&#8217;re sick of the bars and noisy clubs, and you&#8217;re tired of fighting<br />
with the crowds every weekend, why not learn how to meet women where you go<br />
every day?</p>
<ul>
<li> <strong>At the coffee shop&#8230;</strong><br />
<strong>At the grocery store&#8230;</strong><br />
<strong>At the bookstore&#8230;</strong><br />
<strong>At the gym&#8230;</strong></li>
</ul>
<p>I even demonstrate my techniques and opening &#8220;pick up lines&#8221; for<br />
you so you can see what works &#8211; and what doesn&#8217;t! &#8211; so that you can meet women<br />
anywhere, with no fear and no rejection.</p>
<p>And for a limited time, I&#8217;m offering both of these programs in a special<br />
package that gives you a discount.</p>
<p>Go check it out: <strong><a href="http://www.realdaygame.com" target="_blank" onclick="javascript:pageTracker._trackPageview ('/outbound/www.realdaygame.com');">Approach Women &#8211; Anywhere/Anytime &#8211; No Fear, No rejection</a></strong></p>
<p>Stay Alpha!</p>
<p>Your friend,<br />
- Carlos Xuma</p>
<p>PS: Even if you have the Approach Women NOW program already, you can still<br />
get my latest program with a special lineup of bonuses, including my Masters<br />
Class interview discs that explain how 8 of the top dating gurus out there.</p>
<p>Go check it out: <strong><a href="http://www.realdaygame.com" target="_blank">Approach<br />
Women &#8211; Anywhere/Anytime &#8211; No Fear, No rejection</a></strong></p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Why do women break up with men?</title>
		<link>http://www.carlosxuma.com/get-a-girl-dating-tips/2008/10/why-do-women-break-up-with-men/</link>
		<comments>http://www.carlosxuma.com/get-a-girl-dating-tips/2008/10/why-do-women-break-up-with-men/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 16 Oct 2008 07:37:38 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Masculinity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[What Women Want]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[When I first started dating, I had good luck in finding women, but lousy luck in keeping them. I found myself wondering why do women break up with men, anyway? Is it my looks? Is it my money? Is it my job? But now I know why women behave the way they do, and why women break up with men. These are 3 reasons EVERY man should know about...]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>When I first started dating, I had good luck in finding women, but lousy luck in  keeping them.</p>
<p>I found myself wondering why do women break up with men,  anyway?</p>
<ul>
<li>Is it my looks?</li>
<li>Is it my money?</li>
<li>Is it my job?</li>
</ul>
<p>Tell me if one of these situations sounds  familiar&#8230;</p>
<p><strong>DATING DISASTER 1:</strong></p>
<p>In the first  situation, I&#8217;d go out on a date with a girl, and everything would seem to be  going pretty cool. She was digging me, I was digging her.</p>
<p>And there was  usually no problem getting that kiss at the end, once I got past the butterflies  in my stomach.</p>
<p>Then, I&#8217;d call her back the next day (don&#8217;t women want  that?) and I&#8217;d never get her, just her voicemail. I&#8217;d leave a message, telling  her how I had a great time and wanted to see her again.</p>
<p>And then she  wouldn&#8217;t call.</p>
<p>I&#8217;d wait for a day or two and try her back again, and if I  finally did get her, the conversation would go something like this:</p>
<p>ME:  &#8220;Hey&#8230;&#8221;<br />
HER: &#8220;Hey.&#8221; (Not very excited. And I&#8217;d feel my stomach sink.)<br />
ME:  &#8220;Uh, I just thought I&#8217;d call and say hello. See how you were doing&#8230;&#8221;<br />
HER:  &#8220;Oh, yeah, I&#8217;m doing great. Look, I can&#8217;t really talk right now &#8211; I&#8217;m hanging  out with a friend.&#8221;<br />
ME: &#8220;Oh, uh, okay. Call you later?&#8221;<br />
HER: &#8220;Sure thing.  Talk to you later&#8230;&#8221;<br />
&#8211; CLICK &#8211;</p>
<p>And then later on I&#8217;d get an email  about how she thinks we should &#8220;just be friends.&#8221;</p>
<p>ARRRRRGH!</p>
<p>What  about this situation&#8230;</p>
<p><strong>DATING DISASTER  2:</strong></p>
<p>You go out on a date with a girl, and things seem great. You  go out on a 2nd and 3rd date, and everything seems pretty fun and cool. Heavy  duty makeout sessions&#8230;</p>
<p>Ah, it&#8217;s bliss.</p>
<p>Then, you decide it&#8217;s  time for the &#8220;BIG MOVE!&#8221;</p>
<p>You invite her over for dinner at YOUR  house.</p>
<p>Candles. Music. Wine. Good food.</p>
<p>You&#8217;re all set. You&#8217;ve  even got a condom under the mattress for the &#8220;right moment.&#8221;</p>
<p>Sure enough,  she comes over. But you feel a strange vibe as she comes in and gives you a peck  on the cheek. Things are a little cooler than before.</p>
<p>You ignore it and  go on with the dinner. After the food and wine is done, you go to the living  room to chill and hang out on the couch.</p>
<p>You try to get her warmed up,  start a little kissing, but she&#8217;s not as into it as before. She might even throw  out the &#8220;it&#8217;s my time of the month&#8221; excuse.</p>
<p>Before you know it, she&#8217;s got  an &#8220;early day tomorrow,&#8221; and she has to get going.</p>
<p>I mean, you don&#8217;t want  to admit to yourself that this happened, but it did, and you keep  wondering&#8230;</p>
<p><strong>WHAT THE HELL DID I DO  WRONG?</strong></p>
<p>And then I&#8217;d immediately wonder&#8230; WHY do women break up  with men like this?</p>
<p>It&#8217;s frustrating, isn&#8217;t it?</p>
<p>That&#8217;s kind of an  understatement. It&#8217;s a real pisser is what it is.</p>
<p>Let&#8217;s talk about the  reasons, but first, you should understand something&#8230;</p>
<p>Dating a woman is  kind of like driving a car. It takes some work to get it started and moving, but  once you get it up to speed, you want to just let it coast under its own  power.</p>
<p>You want to click the &#8220;cruise control&#8221; and just let it  riiiiide&#8230;</p>
<p>One of the problems here is that dating has no &#8220;cruise  control.&#8221;</p>
<p>And the other problem is that if you don&#8217;t keep your foot on  that gas, you will slow down to nothing when the first hill comes  along.</p>
<p>Think of dating &#8220;gas&#8221; as being the excitement and fun you put into  it.</p>
<p>That&#8217;s all a woman needs to keep feeling that &#8220;spark&#8221; with  you.</p>
<p>I&#8217;m going to come back to this one.</p>
<p>Now, let&#8217;s answer the  Big Question: Why do women break up with men?</p>
<p><strong>REASON #1) She  found another guy.</strong></p>
<p>Well, this really isn&#8217;t a reason the way most  guys think it is. You see, a woman doesn&#8217;t want another guy if the one she&#8217;s  with is doing the right things and challenging her.</p>
<p>(Mind you that we&#8217;re  assuming that the woman is stable and doesn&#8217;t have a major character flaw that  leads her to cheating.)</p>
<p>I found out &#8211; the hard way &#8211; that a woman has NO  problem cheating on her boyfriend if she feels that he&#8217;s not living up to his  end of the deal. Meaning, he isn&#8217;t doing all the things the new guy is to make  her feel unique and attractive.</p>
<p>She will feel JUSTIFIED in cheating, in  fact. She won&#8217;t even see it as cheating. She&#8217;ll see it as  self-preservation.</p>
<p>I&#8217;m not trying to make women out to be evil here. Guys  do the EXACT SAME THING &#8211; just for slightly different reasons.</p>
<p>I&#8217;m going  to talk about this again in a minute&#8230; Let&#8217;s move on.</p>
<p><strong>REASON  #2) She&#8217;s exceptionally smart and emotionally mature, and she realizes that  you&#8217;re not what she&#8217;s looking for in a long term  relationship.</strong></p>
<p>Hmmm. This one doesn&#8217;t happen often, in my  experience, even though it really ought to.</p>
<p>The reality is that when I  finally &#8220;got it&#8221; and understood that you can very easily get a woman so addicted  to having you around (because you&#8217;re giving her what no other guy seems to be  able to, other than the unstable &#8220;bad boys&#8221; out there), you&#8217;ll have the very  real problem of women staying with you even when it&#8217;s not a good  match.</p>
<p>But, as we say, that&#8217;s a High Quality Problem, huh?</p>
<p>In  other words, if I&#8217;m going to have a problem, that&#8217;s a good kind to  have.</p>
<p>So while I&#8217;m including this as Reason 2 here, the reality is that  it&#8217;s not going to happen if you follow my strategies for building  attraction.</p>
<p><strong>REASON #3) You STOPPED doing all the things that  got her attracted to you in the first place.</strong></p>
<p>In other words, you  let the attraction energy die out.</p>
<p>I could write books and books on this  topic&#8230;</p>
<p>The fact of the matter is that guys typically put in a lot  of energy to get things started with a woman, don&#8217;t we?</p>
<ul>
<li>We have to approach her (tell me that isn&#8217;t agony&#8230;)</li>
<li>We have to brave the fear of rejection.</li>
<li>We have to get her number.</li>
<li>We have to call her up and ask her out.</li>
<li>We have to make the plans for the date.</li>
<li>We have to keep things fun until we can sleep with her.</li>
</ul>
<p>Hey,  that&#8217;s a lot of work! But we don&#8217;t mind because it&#8217;s the thrill of the  chase.</p>
<p>But after you&#8217;ve conquered her, this is typically where the  average guy lets off that gas and expects the woman to take over. And many women  DO take over&#8230; for a time.</p>
<p>Eventually, though, she becomes resentful  that she feels like SHE is doing all the work, and she starts to withdraw.  Eventually, she&#8217;ll either cheat, or she&#8217;ll just break up with you.</p>
<p>Just  remember, there&#8217;s always a guy out there waiting to do whatever it is you  stopped doing to attract your woman.</p>
<p>Look, I&#8217;m not saying a woman is  justified here, but you have to be realistic. If you weren&#8217;t doing your work at  your job, would you REALLY be surprised if your boss came to you one day and  said, &#8220;We&#8217;re terribly sorry, but you haven&#8217;t been doing your duties. We&#8217;ve found  a replacement for you. You&#8217;re fired.&#8221;</p>
<p>Cheating sucks, and it&#8217;s the most  painful lesson in the world. But when you clear away all the emotional fog,  you&#8217;ll usually see that there were signs WAY long ago.</p>
<p>There&#8217;s a rule you  must remember: <strong>A woman will NOT leave a man she doesn&#8217;t feel like she&#8217;s  completely WON.</strong></p>
<p>This is BIG time important! I can&#8217;t tell you how  much that one tip has made ALL the difference in my dating. After I learned it,  women stopped breaking up with me. Then it was MY choice to stay with her or  not.</p>
<p>I&#8217;m not some kind of control freak or something here, but if there&#8217;s  a choice between being the guy that gets dumped, and the guy that does the  dumping &#8211; I choose to be the guy that breaks up with her.</p>
<p>I suspect you&#8217;d  rather be that guy, too.</p>
<p>So let&#8217;s stop &#8220;wrongful termination&#8221; in its  tracks.</p>
<p>Remember that if you focus on ONE area of your connection with  women, you&#8217;ll eliminate about 90% of all the issues you&#8217;ll ever run  into.</p>
<p>That one area is <strong>ENERGY</strong>.</p>
<p>In my model of  attraction called &#8220;REAL Game,&#8221; REAL stands for:</p>
<ul>
<li><strong>R</strong> = Relaxed &amp; Resourceful</li>
<li><strong>E</strong> = Effective &amp; Energized</li>
<li><strong>A</strong> = Alpha &amp; Authentic</li>
<li><strong>L</strong> = Lifestyle &amp; Lasting</li>
</ul>
<p>These are the  essential ingredients of your game that create MASSIVE attraction with women &#8211;  if you know how to use them.</p>
<p>Notice the &#8220;E&#8221; = Energized.</p>
<p>This is  the one area that many guys think of as being the &#8220;entertainer,&#8221; or the life of  the party, or Mr. Excitement.</p>
<p>Well, this isn&#8217;t true. It&#8217;s actually a  technique that you apply in different ways and at different times. And I&#8217;ll be  talking about this more in the upcoming videos and newsletters.</p>
<p>Remember,  a woman&#8217;s definition of &#8220;romance&#8221; is the same as a guy&#8217;s. It&#8217;s simply &#8220;fun&#8230;&#8221;</p>
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		<title>Secrets to Flirting With Women</title>
		<link>http://www.carlosxuma.com/get-a-girl-dating-tips/2008/10/how-to-flirting-with-women/</link>
		<comments>http://www.carlosxuma.com/get-a-girl-dating-tips/2008/10/how-to-flirting-with-women/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 16 Oct 2008 07:36:55 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Approaching Women]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Flirting with women is something that guys often feel uncomfortable doing. I've had many guys write to me to tell me that they were afraid they'd get arrested if they were seen flirting with women in a store or other establishment during the day. (I think this fear is very common, and it holds a lot of guys back from approaching women during the day...) Here are some of my favorite strategies for flirting with women...]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Flirting with women is something that guys often feel uncomfortable doing. I&#8217;ve  had many guys write to me to tell me that they were afraid they&#8217;d get arrested  if they were seen flirting with women in a store or other establishment during  the day.</p>
<p>(I think this fear is very common, and it holds a lot of guys  back from approaching women during the day&#8230;)</p>
<p>I want to give you some of  my favorite strategies for flirting with women that you can put to work right  away.</p>
<p>First of all, I want you to know that the term &#8220;flirting&#8221; is really  just chick-speak for &#8220;pickup.&#8221; Guys talk about &#8220;picking up&#8221; on girls, and women  talk about &#8220;flirting&#8221; with guys.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s a subtle difference in language and  terminology that you need to understand so that you don&#8217;t risk turning off a  woman. Women love to flirt, but hate the thought of being picked up on &#8211; which  connotes fun and playfulness.</p>
<p>Pickup, on the other hand, is serious and  sex-oriented, which turns women off.</p>
<p>The next thing you need to be aware  of is that we are all born natural flirts. Just watch kids when they&#8217;re playing.  Watch their body language and their facial expressions. Watch how they roll  their eyes, and how they use the tone of their voice to get their way with  adults, as well as other kids.</p>
<p>They are EXPERTS!</p>
<p>You were once,  too, and all you need to do is tap back into it.</p>
<p>Now, the rules of  flirting with women:</p>
<p><strong>RULE #1) Flirting is always acceptable  in a humorous tone. </strong></p>
<p>If you get serious, a woman is going to  turn off and tune you out.</p>
<p>Simple. &#8216;Nuff said.</p>
<p><strong>RULE  #2) Flirt to GIVE, not to get.</strong></p>
<p>Outcome thinking sabotages your  results. When you create a situation where you have to get a result from  something you do, you no longer feel fun.</p>
<p>All conversations where someone  wants something from the other person inevitably become  uncomfortable.</p>
<p><strong>RULE #3) Flirt for your own  FUN.</strong></p>
<p>If it&#8217;s not fun, you won&#8217;t keep doing it. Self-reinforcing  habit. You must have a positive motivational reason to flirt, or you&#8217;ll feel  like it&#8217;s just another chore and you&#8217;ll stop doing it.</p>
<p>I was at the best  buy the other day buying a movie, and the cute cashier asked me: &#8220;Can I see your  credit card real fast?&#8221;</p>
<p>So I literally pulled it out of my wallet and  slid it back in about a split second.</p>
<p>She laughed and her body language  changed instantly. Now our interaction was no longer just business. And I did  that because I&#8217;m Italian, and we just LOVE to bust people&#8217;s balls like  that.</p>
<p>Flirting with women and teasing are practically the exact same  thing.</p>
<p><strong>RULE #4) Flirt with EVERY woman, child, and small  furry mammal you encounter.</strong></p>
<p>Flirting is an attitude that comes  through in your vibe. If you only approach attractive women, you&#8217;ll just create  a mental barrier for yourself, and more anxiety when you find a woman you  &#8220;really&#8221; want to meet.</p>
<p>Flirting is about creating an abundance mindset.  The more abundant you feel, the less you appear needy to a woman.</p>
<p>Now,  HOW do you get started?</p>
<p>Here&#8217;s my 4 step formula for flirting with  women:</p>
<p><strong>Step 1) Indirect Question &#8211; Ask her something about  wherever you are, and keep it situationally relevant. </strong></p>
<p>In other  words, if you&#8217;re in a coffee shop, you need to ask a question that relates to  fact that you&#8217;re both in this coffee shop.</p>
<p><strong>Step 2) Use a  sassy comment &#8211; Sometimes called &#8220;Cocky &amp; Funny&#8221;, or  teasing.</strong></p>
<p>Here&#8217;s what I like to use. I call it the &#8220;Duh&#8221;  question:</p>
<p>&#8220;Do you think they serve the drinks really HOT  here?&#8221;</p>
<p>Then she usually answers me with, &#8220;Uhm, yeah&#8230;&#8221; And after she  looks at me like I&#8217;m from another planet, I smile, wink at her, and say, &#8220;You  didn&#8217;t really think I was serious, did you?&#8221;</p>
<p>And the teasing has  begun&#8230;</p>
<p>Then you have a playful conversation.</p>
<p>And finally, the  last step in flirting with women is this:</p>
<p><strong>Step 3) YOU leave  the conversation first.</strong></p>
<p>When you&#8217;re the one to control the  ending of the conversation, your confidence will go up ten times more than if  she tells you, &#8220;I&#8217;ve got to get going.&#8221;</p>
<p>So don&#8217;t let her get the drop on  you.</p>
<p>Create what I call the Sacrificial 20: Leave with nothing for the  first 20 women you flirt with.</p>
<p>No phone number, no nothing.</p>
<p>After  you leave behind your old scarcity mindset, and when you feel like women are  abundant, you can start to go further&#8230;</p>
<p>Remember, every girlfriend  you&#8217;ve had started with a little bit of flirting&#8230;</p>
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		<title>Don&#039;t Make This Mistake Choosing a Girlfriend&#8230;</title>
		<link>http://www.carlosxuma.com/get-a-girl-dating-tips/2008/10/dont-make-this-mistake-choosing-a-girlfriend/</link>
		<comments>http://www.carlosxuma.com/get-a-girl-dating-tips/2008/10/dont-make-this-mistake-choosing-a-girlfriend/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 16 Oct 2008 07:35:53 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Seduction techniques]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Lately I've been working on collecting some of my random thoughts and ideas together so that I can put them into the skeleton of a new program for men on inner game and unstoppable confidence. One of the things that guys are asking more about is the subject of relationships. Even the pickup artists out there want a steady relationship after a while...]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Lately I&#8217;ve been working on collecting some of my random thoughts and ideas  together so that I can put them into the skeleton of a new program for men on  inner game and unstoppable confidence.</p>
<p>One of the things that guys are  asking more about &#8211; and it&#8217;s something that I&#8217;m all too happy to talk about &#8211; is  the subject of relationships.</p>
<p>(Gasp from the crowd&#8230;)</p>
<p>Yes,  despite all that you see on TV and hear from women out there, men really do want  relationships.</p>
<p>And with <strong>ONE</strong> woman.</p>
<p>We want the  <strong><em>power</em></strong> to have many women, but in the end, every man  just wants <strong>one</strong> quality woman in his life.</p>
<p>There are a  few mistakes guys make along the way, though, that keep them from getting a  relationship they can fully commit to. (Yes, I know I used the &#8220;c&#8221; word  there.)</p>
<p>I just want to talk about one of the biggest mistakes in this  newsletter, and maybe I&#8217;ll cover the rest in future reports.</p>
<p>So what is  this big mistake men make?</p>
<p>And &#8211; more importantly &#8211; how can you avoid  making this mistake?</p>
<p>The mistake is simply one  word:</p>
<p><strong>SETTLING.</strong></p>
<p>That&#8217;s right. As in &#8220;settle  down.&#8221;</p>
<p>You see, &#8220;settling&#8221; is not a good way to view this. Guys look at  it this way, because we&#8217;re trying to radically reduce the amount of drama in our  lives. Guys just want things smooth and calm.</p>
<p>Settling &#8211; as it pertains  to women and lifestyle &#8211; is defined as:</p>
<p>&#8220;Adopting a more steady or secure  style of life.&#8221;</p>
<p>That sounds very nice, but the reality is that  &#8220;steadiness and security&#8221; is what we seek when we&#8217;re trying to make things  low-intensity.</p>
<p>Relationships, in order to last, must have some intensity  to them. Excitement&#8230;</p>
<p>You ever seen a couple that has lost that  &#8220;intensity&#8221;? They end up a bit&#8230; well, they end up boring. You&#8217;d swear they  were brother and sister.</p>
<p>They start dressing and acting alike.</p>
<p>And  often they start to <strong>look</strong> alike.</p>
<p>They seem like activity  partners rather than the jumpy horn-dogs they ought to be. They stay up to watch  Letterman&#8217;s monologue, and then it&#8217;s off to bed&#8230;</p>
<p>Routine.</p>
<p>Well,  this is the kind of relationship a lot of guys get into mostly because they want  to stop &#8220;playing the field&#8221; and they want to &#8220;settle down.&#8221;</p>
<p>But what  &#8220;settle down&#8221; really means is this:</p>
<p>Lock in some woman that you can  comfortably keep around. A woman who will simply &#8220;settle&#8221; with you.</p>
<p>Let&#8217;s  be realistic here. You don&#8217;t want a woman that&#8217;s going to drive you nuts with  the level of intensity and drama that just gets your ulcers burning like a hot  coal in the pit of your stomach.</p>
<p>On the other hand, you don&#8217;t want a  woman who won&#8217;t challenge you and inspire you to grow and become a better  person. Because that, my fellow Alpha Brothers, is what relationships are all  about.</p>
<p>Not about dooming yourself into a 50 year  relationship&#8230;</p>
<p>Not about &#8220;locking one in&#8230;&#8221;</p>
<p>But about being all  you can be through the challenge of a close, intimate relationship.</p>
<p>You  see, you&#8217;ll learn more about yourself in the context of a long-term relationship  than you ever will in a series of &#8220;pickups&#8221; or one night stands.</p>
<p>So how  do you avoid this trap of getting into a relationship &#8211; and then staying there &#8211;  only because it&#8217;s less painful than being single?</p>
<p>Let me lay out the  steps for you. These are the tried and true strategies I&#8217;ve used for years now,  and they&#8217;re VERY effective.</p>
<p><strong><em>Step One: Date as many women  as you can&#8230;</em></strong></p>
<p>That&#8217;s right. The best thing you can do as  research for a long-term relationship &#8211; as you develop your dating skills &#8211; is  to date a LOT of women.</p>
<p>You&#8217;ve probably heard me say this a million  times, but it can&#8217;t be repeated too much. You simply MUST date other women. You  don&#8217;t want to jump into a relationship just because you have nothing better  going on.</p>
<p>You go into a relationship because that&#8217;s the next logical step  on the path that you&#8217;re on.</p>
<p>You never want to feel like women are scarce,  and that you must grab one up and marry her just because you think you might end  up old and alone.</p>
<p><strong><em>Step Two: Figure out what you&#8217;re  looking for in a relationship along the way.</em></strong></p>
<p>The one thing  most people never do is look at their past mistakes and re-examine their true  motives for getting into a relationship in the first place.</p>
<p>A  relationship is something that should be a <strong>CHOICE</strong>, not  something you fall into because you don&#8217;t want to be alone, or you&#8217;re afraid of  hurting the woman.</p>
<p>This is a really common pattern I used to get into  with women. It would start with a phone call to ask her out to do something, and  the next thing you know, we&#8217;re in bed.</p>
<p>Wow, I said to myself. Now what?  Oh, okay, I guess we&#8217;re boyfriend and girlfriend now.</p>
<p>It was just easier  than admitting to myself that this wasn&#8217;t what I was looking for. I was also  feeling guilty that I had slept with this woman, and now she&#8217;s going to want a  relationship.</p>
<p>(You&#8217;ll find that this is bad programming that a lot of  guys have, and I talk about this at length in the Dating Black  Book&#8230;)</p>
<p>Getting into a lot of short term relationships helps you figure  out what you want a <strong>long</strong> term relationship to do for  you.</p>
<p><strong><em>Step Three: Figure out what you&#8217;re looking for in a  woman along the way</em></strong></p>
<p>You won&#8217;t know this up front, and  that&#8217;s why I made this step 3. You have to date a whole bunch of women to figure  out what it is that you actually want from her when you find her.</p>
<p>I&#8217;ll  tell you this &#8211; one of the biggest mistakes I see guys make (and it&#8217;s one I&#8217;ve  made so many times over the years) is that they want to date only one specific  physical type, and no other.</p>
<p>In other words, they&#8217;re all hung up on the  &#8220;librarian&#8221; type, or the &#8220;stripper&#8221; type, or the &#8220;rocker&#8221; type.</p>
<p>Sometimes  it&#8217;s an appearance thing, too, like dating only blondes, or women with short  hair.</p>
<p>I can tell you from experience that the woman you click with will  probably NOT be the type you expect. In fact, the one thing that holds guys back  from much faster success in finding the right kind of woman is often sticking  too close to their &#8220;type.&#8221;</p>
<p>I always liked the short, gymnast type. You  know, small tight body. Short hair.</p>
<p>I&#8217;m currently dating a tall, leggy  Asian girl.</p>
<p>Go figure.</p>
<p>I also thought I&#8217;d enjoy a woman that was a  firecracker &#8211; full of energy and sarcastic challenge.</p>
<p>Nope.</p>
<p>That  turned out to annoy the hell out of me after a while. These women very often  weren&#8217;t in touch with their femininity and that made it nearly impossible to  have a healthy dynamic with her.</p>
<p>The point is that if you don&#8217;t date  <strong>all</strong> types, you&#8217;ll fall into some predictable &#8211; and sometimes  hazardous &#8211; patterns of behavior, because you&#8217;ll only be tuning your  relationship skills to one kind of woman. And that kind of woman might not  really be compatible with <strong>YOU</strong>.</p>
<p>So use this &#8220;dating  around&#8221; time to really get a sense of what kind of woman you are capable of  hanging with.</p>
<p>Avoid the dreaded mistake of &#8220;settling&#8221; for a woman.  Instead, find a woman that you would dream of having, and then do the necessary  research and field work (can you call this work?).</p>
<p>As I like to say, you  should only be in a relationship with a woman who brings out the best in  you.</p>
<p>There is no more important decision you will make in your life than  which woman you will make your partner.</p>
<p>Stay Alpha&#8230;</p>
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		<title>How to Use Facebook to Meet Women in 4 Easy Steps&#8230;</title>
		<link>http://www.carlosxuma.com/get-a-girl-dating-tips/2008/10/how-to-use-facebook-to-meet-women-in-4-easy-steps/</link>
		<comments>http://www.carlosxuma.com/get-a-girl-dating-tips/2008/10/how-to-use-facebook-to-meet-women-in-4-easy-steps/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 16 Oct 2008 07:35:01 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Approaching Women]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Online Dating]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Seduction techniques]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[I've had quite a few guys ask me about using the latest in social networking to get hooked up meeting women. Well, it's actually not that hard, but you have to do it with some understanding of how to play the game. Because there are many ways to do it wrong, and only a few to do it right. Here's how you do it RIGHT...]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I&#8217;ve had quite a few guys ask me about using the latest in social networking to  get hooked up meeting women.</p>
<p>Well, it&#8217;s actually not that hard, but you  have to do it with some understanding of how to play the game. Because there are  many ways to do it wrong, and only a few to do it  right&#8230;</p>
<p><strong>QUESTION ABOUT FACEBOOK:</strong></p>
<p>Carlos, hey  man, thanks for all your great advice&#8230;</p>
<p>I wanted to ask you about  something &#8211; how can I use Facebook to meet women online?</p>
<p>I&#8217;ve heard that  it can be done, but I can&#8217;t help thinking it would be weird and creepy to  approach some of my friends&#8217; friends like this and ask for a date.</p>
<p>But it  seems like a MEGA opportunity to meet women.</p>
<p>How can I work  this?</p>
<p>- <em>Allen L., Houston</em></p>
<hr size="1" /><strong>CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:</strong></p>
<p>I&#8217;ve been eyeing this method to  meeting women for some time, and I agree completely. It IS a mega-mega  opportunity to meet women&#8230;</p>
<p>&#8230;if it&#8217;s handled right.</p>
<p>First of  all, let&#8217;s remember the catastrophe that is &#8220;Myspace.&#8221; (May it rest in peace.)  That social network has been so polluted and abused that it&#8217;s really not useful  anymore. I know I don&#8217;t take it seriously.</p>
<p>What happened  there?</p>
<p>Well, first of all, everyone got slammed with spam. A few clever  programmers and bulk friend programs, and suddenly you had Myspace pages that  looked like web sites from the year 1998.</p>
<p>Cheap backgrounds, silly  wallpaper, and everybody&#8217;s page looked like a 14-year-old girl&#8217;s bedroom,  complete with Britney Spears posters.</p>
<p>Enter Facebook.</p>
<p>A whole lot  classier than its trailer-park cousin, Facebook has maintained a better image.  But with a bunch of cool toys and add-ons that made it interesting and more  fun.</p>
<p>So how can you work this great social networking tool to help you  with your dating life &#8211; while not looking like some pervert who got kicked out  of the alleys of Myspace?</p>
<p>I&#8217;ll give you a very simple 4-step model to  use. This is the one that my friends and I have used consistently to get results  online.</p>
<p><strong>STEP 1:</strong> Connect with the guys &#8211; and other women  &#8211; who have a lot of cute girl friends.</p>
<p>In other words, connect with  people that YOU are not interested in dating who have big networks.</p>
<p>You  must be very indirect at first using Facebook.</p>
<p>Remember the lesson from  Myspace &#8211; Don&#8217;t be a spammer!</p>
<p>This is not &#8220;match.com&#8221; or an online dating  site, so don&#8217;t just start sending out invites and emails hoping to score based  on numbers. We&#8217;ve come to hate the abusers, and you&#8217;ll just get your sorry ass  kicked right off.</p>
<p>Start out with light connections. Think &#8220;friends  first.&#8221;</p>
<p>Don&#8217;t make your Facebook profile look like you&#8217;re trying to meet  women. Be subtle.</p>
<p>What you&#8217;re trying to do is multiply your results and  increase your connection potential by meeting more people who know more  people.</p>
<p>If you just start trying to hit on the women you&#8217;re interested in  right off the bat, you&#8217;ll be limiting your results with shortsighted  thinking.</p>
<p>Think out to the LONG term. The more cool people you connect  with and forge relationships with, the more likely you are to connect with a  woman naturally.</p>
<p><strong>STEP 2:</strong> Connect with women you are  interested in VERY indirectly.</p>
<p>What you have to do is send a simple  friend request &#8211; and make sure you include a message with it!</p>
<p>You just  say something like, &#8220;Hey, I saw we&#8217;re both friends with Greg&#8230; Then I noticed  you&#8217;re a snowboarder, too&#8230; Ever go to Tahoe?&#8221;</p>
<p>You see what I did there?  I left a question INSIDE my friend request. For her to answer it, she&#8217;s going to  feel compelled to add me.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s also just something people are looking to  do. Let&#8217;s face it, we all measure our social success by how many people we&#8217;ve  got as friends on Facebook. We all want a HUGE network, so women will WANT to  add you &#8211; if only to increase their friend count.</p>
<p><strong>STEP  3:</strong> Start leveraging the tools.</p>
<p>Facebook has a huge amount of  potential for the guy who wants to take advantage of them. You can add all kinds  of cute little applications to send virtual drinks to friends, send goofy gifts,  or even start your own polls and surveys.</p>
<p>But one of the best tools you  need to be using is the GROUP function on Facebook.</p>
<p>In fact, in preparing  for this article, I created the group &#8220;Carlos Xuma&#8217;s Alpha Lifestyle&#8221; to start  connecting you guys together and enabling men to share information.</p>
<p>You  can do this, too. Just create a group based on your passion and your local  area.</p>
<p>I&#8217;m going to advise you to avoid starting a group based on  &#8220;Warcraft&#8221; or on the latest hot actress.</p>
<p>Make your group something a  woman can relate to and might be interested in. Maybe it&#8217;s the television show  &#8220;Lost&#8230;&#8221; or maybe it&#8217;s about all things Italian.</p>
<p>Ba-da-bing! Now you&#8217;ve  got a hook to use to invite her into your group.</p>
<p><strong>STEP  4:</strong> Start escalating and creating more opportunities.</p>
<p>Remember,  this is a VIRTUAL tool. It&#8217;s online.</p>
<p>In other words, your connections  don&#8217;t REALLY exist anywhere except on some server in an air-conditioned room in  a data center somewhere.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s up to YOU to bring these connections to  life with events that you can invite people to.</p>
<p>Most people will stroll  around this virtual network, but then never take it into the REAL world. That&#8217;s  where YOU come in.</p>
<p>Maybe once a month you should organize a happy hour at  your local favorite bar. Or maybe you make a Facebook group for wine tasters,  and then every other Friday you meet up and go tasting the latest Pinot  Noirs.</p>
<p>THAT is your opportunity to start looking for romantic potential  in the groups. You have to remember that you can&#8217;t be a Facebook &#8220;pickup artist&#8221;  and try to attract women online.</p>
<p>You have to build a network, forge some  connections, and meet women in person to start creating the  attraction.</p>
<p>That being said, you can also send out some playful  introductions to women you don&#8217;t know and see if they bite. (Just make sure your  profile has enough interesting bait for them to nibble at&#8230;)</p>
<ul>
<li>Write on people&#8217;s walls&#8230;</li>
<li>Send a few virtual drinks&#8230;</li>
<li>Send some good karma&#8230;</li>
<li>Use the &#8220;Flirtable&#8221; app&#8230;</li>
</ul>
<p>For the man with initiative, the  Facebook world is yours.</p>
<p>So step up and start creating the social  network, then start meeting the women in it.</p>
<p>By the way, if you&#8217;d like to  add me as a friend, go look me up. Carlos Xuma on Facebook.com&#8230; Get Social!</p>
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		<title>Do Chicks = Trouble?</title>
		<link>http://www.carlosxuma.com/get-a-girl-dating-tips/2008/10/do-chicks-trouble/</link>
		<comments>http://www.carlosxuma.com/get-a-girl-dating-tips/2008/10/do-chicks-trouble/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 16 Oct 2008 07:34:09 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>admin</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Masculinity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[What Women Want]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Do chicks really equal trouble, the way Motley Crue sings about on their "Saints of Los Angeles" album? I don't think so. And it's vitally important to how men view themselves these days that they don't get pulled into this kind of perception of women. The only chicks that = trouble are the ones that you LET run wild in the playground of your life...]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>You may or may not recognize that as the title of one of Motley Crue&#8217;s latest  songs.</p>
<p>(I&#8217;m a relic of the heavy metal days when bands were rowdy and  trashed hotel rooms, so I had to grab their album&#8230;)</p>
<p>Well, I was  listening to the lyrics to this song, and I thought that this is the perception  that some guys have of women when they don&#8217;t know how to handle her natural  feminine force.</p>
<p>Oh, yeah. Just like Darth and Obi Wan, women have a very  powerful &#8216;force&#8217; all of their own.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s their FEMININITY.</p>
<p>You know  it.</p>
<p>You&#8217;ve felt it when they walk by you in those short-short jean shorts  and that thin little T-shirt that says: &#8220;Girls Rule&#8221; on it.</p>
<p>Just a moment  of shared eye contact and you feel your solar plexus tighten up like a  drum&#8230;</p>
<p>Yowza&#8230;</p>
<p>Hit me with some more of THAT&#8230;.!</p>
<p>Just  sitting here and thinking about that kind of feeling makes me smile, because  it&#8217;s something I&#8217;ve experience a thousand times, and I know YOU have,  too.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s the best kind of feeling, but unfortunately, it does nothing  for our confidence and ability to manage the women in our life.</p>
<p>Let&#8217;s be  clear here&#8230;</p>
<p>The only chicks that = trouble are the ones that you LET  run wild in the playground of your life.</p>
<p>I&#8217;ll admit that back when I  didn&#8217;t have a lot of ability to handle the crazy crap that girls sometimes throw  at you, I had a lot of troubles. But I found out later that these same women  could be as tame as kittens when they were around men who knew their MASCULINE  power.</p>
<p>Oh, yeah. Just like Darth and Obi Wan, men have a more powerful  force all of our own.</p>
<p>It&#8217;s our MASCULINITY.</p>
<p>For some people, that  word has managed to sound almost negative lately. Don&#8217;t be fooled.</p>
<p>Being  a man has never been more important.</p>
<p>So back to that song&#8230;</p>
<p>Do  chicks really = trouble?</p>
<p>Only if you cannot be the leader &#8211; the Alpha Man  &#8211; who knows how to manage her energy with your own energy.</p>
<p>You ever been  out at a bar and a group of women are together, and one of them hears a song the  DJ puts on, and she screams: &#8220;Ohmigod! Ohmigod! I sooooo requested this! Come  on, we have to go dance!&#8221;</p>
<p>And she promptly yanks your girl away from  right in front of you to go up on the dance floor&#8230;</p>
<p>Some guys call this  &#8220;cockblocking,&#8221; but it&#8217;s really just girls being girls.</p>
<p>And it&#8217;s annoying  as hell when it happens, isn&#8217;t it? You feel abandoned. Like the rug was just  pulled out from under you.</p>
<p>You know what I do when this happens to  me?</p>
<p>I just invite myself out with them on the dance floor, making sure to  keep my target in my sights, while still getting all funky and dancing with the  whole group.</p>
<p>AND I make sure that I&#8217;m having more fun than anybody in  that group in the process.</p>
<p>You see, most guys either go out on the dance  floor against their will, or they just follow-along to avoid being  abandoned.</p>
<p>Or, they simply don&#8217;t do ANYTHING. They wait around until the  group gets tired and comes back with their new drinks&#8230;</p>
<p>&#8230;and 3 new  guys they met while bumping and grinding on the dance floor.</p>
<p>Ah yes.  Crazy times.</p>
<p>You see, in a bar or club, or just on the street corner, the  person who has the strongest reality will be the leader of the situation. The  person that&#8217;s most convinced of their own value will rule.</p>
<p>That better be  YOU, or the woman will simply never get very attracted to you.</p>
<p>Think back  to the guys you see leaving bars with chicks on their arm&#8230;</p>
<p>Yup. They&#8217;re  the guys that are most in control of the situation, leading the women, and  having MORE fun than most of the people they&#8217;re with.</p>
<p>But if your  headspace is filled with more concerns and worries than it is with fun, chances  are you won&#8217;t do too well. You&#8217;ll give off the vibe of the &#8220;needy&#8221; guy, and  women can pick up on this.</p>
<p>And that&#8217;s why I&#8217;m here to tell you &#8211; once  again &#8211; that chicks do NOT equal trouble if you&#8217;re the one in control of the  situation.</p>
<p>Not being a dick and controlling things, but just knowing that  no matter what happens, you&#8217;re the guy with the plan and the path to  fun.</p>
<p>The chorus in that Motley Crue song goes: &#8220;They&#8217;ll kick you when  you&#8217;re down in the ditch&#8230;&#8221;</p>
<p>Which is completely untrue.</p>
<p>IF you&#8217;re  a guy who can sniff out the drunk, obnoxious girls.</p>
<p>And keep your ass out  of the ditch!</p>
<p>But let me put something to you&#8230;</p>
<p>Wouldn&#8217;t it make  sense to go find the QUALITY women that are out there?</p>
<p>These are the  classy gals that are all over the place, but they don&#8217;t really go to the bars or  clubs.</p>
<ul>
<li>She might be reading a magazine in the local bookstore&#8230;</li>
<li>She might be in front of you in the line at Starbucks&#8230;</li>
<li>She might be on her cell phone on a street corner&#8230;</li>
<li>She might be in the produce section of your grocery store&#8230;</li>
<li>She could be anywhere in the other 96% of your life that you don&#8217;t spend in  bars.</li>
</ul>
<p>And every time you see her, you just wished you knew what to say  to her to start a conversation with her&#8230;</p>
<p>Well now you can find  out.</p>
<p>All you have to do is learn how to use your &#8220;Day Game.&#8221;</p>
<p>This  skill is called &#8220;Day Game,&#8221; because you don&#8217;t have to do be in a bar or club at  night to do it.</p>
<p>What it&#8217;s really about is approaching women ANYTIME and  ANYPLACE you want to meet women.</p>
<p>I believe this is the strongest strategy  for meeting women because it doesn&#8217;t depend on special rules to get you into a  conversation with a woman.</p>
<p>And you see women all day long &#8211; everywhere  you go&#8230;</p>
<p>Imagine if you could just walk up and meet any attractive woman  you see, and never have that feeling of tension and anxiety in your  gut&#8230;</p>
<p>No more &#8220;Approach Anxiety&#8230;&#8221;</p>
<p>What would that do for your  confidence?</p>
<p>How many more dates would you have?</p>
<p>What would that do  for your love life?</p>
<p>All I can tell you is that when guys see these skills  put to use, they are envious of the guys that have them.</p>
<p>THAT is what  living the Alpha Lifestyle is about. Creating the kind of life that other men  would envy &#8211; and that other women want to be a part of.</p>
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