What Do Women Really Want?

Let’s talk about what women really want in a man…

What is she looking for?

I’ve been talking about this for over 15 years now. Women want an Alpha Man.

The kind of guy who demonstrates clear dominance in the world.

Okay, now let’s talk about a few rules…

RULE: If you’re going to be a tough guy, talk the talk.

I don’t mean tough like a hit-man. I mean tough like a guy who can take it and won’t fold and cry at every opportunity.

Look other men (and women) in the eye and project your voice confidently. Pause when effective, and answer questions at your own pace.

Be the tough guy.

Ever see a guy who gets put under the heat-lamp of a woman that’s testing him? His voice and his knees shake. It’s not pretty.

I’ve been that guy. So have you.

GOOD Example: Michael Corleone in “The Godfather”, with his burning eyes, casting a vocal spell when he talks. He’s calculating and confident.

RULE: Take the pain.

Complaining is for wussies who want attention. Bringing attention to your pain or complaining is a sign of weakness.

GOOD Example: Great men in history – Roosevelt gave a speech after being shot in the chest.

Imagine that. He almost takes a dirt-nap but he doesn’t give up. He doesn’t cry in bed. He gets back to work.

RULE: “Choose your battles wisely” – Sun Tzu, a real Alpha Badass.

Don’t go looking for a fight when there’s nothing to prove. But, there are times when you do have to take action and stand up to the world. Assert your presence and be a man.

GOOD Example: If a guy bumps you with his elbow, let it go. But if he pushes your girlfriend around, that demands attention.

Stand up for what you believe in. Have principles and ideals you won’t compromise, such as respect, honesty or trust.

Ask yourself: How you do deal with authority?

The Alpha Man understands his place in the hierarchy.

Where do you rank?

He’s eyeing the next rung on the social status ladder. He bides his time where he is, but he’s not going to be there forever.

GOOD Example: How would you handle being pulled over by a cop?

The best way is to smile and be cool, calm and collected. All an officer is looking for is a safe interaction.

GOOD Example: The boss at work who fails to appreciate you – sow discontent within the troops to further your cause. Keep strength in numbers covertly, and always follow the strategies of war and the laws of power.

You are the boss of you. You don’t let women, children, or small furry mammals give you a hard time.

A bad example is using punitive measures rather than enticement – ‘the carrot and the stick’.

The carrot will never match up to the power of the stick. We are more motivated by what we have to lose than the possibility of pleasure.

GOOD Example: Raising a kid… It’s very un-”P.C.” (Politically Correct) to spank a child or to use psychological techniques on them. (I’m deliberately understating that.) Yet, kids need to know the consequences of their actions. Give them a reward that can’t be bought, like trust. Or you’ll turn them into a spoiled brat.

Example: At work, the “carrot” of coercion would be getting a pay raise. The stick of “punishment” would be getting a bad performance review.

Usually the promise of giving a raise only works for those who are already performing well. In business, there has to be a figurative “stick” to to inspire performance from those who aren’t motivated

RULE: With your girlfriend, there is no stick.

You always use the carrot because you don’t want to create a situation of fear.

Instead, always choose to motivate her with the promise of gain right up front. If you feel you have to use the stick to keep her in line, you’ve made a bad choice.

The only “stick” allowed is the withdrawal of approval.

AKA: Silence.

GOOD Example: With friends – sometimes you need a favor from them. You don’t have to make it an obvious payoff, but there should be some element of reciprocity. There are limits to a friendship, including the boundary that a friend is not allowed to borrow money and then not pay it back.


What kind of woman doesn’t complete the Alpha Man? What kind of woman do you want to AVOID? How do you handle these women as an Alpha Man?

RULE: Avoid the woman who cannot respect you.

If she gives you lip about spending too much time with your friends, drop her. She has to respect the important people in your life.

  • The clingy woman – her attention and focus might feel good at first, but the more you need space, the more clingy they become.
  • The gossipy woman is always talking about everyone’s business, including yours, giving away vital information.
  • The feminist – women should be women. She should be able to cook and nurture you, not always looking at how she can be ungrateful with you. She should be feminine, not feminist
  • The psycho – any woman can get a little nuts, but watch out for those with an edgy side. She will consume you with her behavior.

Remember Demi Moore’s character in “Disclosure” or Glenn Close in “Fatal Attraction”? I thought so.

RULE: Maintain the boundaries between the parts of her personality and your desire to “merge” with her. Either emotionally or physically.

EXAMPLE: You can’t tell her about every little thing going on in your life. A woman will lose respect if she hears you bitching and whining. You reveal information that shapes and sculpts the image you want her to have of you early on.

Later, there will be more room for more intimacy.

Example: Bill Maher does a bit about men who are constantly reporting to their wives. Checking in and telling her every little detail. “So why not put a camera on your head to show her what you are doing all the time, and call it the pussy-whipped camera!”

Good question, Bill…

To create an effective boundary, keep your emotions in check without being an emotionless robot.

RULE: Prepare for situations before they come up.

You’ll see contention coming. Prepare for it. Avoid your first impulse which will probably be to lash out. Start deep breathing, count backwards in your head or say a mantra in your head.

“Think before you speak or suffer for your words.”

Walk away from the situation to clear your head and cool off.

Use a quick visualization strategy. Imagine something peaceful to calm your emotions down. This will relax and distract you.

When you know you might have to make a threat, remember it has to be credible. You have to be able to follow through.

In business, use the intimidation factor. If your strategy backfires and you back off from the threat it will tarnish your reputation. Always have a contingency plan.

RULE: Use humor to defuse a tense confrontation

Example: Any scene from “Ghostbusters” with Bill Murray.

Bill is the “King” of this kind of punking. He can take any jerk and put them in their place with wit and a good humored comeback.

Quick witted and funny, too.

(Never use an ultimatum with a woman, they don’t work.)

Know how AND when to use strong-arm tactics to be effective.

These are a few of the Alpha Man rules that will help you get by in the dating marketplace…

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