How to be a MAN
What’s it take to be a man these days?
I find myself asking that question a lot. If you watch young boys
and how a lot of them are being brought up these days, you’ll find
yourself shaking your head as you ask it.
What are the important parts of being a MAN?
Just because you have the equipment doesn’t mean that women
perceive you as being “MANLY.” In fact, “manliness” has gotten a
bad rap.
And that has led a great many of us (including ME for many years)
to believe that we should be ashamed of being men.
Well, first and most importantly, you have to learn how to be
comfortable with just BEING a man.
With all the stupid messages you get from the media on things to
“enhance” your masculinity, you’d think that there was something
basically wrong with us right from the start, wouldn’t you?
You’re not long enough, hard enough, rich enough, or good looking
enough to get the woman you want – that’s what They tell you.
But the reality is that women are attracted to a man from emotions
- NOT appearance.
(Yes, we know that a hot guy will get more initial interest, but he
can’t KEEP it if he isn’t showing her the right Alpha traits.)
So here are my top 3 traits for you to work on your masculinity and
demonstrating your Alpha Manhood.
>> WARNING: I’m not pulling any punches here. If you have a weak
stomach, I suggest you close this email and go back about your day.
Still with me?
GOOD! I knew you had the stones.
Here we go…
*** ALPHA MAN TRAIT 1) Initiative – Leadership drive
Women LOVE leaders.
They love it when a guy takes the lead and just makes the decision
and goes with it.
Even if he’s wrong.
I make it a point when I’m out to ask women what they find most
un-attractive about men, and one thing comes up more than anything
else…
Indecisiveness and wishy-washy behavior.
Guys are trying to be “easy going” and cool, but they’re actually
being perceived as weak-kneed little girls.
The great thing about taking initiative is that by doing this, you
actually demonstrate two other POWERFUL traits that draw women in
like moths to a flame: Ambition and Power.
Just by demonstrating the initiative with a woman, you are
sub-communicating all the right things about your masculinity and
drive.
In order to take this initiative, most men need to feel…
*** ALPHA MAN TRAIT 2) Assertiveness/Confidence
It’s probably no secret to you that I don’t cater to “political
correctness.”
This story should help you understand how I feel:
There was a priest addressing his congregation, and he said to them
during his sermon: “There are millions of people out there starving
in the world today… and the problem is YOU DON’T GIVE A DAMN
about it!”
Then he said, “And the BIGGER problem is that MORE of you are
shocked by me saying ‘damn’ in church than you are about the fact
that there are millions of people starving out there!”
WOW.
And the thing about confidence is that it really translates into
another word that allows us to understand it better.
Confidence
is
CERTAINTY.
Just the fact that you are sure about something is what gives you
confidence.
… Are you sure you can throw a baseball?
… Are you certain about yourself?
… Are you sure about what you want?
… Are you certain about your ability to approach women?
Wherever you have certainty in life, you feel confidence.
And assertiveness is what comes from your confidence. You can be
more firm and assertive when you know what it is you want, and
you’re not willing to settle for less.
In order to exercise that confidence, we have to achieve…
***ALPHA MAN TRAIT 3) Emotional Control/Emotional Strength
Look, women are NOT attracted to men that cry on their shoulder.
They’re NOT attracted to men who are always talking about their
“feelings.”
Women want a man that is in control of his own emotional world.
You may hear women complain about the guy who’s “not in touch with
his emotions,” but the reality is that most of the guys who seem to
think they are in touch with their emotions are just PUPPETS of
their emotions.
There are really relatively few cases of guys who are strong and
emotionally controlled who just wake up one day and freak out
because their emotions had been bottled up inside them and went
thermo-nuclear.
I think a lot of ’sensitive’ guys are afraid of this.
Forget about it!
You don’t have to be an emotional man to be “aware” of your emotions.
Don’t DENY your emotions, but don’t LIVE in them, either.
First and foremost is emotional CONTROL. That’s your big responsibility
as an Alpha Man.
*** BONUS ALPHA MAN EXERCISE: Do something BALLSY.
I mean do something that takes a pair of good-sized gonads.
I’m not talking about walking into Victoria’s Secret with your
female friend while she buys a new bra, either.
Here are some “fake ballsy” and “REAL ballsy” activities so you
know what I mean:
FAKE ballsy: Writing a nasty comment on someone’s Youtube video…
REAL ballsy: Sitting down with your friend and setting him straight
on how he’s wussing out in his life…
I go on Youtube to look up good martial arts training videos, and
I’m ASTONISHED at the 3rd grade comments and flame wars that people
get into. The Internet has devolved into a cesspool of egos
battling it out for who’s “right” about something.
Real balls means that you’re using your character to do something
difficult that most other people wouldn’t risk, because they don’t
want to ‘hurt someone’s feelings.’
Or they don’t want to ‘confront’ someone…
Look, we know that men are here to DO the things other people fear.
FAKE ballsy: Wearing the t-shirt of your favorite heavy metal band.
REAL ballsy: Wearing a t-shirt with “Got Dick?” on it…
True story: I had a friend named Dan in high school who came in with a
t-shirt that read, “If it ain’t stiff, it ain’t worth a f*ck.”
He got suspended for a day or two for that. But I also remember him
doing that and secretly wishing I had the nads to be that brave.
(Oh, and the girls were talking about him for WEEKS after that.)
I got my chance a few years back when I went to a sushi place in
San Francisco and bought their t-shirt that said: “Your fish smells
like pussy.”
I wore that out one day and got a lot of comments from women that I
could tell were secretly loving it – even as they were telling me
“that’s not a nice t-shirt…”
Yeah. “Not-nice.”
That thing that women say they don’t want, but somehow always pursue.
Got me on that one, ma’am.
You see, every so often you have to break those shackles of
“political correctness” and “niceness” that has defined you.
Stop being the boring “nice guy” that makes women yawn and roll
their eyes.
Stop seeking approval. If I had chosen to go that route, I’d never
have had the opportunity to help guys like you to get the
confidence and women they want in life.
I’d have crumpled like a wet taco when the first person wrote me an
email saying he disagreed with my teachings.
(Funny, I don’t get those emails anymore.)
SHOCK someone… Be different.
Ask yourself: How alive are you willing to be?
Dare to live your life on your own terms, and you’ll feel a sense
of liberation and Alpha Masculinity that will open up a new world
to you.
It’s the world where you get what you want – and what you deserve.
Talk to you again soon…
Your friend,
Carlos Xuma
PS: It’s easy to take a message like this and nod your head in
agreement, but then go back to the same old ways…
“Forget about it,” that voice in your head says. “Go back to being
happy and blissfully ignorant.”
Until you run into the same challenges again and again…
Instead, why not make today different? Why not make it the day you
finally went after what YOU wanted?
REMEMBER: Either you will make yourself, or the world
will change you – against your will.
Which do you want?
You go My man, It takes balls.
Comment by Jason — March 19, 2009 @ 7:47 pm
Right on, dude!
Self respect and the guts to live your own life. Why do so many men have a problem with this? The reason is because " your mind has you by the balls, and your balls have you by the mind".- David De Angelo
Comment by lolozo — March 21, 2009 @ 4:47 am
The only thing in this world that gives orders… is balls. -Scarface
Comment by jaime — March 25, 2009 @ 7:37 pm
A different – but much needed – perspective by Carlos. Hear ye all faithful..!!
Comment by Ambrus Faust — May 5, 2009 @ 10:53 pm
whats good about what carlos said is that he talks about life in general. i have a friend that is literally pursued by women because he's a leader, dicsiplined, always playing hard, working hard and being in his best self always.
Comment by ija — July 16, 2009 @ 8:43 pm
Always liked Podcast 51… "Drink yourself a 32 oz can of Man-Up…! Guaranteed to inflate your balls by 500%."
Comment by Aymincendiary — August 2, 2009 @ 4:28 am
Self confidence begins with the Universal Law of Love.
"Love yourself and love your neighbour equally."
If you do not love yourself 100 percent, you will not be
able to love others equally. Self-confidence is a product
or a result of one accepting his or her personality.
The First Commandment is to love the LORD God with all of
our heart,mind,soul and strength.When we love God totally,
we will also accept ourselves totally.This will eventually
be reflected in our social life with others.
Comment by Rutz — August 27, 2009 @ 3:19 pm
carlos .. you are an inspiration to me man .
Comment by dan zima — August 30, 2009 @ 2:47 am
No comment!The article is amazing.
Comment by Moussa — November 13, 2009 @ 2:21 pm
great work,
i believe that today's world is desexualized in nature especially when it comes to service sector. that's why you dont need any perticular feminine or masculine power to do these jobs. for an example if you are working in software industry, they dont employ for ur beauty or muscles, they employ u because of ur ability to make up softwares, coz it's knowledge economy and that is why the one who has got the knowledge has got the power. but again this desexualized world was a gift of men to this world in which women find comfortable to get a job and respect whereas they can still call themselves women just because they have got pussies and boobs, men cant call themselves men just because they have got penis.
women have always been getting everything in off-the-shelf packages. and they still do. today's technology makes men's physical prowess obsolete.
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a sissy.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your but and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're an insensitive jerk.
If you thump her, it's wife bashing.
If she thumps you, it's self defense.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.
If you don't, you're a fag.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.
If you don't, you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself.
If you don't, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you're oversexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else.
If you side with your mother, you're a bad husband
If you side with your wife, you're a bad son.
If a guy dumps a girl, it's because he is a jerk-
If a girl dumps a guy, it's because he couldnt live up to her expectation
if men are successful, it's because women are oppressed.
if women are successful, it's because women were always smarter than men.
women have careers, men have jobs
Comment by krunal shimpi — February 18, 2010 @ 5:09 am