5 Tips To Start a Conversation Without Getting Shot Down

Also, use the environment to your advantage. You can make a funny observation about the guy who brought his whole desktop computer to the coffee shop, or the obnoxious dude at the subway singing the “Frozen” soundtrack with his headphones on.

Anything that taps into her emotional network will do the job nicely. Feelings are a powerful tool to get her invested.

Oh, and try commenting on what she’s wearing. Asking her where she got that Incubus shirt could be the start of a stimulating conversation (“I’ve been looking for that shirt for ages… I’m so crushed!”).

Whatever you talk about, it’s vital that you plant seeds in the conversation by introducing a handful of topics. Let them grow, and you’ll be able to bounce between them if you hit a dead end.

If you can keep the conversation interesting, it means you’re interesting.

Also, take note of your body language and how your voice sounds. Observe the energetic way motivational speakers deliver their words.

All of these project a larger-than-life personality:

– Good vocal quality with an energetic tone is attractive – ask help from someone who specializes in public speaking.

– Don’t blurt out all the words in one breath; that indicates nervousness. Force yourself to slow down.

– Use large, sweeping motions while talking. You’ll sound more intelligent and look like you’ve got your act together.

– Don’t lean into another woman’s personal space – it gives away your leverage. Stay upright and let her pull into your space.


#4: Your Exit Strategy: Wrapping It Up

Of course, you can’t just keep talking to her until the staff at the coffee shop kicks you out at closing time. Once you’ve gotten her interested, the finishing move is to end things on a high note. That leaves her wanting more.

Disentangle yourself by saying, “It’s been great talking to you, but I really need to run. Why don’t we exchange emails or phone numbers and meet up next Wednesday?

By being the first to leave, it shows you’re not begging for her attention. At the same time, exchanging information (casually, of course) and setting a meeting makes you assertive in a non-threatening way.

You’ve made it this far; take a leap of faith and keep the connection going. Hey, if she asks you to stick around, she’ll think it was her idea.

#5: Looking at the Big Picture

Ok, so maybe Ms. Bookworm might, in fact, tell you to get lost.

But that’s ok. Really.

No matter how great of a guy you are, you’ll have to set yourself apart from the other losers she’s dealt with before. It’s like applying for a job. A company wouldn’t just hire any random guy off the street without “proving” himself first. Women will screen you in the same way and “push back” to see what you’re made of. So, don’t freak out when she acts cold or mean.

It may be just part of the test, which means you have to power through and remain friendly and polite. Whatever happens, she’ll respect you for it.

However, a little common sense never hurt anyone. Persistence doesn’t apply if she brings out the pepper spray.

Otherwise, getting a little crap from women doesn’t matter – it could mean she’s interested since she’s testing you to begin with. If she does say something truly vile (i.e. of the four-letter variety), respond with, “Well, that’s not very cool of you to say” and leave it at that. Because she’s rude – and it’s no longer a rejection. It’s her being a dick.


In a standoff like this, the first one who talks loses. She might say she’s sorry, or she might leave.

Either way, you’ll live to fight another day (don’t let your caveman brain tell you any different!).

Remember, you’re also screening her. If she’s got stuff going on (maybe she’s going through a breakup), that’s not your problem.

Again, it’s all a game in the greater scheme of things. Enjoy the learning process and don’t beat yourself up over the outcome. Each conversation, good or bad, is a lesson in itself.

The most important thing I can tell you is this: Take whatever you learned from one experience and apply it to the next.

Stay Alpha…

– Carlos Xuma

female body language

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