The Non-B.S. Guide to Being a Quality Guy
Any man who’s been near the world of dating advice has heard of the old don’t-buy-her-a-drink cliché countless times – and for good reason.
Getting a drink for a stranger isn’t just about “giving up your power” to the opposite sex and making you needy.
There are other deeper implications that go with this kind of supplicating behavior that makes a guy unattractive.
First off, that drink you offered her is often is seen as the price of admission for her company. And frankly, that’s not the best place to start a potential relationship.
On some level, it’s telling her that she needs to do something for you because you did her a favor.
As far as healthy, social interaction goes, this is NOT how to go about it.
It’s much more attractive to walk up to a girl simply because you wanted to have fun chatting with her, regardless of whether she likes you or not.
It’s that kind of detachment (i.e. not wanting anything from her, just enjoying the experience) that actually boosts your social value.
Here’s another trope that’s well-worn, but nevertheless true: Never tell a woman how hot she is.
Opening a conversation with anything that revolves around her amazing looks is likely to be met with suspicion. Like with the no-drink rule, the point is to avoid giving off that “I want something from you” vibe that makes women uncomfortable.
If her physicality is the only thing that mattered to you, how would think she’d feel? Not great, I can tell you that.
Women don’t like feeling they’re just eye candy on display. The best way to go about approaching an attractive woman is acknowledging her as a living, breathing individual – quirks and all.
Beauty is dime a dozen; pointing out the obvious to a woman isn’t good conversational material.
Noticing something that sets her apart from other women? That gives her a real sense of validation, and not just the superficial attention that beauty attracts.
So, neediness is out. Letting a woman know how awesome she is because of her quirkiness is in.
Instead on focusing on her figure, use that energy to make her laugh. Find out where her funny bone is.
And this attitude tells her, “Hey, this guy knows I exist! He’s interested in who I am, and not just because he thinks I’m eye candy.”
Granted that it takes a bit of a delicate touch to find out where the boundaries of humor lie, here are some basic points to bear in mind:
- Don’t make fun of her body, appearance or anything too personal.
- Same goes for her beliefs and principles – that’s off limits, even for married couples.
- No sexual innuendo – that’s for when you’re on a second or third date maybe, but not when you barely know the girl
Other than that, feel free to have a little fun and mess around with her for a bit.
In dating – and pretty much in life – we get as good as we give.
If you try to make some like you by kissing their butt, you’ll get swindled just as hard, too.
She’ll take that drink, then split once you’ve outlived your usefulness.
So instead of basing your self-esteem on what women think of you, try getting that from another area of your life.
Channel that desire for self-improvement into constructive avenues, like hitting the gym, improving your career or traveling around the world.
Soon enough, that feeling that you’re lacking something will be replaced by a sense of fulfillment (which you won’t get from women).
Ironically, this is what the opposite sex finds attractive in a guy.
– Carlos Xuma